by Karen Lynch
“She hurt Tristan a lot when she left.” It was not a question; I saw flashes of hurt in Tristan’s eyes every time he mentioned her.
“Madeline was a fine warrior, but she thought that having Tristan as a father meant she was entitled to certain privileges and that she was above following the rules set down for everyone else. Tristan finally set her straight, and she ran off rather than change her ways. Too much like Elena, that one.”
“You knew Elena? Tristan told me what happened to her.”
There was no warmth in his laugh. “Tristan remembers Elena with the love of a brother and to him, she was spoiled and spirited, but good at heart. I remember her differently. Even at sixteen, Elena was a manipulative little thing, always scheming and trying to wrap every male she knew around her finger. Fortunately, her wiles did not work on me.”
“Why not?”
“She wasn’t my type.” He wore his usual smirk when he picked up his wine glass. I sensed there was a story behind that statement, but he wasn’t going to share it. I tried to imagine what he was like before he was attacked by the Hale witch. With his good looks and the charm I saw glimpses of, he must have been quite the ladies’ man.
“Have you ever been in love?” As soon as the question left my lips I wanted to take it back. He had suffered so much, and the last thing I wanted to do was remind him of a past love. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have asked you that.”
He set his wine glass on the table and stared at it like he was seeing into his past. “I was in love once or twice, or I thought I was. It was so long ago that I really can’t say anymore. What about you? Have you been in love?”
“No. I had a crush on a boy once but nothing happened. And there was a guy I liked a few months ago but . . . ”
“He did not return your affection?”
I toyed with my fork. “We had one date – if you could call it that – and he wanted to go out again, but I’d just found out what I was and I didn’t think it was right to start a relationship with a human.”
Desmund nodded in understanding and thankfully did not push the subject. He laid his utensils across his plate. “I am sorry that I forgot to ask for a dessert. I don’t usually eat them myself.”
“That’s okay. I probably couldn’t eat much more anyway.” I pushed back my chair and stood. “Why don’t we have that rematch instead?”
A familiar gleam entered his eyes. “With pleasure.”
We walked over to the small table by the window, and I found a game already set up on the board I had left for him the last time I was here. We sat across from each other, neither of us saying anything about the new board or the fate of the old one. There was a lot I still didn’t know about Desmund’s illness, and it was possible that he did not remember thrashing the library. He was doing so well tonight, and the last thing I wanted to do was upset him by bringing up something so unpleasant.
Two games later, three things were very clear to me. The first was that I would never defeat Desmund in checkers. The second was that the more I got to know him, the happier I was to have him as a friend. The third was that his health had not improved as much as I’d thought. After several hours together, he began to show signs of strain: his eyes grew overly bright, and though he kept smiling, he could not hide the tremble in his hands when he reached for his checkers. I realized what an effort it must be for him to hide his constant pain and inner turmoil for so long. He chose to stay up here, shut off from almost everyone else, not because he did not like people, but because it was too hard to conceal his condition. He was a proud man who had once been a great warrior, and it must be agony for him to endure this weakness of his mind and body.
I had no way to know if my healing had done him any good, but I wanted to try it again. The problem was that I couldn’t just reach over and take his hand or touch his arm without giving him the wrong idea. All I needed was for Desmund to think I was hitting on him. Talk about the last person who should be getting mixed signals.
“Another match?”
“Actually, I’d love to hear you play the piano again – if you want to, that is.” He’d gotten so wrapped up in his music the last time that I’d been able to do a healing without his being any the wiser. Maybe I could do it again.
Some of the weariness left his face. “What would you like to hear?”
“Surprise me.”
He stood and held out his arm. I took it, and we went down the hall to the music room. We sat together on the bench, and Desmund began to play a darker piece full of dramatic sweeps that seemed to echo his emotional state. It wasn’t anything I’d heard before and I found it a bit depressing, but he lost himself in the music, which made it possible for me to do my thing.
This time when I opened myself to the Hale witch’s magic, I was ready for the cold blast of nausea that hit me. Gritting my teeth, I braced myself and drew the dark magic into me until sweat trickled down my back and I was fighting the shivers that tried to wrack my body. When I could take no more, I discreetly pulled away and let my power burn away the witch’s magic.
Desmund finished the piece and started another, oblivious to the silent battle being fought beside him. As soon as my heart rate slowed to normal, I formed the connection between us again and siphoned more magic from him. At first, the magic flowed in a steady stream that seemed never-ending, but it eventually began to slow until it was little more than a trickle. Using so much of my power to destroy the foul magic should have exhausted me, but I felt strangely invigorated after my afternoon in the lake.
Desmund played two more pieces before I saw that he was tiring. There was definitely more color in his cheeks again, but it occurred to me he was probably beginning to feel the same lethargy that most creatures experience after a big healing. Not that he would ever admit to being tired.
I put up my hand to cover a fake yawn, and he stopped playing. “Sleepy, little one?”
“Sorry, all this training has me beat.”
“Then you should retire and get some rest. We can continue this another time.” He stood and smiled down at me. “Come. You must get plenty of rest if you are going to keep up with your new trainer.”
We parted at the landing as usual, and I took a detour to the dining hall for a blueberry muffin before heading to my room. As I passed the tall windows, I spotted Nikolas and Celine walking across the well-lit lawn. They stopped and Celine gazed up at Nikolas with a sultry smile. He said something to her and her lips parted in what I knew was a throaty laugh, making me feel like I was intruding on a private moment. Seeing them like this, I couldn’t help but notice how good they looked together, and I wasn’t surprised that Nikolas would want to be with the beautiful woman. She might be a bitch to other females, but obviously males were very attracted to her.
Celine reached up and put her hand intimately on Nikolas’s shoulder, and I felt like someone had socked me in the gut. I pulled back out of sight before either of them could see me and ran from the room, embarrassed and confused by a host of strange emotions. Why did it bother me to see them together? It wasn’t as if there was anything between me and Nikolas; he was probably the last person I could picture myself with. Yes, he was gorgeous, and okay, maybe I was a little attracted to him. Who wouldn’t be? He was good to me, but he was also arrogant and bossy and moody.
I just couldn’t stand the thought of that awful woman getting her claws into him. He can do so much better than Celine.
What do you care? my inner voice asked. You don’t even like him, remember?
I do like him, I argued back. He’s my friend, and I wouldn’t want one of my friends with someone like that.
Who the hell are you trying to kid? You have never thought of Nikolas as just a friend.
“No, you’re wrong,” I whispered as I opened my door. “I don’t care about him that way.”
Liar.
I closed the door and pressed my forehead weakly against it. “This is not happening.”
The voice did not say a w
ord.
Chapter 13
THE NEXT MORNING when I stumbled out of bed, my head felt like it was in a vise, and I was sporting dark shadows under my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back under the covers and hide there all day, anything to avoid seeing Nikolas. How was I going to train with him, to be alone with him after realizing last night that I had feelings for him? I still didn’t know exactly what they were, but they scared the hell out of me. I honestly didn’t know if I could deal with any more complications in my life. Nikolas was my trainer and my friend, and he was nothing, if not complicated.
Despite Jordan’s assertions, I knew Nikolas wasn’t attracted to me, especially after seeing him with Celine last night. Anyway, it wasn’t like I wanted him to like me that way, did I? No, of course not. We didn’t even get along half the time. Although, I had to admit that the last few days he had been patient and understanding. He was different here, more relaxed than he’d been in Maine, and it was throwing me off. That had to be it. We were spending a lot of time together and this nicer side of him was confusing me.
Right?
I wrung my head in my hands. “God, I don’t need this right now.” My throat felt tight and my voice sounded hoarse. My sleepless night was screwing with my emotions, and I would be a total wreck if I didn’t get it together. I’d slept better than this when I’d had a psycho vampire hunting me. How messed up was that?
There was only one way to fix this. I had to act as if nothing had changed and put as much distance as possible between me and Nikolas until these stupid feelings went away. I wasn’t sure how that was going to work with him being my trainer, but I would have to make the best of it. Outside of training, I had to avoid him at all costs.
Feeling slightly better now that I had a course of action, I dressed and headed down to breakfast. I passed Olivia on the stairs, and the questioning glance she shot me was enough to tell me how awful I looked. My head felt like it was full of cotton, and I wasn’t sure if the queasiness in my stomach was from hunger or lack of sleep. If there ever was a day I needed Starbucks, this was it. A venti Mocha could do wonders for me right now.
All thoughts of coffee flew out of my head when I entered the dining hall and the first two people I spotted were Nikolas and Celine having breakfast together. They were not alone – Tristan and Chris sat with them – but that did not stop me from remembering the intimate scene between Nikolas and Celine the night before. As if she heard my thoughts, Celine leaned to one side to say something to Nikolas, laying her hand possessively over his. Anger burned through me, pounding in my ears and filling me with the urge to go over there and rip her hand away from him and let her know that he was . . .
He is what? I came up short, and my irrational anger immediately dissolved, leaving me confused and hot with embarrassment. Suddenly, the thought of food made me want to throw up. I spun on my heel and walked out as fast as I could without drawing attention to me. I sucked in a deep breath but it wasn’t enough; the air felt stifling and heavy. Outside – I needed to be outside, to breathe fresh air or I would suffocate.
I exited by the nearest door and stood still, breathing deeply of the crisp air, and letting the morning chill cool my heated face and calm my frazzled emotions. What was wrong with me? Had I really almost gone over to their table? The thought of how close I had come to total humiliation sent me striding across the lawn, searching for a place to pull myself together. A few people waved to me as I passed them, but to my relief, no one tried to talk to me. I found myself at the river, where the deep rushing water drowned out every other sound and slowly began to draw the tension from my body.
Sitting on the grassy bank with my knees drawn up to my chest, I stared the fast-moving water without really seeing it. What had just happened back there? It was like I had no control over my emotions anymore, and that scared me more than I could say. I was fine before I’d started training with Nikolas. Had connecting with my Mori somehow made me more susceptible to its emotions and urges? Maybe it was my demon’s rage I’d felt a little while ago and not my own.
I folded my arms across my knees and rested my forehead on them, wishing there was someone I could talk to about this. My first thought was Roland, but I quickly dismissed it. He never let himself develop feelings for a girl, so he wouldn’t understand. Jordan might be able to explain the Mori emotions, but as soon as I mentioned Nikolas she would probably start planning my wedding. Hell would freeze over before I confided in my grandfather about my sudden attraction to a guy who happened to be his friend. That was just too weird, and I’d probably need therapy after.
Remy would know exactly what to say, but he was the one person I could not talk to. I took a deep shuddering breath. It looked like I was on my own for this one.
“Are you okay?”
My body tensed and my head jerked up when Nikolas spoke from a few feet behind me. I’d been so consumed by my thoughts that I hadn’t heard or sensed him approach.
“You left without eating and you can’t train on an empty stomach.” He came to stand near me. “These are your favorite, right?”
I looked up to see him holding a wrapped blueberry muffin, and I stared at it for several seconds before I took it. “Thanks,” I said thickly without meeting his eyes.
“Are you going to tell me what is wrong with you?”
“I’m fine.”
“I think I know you well enough to know that is not true.” He sat on the grass beside me, and I became hyperaware of his scent and his arm almost touching mine. I tried to swallow, but my mouth was dry.
“I didn’t sleep last night and I’m tired,” I managed to say. I picked at the muffin’s plastic wrap and hoped my explanation would satisfy him.
“Is that all? You sound upset.” The concern lacing his voice made me want to cry on his shoulder and run away from him at the same time. Why couldn’t he be overbearing, annoying Nikolas right now instead of the nice one?
I stared at the foaming water; half wishing it could take me away from his perceptive gaze and unsettling kindness. “Not getting any sleep messes me up.”
He was quiet for a long moment, and I felt his eyes on me. “Perhaps we overdid it yesterday in training.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“We’ll skip training today,” he said to my surprise. “Is there anything else you want to do instead? We could take that trip to town.”
My pulse quickened at the idea. But then I remembered my resolve to put some distance between us. “I think I’ll eat my muffin and then I’ll go take Hugo and Woolf for a walk.”
“Just as long as you don’t do anything to tire yourself too much.” He stood, and I felt his presence towering over me before he turned to walk away. “I’ll see you later.”
“See you, and thanks again for the muffin,” I called after him.
“Anytime.”
I didn’t talk to Nikolas again that day, a feat I accomplished by eating lunch with Sahir in his office and then by grabbing a sandwich to take to my room for dinner.
The next morning, as luck would have it, Nikolas was called away on Mohiri business. I was actually glad to train with Callum again, something that surprised both of us. I surprised my old trainer by demonstrating my new ability to use my Mori’s strength to pick up heavy objects. It was the first time I’d ever received a nod of approval from him. We worked on my reflexes after that, and though I managed to avoid being pummeled only once, he admitted I was finally making progress.
It wasn’t until that evening at dinner that I saw Nikolas again and only in passing. He entered the dining hall as I was leaving, and I was immensely relieved that none of the crazy feelings resurfaced. I couldn’t imagine how awkward it would have been living under the same roof with someone, having to see them every day while harboring unrequited feelings for them. We were both immortal and forever is a long time to try to avoid someone. But now things could go back to normal – as normal as my life could be.
I was in the common roo
m after dinner watching an awful sci-fi movie with Michael when a flustered-looking Sahir found me. “Sara, there you are. Can you come with me? I need your help.”
“Sure. What’s up?” I got up from the couch and joined him by the door.
“We got a new creature in today and it is . . . ” He exited by the main door. “Come on, it’s easier if I just show you.”
A new creature? Bursting with curiosity, I hurried to catch up with him. “What kind of creature, and what to you expect me to do with it?”
“She’s a griffin, and she is – ”
“Whoa!” My feet skidded to a stop on the grass. “A . . . a griffin?”
Sahir stopped a few feet ahead and looked soberly at me. “A young griffin. From what I can tell she is little more than a child.”
My mouth refused to close so I slapped a hand over it. “Oh my God.” If there was one race more elusive and protective of their children than trolls, it was griffins, and they were just as vicious when one of their young was threatened. Not that I’d ever seen a real live griffin or had dreamed of doing so. Griffins are not native to North America; they live in the most remote mountains of southern Africa. Capturing one, especially a young one, was almost unheard of.
“Some of our people raided a warlock in Los Angeles who was raising demons, and they found her locked up in a cage. Griffins have powerful blood, and we believe he was using hers to create a protective spell against the demons.” Sahir shook his head in disgust and started walking again. “He refused to say how he got his hands on her, so we have to try to track down her flock. It won’t be easy; griffins don’t like to deal with outsiders.”
“What can I do?”
“She flew up to the rafters before we could shut her cage door, and she’s been throwing herself at the windows. You obviously have a way with Hugo and Woolf, and I’m hoping you can help calm her before she hurts herself.”
We were almost at the menagerie when the door to the arena opened and Nikolas and Chris stepped outside. Judging by the swords they carried, they had just finished sparring.