by Karen Lynch
Tristan came up behind me. “Nikolas, we need to get Sara and the others home.”
Nikolas looked at him over my head and nodded.
I looked from him to Tristan, waiting for one of them to explain what had just happened. Tristan gave a slight shake of his head, and Nikolas did not seem inclined to speak to me at all. My gaze fell on Terrence, who still looked half scared to death, and then on Jordan, who watched us with more curiosity than fear. What the hell was going on, and why was I the only one who seemed confused?
This time when I moved to go around Nikolas, he did not try to stop me. I didn’t look at anyone else; I just started walking toward the driveway where our SUVs were. Physically I was fine, but my emotions were a wreck. I needed answers, but right now I needed some space.
I heard footsteps behind me and knew it was him, but I didn’t stop until I reached the two black SUVs parked at the end of the driveway. I tried the back door on one and it was unlocked, so I got in and sank wearily onto the leather seat, not caring about the vampire blood I was getting all over it. I rested my head against the headrest and closed my eyes while I waited for someone to come and drive me home.
Muffled voices carried to me from outside, and it sounded like people were arguing. I tuned them out until the door across from me opened and Tristan got in. At the same time, Seamus and Niall took the front seats and Seamus started the vehicle. I turned my head toward Tristan, who looked tired for the first time since I’d met him.
“Where is Jordan?” I asked him.
“She’ll follow in the other vehicle. Do you want me to get her?”
“No, that’s okay.” Jordan was most likely having the time of her life bragging to the others about her vampire kills, and I wouldn’t ruin her fun. I wished I could join them, but I was too freaked out by whatever it was that had just happened with Nikolas.
Tristan placed a hand over mine on the seat. “I’ll explain it to you at home.”
No one spoke on the drive back to the stronghold, which told me that whatever Tristan was going to tell me was probably something I was not going to like. When we got there, the first person I saw was Nikolas, standing outside the main entrance, waiting for us. He didn’t say anything, but he wore a scowl and I could feel his eyes on me as we passed him.
Inside, Tristan tried to bring me to the medical ward, and I refused, insisting I was not hurt. All I wanted was a shower and some answers, in that order. But when I started for my room, Tristan said it was best if I came with him to his apartment instead. Something in his expression told me it was best not to fight him on this one.
Tristan’s apartment had a guestroom, and I closed myself in there as soon as we arrived. I pulled off my blood-soaked clothes and stuffed them in a garbage bag, sure that Jordan would not want her top back. She’d probably love the excuse to order more clothes for both of us.
When I emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a thick robe, I was surprised to see some of my clothes laid out on the bed. Whoever had gotten them from my room had also remembered to get a fresh bra and panties. Normally I would be embarrassed by the thought of one of the warriors going through my underwear drawer, but I couldn’t bring myself to care about it.
Tristan was waiting for me in the living room when I finally emerged from the guestroom. “What’s wrong?” he asked, and I realized I was frowning.
“Every time I go out, I come back looking like Carrie after the prom.” I heaved a sigh. “At least this time I didn’t need a doctor. I guess my luck is improving.”
“I would not call what happened tonight luck. You and Jordan should be very proud of yourselves.”
I took a seat on the couch. “I am, and I know she is. She’s probably telling anyone who will listen about it.”
Tristan chuckled. “I’m sure she is. She is one of the finest young warriors I’ve ever seen. I am glad you have become friends.”
“Me too.”
Neither of us spoke for a moment. It was easy to see that he had something on his mind and he was not sure how to start. When he did speak, it was the absolute last thing I had expected to hear from him. “Sara, before I explain things, I need to ask you something. The last thing I want to do is invade your privacy, but I have to ask this. Have you and Nikolas been intimate?”
“What? No!” I sputtered. Heat flooded my face. “Why would you ask me that?”
He looked as uncomfortable as I felt. “I don’t mean sex. I mean, has there been any physical contact between you . . . outside of training?”
I stared down at my clenched hands. “A few nights ago . . . we kissed. It was just one kiss and don’t worry, Nikolas made it crystal clear that it was a mistake. That was the last time I saw him until tonight.”
“I see.”
“See what?” I looked at him again. “What does that have to do with anything?”
He put a hand through his blond hair and sighed. “I was hoping to have a little more time before I explained this to you. If you had grown up among the Mohiri, you would have learned about these things by now.” He paused. “What I’m going to tell you might be a bit hard for you to understand at first, given your human upbringing, but it is very natural among our people. Please, let me tell you everything and then you can ask all the questions you need to.
I nodded mutely and pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as if they could shield me from whatever he was about to reveal to me. The last time someone had spoken to me in this tone, it was Nikolas telling me I was Mohiri. I didn’t think I was ready for another revelation like that one.
Tristan paused a moment before he launched into his story. “We are like humans in many respects, except for the obvious differences. We have relationships, and we date and form emotional connections. Couples can remain together for many years, but most don’t form unions like human marriages. In order for us to join with another, they must be our, solmi, our life mate. Most of us go many years before we meet a potential mate, but when we do, our Mori recognize each other immediately from the first touch.”
Solmi? That’s what my Mori called . . .
“Males usually feel the bond first, and it is stronger for us. Our first instinct is to become very protective of our female. As you have seen, Mohiri females are strong and most do not want to be protected, so the courtship can be a bit volatile in the beginning. As deeper feelings form, the bond begins to grow between them and it strengthens the more they spend time together, particularly if they are . . . intimate in any way. Eventually, they complete the bond and become life mates. It is a very deep and profound experience.”
I tried to swallow, but my mouth was too dry. My insides felt like they were on a rollercoaster, and my emotions were along for the ride. “I-I think I know what you are trying to say, but you’re wrong. I would know if I . . . if we . . . ” Anxiety gripped me. “He doesn’t want . . . ”
“Nikolas called and told me about your bond a few days after you disappeared in Maine. He knew you weren’t dead because the bond was still there.” Tristan paused to let that sink in, and I remembered Nate telling me how Nikolas had been sure I was still alive and he had refused to give up looking for me.
“Another Mohiri female would have recognized the bond between her and a male, but you don’t have a normal connection with your Mori. Otherwise, you would sense Nikolas when he is near, as he does with you. That is why I asked Nikolas to give you time to become accustomed to our way of life before telling you about the bond. You’re young and you’ve been through so much recently. You were upset about leaving home, and I didn’t think you were ready to hear this. Nikolas didn’t want to upset you or confuse you more than you were. He didn’t like it, but he agreed to go away for a while and give you space and some time to adjust. He refused to stay away any longer when he heard about the lamprey attack. He came back that night.”
I chewed on my lower lip and tried to calm my stomach. It just couldn’t be true. Yes, I could feel Nikolas when he was close, but that
didn’t prove anything. I’d seen him with Celine, and the way he looked at me after we had kissed, there was no mistaking the regret in his eyes. Those were not the actions of a man enamored with me. “But I saw him . . . with Celine. And he told me the kiss was a mistake.”
“Nikolas and Celine were together for a period a long time ago, but I can assure you there is nothing between them now. As for the kiss, Nikolas is an honorable man and he knew I didn’t want him to pursue a deeper relationship with you until you understood what was happening between you.”
“I . . . I’m having trouble believing this. It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that you haven’t really seen us together. We argue all the time, and he’s always trying to tell me what to do. He gets so uptight every time I – ”
“Every time you are hurt or in danger?” Tristan supplied and the bottom dropped out of my stomach. “As I said, males can be very protective, and the relationship between the male and female is usually stormy at first. When a male senses his female is in real danger or distress, his Mori can go into what we call a rage.”
“A rage?” Something Chris had said to me once came back to me. He’s worked himself into a bit of a rage . . . It’s a Mori thing . . . You’ll learn about that stuff soon.
“It happens when a male warrior and his Mori become too agitated to control their emotions,” Tristan explained. “It’s easily restrained if the bond is new or weak, but the stronger the connection, the deeper his instincts are to protect you. Tonight, when Nikolas saw you covered in blood, he went into a full rage, and one wrong move from any of us would have set him off. I’ve seen it before. The only way to calm him was to assure him you were safe. That was why I told you to talk to him and touch him. You were the only one who could get through to him. The bond between you is much stronger than I had suspected, which is why I asked if you and he had been intimate.”
I laid my forehead on my knees and squeezed my eyes shut. It was all too much. I cared for Nikolas. He infuriated me half the time, but I’d be lying if I said there was nothing between us, at least on my part. I’d had plenty of time since our kiss to analyze my emotions and realize that my feelings for him had begun to change before I even left New Hastings. The kiss had just made me admit what I had been trying to deny all this time.
But love? Not just love but the deep soul mate kind of love that Tristan spoke of? I wasn’t ready for that. The thought of committing to a lifelong relationship with anyone at this point, even if I did have strong feelings for him, was too much to think about right now.
How did Nikolas really feel about all of this? Had he been driven to kiss me only because his demon felt a connection to mine? What if he felt trapped by this bond and that was why he had looked unhappy after he kissed me. How would I ever know if it was he and not his demon who wanted to be with me?
“You are very quiet.”
I rubbed my eyes. “Sorry. I’m really trying to understand all this. What exactly does it mean to be bonded?”
Tristan hesitated as if he was thinking of the best way to explain it. “A bonded couple share what I can only describe as a spiritual connection. They can always sense one another when they are near, and after they complete the bond, they can communicate through the bond and feel each other’s emotions when they are together. Bonded mates can also share their Mori power to comfort each other and aid in healing if one is sick or hurt. It is a very intimate connection and something an unmated Mohiri cannot do.”
The first time Nikolas came to see me in New Hastings, he had tried to push into my mind to prove to me I was Mohiri. He’d known even then about the connection between us. What had it been like for him all this time, knowing about it when I had no idea?
“You said people meet their potential mates. Does that mean a person can have more than one life mate? Can a bond be broken?”
My question seemed to trouble him, and it took him a moment to answer. “Finding a mate can take a long time, but I have known several people who rejected the bond and found other mates. Your Mori may be compatible with several others, and if you choose not to pursue a relationship with one, that bond will not grow. Once a bond has formed – like the one between you and Nikolas – it can be broken, but the separation can be painful. Not physically” – he rushed to say when I sucked in a sharp breath – “but emotionally. It depends on how deep the bond is. Once a couple completes their bond, it is for life and cannot be broken.”
I swallowed hard. “How do you break it before it’s complete?”
Tristan looked even unhappier by that question than my last one. “First, you tell the other person you want to break it. Then you sever all contact with them. No communication and absolutely no physical contact. Over time, the bond will grow weaker until it eventually dissolves. Only then, can you see each other again.”
Sever all ties with Nikolas? Say good-bye to him and maybe never see him again? A heavy weight settled in my chest. After all we’d been through he was more to me than a protector and a trainer. He was more than a friend even if I didn’t know exactly what. I didn’t want to be forced into a relationship, but I couldn’t imagine him not being in my life.
“You don’t have to decide anything now. Give yourself some time to think about it,” Tristan said as if I’d spoken my thoughts aloud. “No one will try to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
My lungs stopped squeezing like I was under water, and I took a deep breath. “How does the couple complete the bond? Is there a ceremony?”
Tristan cleared his throat. “No. When the couple is ready, they declare their love in private and join physically.”
“Physically? You mean . . . ?” He nodded, and my stomach took another tumble at the thought of Nikolas and me . . . My face heated up again because I could not believe I’d just had that thought – and in front of my grandfather. “If everyone knows about this bond stuff, they’ll know about me and Nikolas.” And after his reaction tonight they’ll think we do a lot more than train together.
“Yes. Does that upset you?”
“How am I going to face them?” I hid my face in my knees again with a groan. “How am I going to face Nikolas?”
“Nikolas understands how difficult this is for you. It has not been easy for him either.”
I raised my head at this surprising news. “I didn’t think anything bothered him.”
“Nikolas has focused on being a warrior his whole life, and he’s never had anything more than casual relationships. After almost two centuries of never meeting a potential match, I doubt he ever expected to find one.” Tristan smiled warmly. “He certainly never expected you; you turned his world upside-down, and he had no idea how to deal with it. Imagine how it was for him. He is on a routine mission when he stumbles across an orphan in a bar of all places, and suddenly his Mori is telling him that she is the one. I doubt he took it well.”
“He was a bit rude.” Rude was a mild description of Nikolas’s hostile first reaction to me, but I didn’t want to say that to Tristan.
Tristan let out a rich laugh. “You forget I have known Nikolas for a long time. I can well imagine how he behaved.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “He only wants the best for you, Sara. You should talk to him and let him tell you himself how he feels.”
Panic flared in me at the thought of seeing Nikolas. “Now? I-I can’t . . . ”
“Not tonight and not until you are ready.”
I sagged against the couch, suddenly mentally and physically burned out. All I wanted to do was sleep. Maybe I’d wake up tomorrow and find out that this was all some crazy dream.
“I’m sorry you had to find out about everything this way. I know you must be very confused and overwhelmed.”
Confused couldn’t come close to describing how I felt in that moment. “One of you should have told me. All the time I spent with him, I never knew what was happening between us. If I had, I might have decided to stop it before it went any further, before we
got any closer.”
“Are you saying you want to break the bond?”
“No . . . I don’t know,” I answered honestly. I did have feelings for Nikolas. If I walked away without exploring them, would I regret it for the rest of my life? “I need some time to process all of this before I do anything.”
Tristan stood and waved at the guest room. “You’ve had a lot to deal with tonight. Why don’t you try to get some sleep and we’ll talk again tomorrow?”
“Okay.” I really wanted to crawl into my own bed, but the possibility of running into anyone – especially Nikolas – on the way to my room made me accept Tristan’s invitation. I said good night to him and burrowed beneath the covers in the guest bed, waiting for exhaustion to overtake me. But as tired as my body was, my mind refused to shut down. It kept running through my conversation with Tristan and reliving every moment I’d ever spent with Nikolas, looking for evidence of the things Tristan had told me. Since I’d met Nikolas, his overprotective, overbearing ways had chafed me and led to most of the arguments between us. But there was no denying that I had always felt safe with him and I’d trusted him with my life from the beginning. Why would I place such faith in a total stranger? I delved deeper and remembered the flash of recognition I’d felt the first moment I saw him. Had that been my imagination or my Mori recognizing its mate?
Groaning, I rolled over and punched my pillow. Tristan was right. It was no use trying to deny there was some kind of connection between me and Nikolas, and it had been there since the first moment we met. I wasn’t romantic enough to call it love at first sight because I didn’t believe that existed no matter what people said. But there was something between us nonetheless, and I had to decide what I was going to do about it.
Me and Nikolas? Nikolas! How was I going to talk to him, knowing what I did? It wasn’t that I blamed him or anything; he’d been caught up in this, too. I thought about seeing him at the barn, the way his eyes had never left me and how he’d trembled as he held me tight against him. It was the first time I’d ever seen him not in control, and it had scared me.