Refuge

by Karen Lynch

  Roland stared at his plate of steak and mashed potatoes. “This is what you have for lunch?”

  “Sometimes.” I scooped up some of my potatoes. “They have everything here.”

  He put a piece of steak in his mouth and made a moaning sound. “Oh man, this is amazing. If I’d known you were eating like this, I would have come to visit sooner.” His eyes widened as he remembered the reason he was here. “Ah hell, Sara, I didn’t mean – ”

  “I know you didn’t.” I smiled despite the ache in my chest. Grief is not a fleeting emotion. This pain would be inside me for a long time, and all I could do was learn to live with it and hope that, someday, I’d be able to breathe again without hurting.

  We talked mostly about the people we knew back home for the rest of the meal. After our late lunch, I took them up to my room where we could be alone. Roland and I sat on the bed with pillows piled behind us like we used to do at his house. Peter stretched across the foot of the bed with his head propped up on his hand, looking like he didn’t know what to say next.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Roland asked quietly.

  “I don’t know how.” How could I begin to describe how it felt to see Nate standing there as a monster? How it felt when he told me the Master had done this to him because of me?

  It took me a while to get the story out. Roland and Peter listened without interrupting while I told them about Nate’s phone call a few days ago and how he had arrived last night. Roland’s hand covered mine while I relived every horrific detail, and I knew I couldn’t get through this without him and Peter.

  We spent the afternoon remembering our childhood and sharing memories of Nate. I cried a few times, but I drew strength from their presence and our shared history. Late that afternoon, Tristan came to see me, looking like a man who carried the world on his shoulders. I introduced him to my friends and he graciously welcomed them. He told us he’d given Roland the room across from me and Peter’s was down the hall so they would be close to me. Tristan told them they were welcome to stay as long as they wanted. Then he pulled me aside to ask how I was doing.

  “I’m okay I guess. How – how is he?”

  “He’s hungry, but we haven’t harmed him. So far he hasn’t told us anything helpful.”

  I tried not to think of Nate somewhere down below, hungry for human blood. “Do you think he will?”

  Tristan shook his head wearily. “If we kept him down there long enough, maybe.”

  “Why would he come here, knowing he would” – I swallowed hard – “knowing he would die?”

  “My guess is he was compelled by a mature vampire. New vampires are as susceptible to compulsion as humans.”

  It was the perfect revenge. Make Nate a vampire and send him here so I would have to kill him or watch him die.

  “Sara, he’s asking to see you,” Tristan said, and his expression told me how he felt about it. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I wanted the decision to be yours.”

  “Maybe he wants to say good-bye.” Even though I knew better, a tiny spark of hope flared.

  “He’s not Nate anymore, not the Nate you knew.” Tristan ran a hand through his hair. “He will only try to hurt you as much as he can before he dies.”

  I stared at the floor. I ached to see Nate, but I wasn’t ready to face the evil thing living in his body. “How long before you . . . ? How long does he have?”

  “A day, two at the most. By then we’ll know if he is willing to talk. If he was compelled, he may not be able to reveal anything.”

  Panic gripped me. A day and I would lose him forever? “Couldn’t we hold him for a while and see if he talks? Maybe if he gets hungry enough he’ll – ”

  Tristan gripped my shoulders firmly. “Is that what you want, to keep him down in a cell, slowly starving to death? Because that is what will happen, and I can tell you it’s not a painless way for a vampire to die.”

  Tears filled my eyes. “But – ”

  “I wish more than anything that I could fix this and take your pain away, but keeping the vampire alive will not help you. It will only prolong your grief, and I will not do that.” His words were hard, but his eyes were gentle. “The Nate you loved would not want that for you, and he would expect me to do what I can to shield you from that kind of pain.”

  I pressed my trembling lips together and turned away from him. “Tomorrow. I want to see him tomorrow.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, I’ll arrange it.” He laid a hand on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

  I stared out the window for a long moment after I heard him leave. Why did people always say they were sorry when you lost someone? It wasn’t like they were responsible for your pain.

  “You all right?” Roland asked.

  “No.” I was too tired and drained to try to pretend my world wasn’t falling apart. I faced him and Peter. “Will you come with me tomorrow to see Nate? I’ll understand if you don’t want to.”

  “Of course, we will,” he said without hesitation, and Peter nodded.

  I went to sit beside him on the bed again. “I’m so glad you guys are here. I don’t think I could get through this without you. The people here are nice, but they didn’t know Nate.”

  Roland took my hand in his. “We’ll be here as long as you need us . . . and longer if they feed us steak every day.”

  I let out a shaky laugh. “You and your stomach.”

  “Speaking of food,” Peter cut in. “It must be almost time for dinner.”

  The last thing I wanted was to be around everyone, but I couldn’t expect my friends to go to dinner without me. “Give me a few minutes, and then we’ll go down.”

  I was in the bathroom, splashing water on my face, when I thought I heard a knock on the door. Drying my face, I walked out to find Roland and Peter sitting at the small table with a large covered tray between them.

  “A girl named Jordan brought dinner for us,” Roland told me. “She said to tell you to let her know if you need anything, but she doesn’t walk dogs. You have dogs?”

  I shook my head at Jordan’s thinly-veiled joke; leave it to her to try to make me laugh. However, I didn’t think Roland and Peter would find her werewolf humor funny.

  “Just the hellhounds,” I said.

  Peter made a noise. “I wouldn’t exactly call hellhounds dogs. By the way, when do we get to meet them?”

  “I’ll take you down tomorrow.”

  “Cool.” He lifted the cover off the tray. “Hmm, these look awesome.”

  Jordan must have known something about werewolf appetites because the tray held five huge double hamburgers with the works and a large basket of fries. Her comments were soon forgotten as the boys dug into the food. I took one burger and nibbled at it, and by the time they had polished off the other burgers, I had barely eaten half of mine. I gave the rest of it to Roland who finished it in no time.

  Peter picked up a napkin-wrapped bundle from the tray and looked inside. “A blueberry muffin? Strange thing to bring for dinner.”

  My heart swelled at Jordan’s thoughtfulness. She acted the tough chick all the time, but she was a lot nicer than she let on. I took the muffin from Peter and broke it into three even pieces before I laid them on the floor beside my bed.

  “What the – ?” Peter’s eyes grew wide when the first little fiend appeared and snatched up his prize before retreating beneath the bed again. “You have imps in a demon hunter home . . . and you’re feeding them?”

  I watched the second piece of muffin disappear. “They came from home. They stowed away in my stuff.”

  “And you let them stay in your room?”

  “Why not? They practically lived in my room back home.”

  Peter made a face. “Because they’re demons and they would steal the fillings out of your mouth.”

  “They’re pretty quiet and they don’t mess with my things. Although, I don’t know how it’s going to work when Oscar comes
to live – ” My breath caught. Nate was supposed to bring Oscar when he came for Thanksgiving. Nate, who had been in the middle of his transition when I last spoke to him on the phone, and who had walked around our apartment as a vampire and touched our things, defiling our home. Fresh pain stabbed my chest. A vampire would show no mercy to an animal, especially one I cared about.

  “What is it?” Roland asked.

  “Oscar and Daisy – he probably killed them,” I said in a cracked voice.

  “You don’t know that. Animals sense evil, so they might have run away when Nate turned.”

  When Nate turned. I had seen Nate as a vampire with my own eyes, but hearing it from Roland made it all suddenly, agonizingly real. Nate was gone, and my life would never be the same again.

  I pushed away from the table and ran to the bathroom where I promptly threw up the little bit of food I’d eaten.

  “Sara, you okay?” Roland called through the closed door.

  “I just need a minute.” I splashed cold water on my face and stared at my pale reflection in the mirror. My lips were almost colorless, and the shadows around my eyes made my face look tired and sickly. But my haggard appearance was nothing compared to the damage inside me. If it wasn’t for the constant ache in my chest, I would have believed my heart was broken into pieces.

  “I’m really an orphan now,” I whispered to the ashen face staring back at me.

  I would give anything to bring Nate back. But there was no bad guy to barter with this time, no sacrificing myself to save Nate. The Master had seen to that. He didn’t take Nate to replace Eli. He took him to torture me and to show me that no one I loved was safe from him. How many more would he hurt to get to me? Would he go after Roland or Peter next, or maybe the kids at my old school?

  I couldn’t live with that.

  My hands gripped the edge of the sink until they turned white and I shook with helpless rage. Stop it. That is exactly how he wants you to feel. I was playing right into his hands, and if I didn’t do something about it, he would win. Anguish and fury built in me. I remembered my dad’s mutilated body and I imagined what Nate had gone through. Heat spread through me, and I watched my hair lift off my shoulders as tiny blue sparks skimmed across my skin.

  Is this why he fears me? I could knock out a baby vampire and my power was getting stronger every day. Someday, I’d be able to take down an older vampire . . . maybe even one as old and strong as a Master. I needed no weapon because my touch was lethal to demons.

  I was, in essence, the perfect demon slayer.

  And I knew what I had to do.

  Chapter 21

  I DRIED MY face and opened the door to find Roland hovering outside.

  “You look beat, Sara. You should try to get some sleep.”

  “I am tired,” I lied. “I think I’ll lie down for a bit. You guys don’t have to stay with me, though.”

  “Pete and I will go across the hall and watch TV for a while. I bet you guys have all the movie channels here. You come over when you finish your nap.”

  “Okay,” I agreed, although sleep was the last thing on my mind.

  I waited for several minutes after I heard Roland’s door close before I left my room and shut my door quietly behind me. Most people were at dinner so the hallways were almost empty as I made my way down to the lower level that housed the holding cells and interrogation rooms. Down here the walls were made of smooth stone and there were no windows that I could see. I shivered in my sweater, and I didn’t know if it was because of the cooler air or what I was about to do.

  At the bottom of the stairs a short hallway stretched before me, with a thick metal door at the other end. As I drew close to the door, I could see the intricate runes etched into the metal, preventing anyone but a Mohiri from opening the door, and I could feel the buzz of strong magic running through it when I put my hand over the metal surface. I paused with my hand on the door. When and how had I started to sense magic?

  Turning the large iron knob, I pulled the door toward me, revealing a dimly lit room on the other side. What I didn’t see until I walked inside was Ben posted to the right of the door. He gave me a stern look when I entered the room.

  “You should not be down here.”

  “I want to see him.”

  Ben folded his arms across his chest. “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you in there without an order from Tristan.”

  “He’s my uncle and I have a right to see him,” I argued, wondering how I was going to get past the huge warrior. “Couldn’t you make an exception?”

  Sympathy flashed in his eyes. “That vampire is not your uncle anymore. I am sorry for your loss, but I cannot allow you to see him unless I receive orders. If you wish, I can contact Tristan and ask him.”

  My mind worked furiously. Tristan might let me see Nate tonight, but he and Nikolas would insist on accompanying me, and I’d never be able to do what I came to do. I could tell by Ben’s determined expression that he was not going to be persuaded to let me in without permission.

  I have to get in there.

  I was desperate enough to try almost anything to get into those holding cells, so when the idea came to me, I didn’t stop to debate whether it was a bad one or not. I moved backward and let my body slump against the wall.

  Ben immediately moved toward me. “Are you all right?”

  “Just a little dizzy,” I said, making my voice sound weak.

  He took my arm and guided me to the only bench in the room. “Sit here and I’ll call someone to assist you back to your room.”

  I caught his hand as he reached for his earpiece. “Ben, if this works, I hope you’ll forgive me.”

  “If what – ?” His eyes widened, and I saw shock pass over his face as static crackled over my hand and a small jolt of power shot into him. For a moment, he stood there staring at me, and all I could think was oh crap! Then his eyes rolled up in his head and he fell to his knees. He toppled sideways, and I jumped and caught his head before it hit the hard stones. The last thing I wanted was to give him a concussion on top of everything else. I checked his pulse and breathing and smiled grimly. The jolt I gave him was the same kind I’d used on Chris, so I knew Ben wasn’t going to be down for long. And he was not going to be happy when he woke up. “Sorry, Ben, but I had to do this,” I said softly, pulling off my sweater to pillow his head.

  Searching his pockets, I found a set of keys, and as soon as my fingers closed around them, I felt the same magic in them that protected the doors. I stood and adjusted my T-shirt, then opened the door on the other end of the room. It was covered in the same etchings, and it was even heavier than the first door, closing with a solid thump behind me. I found myself in another hallway lined with metal doors. Each door had a small barred window through which I could see an empty windowless cell. Cold hit me in the chest and my heart sped up as I walked past the cells, knowing that one of them held Nate. Fear and anxiety churned my stomach as I tried to mentally prepare for what I was going to face and what I was about to do.

  “Come to visit me at last,” drawled a cold voice I barely recognized before I reached the last door. I sucked in a sharp breath and stumbled, not as prepared to hear his voice as I thought I was. I took a moment to steel myself then stepped up to the door. The cell was dark, and I flipped a switch beside the door, making light flood the small room and revealing the figure chained by his hands and feet to the back wall. His dark hair was lank, and his face looked paler and thinner than it had yesterday, if that was possible. It was his eyes that shocked me the most. Instead of the familiar bright green, they were dark, almost black, and they stared hungrily at me now, the eyes of a predator.

  “How did you know it was me?” I asked, fighting to keep the tremble out of my voice.

  “You forget I have a heightened sense of smell now, and you . . . ” He lifted his face and sniffed the air. “They were right. You smell delicious.”

  I shuddered. Remember, this is not Nate. “Tristan said you wanted to s
ee me.”

  Nate chuckled. “I did, but I am surprised he and Nikolas let you come to see me alone. I always knew that warrior had a soft spot for – ”

  “I didn’t come down here to talk about Nikolas,” I snapped. I’d come here with a purpose, and I would not let him distract me from it. “Did you have something to say to me?”

  He shrugged and his chains clinked. “I have many things to say to you. Where would you like to start?”

  “How did this happen to you?”

  The question seemed to take him by surprise, and he stared at me for a moment before answering. “I met a beautiful redhead who told me she was going to change my life forever.” One corner of his mouth lifted and he leered at me suggestively. “She did not disappoint.”

  I swallowed dryly. “What was her name?”

  “Why? So you can hunt her down like a good little vampire killer?” he scoffed.

  “Something like that.” And make her tell me who her Master is before I kill her.

  “Sorry to disappoint you, kid, but I’ll take that secret to the grave . . . which should be any day now if your guardians have anything to say about it.”

  “Why?” I burst out. “Why would you protect someone who sent you here to die?”

  He scowled at me. “You would never understand the loyalty and love I have for my maker. She made me strong and gave me back my legs. That was all I ever wanted. I certainly never wanted to be saddled with a sniveling, ungrateful little brat who did nothing but hurt the people who cared about her. Your father died because of you. Even your own mother could not bear to be around you.”

  “That’s not true! My dad and Nate loved me, and I loved them and would have done anything to keep them safe.”

  “Well, judging by my current accommodations, you aren’t doing such a bang-up job.”

  Tears clouded my vision, and I blinked them away. “I never meant for you . . . for Nate to get hurt. I know you don’t care, but I wanted to tell you that.”