by Marie Force
hung over the edges of the pond.
“Janey! I’m so glad I caught you. You won’t believe it!”
“Believe what?”
“I just got off the phone with Dean Richards at OSU.”
Her heart slowed to a crawl, and she had to remind herself to breathe. “What did he say?”
“They’ve had several students in this year’s incoming class who were unable to secure financing.”
Janey gasped.
“When I mentioned you had financing already arranged, he agreed to facilitate your application—for this year! This year, Janey! Like a month from now!”
Her legs went weak beneath her, and she dropped to a lounge chair.
“Still there?” Doc asked.
“Yes, yes. I’m just trying to absorb it all.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited about anything! I can tell you now that I always thought it was a travesty how David got in the way of you going to vet school the first time around. I didn’t care for that one bit.”
“You and everyone else.”
“Well, we’re righting a terrible wrong, and we’re doing it in one month!” He released a deep, pained sigh.
“What, Doc? What’s wrong?”
“I just realized this means I’ll be losing you at the clinic.”
Her eyes filled. He’d been such a constant in her life, one of the most important people in her world. “Maybe you can find a spot for me in the summers?”
“I suppose we can squeeze you in until you’re too important to come back.”
Janey laughed. “I’ll come back the second I’m done, and then you can retire.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal, my friend.”
“Thank you, Doc. For whatever favors you called in or the donation you made or whatever you did, thank you.”
“No thanks necessary. Just go out there and make me proud.”
“I will. I promise.”
Janey ended the call and clutched the phone to her chest as she looked out over the pond with unseeing eyes. She was going to veterinary school. It was really and finally happening. She must’ve been out there for a while because Maddie came to find her.
“I’m sorry,” Janey said, snapping out of the stupor. “I totally abandoned you.”
“I was well cared for. What’s wrong? You’re pale as a ghost.”
“I got in,” Janey whispered.
“To?”
“Vet school at Ohio State.”
Maddie gasped. “Oh, that’s fabulous! Congratulations! For next year?”
“This year.”
Maddie’s eyes widened. “Oh, my God! Janey! Oh, my God!”
Before she knew what hit her, Maddie had wrapped her up in a tight hug.
Janey was in tears by the time Maddie released her.
“What’s wrong?” Maddie asked, alarmed. “I thought you’d be thrilled!”
“I am.” Janey brushed at the tears, annoyed by them. “It’s just. . .”
“Joe,” Maddie said, her mouth set in a grim expression.
“I can’t do another long-distance relationship, Maddie. I just can’t.”
“I understand. Anyone would. Joe will.”
“What will he understand? He’s in love with me. We’ve spent almost every night together for two weeks. If I walk away from him now, he’ll be crushed.”
Maddie rested her hands on Janey’s shoulders. “You have to go to Ohio, Janey. You have to.”
“I know. But I need to break things off with Joe now. Today. I can’t let this go on when I’m leaving in a month. He’s tied to this island and his business. It’s not fair to get any more involved with him.” She thought of the date they had planned for later, and her heart ached. She’d gotten awfully used to seeing him every day, to leaning on his quiet strength, to finding unimaginable pleasure in his arms.
“Surely there has to be some way,” Maddie said.
New tears spilled down Janey’s cheeks. “How? His business is his life, Maddie. He’d be lost without that, and it’s not like he can just walk away from it. And he would. He’d do that for me, but I can’t ask that of him. I just can’t.”
“You need to talk to him about this. At least give him a chance to figure something out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out. He lives here, and for the next four years, I’m going to live a thousand miles from here. Look how it worked out when David was only in Boston. I can’t go through that again.”
“Comparing him to David would be very unfair.”
“Do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Keep this quiet until I figure out what to say to Joe?”
Maddie thought about that for a moment. “I have to tell Mac. I won’t keep it from him. I’d like to think I’ve learned my lesson in that regard.”
“You have to swear him to silence. I don’t want him to tell Joe until I decide how I’m going to handle it.”
“He won’t. I promise you that.” Maddie hugged her again. “It’ll work out, Janey. Joe would wait forever for you.”
“I can’t ask him to wait four years.”
“Maybe you won’t have to.”
Still holding the sleeping Thomas, Linda came to the door. “Everything all right out here?”
“Yes,” Janey said, forcing a smile. “We’re fine.”
“Maddie, you have a late-arriving guest.”
Maddie glanced at Janey. “Who?”
“Why don’t you go see?” Maybe Francine had come through after all. Janey could only hope. She followed Maddie inside where Francine waited, gripping a festively wrapped gift and looking exquisitely uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” Francine said.
“That’s all right.” Maddie reached around the box to hug her mother. “I’m so glad you came.”
“Could I get you some coffee or punch, Francine?” Linda asked. “A slice of cake?”
“I’m fine, thank you,” Francine said stiffly.
“May I?” Maddie asked, gesturing to the package.
Francine handed it to her and followed Maddie to the family room, where the other women had gone quiet.
“This is my mother, Francine.” Maddie introduced her coworkers from the hotel and then sat to open her mother’s gift. Maddie removed the paper and opened the box. “Oh. Oh, Mom.”
“I gave Tiffany my mother’s china. I thought you might like to have her silver.”
“I’d very much love to have it,” she said, hugging her mother. “It’s so shiny and clean!”
“That’s why I was late. It took longer to clean it up than I’d expected.”
Maddie clutched her mother’s hand. “I’m so glad you came.”
“Well, your future sister-in-law over there let me know I’d be welcome.”
All eyes shifted to Janey, who flashed a sheepish grin and shrugged.
Maddie mouthed the words thank you to Janey, who nodded in response.
After she helped to load Mac, Maddie, Thomas and the shower loot into the SUV, Janey turned her attention to the last of the dishes all the while trying not to think about the terrible task that lay ahead.
“Joe,” she whispered. “God. What’ve I done to both of us?”
The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on her. In the same instant she’d decided she had to give him up, she’d realized she loved him. Loved him loved him. At some point during their exquisite nights together, he had worked his way into her heart, and the idea of losing him hurt more than anything ever had—even finding David in bed with another woman.
Standing at the sink, Janey dropped her head to her chest, absorbing the blow as all the images from their brief time together flashed through her mind.
Linda came back into the room. “Janey? Honey, what is it? What’s wrong?”
Tears clogged her throat, threatening to burst free at any moment. “I, um, I have something I need to do. Would you mind finishing up these last few dishes?”
/> “Of course not. Go on ahead.”
Janey kissed her cheek. “Thanks for everything today. It was a lovely shower.”
“Yes, it was, and you did a good thing talking Francine into coming. I’m proud of you for doing that.”
The dam broke, and tears flooded her eyes.
“Janey! My goodness! What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing,” she said, even though her heart was breaking. “I just. . . I need to go.”
Linda hugged her and wiped the tears from Janey’s cheeks. “Call me later?”
Janey nodded, grabbed her purse and headed for the door. In the car, she rested her head on the steering wheel and tried to imagine what Joe would say when she told him they were over. Her heart ached at the thought of hurting him, but better now than in a month, when they’d be even more involved.
“Oh, Joe,” she whispered through her tears. “I love you so much.” I hate that I have to do this to him, but I can’t turn my back on this opportunity again. Not even for Joe. And I can’t expect him to give up his whole life for me. He’d hate me for that someday.
Blinded by tears, she knew she shouldn’t attempt to drive but didn’t want to sit in front of her mother’s house crying her eyes out, either. She drove slowly on the way home, knowing that once she got there, Riley and the others would provide the comfort she so desperately needed.
At her house, she indulged in a snuggle with her animals before she let the dogs out and reached for her cell phone. She couldn’t delay this any longer. Joe was due to pick her up in just over two hours. As she ran a hand over the black silk dress she’d taken out earlier, she wondered where he’d planned to take her. “What does it matter?” she asked herself as she found his number in her phone.
“Hey, baby,” he said when he answered. The sound of his familiar voice sent love and regret surging through her. “How was the shower?”
“Good. It was fine.” She wanted to tell him how Maddie’s mother had come, how she had made that happen, but she couldn’t get the words past the huge lump in her throat.
“What’s wrong, honey? You sound funny.”
“I don’t feel so good.” She winced at the lie, knowing she was only postponing the inevitable. “It came on in the middle of the shower, and now I’m miserable.” That was certainly the truth.
“Oh, bummer. I had a big night planned for us, but we can do it another time. I’ll come over and take care of you.”
“No.”
He paused. “Why not?”
“I feel gross. I don’t want you to see me like this. I’d really rather be alone tonight.”
“Is something else wrong, Janey?”
It was all she could do not to break down at the hurt she heard in his voice. “I just. . . I need to be alone. Is that all right?”
“If that’s all it is.”
“I’ve got to go,” she said.
“Janey—”
“Bye, Joe.” She closed the phone and stretched out on the sofa as hot tears rolled down her cheeks. She had no doubt it was better this way. But if that was true, why did it hurt so much?
Joe stared at the fog outside the window of his South Harbor office. Something was up. She wasn’t sick. How he knew that he couldn’t have said. He just knew. “Oh, Janey,” he said. “What’re you doing?”
He glanced at the suit he’d brought from home to wear on the date that wasn’t going to happen now. The way he saw it, he had two choices—sit here and do nothing, hoping she’d come around, or storm over there and demand she tell him what was going on. Neither option was all that appealing, but the idea of doing nothing was unacceptable.
Since it was foggy and chilly, he grabbed a company pullover and headed out of the office. On the short walk to Janey’s house, he replayed their brief phone call and tried to figure out why he hadn’t believed her when she said she didn’t feel good. He knew her. The closer he got to her house, the more annoyed he became. If something was wrong, why couldn’t she just tell him the truth rather than giving him the brush-off? That’s what he intended to find out.
Approaching her house, he noticed the lights were out and wondered if she was even home. He experienced a moment of trepidation as he opened the front gate. What if she really was barfing her guts up and would be embarrassed for him to see her like that? Well, too bad. He was in for better or worse, and it was high time she realized that.
He knocked on the door, and the dogs went crazy inside.
“Janey?” he said, knocking again. “Come on, honey. I need to see you. I know something’s wrong.”
The dogs continued to howl, but Janey didn’t come.
“I’m going to wait, Janey. I’m not leaving until I see that you’re all right. If you don’t want me to call Mac—”
The inside door swung open.
One glance at her ravaged face told Joe that something was very wrong. He pulled open the screen door and stepped into the dark room. The dogs danced around his legs. “Baby, what is it?”
“I, um. . .” She looked up at him, her eyes shiny with tears. “I can’t do this, Joe.”
“Do what?”
“This. Us.”
He forced himself to remain calm so he could figure out what the hell was going on. “What happened today? What changed since we woke up together this morning and made love—twice?”
Sobs shook her petite frame, and it took all he had not to go to her, to put his arms around her and assure her he’d fix whatever had her so upset. But he couldn’t seem to bring himself to move.
“I never should’ve let this happen,” she said between sobs. “I was messed up. Mixed up. You tried to tell me. . .”
Joe took a deep breath, hoping to slow his rapid heartbeat. “What happened today?” he asked through gritted teeth.
“I woke up from the daze I’ve been in since everything with David, and now I can’t seem to stop crying or thinking about all the years I gave him and how I have absolutely nothing to show for them.” She was crying so hard Joe wondered how she was able to breathe. “We were supposed to get married and have four kids. I wanted those kids. That’s what I wanted.”
This was what he had most feared—that when the shock wore off, she’d discover she wasn’t at all ready to move on with him. And where would that leave him? Right here, loving her and losing her.
Needing an outlet for the energy zipping through him, he ran his fingers through his hair and tried to resist the urge to tear it out. “You can still have anything you want, Janey. I’d give you anything and everything. You have to know that.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I just can’t.”
He felt like she’d ripped the heart from his chest, and right then and there, he realized he’d never get over losing her. Not after all they’d shared.
“Janey, whatever is wrong, we can fix it. If you need more time, take it. But don’t try to tell me what’s between us isn’t love. You’ll never convince me of that.”
Janey wiped the tears from her face. “Then I won’t try.”
Hearing that, something inside him broke, and he knew he had to get out of there or risk saying something he’d never be able to take back. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I think we could’ve had something pretty great, but I’m certainly not going to beg. You know where I am if you change your mind.”
Joe forced himself to turn around, to walk out the door and down the stairs. Once he was through the gate, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Mac’s number.
“Sleeping,” Mac mumbled.
“Wake up. Something’s wrong with Janey.”
“What?” Mac asked, instantly awake. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. She won’t tell me.”
“What happened?”
“I wish I knew. Will you go over there and check on her?”
“On my way. Are you okay, Joe?”
“I’m confused. Everything was fine this morning and now it’s not. Something happened, but she wo
n’t tell me what it is.”
Mac remained silent.
“You know, don’t you?”
“Joe—”
“Forget it. I don’t want to know. If she can’t tell me herself, screw it. Screw this whole thing. I’m done.”
“Wait—”
Joe slapped his phone closed. Enough already.
Chapter 23
Luke dragged his old wooden rowboat onto the sandy beach and stowed the oars inside. The fog was gone, and a full moon lit the big pond. Even without the light from above, he could’ve found this particular stretch of beach in his sleep. Accompanied by a chorus of crickets, the path to Sydney’s summer home was as familiar to him as anything in his life.
How many nights had he arrived just like this, under the cover of darkness, and sneaked into her yard to throw pebbles at her window? How many nights had they spent together on the beach, making love until dawn when she’d tiptoe back into her house and he’d hold his breath waiting to hear they’d finally been caught? Too many to count.
He wasn’t sure what had hurt more—hearing that Sydney, his Sydney, had married some guy she met in college or that she’d lost her husband and children in a tragic car crash. Luke had devoured every word he could find on the Internet about the accident. They’d been coming home to Boston from a weekend in New Hampshire and were stopped in a traffic jam. From behind them, a drunk driver had come barreling into their minivan, killing the children instantly. Sydney had been asleep at the time of the accident, which safety officials said probably saved her life. Her husband Seth had died later in surgery.
Even though Luke thanked God every day for sparing her life, he ached for her unbearable loss. After hearing last night that she was back on the island, he needed just a glimpse of her, any sign that she was still alive and breathing. So he traveled through the dunes and the dense growth that covered what used to be a well-worn path. A branch full of thorns grazed his face. Judging from the warm sting on his cheek, he figured it had broken the skin, but still he pressed on.
Loving Sydney had made his life. Losing her had turned him into a cranky loner who never again let anyone get close enough to truly touch him. He and Sydney hadn’t really broken up, per se, but rather drifted apart. After her second year of college, when she hadn’t come to the island for the summer and stopped returning his calls, Luke had gone to her parents’ house to find out why.