by Marie Force
Standing beside the passenger door to help Dan, Grant called out to his brother. “Where’d you get that bike?”
“Rented it,” Adam said. “What’re you all doing here?”
“Mom sent a text asking us to come,” Mac said. “No idea what’s up.”
“How come I wasn’t invited?” Adam asked.
“I guess you’re not one of her favorites,” Evan said. “But I could’ve told you that ages ago. Let’s go find out what she’s up to. I was right in the middle of something at the studio.”
The others filed in ahead of Grant, who waited for Dan.
“Hope I’m not intruding on a family moment,” Dan said.
“Don’t worry about it. There’re no secrets in this family.”
Inside, Grant’s parents and Uncle Frank were talking to a woman Grant didn’t recognize. He hadn’t heard his uncle was on-island. Grant and his brothers greeted Frank with hugs.
“Here they all are,” Linda said. “Our sons Mac, Evan, Grant and Adam. Oh, and Grant’s friend Dan is here. He was on the boat, too.”
When she said that last part, Grant took a step back. Who was that woman?
“Boys, this is Betsy Jacobson. Steve’s mother.”
“No,” Grant said. “No.” His feet moved seemingly of their own volition as he bolted from the house. The drumbeat of denial, no, no, no, echoed in his ears as he ran from the home where he’d been raised in a cocoon of love and understanding. They wouldn’t understand what he couldn’t reconcile himself.
“Grant! Stop! Wait.”
“Grant!”
He heard his brothers calling his name, but still he ran, blinded by tears, stumbling and nearly falling over a crack in the sidewalk that had always been there. And then strong arms were around him, stopping his forward motion. Mac.
“Stop. Grant… Don’t run. I’ve got you.”
Something in him broke as his brother’s formidable strength surrounded him, holding him, protecting him from the tsunami of overwhelming agony that forced gut-wrenching sobs through his body.
“It’s okay.” Mac held him so tightly that Grant could barely breathe. He wanted to beg his brother to not let go. If he did, Grant might drop off the cliff he’d been clinging to for days now. “Let it out.” Mac’s hand on the back of Grant’s head kept his face pressed tight against his big brother’s shoulder. “Let it go. No matter what it is, we love you, we’ll always love you.”
“No,” Grant said between sobs. “No, you won’t.”
“Yes, we will. That could never change. Nothing you could do would make me not love you.”
“He’s right,” Evan said from behind Grant. “He speaks for all of us.”
“You don’t understand,” Grant said.
“Make us understand, buddy,” Adam said. “Let us help.”
He wanted to so badly. He wanted to unburden himself on the three brothers he loved more than almost anyone in the world. There was nothing they wouldn’t do for him. He knew it and believed they’d stand by him no matter what. But he was so afraid to say the words, to confess what he’d done, especially with Steve’s mother in their home.
“Let me in.”
Grant heard his father’s voice and stiffened.
Mac smoothly transitioned him into the arms of their father, who held him even more tightly than Mac had.
“Tell us what has you so upset,” Big Mac said. “Put it out there, get it off your chest, let us share the load.”
Surrounded by the unconditional love of his family, Grant could no longer hold back the words that poured forth. The boat, the crash, landing in the water with Dan and Steve, both grievously injured, not knowing where Mac or Evan were and faced with an unimaginable choice: save one of his best friends or save the man he’d met only that morning. He couldn’t save them both and save himself, too.
“Oh God,” Mac said. “God.”
“I couldn’t save him,” Grant said, choking on sobs, “and now his mother is here, and I have to tell her that? I have to tell her that I let him go because I couldn’t save him and Dan?”
“Grant…”
He pulled back from his dad and found Dan staring at him, stricken as realization set in.
“I chose you,” Grant said. “I chose to save you, and now he’s dead, and it’s my fault.”
The circle of men around him sniffled and wiped their eyes. He’d never seen any of them cry, let alone all of them at once.
Dan came over to him and hugged him as best he could. “It’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the ship that hit us, the fog, the bad luck of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There was nothing you could’ve done but survive. You saved my life. It’s thanks to you that Steve and I aren’t both dead.”
“That’s right, son,” Big Mac said. “Do you give yourself any credit for saving Dan?”
“I wanted to save them both,” Grant said, depleted by the emotional firestorm.
“You couldn’t,” Adam said. “And no one will blame you for reaching for the one who’s been your friend for so long.”
“Not even Steve’s mother?” Grant asked him. “Will she understand? I can’t tell her this. She’s come here for answers, and I can’t tell her. I can’t.”
“We’ll do it for you,” Mac said. “We’ve got your back. We’ve always got your back.”
Big Mac framed Grant’s face with big hands, forcing him to meet his father’s steely, determined gaze. “I’m proud of you, son. You saved Dan’s life. You saved my life and your mother’s and Stephanie’s by saving your own. You faced an unimaginable dilemma, and you did the best you could. That’s all anyone can ever do.”
He choked back a sob. “Don’t be proud of me for letting Steve die.”
“You didn’t let him die,” Big Mac said. “That was God’s will. Not yours.”
Grant broke down anew at his father’s absolution—absolution he didn’t feel he deserved, but which brought a measure of peace anyway. Giving voice to the agony he’d borne alone had also helped.
“We’re all behind you, Grant,” Evan said. “It was a nightmare out there. Mac and I can attest to that. One minute we were on the front of the boat, and the next minute we’re in the water, in the fog and we can’t find each other. How you managed to save Dan—as well as yourself—is amazing to me, and I’m sure to Mac, too.”
“It is,” Mac agreed. “I had all I could do to keep my own head above water. I have no idea how you were able to save Dan, too.”
Grant didn’t know how he’d done it. A lot of the details were vague, but letting Dan go hadn’t been an option. He remembered that much.
“Let’s go in there and face Steve’s mom together,” Big Mac said. “She wants the truth. She needs the truth. Let’s give that to her, and maybe it’ll set you free, too.”
Grant didn’t know if anything could set him free from the nightmare he’d been living over the last week, but sharing his burden with his brothers, his father and his friend had helped. Exhausted and wrung out from the ordeal of confession, Grant let his dad guide him into the house.
Adam let the others go in ahead of him and remained on the porch for a minute, collecting himself. Seeing his brother so undone had upset him tremendously. To him, Grant had always been cool, sophisticated, incredibly talented and somewhat aloof, untouched by the troubles that plagued regular mortals. Seeing him brought low by the tragedy of Steve’s death had shaken Adam.
He leaned against the rail on the front porch, staring down at his mother’s rose garden and thinking about how arbitrary and capricious life could be. His brothers had left with two other men on a spring morning to participate in a sailboat race. By the day’s end, one of them was dead, one was gravely injured, and three others were changed forever by the harrowing experience.
“Adam?”
At the sound of Evan’s voice, Adam turned. “Yeah?”
“Are you coming in?”
“In a minute.”
Evan joined him in le
aning against the rail. “He was her only child.”
“Christ,” Adam uttered.
“I guess she raised him alone after the dad split. She taught him how to sail, got him interested in the sport. And now…”
“She’s feeling guilty for encouraging him to do what he probably loved more than anything.”
“Something like that.”
“I can’t believe what happened to Grant out there.”
“The poor guy. No wonder why he’s been so messed up.”
“One of us should call Stephanie to clue her in to what’s going on.”
“Good idea. I’ll do it.”
Adam stood by Evan’s side as he placed the call to Stephanie and told her what Grant had finally confessed to them. “She’s on her way,” Evan said when he ended the call.
“It’ll take some time,” Adam said, “but he’ll get past this.”
“You think so?”
“You don’t?”
“I think it’ll haunt him for a long time.”
“We’ll take care of him. Stephanie will, too. We’ll get him past it. Somehow.”
Evan put an arm around Adam and gave him an awkward hug. Growing up, Adam and his younger brother had spent more time punching each other than hugging. But now he leaned into his brother’s embrace, thankful for the comfort.
“I’m glad you’re home,” Evan said. “I’m glad everyone is home.”
“Me, too.” There was, Adam thought, nowhere else he’d rather be.
Listening to Mac relay the tale of epic struggle to Steve Jacobson’s mother was among the most excruciating things Grant had ever been through. The poor woman wept throughout the telling, during which Mac’s voice never wavered from the soft, soothing tone he began with.
By the time he was finished, everyone in the room was in tears.
Uncle Frank slipped an arm around his brother, propping up Big Mac, who was taking the retelling of the story hard. It was equally hard for Grant to hear it again, but he was thankful to Mac for doing the talking for him. He didn’t think he could’ve gotten through it himself. But now he felt the need to say something to Steve’s mother.
“I’m sorry,” Grant said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save them both.”
Betsy took a new tissue from Linda. “After the crash… When you were in the water, was Steve conscious?”
“No.”
“Is it possible he might’ve already been dead?”
“I don’t know,” Grant said. “I wish I could tell you what you need to know, but I wasn’t able to get to him to confirm that.”
“I ask because it would give me comfort to know he didn’t suffer, that perhaps he was killed on impact.”
“I suppose that’s possible.”
Betsy wiped her eyes and took in the group gathered before her. “Thank you all so much for seeing me. I know it was difficult for you to relive what was a terrible day for you, too, but I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know. I won’t take any more of your time.”
“Don’t go.” Linda took the other woman’s hand before she could rise. “You’re welcome to stay for as long as you’d like. We’ve got plenty of room, and we’d love to have you.” She glanced at her husband.
“Please do stay,” Big Mac said. “The island is a wonderful place to recover your footing.”
“I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you,” Betsy said.
“It would be no inconvenience,” Linda said. “We’d love to have you.”
“A change of scenery would be a welcome relief,” Betsy said. “Since Steve’s memorial service, I’ve been rattling around in my house, feeling aimless and lost.”
Linda smiled and squeezed Betsy’s hand. “No need to be lost and alone when you can be among new friends.”
“You’re all very kind. I appreciate your offer, and I accept your hospitality.”
The front door slammed shut, and Stephanie came rushing in, looking teary-eyed and dismayed. She found Grant in the group and came right over to him.
“Someone called you,” he said, surprised to see her. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised that one of his brothers would’ve thought to call his fiancée. Grant had never been so happy to see her.
She sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around him, telling him everything he needed to know without saying a word.
Relieved and a little less burdened than he’d been earlier, Grant held on to her for dear life.
After Grant left with Stephanie, Dan asked Mac to take him down to the docks so he could see Kara. Reeling after what he’d learned about the accident, he needed to be with her.
“You should come to Luke’s tonight,” Mac said as he drove down the hill. “It’d do you good to be among friends.”
“I’ll see how I feel a little later.”
“Can I say something?”
Dan liked Grant’s brothers a lot, and had become closer to them since he’d lived on the island. “Can I stop you?”
Mac uttered a quick laugh. “I don’t know you very well, but I can guess how I might feel after hearing what you just heard.”
“And how’s that?”
“Guilty, overwhelmed, questioning why you lived and he died, wondering how you possibly go forward from here knowing what you now know.”
“Pretty accurate assessment.”
“Here’s the deal. He died. You lived. There’s no changing that fact. So it would seem to me that there isn’t much point to beating yourself up over something you had no control over.”
“You remind me a lot of my brother, Dylan.”
“How’s that?”
“Always the big brother.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to overstep.”
“You didn’t. I miss him. It’s been a long time since I’ve been big-brothered.”
“He died?”
Dan nodded. “Afghanistan. 2005.”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Thanks, and thanks for the words of wisdom. I do appreciate them.”
“Any time you need a big brother, it’s one of the few things I’ve ever been truly good at.”
Crooking a brow at Mac, Dan said, “By whose estimation?”
“My own, of course.”
Despite the pain it caused his battered ribs, Dan laughed harder than he had in more than a week. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Come to Luke’s.”
“I’ll try.”
Frustrated by how long it took him to do even the simplest things, Dan eased himself out of the truck and shut the door, waving at Mac as he drove off. Dan walked slowly down the main pier, scanning the pond in search of Kara’s maroon launch, but didn’t see any sign of her.
He took the ramp to the launch dock and eased himself onto the bench, which was empty of passengers. The throbbing pain in his ribs and arm indicated his pain pills were wearing off. He’d learned to stay on top of the meds, even though he’d rather forego them. However, not taking them wasn’t an option. He’d never experienced pain quite like that of broken ribs.
Sitting alone, watching the action in the harbor, he had time to absorb what he’d learned that afternoon and to think about what Mac had said. Dan thought of his parents, who’d already lost one son tragically, and his two older sisters, who’d lost a brother. Dylan’s death had been horrible for all of them, and Dan was grateful that his family had been spared another sudden loss.
Yet it was difficult to separate his own gratitude from the profound sense of grief he felt over Steve’s death. He’d spent only a morning with Steve but had enjoyed his company, his sense of humor and his expertise with the boat. Steve had called himself the lucky one, the only member of his group who’d escaped the stomach bug.
Dan was pondering the deeper meaning of luck and fate when Kara’s launch came into view, zipping between boats as she made her way back to the floating dock where she picked up and dropped off passengers. She was almost there when she noticed him waiting for her.
Her expre
ssion was full of consternation and questions as she competently brought the launch to a smooth stop against the dock, looped lines over cleats, conversed with disembarking passengers and offered a hand when necessary. After the last passenger had gone up the ramp to the main pier, she got off the boat and came over to him.
Hands on hips, ball cap perched on her head, she gave him a look of annoyance that any mother would respect. It occurred to him right in that moment that she would be a wonderful mother someday. “What are you doing here, Torrington?”
“I was missing you.”
“How’d you get here?”
“Grant and Mac.”
Kara sat next to him on the bench, taking a perusing inventory of his features. “Are you in pain?”
“A little.”
“Did you take your pills?”
“Earlier.”
“So they’re wearing off.”
“Maybe.”
“Dan! What’re you doing here when you should be home on the sofa?”
“It sort of happened like this…” Dan told her about Grant coming to visit, going with him to his parents’ home and the emotional discovery of what had really happened after the accident. “I was right up the hill from you, and I wanted to see you. I needed to see you.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said, cupping his face with her hand as she contended with a flood of tears. “It must’ve been so shocking to hear all that.”
“It was upsetting, to say the least, and then to have to face Steve’s mom, knowing how it had gone down. Poor Grant was a mess. I knew it was bad for him out there, but I had no idea how bad.”
She hugged him, and Dan sagged into her embrace. Her fingers curled around his nape, cradling him. Resting against her, any doubt that he’d fallen in love evaporated into the soft spring air. They stayed that way for a long time. All the while, Dan prayed for her customers to stay away.
“Kara?”
“Hmm?”
“I want to tell you something right here on the dock where you and I began.”
“Is this where we began? Or was it in Luke Harris’s kitchen when I took one look at you and knew you were going to be big trouble for me.”
He pulled back from her, grinning like a loon. “Big trouble, huh?”