by Marie Force
He’d never put any pressure on her. He’d never even tried to kiss her. When she shied away from a simple hug, he didn’t ask questions. In short, he’d been a perfect gentleman, even though she knew he wanted more from her than what she’d been capable of giving.
Tonight she would tell him about Mark. She’d tell him about her violent marriage and the upcoming trial. She’d tell him why she couldn’t bear his touch even though she knew with bone-deep certainty that he’d never harm her the way her husband had. She would tell him everything because he deserved to know and because she was tired of running from the past.
For the first time in her adult life, Sarah looked forward to each new day. She got up with a sense of purpose and enjoyed her work at the hotel her parents had run for decades before they retired and moved to Florida. She loved being with Owen, Laura and baby Holden, whom she doted on the way any first-time grandmother would.
And then there was Charlie, who’d worked his way under her skin one evening at a time over months of evenings together. If you’d asked her last October, when she’d fled from her husband after another vicious beating, if she’d ever again have feelings for a man, she would’ve said no. Emphatically. Now she found herself deeply into something with Charlie she couldn’t easily explain. Although they’d never even kissed, she felt a stronger bond with him than she ever had with the monster she’d married.
That was why she planned to tell him everything tonight. If it was too much for him to handle, she’d understand. He’d been through his own struggles, spending fourteen years in jail for a crime he didn’t commit, earning his freedom after a protracted battle waged by his stepdaughter, Stephanie.
The thought of him turning away from her after all they’d shared made her sad, but she wouldn’t blame him. Bringing someone who’d been through his own nightmare into hers wasn’t something she did lightly. But she’d been aware for some time now that they were marching in place, unable to move forward with a real relationship because of the demons that haunted her.
He deserved to know the truth, and she would give him that. What he did with it would be entirely up to him.
As always, he insisted on picking her up at her door, and as always, he was right on time. A light tap on the door indicated his arrival.
Sarah took a deep breath and let it out slowly, determined to do the right thing tonight and to accept the outcome, whatever it may be. She opened the door to his handsome, smiling face and couldn’t contain her own smile. Being with him always made her happy.
He had an intense, thorough way of looking at her that made her skin tingle with awareness of the fact that he wanted her, even if he never said so. “You look fantastic.”
“So do you.” He wore a button-down dress shirt rolled up to reveal the tattoos on his forearms. His tall, muscular frame filled the doorway. At first, his size had intimidated her, but she’d quickly learned she had nothing to fear from him. He wore his gray hair in a buzz cut and had piercing blue eyes that didn’t miss a thing that went on around him. He’d told her once that his shrewd observation skills had kept him safe in prison.
“Ready to go?”
Sarah reached for the sweater she’d put on the bed and picked up her purse. “Ready.”
He closed her door and followed her down the stairs.
She said good night to the college girl working at the reception desk and went out to the porch.
Charlie was right behind her. “Everything okay?”
Sarah wasn’t surprised that he’d tuned into her unusual nervousness. He paid attention. It was a quality she’d grown to appreciate after being treated as an insignificant detail for her entire married life. “I know you made reservations at Domenic’s, but I wondered if we might get a pizza and go to your place. I’d like to talk to you in private.”
His brows furrowed with concern. “Whatever you’d like to do.” With efficiency she’d grown to appreciate, he called in their pizza order to Mario’s and was driving them to his place within half an hour. When they arrived, he carried the pizza and came around to her side of his truck to help her out. All this was done silently, which wasn’t out of character for him. But still, she sensed his concern over what she might have to tell him.
“Charlie?”
“Yeah?”
“It has nothing to do with you. What I want to tell you.”
“Oh. Okay.” He glanced at her as he held the screen door for her to proceed ahead of him into the house. “I thought you might want to break up with me.”
“No. Nothing like that.”
“Good.”
“Although you might want to break up with me when you hear what I’ve been keeping from you for all this time.”
“No chance of that.”
“You should wait to hear what I have to say before you decide anything.”
“Sarah.”
She turned to face him. “Yes?”
“No. Chance. Of. That.”
Smiling, she released a deep breath and relaxed. It was going to be okay. He cared about her. He would still care after he heard her story.
Chapter 3
Sarah followed him into the kitchen, where he dished up the pizza and placed the plates on the table. Without having to ask, he poured a glass of the chardonnay he kept on hand for her, grabbed a beer for himself and joined her at the table.
Most men would’ve prodded her to start talking, but Charlie wasn’t most men. He waited on her, giving her the space she needed to collect her thoughts. As usual, the mushroom-and-sausage pizza they both loved was delicious and gave her something else to focus on for a few minutes.
She wiped her mouth and took a sip of her wine. “You’ve been very patient with me. I hope you know how much I appreciate that.”
“It’s certainly been no hardship to spend time with you.”
“That’s sweet of you to say, but still… I know you must have questions that you’ve never asked.”
“I figured you’d get around to telling me—or you wouldn’t. Either way was fine with me.”
“Even if it meant that our…friendship…never progressed any further?”
Charlie pushed his plate away and took a sip from his beer. “Let me tell you something about fourteen years in prison. It makes you appreciate every damned second you’re not in prison. If all you were ever able to give me is what we’ve already had, I’d be happier than I’ve been in longer than I can remember.”
Sarah’s eyes filled with tears. “You deserve so much more than what I’ve been able to give you.”
He covered her hand with his much larger one, and Sarah made a conscious effort not to flinch. It had taken months of casual affection for her to accept it without the dreaded flinch. She was proud of her progress in that regard.
“You have no idea how much I enjoy the time we spend together,” he said. “I look forward to it. For so long, I had nothing at all to look forward to, and now I have this. I have you. I’m not going anywhere, Sarah. No matter what you tell me tonight, I’m not going anywhere.”
When she heard that, the tears she’d tried to contain came spilling down her cheeks. “Could I…”
“What, honey?”
“Could I maybe hug you?” In all the time they’d known each other, she’d never let him touch her like that.
“I wish you would.” Keeping his hand wrapped around hers, he got up. “Let’s do this right, though.” He led her to the sofa in his cozy living room and sat, patting the seat next to his.
Sarah sat next to him, but out-of-control nerves kept her from reaching for what she wanted so badly.
He held out his arms to her. “Come here.”
She was so tired of being afraid, of living in the past, of trying to outrun the demons. Putting her fear aside, she moved closer to him and into his embrace.
He looped his arms around her loosely, which made her feel safe rather than confined. “Often when you hug someone, you put your arms around him, too,” he said in a teasing to
ne.
Her hands were trembling, but she put her arms around him anyway, resting her head against his chest and closing her eyes.
“There,” he said softly when she was settled. “Doesn’t that feel good?”
She nodded because she didn’t trust herself to speak.
“It feels great for me, too,” he said. “You always smell so incredible. It’s been hard for me to resist the temptation to get close enough to breathe you in.”
“Charlie…”
“What, honey?”
“He beat me and my children. He beat me so badly last October that I knew if I stayed, he was going to kill me, so I finally left. It took me way too long to leave. My children grew up in a nightmare, and there was nothing I could do to protect them.” The words, once she let them out, spilled forth in a great rush, almost as though she feared if she didn’t say it right now, she never would. “He was a general in the air force, and everyone was afraid of him—no one more so than his wife and children. He goes on trial next week in Virginia. That’s where I’m going. Owen is going, too. We both have to testify.”
“What day are we leaving?”
She raised her head off his chest to find his deep blue eyes staring at her fiercely. “No… You can’t…”
“Try and stop me.” He paused and looked away from her for a second, seeming to rein in his anger. “That might not be the right way to put it in light of what you’ve been through. I want to be with you and support you through the trial. I hope you’ll let me do that for you.”
“It’s nice of you to want to do that, but my son will be there. I’ll be okay.”
“I won’t.”
“You won’t what?”
“I won’t be okay sitting here worrying about you. I’ll be going out of my mind with worry for you and Owen, who I’ve come to care for, too. It would be so much easier, for me, if I were there with you rather than here going crazy by myself.”
Sarah smiled at the way he’d turned the whole thing around on her.
“You wouldn’t want that for me, would you?”
“No, I wouldn’t. But I also wouldn’t want you to see—or hear—what’s going to come out during that trial. I’d be…” She swallowed hard. “Ashamed…for you to know what I tolerated for so many years. He hurt my babies, Charlie. I let that happen because I felt I had no choice, but I had choices. I could’ve left.”
“Shhh. If I know you, and I know you pretty damned well, you must’ve thought you had no options at all. I knew guys like your husband in prison. They’re psychological terrorists. They prey on people who are less able to defend themselves because it makes them feel powerful.”
“Yes,” she whispered, astounded by his astute assessment. “That was Mark. He ran our home like a squadron. If anyone stepped one inch out of line, they felt his wrath—no one more so than me, although Owen was a close second. He was our oldest and went out of his way to protect his siblings at his own expense. The things he endured… His father once broke his arm in a fit of rage. Another time he turned things around so Owen was charged with assaulting him when he’d been protecting himself and his siblings.”
Charlie didn’t say anything. Rather, he let her talk as he stroked her hair and made her feel safe in a way she’d never felt before with a man.
“I look at Owen now, and I’m so proud of who he became all on his own with no thanks to his father or me. He’s a wonderful partner to Laura and an incredible father to Holden. He hasn’t seen his own father in more than ten years. And now he has to testify against him just before the wedding.” She shook her head with dismay. “I hate that he has to go through this.”
“I hate that all of you had to go through it and are still going through it, but I don’t agree with one thing you said.”
“What don’t you agree with?”
“The part about Owen being the man he is no thanks to you. I doubt he’d agree with that. I’m sure he credits you with more than you give yourself credit for.”
“I should’ve left. I blame myself for not packing up my kids and coming here to my parents.”
“I would never presume to blame you for anything you did when you felt you had no choices, but why didn’t you do that?”
“I was afraid of him,” she said with a sigh. “I was afraid of what he’d do to me, the children and my parents if I ever actually left him. So I stayed, and what happened was worse than anything I could’ve imagined. It was only after I left for good that I’ve been able to see what a huge mistake I made by staying.”
“I don’t believe in regrets. I did what I did for Stephanie and paid an awful price for it, but she’s alive and well and thriving in her business and so in love with Grant. Every time I see her happy and smiling, I realize everything that happened was worth it. Of all your kids, I only know Owen, and from what I see of him, the same could be said. He’s thrilled with the life he has with Laura, and your other kids are living productive lives despite their upbringing. You all survived, honey. That’s what really matters.”
His sweet words and the gentle tone in which they were delivered touched her deeply, stirring feelings she would’ve denied she had for him before now, before tonight. “I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you this. I’ve wanted to. For some time now.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” With his finger on her chin, he compelled her to look at him. “I swear to you, Sarah, you’ll never be afraid again—not as long as I’m around. You have nothing at all to fear from me. I’d never touch you with anything other than love on my mind.”
“Oh… You… You…”
“Love you. Yes, I do, and I have for a very long time. So please don’t ask me to let you go through something so difficult alone. Let me be there with you the way I think you’d want to be there for me.”
“You love me.” Sarah couldn’t get her head—or her heart—to accept words she hadn’t heard from a man in longer than she cared to admit. The word love wasn’t part of her marriage to Mark, at least not after the first month, when he’d pretended to love and respect her. It hadn’t taken long for her to see him for what he really was.
“I do. Is that okay?”
“Yes,” she said, laughing as tears rolled down her cheeks. “It’s okay.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because you surprised me, and you made me happy.”
“And that made you cry?”
She nodded.
He wiped away her tears with the light brush of his fingertips on her face. “What would happen if I kissed you?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“May I try?”
“Yes. Please.”
His smile lit up his face, making his eyes crinkle at the corners. “Always such a lady.” He placed his hands on her face and kissed her cheeks and the end of her nose. “Always so polite.”
Sarah’s heart beat quickly and erratically. She’d spent many a sleepless night wondering if she’d ever be close to him this way, if she’d ever have the courage to try again. But hearing he loved her… Well, that changed everything.
“Is this okay?” he asked softly as he continued to place kisses strategically on her face.
She nodded because that was all she could do. The anticipation reminded her of a long-ago time when she’d looked upon a young air force officer with stars in her eyes, thinking the sun and the moon rose and set on him. For a while, they had. For a short while, everything had been perfect.
“Don’t think about the past, Sarah,” Charlie whispered. “Think about the future we’ll have together.” His lips skimmed over hers in a caress so fleeting she almost missed it. “Think about how great it’s going to be once we get you free of the past. Can you do that?”
She wanted to so badly. She’d never wanted anything more than to grab hold of the life he envisioned for them. “I want to try.”
“I want to help. In any way I can. You’re stuck with me now, sweet Sarah.”
Stuck with him. She ex
pected to feel trapped and imprisoned the way she had before, but she was well aware that in this case, all the choices were hers to make. “I like being stuck with you.”
“Good,” he said with a small grin. He leaned in closer, moving slowly so as not to startle her.
She appreciated the care he took to ensure her comfort, even if some parts of her were very uncomfortable. The heat of desire that zinged through her veins was a revelation. It’d been so long since she’d felt anything resembling true desire that it took a moment to recognize the sensation for what it was.
With only a half inch separating his lips from hers, he seemed to be waiting for something. He was waiting for her.
Summoning the courage that had eluded her for so much of her life, she shifted ever so slightly, closing the remaining distance until her lips pressed to his.
A noise that might’ve been a groan came from inside him, but he didn’t move or react or do anything else that might scare her away. Rather, he let her decide how this first, most significant kiss would happen by remaining perfectly still and giving her full control.
Sarah placed her hand on his face and slid her lips over his. “Charlie…”
“What, honey?”
“Kiss me back.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded as her heart beat erratically.
He placed his hands on her face and kept his eyes open, probably gauging her reaction, before he laid his lips lightly on hers.
Sarah wrapped her hand around his wrist and tried to remember how to do this. She wanted so badly to give him what he wanted, what he’d waited so long to have from her.
His lips moved slowly over hers.
Sarah whimpered, and the slight noise had him pulling back.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded. “Don’t stop.”