by Alechia Dow
M0Rr1S sits up. “I don’t believe you.”
“I have a lot of faults.”
“Even if all of this is true, you counterbalance it with other talents.” M0Rr1S nods with enthusiasm before sobering. “I also struggle with socializing, I find it very draining. Too many people talking at once, or trying to communicate something a certain way...it’s difficult for me. I’m also afraid I might be bad at sex.”
Ellie gasps, swerving the truck a little. “What?”
“I believe you call it sex, yes? When two people engage in intercourse?” He sounds confused.
Her eyebrows rise. “Yes.”
“I am worried I am bad at it.” His shame hangs heavy in the truck.
“Why?”
“Because my partner—her name was 0rsa—didn’t seem satisfied.” M0Rr1S remembers the way he sloppily tore off his clothes at the sight of her naked body, and his clumsy attempts to please her. 0rsa’s face glazed over in boredom; not once did she smile. No Ilori do, really, but he had hoped... She reminded him of his labmade birth nothing short of three times before their first and last encounter. Afterward, she’d said it felt mechanical, and didn’t elaborate further on why.
M0Rr1S can hear Ellie’s heart racing, distracting him from the memory, which is most welcome. “Does it make you uncomfortable to discuss intercourse, Ellie?”
Her cheeks pink, but her gaze stays glued to the road. “Well, maybe a little. Humans don’t normally discuss it. But...I don’t mind discussing it with you.”
“Was your first experience satisfactory?”
“Um...you know what? Let’s just talk about you.” Her voice is pitched higher than normal, and he worries she might be slightly ill. “How do you know she wasn’t satisfied? Did she tell you that?”
“Well...no. But she didn’t say it was exemplary either. I believe she found some pleasure, but she never called upon me again.”
“I think you’re making too much of it. Was it your first time?”
“Yes, my first and only. I was very...”
“Nervous?” Ellie suggests.
“Yes,” he admits. “I read a manual about it, but it didn’t prepare me for the actual procedure.” He shakes his head, trying to cast aside his embarrassment. He has never spoken to someone about this before, and it is freeing to do so now. Besides, he trusts Ellie.
“From what I’ve heard, everyone’s first time is awkward. No one’s just going to be a pro at it, you know?” The corners of her lips lift. “Alice told me a big part of the experience is failing and learning how to do it together. No one expects perfection.”
“You haven’t experienced it?”
She exhales slowly. “No.”
M0Rr1S stays silent. What should he say? “0rsa is my betrothed. Our parents, my father, arranged my marriage before I left the lab.”
“Oh.” Her voice is small, and he wants to know if she feels anything about the news of his betrothal.
“I don’t care for her. She’s a labmade, like me, but she loathes our kind, especially me. I told my father as much.” He blows out air between his teeth. “Our family is very well-known and powerful. My father believes that, when I return, I will be more amenable to my duty.”
“Will you be?” She shifts in her seat.
“No.” He’s surprised by the conviction in his tone. “I will not try to please him. In fact, I don’t think I can.” He looks out the window. The sun is hidden by heavy clouds, but that allows him to see the stars and galaxies far away. None of which are home. It’s even farther away. “Have you ever liked someone, in a romantic way, that you would date?” He remembers her words and definitions, and so many song lyrics come to mind.
“No. I don’t—I...I don’t know.” Ellie huffs. “I’m weird.”
“You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to. I’m sorry if I made you feel pressured to disclose your personal sentiments regarding your private experiences.”
Ellie begins to laugh, and M0Rr1S can’t help staring at her in awe. “I’m sorry, that was just...you speak so well for an alien.”
He tries to laugh like her, and this time it almost sounds right.
“Alice says I’m demi-ace, because I’m attracted to people, but I wouldn’t want to date them or do anything else unless, until, I feel like I know them, and trust them. That we’ve bonded. That we’re friends, you know? And I could be myself and not worry about being judged, and... Yeah, if I felt that, I would date. But right away? No. I’m just different about it. I know we’re going through the end of the world—the end of humanity, too, I guess—but I still can’t bring myself to...be with someone. Everyone says it’s fun, but not for me. At this point, I don’t even know if it’ll happen. I mean how much time do I have left? I’ve never even been kissed. Romantically, anyway. It’s not that I don’t want to, I do, but I get in my own way, and I’m also nervous and awkward. I’m sorry, I’m rambling. I’ve never discussed this before. Does any of that make sense?”
“It makes sense,” M0Rr1S doesn’t hesitate to answer. “I think... I... It’s very similar to how I feel.”
“Really?” She glances at him, hope flashing through her eyes before she turns back to the road.
“I don’t care for 0rsa, because I don’t really know her. We never had a bond. I know she hates who I am, and she hates herself.” He runs a hand through his disheveled hair. “Anyway, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with doing as you wish when you want to, and there is consent.”
“Yeah, exactly. I envy people who can do that.”
“I wished my first time was with someone I knew and I cared for. That would have made me feel...better about my failings.”
“I doubt you failed.”
M0Rr1S sits up. “Why do you say that?”
“Because it was your first time, and maybe it was hers, too.” She shrugs her shoulders, releasing some tension. “Everyone has to learn who they are and how to be in that new kind of situation. So, don’t beat yourself up over it, Morris. It’s not a fault. It’s a strength to know that you aren’t perfect.” She gives him a small smile. “If you’d said you’re the best at sex, then I’d be worried.” She laughs, her cheeks rosy.
“Ellie, I like you.” He shifts in his seat.
The corner of her mouth rises, but she doesn’t look at him. “I know.”
His eyes lock on the way her hands grip the steering wheel firmer. “Do you like me?”
She bypasses the question. “I’m not ready to kiss you.”
The rhythm of her heart fills his ears.
He lets out the breath he may have been holding in. “I will not kiss you until you want me to.”
“Okay.” There’s relief in her laugh, and something else he can’t pinpoint. “But you know, it’d be a little sad if we didn’t kiss before the end of this trip.”
M0Rr1S already dreads the moment when they will have to part. “Ellie, I will kiss you before the end or the beginning, whichever you like.”
Her face flushes a shade that brings out the light in her brown eyes. “Look!” She gasps and slows the car as they cross a main street of a deserted town. “It’s a public library. I meant to ask before, but why haven’t they knocked down all the buildings?”
He likes the way her voice amplifies with excitement. “The Ilori will keep some structures and buildings as... I think you call it museums? History. There will always be traces of humans.” Silence falls as she considers his words. “We should go to it.”
“Can we? Should we?” Ellie glances at him before returning her focus to the road. “What if we get caught?”
“Most Ilori are surveilling human housing, working with Habitation to clear the surface, or fighting humans far away. We shouldn’t stay anywhere long, but yes, we can go in.” He relaxes into his seat once more, the talk of kissing done for now, even if he
still cannot help sneaking glances at her lips. They don’t really have time for a stop, but it will make her happy. “You can save more books and tell me what happens. Maybe a story about friends on a trip.”
Ellie drives straight through the melted snow and wet grass toward the building. M0Rr1S is concerned that she won’t brake and they’ll hit the front doors, but she does, although the truck jolts forward and screeches on the pavement as they come to a halt.
She parks the car exactly between two lines. Then she twists the keys and gives M0Rr1S a lopsided grin before collecting her flashlight. “I’m learning.”
“You’re doing very well.”
They step out of the car and she pauses to close her eyes as the sun beams down on her face. “Ah, haven’t felt the sun in forever.”
M0Rr1S doesn’t want to stare at her—he doesn’t want her to feel uncomfortable—but she is so beautiful that he cannot help it.
She sighs. “If we had a solar panel, maybe we could find a way to funnel it into usable energy for you?” She chuckles. “I’m overthinking it. In my defense, I haven’t been able to think about scientific stuff in a long time.” With a shake of her head, she squares her shoulders. “Of course, we can do that, we just need a stationary, heavy-duty solar panel. If we collect enough energy and we can connect your cable to the panel, it won’t deliver the amount of energy you’re probably used to...but it might work. Let’s go find a book on sustainable energy so we can build it. I want to make sure we do this right.”
M0Rr1S’s mouth drops. Ellie Baker. Although his heart only serves as the center of circulation through his body and is incapable of feelings or thoughts, he begins to understand why humans like to believe otherwise. Ellie makes his heart flip and beat faster just with her presence.
“You are very intelligent, Ellie, and you seem to understand a great deal more than I about energy sources.”
“I tried to tell you that, despite what you think, humans are smart. I’m smart.” She opens her eyes to stare at the library. “I haven’t been inside a library in forever either.” Her lips move as she silently reads the dusty, chipped sign outside. “Illinois. Never been here before.”
She takes his hand and pulls him up the stairs to the small, one-story building. The stones are gray, the steps are cracked, and the windows are too coated in dirt to look through. The door is locked, but M0Rr1S crushes that easily.
“It smells horrible in here.” Ellie turns on her flashlight and gasps.
His eyes take in every detail: charred books litter the floor—they must have been used for a fire. There are knocked-over racks, smashed computers and overturned desks.
Ellie steps in farther, waving her flashlight around to see everything his eyesight already allowed.
“Stay here, it might not be safe.” M0Rr1S squeezes her hand before striding into the mess, searching for life. The space is too small, though; it would be difficult for anyone to hide in here. “All clear.”
Ellie pulls the collar of her shirt over her mouth and rushes to a shelf to begin picking through the books. She takes one and coughs, her fingers turning the pages. “This one’s good.” He’s not sure if she tells this to him or is talking to herself. She continues sorting through them, traveling between the shelves, until she has four books.
“I wish you could have seen the New York Public Library at Bryant Park. I think you would’ve liked it,” she says between shifting books. “This one’s horrible.”
“I would have loved to see that library with you. Maybe one day, you’ll create your own library again.”
Her eyes sparkle at him. “That’s a nice dream.” She pulls one more book. “Survival guide from 2016. Still relevant. Might have some useful information in it. Probably not any on how to survive an alien invasion, though.” A few rats skitter by the shelves. “Time to go.” She stumbles against the door. “This is what happens to the world without humans.”
“This is what happens to a world when the Ilori take control.” M0Rr1S looks up at the gray sky. The world is so very quiet, just as the Ilori like it. And so very wrong, just the way Ilori want it.
The Starry Eyed: “These Starry Dreams”
The Sound of Stars
Written by: Cecil Wright, Allister Daniels, Rupert Montague, Whisper Landsome
Ohhh
She stole my heart
And then she kissed my soul, yeah
She kissed my soul and told me we’ll never part
And she, she’s a star shining at the seams
These starry dreams
Ohhh
She’s got glitter
Yeah, she sparkles and shines in my sky
I want to hold her close, to look her in the eyes
Shining so bright but I can’t look away
Promise me
Promise this is more than it seems
These starry dreams
This world
It’s bigger than the two of us
But it’s really only them and us
And I want them all to know
My star, I’ll never let her go
Ohhh
She’s so strong
No, she don’t need me, I knew that all along
But I need her, she lights the path for me to see
I never felt before, but oh the feelings she gives me
I love her, from the rooftops I’ll scream
These starry dreams
This world
It’s bigger than the two of us
But it’s really only them and us
And I want them all to know
My star, I’ll never let her go
I’ll never let you go
No, I’ll never let you go
Stars in my eyes just for you
I just want to be with you
Only you
My starry dreams
CHAPTER 13
“The best way out is always through.”
—Robert Frost
JANELLE
I’m back in the passenger seat scanning the books for mold and information while Morris drives through the small town. My stomach gurgles. I’m hungry. So hungry. I drank the last bit of water on the road, and the peanut butter jar is in the back seat, empty and licked clean.
Morris must have heard it. “We have to find you food.”
“Aren’t you hungry?” I ask.
“I am, but I can survive without food and water for a long period of time, as long as I still have a charge.” His voice is flat as he maneuvers the car around potholes. Soon, Habitation will have either smoothed them over or made them into patches of luscious grass.
“How long will it take to get to California?” My internal geography has never been on point, and in my mind, it could take a week or longer.
“A few more days with rests,” Morris answers.
I scan the buildings in the wavering morning light. There are patches of gardens in between perfectly intact, lifeless structures. Glass litters the ground around where a window must have been smashed. My gaze catches on two buildings.
“Wait—Morris, there’s a hardware store next to that grocery store. If we can get into those, we might have a chance at recharging you and finding food.”
Morris turns off the road to the highway and parks the car in front of the stores. “We’ve been around this area too long. Let’s be quick, okay?”
“There’s no one here...it’s a ghost town.” I wonder if this was once a small idyllic community with mom-and-pop shops. One of those places where everyone knew each other’s names, like in Anne of Green Gables or Dumplin’.
“There are spirits here?” Morris looks at me with complete seriousness in his eyes.
“Just a saying, meaning there’s no one here.” I almost ask him if there are such things as spirits in his cu
lture, but I remind myself to stay on task. “I think I know what parts we need at the hardware store for a solar panel charger, so let’s go there first and then the grocery store.”
The hardware store is in a similar state of disarray as the library. It smells awful, and I spy a few rats. We dash through the aisles with my flashlight and his enhanced sight, scooping up a solar panel hidden underneath a fallen shelf. I grab wire cutters, a screwdriver and hammer—tools we might not even need.
But I still can’t find batteries; that section of the store is bare and littered with empty plastic packaging. I groan, trying to snort the miscellaneous odors from my nostrils.
Morris makes a small noise, and I pause. “Are you okay?” He makes the noise again, and I realize he’s clearing his throat. “Morris?”
“This girl, named Ellie, she’s just...the best person, She’s something, something cool, and really...really smart... She’s Ellie...” Morris sings to the rhythm of Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” and my mouth drops open, a small laugh escaping.
“You know those are the wrong lyrics, right?”
His big eyes hold mine with the force of his earnestness. “Yes, I’m making these for you. Sing with me.”
I shake my head before clearing my voice a little, ignoring the way the air leaves a bitter flavor in my mouth. I snap my fingers and sing the correct lyrics, eliciting a big smile from him. Part of me wants to dance, despite our setting, but singing without care is enough for now.
We are in this world, but this world doesn’t define us. I may be scavenging, but I’m not a scavenger. I’m alive. And safe. Morris is here for me, he saved me and helped me. I’m allowed to be happy for a few moments. We both are.