I was going to be sick. “Let me go, Chase.”
“No. Not until yo-”
I yanked my arm out of his hold and made a mad dash to the bathroom. I slammed the door wide open and skidded to the toilet on my knees in true rock star fashion. I lifted the lid just in time to expel everything I consumed yesterday. Thank Jesus I had thrown my hair up in a disastrous bun this morning.
Did I already mention that hangovers sucked?
I felt a large, masculine hand rubbing the middle of my back, and I wanted to tell Chase to leave me the hell alone, but the remaining contents in my stomach weren’t having it. I kept heaving as if my body wouldn’t be satisfied until my actual stomach was extracted.
“Jesus, babe. I’ll go get you some water.” I could hear his retreating footsteps and I just wanted to fucking cry. Chase called all women ‘sweetheart’, so his endearment of ‘babe’ had always made me feel special before. Now, it just made me feel like a goddamn fool.
A broken hearted fool.
I drew myself up and slumped against the wall when I knew it was finally safe. I sat there with my head back against the wall and my eyes closed. If I crawled to the tub and managed to make it in maybe I could drown myself.
I heard Chase’s footsteps but I didn’t bother to open my eyes. “Here.”
After what felt like forever, I finally opened my eyes to see him squatting down in front of me holding out a cold bottle of water. I didn’t want to take it and I didn’t want him in my apartment. I ignored his offering, but held his gaze as I used the support of the wall to help me get to my feet.
I stared down at him until he closed his eyes and hung his head. I just watched silently until, after a few seconds, he stood up and walked over to the counter setting the water down.
He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at me like I was breaking his heart.
What a fucking bastard.
“I’m going to go ahead and go. I’ll be back tonight after you’ve rested, and hopefully, feel a little bit better.”
“No need to come back and leave my key while you’re at it.”
I could see the clench in his jaw. I gotta hand it to him. He was showing some serious restraint. To be fair, my hangover was really appreciative of it, but I was still too hurt to give an inch. “Like I said, I’ll be back later and we can talk about all this bullshit, then. And you’re fucking out of your mind if you think I’m leaving your key.”
I didn’t say anything as he stormed out of my bathroom. It wasn’t until I heard the front door slam shut that I finally felt like I could breathe.
I started stripping off my clothes as I brushed my teeth and scrubbed the hell out of my tongue. I went over to the shower, adjusted the water temperature and numbly stepped inside, hoping to wash away the past 24 hours.
It didn’t work.
Instead, I simply settled for taking a full on shower, washing my hair and everything. Afterwards I wrapped myself in a towel and plodded over to my bedroom. Audrey was sprawled out on my bed snoring like nobody’s business. I seriously think she would have slept through any fighting Chase and I would have had.
I changed into a tank top and pajama pants ready to follow suit and sleep the entire day way. I grabbed my purse from the living room and fired off a text to Iz and Ace that I was going to be out of commission for a few hours, but to not be alarmed. I added the word ‘hangover’ in the text to reassure them that I was drowning in familiar waters and they didn’t need to rescue me.
It took me forever to shove Aud around and make some room for myself on the bed, but I managed it all without waking her passed out ass. By the time it was all said and done, we were spooning with my sister holding me in her arms.
I loved my sister.
I knew Chase would be back and the idea was so tiresome. I didn’t want to hear his bullshit excuses. I didn’t even want to look at him. I wanted to jump into a time machine and go back to when I didn’t take him seriously. I wanted to go back to that night at Xavier’s and go home with some random guy in the club. I wanted to put Chase back into the category box of just being my friends’ boyfriends’ friend.
I wanted to go back to when I was a strong, independent, capable, professional woman. When I wasn’t lured by charm or a perfect body. When I didn’t fuck my boss at work. When I addressed the guys as Mr. Savage, Mr. Alexander and Mr. Moretti.
But I fucking couldn’t.
I fucking couldn’t, and I was going to have to swallow that bitter pill and plaster a face smile on my face from now on for Iz and Ace’s sakes. I was going to have to pretend like Chase didn’t make my body sing. I was going to have to pretend that I wasn’t affected by his mere presence. I was going to have to pretend that I wasn’t a sadden mess.
I was going to have to pretend I wasn’t in love with him.
I blessedly felt my eyelids begin to heavy and I welcomed the lure of unconsciousness. And it wasn’t until I heard the sweet sound of my sister’s voice that I realized she wasn’t as passed out as I thought.
“It’s going to be okay, Q.T.,” she murmured.
I curled into her and prayed she was right.
Chase~
I stayed away from Quinn all day and it was the worst kind of hell I’d ever endured, and that’s saying something considering with all the things I’d been through in my life.
Having an idea of how much alcohol would conjure up the kind of hangover she had, had made not knowing where she spent the night a total nightmare. The only thing that had kept me from losing my shit was that she had her sister with her and she was just as hung over. I couldn’t see Q leaving her sister drunk to go off with some guy.
I shamelessly used the key she told me to give back and walked into her apartment like I had every right.
Because I did.
We weren’t over and she was out of her mind if she thought we were.
I shut the door behind me and found the apartment quiet as a church. It wasn’t until I pushed Quinn’s bedroom door open that I found her laying down watching T.V.
“Where’s Audrey?”
She didn’t bother looking up at me when she answered, “She went to pick up some dinner.”
“How you feeling?”
“Better, but tired, so can we not do this? Just set your key down wherever and leave. I’ll catch you at the next SMA meeting or whenever the girls want to hang out with you guys.”
Fuck. That.
I walked around her bed until I was standing in front of her blocking her view to the television. “Not happening, babe. We’re going to talk about last night.” Her next move surprised the shit out of me. I thought the hangover had wiped her out, but it hadn’t. Either, that, or her recovery time was stuff of legends.
She jumped up out of bed so fast I had to back up before she stepped all over me. Her face was full of pain, fury and loathing. I could handle the pain and fury, but the loathing had the bottom of my stomach falling out.
She was all emotion, and it was beautiful, yet truly frightening. “You want to talk about last night? What exactly do you want to talk about, Chase? Do you want to talk about how Valerie Stratton magically morphed into Olivia Fucking Candor? Do you want to talk about how you send me a text implying that you were sitting with Valerie, but you were actually with Olivia? Do you want to talk about how you stood there and played the gentleman for Olivia’s sake while you knew I was seething? Do you want to talk about how you claimed you would always choose me when it was another guy trying to fuck me, but you’re not so quick to choose me when it’s another woman trying to fuck you? Is that the shit you want to talk about, Chase?”
Whoa.
“Stop. Just fucking stop, Quinn. Last night was nothing like that.” I stepped back up to her as I explained what really happened. “I did have dinner with Valerie and after she stormed off pissed as fuck at me, I was waiting for the check when Olivia walked by a crying mess. She had been stood up by the guy she was dating because he was out with someone else.”
I watched her face to see if she was absorbing what I was saying, but she gave nothing away. “I couldn’t act like I hadn’t seen her or that I didn’t give a fuck. For Christ’s sake, she’s one of my employees and even if she wasn’t, if I saw a woman in obvious distress, I’m not going to fucking ignore her, Quinn. My mother raised me to treat women better than that.”
She arched a brow. “Oh really? Did your mother also raise you to make sure the other woman in your life was comforted before the main woman in your life?”
I stepped away from her. I stepped so far back I was almost in the doorway of her bedroom. If someone asked me to describe what I was feeling right now, I wouldn’t be able to. I knew she didn’t know about my childhood. I knew she didn’t know how many times my father put his side pieces of ass before my mother. I knew she didn’t know how many times my mother cried over my no good piece of shit father.
I knew she didn’t know.
But that didn’t change how ice cold my blood felt running through my veins. It didn’t change how boiling hot my blood felt running through my veins. It didn’t change how deep I felt the rage in my soul at being accused of being like my dad.
“She raised me to never have more than one woman in my life,” I clarified.
“You’ve never had just one woman in your life, Chase,” she accused.
I wasn’t going to dance around this and I wasn’t going to defend my character to her when she wasn’t willing to listen. “Are you telling me that you believe I’m the kind of man who would tell a woman he loves her and then turn around and lie about a client dinner just so he could be out on a date with another woman who happens to be his employee?”
She crossed her arms over her chest and just stared at me mutinously.
“Because that’s what you’re accusing me of. So, tell me if that’s what you really think?” My entire body was strung up so tight it was a wonder I didn’t combust. Her answer had the potential to ruin my life. “Answer me damn it!”
“Yes!” Her eyes rounded as she slapped her hand over her mouth, but she wasn’t going to be able to take that word back.
That one little word.
One little word was enough to obliterate my entire chest.
I pulled out my keys from my pocket and silently searched them until I found the key to her apartment. I, stupidly, wondered if she could see my hands shaking from where she was standing.
I walked over and placed the key on top of her dresser. The next words out of my mouth were like shards of glass ripping through my vocal cords. “I’d like my key back, if you don’t mind.”
Tears were streaming down her face, but they were falling in contrast to the anger marring her looks. She looked around the room until her eyes landed on her purse. Once she located it, she walked over and pulling out her key ring, she practically ripped my key off.
I held my hand out and she didn’t hesitate to slap it on my palm. “Thank you.”
I turned in the doorway to leave, but I couldn’t end this without being completely honest with her. I turned my head back around and stared into her tear stained face a second before giving her the full brunt of my disappointment. “You know, my father cheated on my mother so much to the point that Kane and I have a half-sister somewhere. He used to have his girlfriends drop him off at our house when he was too drunk to drive home. I’ll never forget standing in the living room as a little boy and watching my mom’s heart break over and over again each time she’d open the door and a younger, skinnier, sexier girl was standing there wrapped in my father’s arms.”
Quinn’s eyes really started to pour and I wanted to gather her up in my arms and make all this crapstorm of shit go away for both of us, but I wouldn’t.
I couldn’t.
I could never be with someone who thought so little of me.
“I’m not a cheater or an abuser and I will never be. I’m not my father. My mother made sure Kane and I would never be our father.” This next part was the worst part. “My mother is the only woman I have ever loved before you came along. It took me 28 years to say those words to another woman and I’m a little pissed off that I wasted them on you.”
Quinn gasped and took a step back, her hands coming up to cover her crying face.
“You never loved me. If you really had, you wouldn’t have been waiting for the excuse you so obviously needed to justify breaking up with me. You were never in this relationship one hundred percent. I see that now. You were in it only deep enough to make sure I’d be the only one who got hurt out of this deal if it went south.” I headed out the door and through the living room until I reached the front door. “Good luck, Quinn,” I said, not sure if she could hear me from the bedroom or not.
I slammed the door shut, and not have any recollection of making it to my car; I got in and drove to my momma’s. Nothing and no one could help me right now, except her.
I made it to her house with The Good Lord on my side, because I honestly couldn’t recall a single turn or stoplight along the way.
I found her in the kitchen. “Hey, Momma.”
She whirled around in her apron with the biggest, sweetest smile spread across her face and cooed, “Chase, sweetheart, what a lovely surprise.”
We met each other half way and she hugged me like she hasn’t seen me in years. It was one of the many things I loved about her. She always made us feel like seeing us what the best thing that could happen in her day.
I hugged a second too long.
She stepped back and placed her hands on my biceps, her face full of concern. “What’s wrong, son?
I gathered her up in my arms again and hugged her some more. She always made me feel safe, no matter what my dad was putting her through.
“Chase…” I could hear the worry in her voice, so I finally let her go.
I took a seat at the kitchen table. “Quinn,” was all I said.
She sat down across from me, worry creating lines all over her face. “What happened?”
I relayed the entire clusterfuck of the story and felt the dread in the pit of my stomach when Momma didn’t immediately side with me.
She peered up at me and asked, “Can I ask you something, Chase?” I nodded. “If she had told you that she was having dinner with one of the girls and you walked in and saw her having dinner with some man, what would you have done?”
“Beat the shit out of him and drag her the fuck home!” I winced a little when I realized I was cussing up a storm in front of my mother.
She just cocked her head at me though and asked, “But why would you beat up a man who’s done nothing to you if you trust her?”
I blinked.
I blinked again.
She shook her head and sighed. “One of the most amazing things about your friendships with Julian and Nick is that you guys have this unwavering trust and loyalty towards one another. It’s truly an extraordinary thing to witness between you three, but I’m afraid it may have handicapped you in other aspects of your life.”
“What do you mean?”
She reached across the table and took my hands in hers. “You’re so used to Julian and Nick never questioning your actions and backing you blindly that when you finally fell in love with a woman, you expected the same thing from her. The only difference, son, is that Nick and Julian have 25 years of history with you that cements their confidence in supporting you blindly, Quinn’s only know you a handful of months.”
“If she loves me, she should trust me.”
“And if you loved her, you would trust her, but you just said if the roles had been reversed you would have beaten up the guy she was with. Which is it, Chase?”
I retracted my hands and dragged them through my hair. “She told me she was a lot to deal with…”
“What?”
“When we finally got together, she warned me that she was a lot to deal with.” I smirked at her exact words. “She said not everyone can deal with the circus in her head.”
“Chase Maximillian Alexande
r.” My head jerked up at her use of my full name. “This insecure girl tells you she loves you and exposes her flaws to you by telling you she’s a lot to deal with and the first time her words prove to be true, you take it personal and walk out on her?”
“Momma…”
She shook her head at me. “Chase, that girl trusted you with her biggest fear that no man would strong enough to love her at her worst, and you just proved it to her.”
What the fuck have I done?
Chapter 18
Wrath: Because there’s room for more than one dick in your life.
Chase~
I left my mom’s house last night with her words beating in my brain all night long.
“Chase, sweetie, I’m not telling you all this to hurt you. I will always side with you, but Quinn was bravely honest with you when she told you she was a lot of work. Leave that girl alone if you’re not strong enough to be the kind of man she needs. You abandoned her the first time things got hard because you put how you felt above how she was feeling. I didn’t raise you to put yourself before the woman you would one day love, son. Listen to me when I tell you to leave her alone if you’re not ready to take her, and all that she is, on.”
I wanted to rush over to Quinn’s and beg her forgiveness, but I thought it would be best to let her sleep on it and we could talk today. I knew we had Ace’s barbeque at Momma’s later, but I really wanted to fix this shit with Quinn before the barbeque.
I sat in my car outside her apartment building wondering if it was too early to knock on her door. I wasn’t even sure if her sister was still with her or not, but at this point, I didn’t care. I’d grovel in front of her sister, no problem.
I was getting ready to get out of my car when I saw front entrance to the building open and I watched in stunned paralysis as Quinn walked out arm in arm with some guy. She was laughing and looking at him like he was the funniest fucker on the planet.
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