by Jenn Reese
Sam touched the Acorn again.
The morning after her showdown with Ashander in the woods, she’d been surprised to find the Golden Acorn still in her palm. Aunt Vicky must have seen it when she helped Sam get changed for bed, but she never said anything. Sam was surprised, too, that the Golden Acorn wasn’t actually golden. It was a dull grayish brown, a lot like a plain old river rock.
At first she’d panicked, thinking she hadn’t found the Golden Acorn after all. But later, she realized the truth: once you found the Acorn and got your wish, the color faded. The magic was gone.
No, not gone. Used up.
Sam had read enough stories to know that wishes were persnickety. They didn’t always do what you thought you wanted. Sometimes they looked into your soul and gave you what you really wanted instead.
“Okay, pick up your cards,” Aunt Vicky said. “The goal of the game is to collect enough nuts to survive the winter. We’re going to do that by collecting cards—”
“I’m already confused,” Lucas said, but he didn’t look the least bit upset by the revelation. “Can I play as a squirrel?”
Aunt Vicky started to answer, but Sam beat her to it.
“Yes, you can play as a squirrel,” Sam said. Everyone looked at her, even Caitlin. And they waited for her to keep talking. “I mean, if everyone agrees. Then we’ll make it a house rule. Anyone who wants to play as a squirrel gets to be a squirrel. That’s how it works, right?”
Aunt Vicky beamed. “That’s exactly how this family works.”
FROM THE RULES FOR FOX & SQUIRRELS
HOUSE RULE #2: REMOVE ALL THE FOX CARDS
The Fox can be sweet. The Fox can be charming. The Fox can seem like the center of the universe. But the truth is that when you play with the Fox, everything is ABOUT THE FOX.
It is far, far better to make the game about you.
Remove the Fox. Go on. Turn the cards upside down, put them at the bottom of the box, or throw them out, if you want.
See how much easier it is to survive winter when you aren’t glancing over your shoulder all the time. When you aren’t worrying about what he’ll do.
Notice how you actually start looking forward to spring.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
This is the book I always knew I had to write. My own story is not unusual; in fact, maybe it’s your story, too. Maybe you live with someone who makes you feel afraid or physically hurts you. Maybe like me, you find hope and comfort in books and fantasy. So many of us share this upbringing, and yet we’ve been taught to hide it. As Sam thinks in the book, Never talk.
It took me years to find a way into this story. To discover Sam and her sister Caitlin and to find a way to talk about their feelings of isolation and helplessness. And then, while I was designing a card game just for fun, I got an idea: the metaphor of abuse as a game with dangerous, ever-changing rules. It was a way to talk about Sam and Caitlin and their parents—and to show how abuse follows us even when we are physically out of harm’s way—without losing the most critical element of the book.
Because on my first phone call with my editor, Tiff Liao, she asked me that question: What is the most important thing about this book, the heart that you don’t want to lose in revisions? I told her it was the sense of hope. The assurance that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, a path out of the forest, a home where every person can experience unconditional love.
If you or someone you know is in a situation like Sam’s, it can be difficult to ask for help. I’ve included resources at GameofFoxandSquirrels.com, as well as support for further conversations about the abuse portrayed in the novel.
If you’re in a dark place, I hope this story resonates with you and gives you a bright, shining Golden Acorn to hold on to. And if you don’t share Sam’s experience with abuse, I hope her story gives you a new way to understand and empathize with those who do.
Thank you so much for reading.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
When I say “friends are my religion,” I’m not being glib; I wouldn’t be the person or the writer that I am if I didn’t have these incredible people in my life. And I certainly wouldn’t have written this book, which I have needed to write my entire life and which was the hardest, best, scariest, most fun, and most difficult story I have ever told.
Thank you to Stephanie Burgis, Tina Connolly, Christopher East, Ingrid Law, and Sarah Prineas. You folks are amazing and I want to bake you acorn-meat tarts.
For advice, critiques, emotional pep talks, and making me laugh when I most needed it, thank you to Marla Bowie, Rae Carson, Ted Chiang, Deborah Coates, Haddayr Copley-Woods, Deva Fagan, Sally Felt, Charlie Finlay, Christine Fletcher, Miriam Forster, Kelly Garrett, Marcia Glover, Claudia Hoffman, Rachael K. Jones, Samantha Ling, Karen Meisner, Lisa Moore, Ruth Musgrave, Anne Nesbet, Andrew Penn Romine, Carol Penn-Romine, Sara Ryan, Lisa Schroeder, Jen Udden, Greg van Eekhout, Cat Winters, Caroline M. Yoachim, and Trace Yulie.
My editor, Tiffany Liao, is so brilliant and funny and kind that I’m perpetually in awe. She saw into the deepest core of what I was trying to say with this story and helped me find a better way to say it. It’s an incredible gift to feel safe in someone’s hands—especially with a story like this—and I did. I could not be more grateful for the time we spent collaborating on this huge piece of my heart.
I am deeply thankful to Mallory Grigg, Cynthia Lliguichuzhca, Olivia Oleck, Mark Podesta, Jordin Streeter, and the rest of the Henry Holt team for treating this book (and me) with such great care. And what a dream to see art by Jessica Roux alongside my words!
Thanks to Barry and Tricia.
Thanks to Holly and Alyssa at Root Literary.
Lastly, thanks to all the members of my found family, whether I mentioned them here or not. I’m so glad I don’t have to do any of this alone.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jenn Reese writes speculative fiction for readers of all ages. Her first novel, Above World, was a finalist for the 2012 Andre Norton Award for Young Adult Science Fiction and Fantasy. She lives in Portland, Oregon, where she revels in the rain, plays too many video games, and works as a freelance graphic designer. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
Text copyright © 2020 by Jenn Reese
Illustrations copyright © 2020 by Jessica Roux
Henry Holt and Company, Publishers since 1866
Henry Holt® is a registered trademark of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC
120 Broadway, New York, NY 10271
mackids.com
All rights reserved.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2019940952
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First hardcover edition, 2020
eBook edition, April 2020
eISBN 9781250243027