by Morgan Utley
Peyton leaned her head against the wall and shook her head in disbelief. “Wow, I didn’t think I was out that long. What time is it?”
“It’s twelve,” her mom informed her. “You’ve been asleep for about seventeen hours.”
“Holy crap,” Peyton put her hand on her forehead. “Half the day is gone already.”
“Well, you obviously needed the sleep, sweetheart. Can I ask what happened?” her mom asked carefully and leaned forward in her chair, waiting for Peyton to respond.
Peyton sighed and decided it was better to get it over with and tell her mom now rather than wait. “I saw Lucy last night.”
“Who?” her mom questioned, and then Peyton watched the realization hit as her mom’s eyes widened. “Wait, Derek’s sister, Lucy?”
Peyton nodded, “Yeah, she was our waitress last night at Maxwell’s.”
“What did she say?”
Peyton began recounting what Lucy had said to her in front of the entire restaurant last night, including Noah. Her mom looked at her intently while she was telling her what had happened the night before. Peyton noticed she became more still as she went further into the story and relaxed when she got to the part when Noah hugged her and asked if she was okay.
“So, why did you come home then?” she asked.
“Mom. There was no way I was going to go to another restaurant after that. I was so embarrassed by what had happened, and I can’t imagine how Noah felt. He looked so confused and uncomfortable. I just needed to get away,” Peyton sighed and closed her eyes, wondering what Noah had been thinking during that whole incident.
“Did he say anything else?” her mother prodded.
“No. He just kept asking me if I was okay and if he could do anything to help me. I kinda pushed him away,” admitted Peyton.
“Honey, you should have let him help you!” her mom’s voice became louder by a couple of notches.
“Mom, I told you right before I left that I was worried about going out in public, remember? I told you that I was worried I would run into someone I knew and that something might happen. And what happened not twenty minutes into our date? I ran into Lucy, Derek’s little sister, who yelled at me and humiliated me in front of the whole restaurant!” Peyton exclaimed. “And you know the worst part of it all? She was right. Lucy and I used to talk all the time. She was usually our third wheel when Derek and I would go on dates. She would ask me for dating advice, ask me to do her hair, and watch chick flicks with me. She would stop by our apartment a couple of times a week just to hang out. I completely left them high and dry after Derek passed. I’m a terrible person! I can only imagine what she thought when I was sitting there with Noah. I never should have gone out last night. I had a feeling, and I completely ignored it. Why didn’t I just trust my gut?” Peyton finished rambling and felt a tear trickle down her face. Her mom stood up from the chair to sit next to Peyton and hug her.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. How were you supposed to know Lucy was going to be at the restaurant last night? Besides that, she never should have yelled at you like that in front of everyone. That was not kind. Everyone has their own way of mourning. She can’t fault you for that,” her mom encouraged.
“I just didn’t realize that I was hurting her. I’ve been so wrapped up in my selfish feelings that I haven’t been thinking about anyone else’s. Have I become self-absorbed? I mean, it was her brother that died. Marie and Andrew’s son. I mean, they are or were my in-laws, and I haven’t been concerned or thought about them at all. It’s been about me, me, and me. Again, I’m a terrible person!” Peyton screeched.
“No, you’re not! That’s enough of that. You have been through a very hard time! Not a lot of young adults go through losing a spouse. You aren’t giving yourself enough credit. You have done amazing, and if it meant secluding yourself and giving yourself time to work through this then that’s okay! Don’t let anyone, even your in-laws, make you feel guilty over this. That’s not fair of them to treat you like that. Above all else, you are absolutely not selfish.” she paused and pulled away from Peyton to look her in the eyes. “You hear me, Peyton? You are not selfish. Remember what I told you, there’s a time to mourn, which you have done. And now is a time to move on and start living your life again. Which is what I thought you were doing with Noah, no matter if serious or not, it’s a step. A step in the right direction.”
“You sure, Mom? I haven’t turned into some self-absorbed beast?” Peyton asked.
“No, honey, you haven’t. Just don’t push Noah away. He’s been so patient and sweet with you. Not all men are like that,” she said.
“Nope. No, they aren’t,” Peyton reiterated.
“Are you going to be okay?” her mom yawned and stood up from the bed.
“Yes, I am. Do you by chance know where my phone is? I don’t see it anywhere,” Peyton wondered and started looking around the room again.
“I don’t know,” her mom responded. “I bet it's still in your purse from last night. Your dad carried you upstairs right after you passed out, and then I sat in here waiting for you to wake up.” she recounted.
“Well, thanks for staying in here and taking care of me, Mom. I really appreciate it. I should probably get up too. I can’t believe how late it is,” Peyton admitted and stood up next to her mom and gave her a hug. “I can’t believe you still put up with me,” Peyton muffled into her shoulder.
“It’s only because I love you. Otherwise, I would have kicked you out by now,” her mom laughed and walked out of the room.
“How rude!” Peyton yelped and followed behind her down the stairs where she found her dad sitting at his desk.
“Peyton!” her dad called, “how are you feeling? Does your head hurt at all from falling? You fell straight back onto your back.”
“I feel fine, surprisingly. Do you know where my purse is?” she asked.
“Yes, it's on the kitchen counter,” he pointed over into the kitchen. “I heard some buzzing earlier this morning but didn’t know where it was coming from.”
“Oh boy,” mumbled Peyton and she walked over to grab her phone out of her purse.
She had a few texts from Noah asking if she was alright and if she felt any better plus a missed call from Chris.
“That’s weird,” Peyton muttered.
“What?” her mom asked.
“Chris called me this morning. How long was he here after I passed out?” Peyton wondered. Chris usually never called. If he ever wanted to get a hold of someone, he would just text. Calling usually meant it was important and could not wait, whatever it was.
“He was only here for a few minutes, and then he left pretty quickly with Gloria. It surprised me because before you showed up we were trying to figure out a venue for the reception. With the reception only a few weeks away, we really needed to figure that out. Oh, that reminds me…” she trailed off and started writing down her thoughts on a notepad going into wedding mode.
“I guess I better call him back then,” Peyton decided and started calling her brother.
“Peyton?” Chris answered.
“Yeah, it's me. What’s up?” She noticed a hint of worry in his voice, which made her nervous about what he was about to tell her.
“I may have done something bad,” he told her.
“Oh no, Chris. What did you do?” When she asked him that, both her parents looked up, listening intently to the phone conversation.
“Well,” Chris began, “when you came home last night upset about your date and passed out, I assumed something bad happened with… Noah.”
“Oh no, Chris,” Peyton repeated.
“What is going on?” quizzed her mom, but Peyton waved her off, so she could hear her brother better.
“Something just came over me. I snapped. After all that you had been through with Derek and watching you go up and down with this Noah guy… Well, it’s been hard for me to watch. I hate seeing you so sad and upset, especially when you used to be so happy and bubbly and a
lot of fun to be around. And then after last night, you came home early without Noah and so upset, I assumed the worst,” Chris continued.
“Get to the point, Christopher,” Peyton pleaded. She knew using his full name would get his attention and let him know she wasn’t messing around.
“You mentioned that he worked at the therapist’s office you go to. So, this morning, I went to your therapist’s office to confront Noah and do the brotherly thing, you know?” Chris said sheepishly. “Well, I was walking in to give him a piece of my mind, but then I saw his car parked outside, and something just came over me. I felt this uncontrollable anger boil up inside of me, and I went over to his car and started kicking it.” He stopped talking to wait for a response from Peyton, but she didn’t know where to begin.
“You kicked his car?” Peyton said in disbelief.
Her mother gasped, “Chris kicked someone’s car? Whose?”
“Mom!” scowled Peyton and narrowed her eyes at her mom. “Go on, Chris.”
“Yes,” he continued, “I kicked his car. I’m pretty sure I got a couple of good dents in it. After about five minutes kicking his car, the alarm started going off, and then Noah stepped out of the office to switch it off and saw me standing by his car.”
“Uh oh,” Peyton said quietly, trying not to get her mom worked up again.
“Yeah, he came out, and I started yelling at him,” Chris admitted. “I told him that he needed to stay away from you and that he completely broke your heart. I told him that you had been through so much, and you didn’t deserve to be taken out by some jerk who has blonde bimbos hanging all over him and who messes with people’s emotions. Especially my big sister’s. He tried to defend himself, but then I punched him in the face. Unfortunately for me, there was a cop nearby, and he arrested me.”
“You got arrested?” Peyton shrilled.
“Peyton, you have to tell me what is going on!” her mother shouted.
“Are you okay? Are you calling from jail? Do I need to come bail you out?” Peyton asked quickly.
“No, you’re fine. Gloria came and got me, and we worked everything out. She gave me a tongue lashing, and the officer gave me a ticket, but it’s fine. I did it to myself. I let my anger get the best of me. Anyway, if you don’t hear from Noah for some reason, it's probably because of me,” Chris reckoned.
“I cannot believe you kicked his car, Chris. What were you thinking? And then you punched him?” quizzed Peyton.
“I know, Peyton, I know. Trust me. A couple of hours locked up definitely gave me some reflection time.”
“I cannot believe you were arrested. I can’t believe this. Poor Noah. I wonder if he has texted me since that happened. What time were you there?” Peyton asked.
“It was about nine this morning,” said Chris.
“Okay, well. Thanks for sticking up for me, I guess. But I gotta tell you, it was all in vain.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
Peyton began to explain to Chris about the misunderstanding with the bubbly blonde Barbie, and she told him about Lucy yelling at her from the previous night.
“Wow! I was seriously wrong,” Chris groaned.
“Yeah, you really were. Did you break his nose?”
“I don’t know! I didn’t stick around to ask him. Right after I punched him, a police officer ran up to me and grabbed my arms and leaned me up against Noah’s dented car,” Chris said with a tone of irritation.
“Listen, I’m not the one who punched him, so don’t get annoyed with me. Well, thanks for calling me and letting me know that Noah is probably never going to talk to me again,” she teased.
“Yeah, you’re welcome. Sorry, Sis,” sighed Chris.
“It’s okay. You were just trying to be a nice little brother. Is Gloria still going to marry you, by the way?”
“So far she still is. We’re going to try and avoid telling her parents that I ended up in jail a few weeks before the wedding.”
“Probably a good idea. Tell them the day after and let me know how it goes,” she joked
“Very funny. Alright, I’ll talk to you later. I need to go and apologize to Gloria again for being a total idiot,” he informed her.
“Good luck with that. Talk to you later,” Peyton ended the call and looked up to see her mom glowering at her.
“What? I couldn’t hear him with you yelling at me,” she stated.
“What in the world happened?” her mom snapped. Peyton sighed and recounted the entire conversation. Her dad walked over and put his arm around his wife and looked intently at Peyton as she told them what Chris had done earlier that morning.
“That stupid boy!” her mother seethed.
Her dad crossed his arms, clearly upset, and asked, “Is Noah okay?”
“I don’t know. It looks like the last time he texted me was this morning at about eight. Chris probably freaked him out so much that he’s never going to want to talk to me again. He probably thinks I’m way too much drama or something. I mean, I can’t really blame him, I kinda am but not this much. Chris took it to a whole other level,” Peyton rambled.
“I’m calling your son!” her mother snarled and stormed off to her room.
“My son? Weren’t you the one who said you wanted a boy?” her dad retorted and followed her mom up the stairs.
Peyton tried texting Noah, asking if he was alright, but he didn’t respond to any of her messages. She even tried calling him a couple of times to apologize for Chris’s behavior and say that it was all a misunderstanding, but he never called her back. Days went by, and she heard nothing from him, and it drove her crazy. She would trace her steps from the barn to the driveway where they had walked and embraced each other. She ran up and down the driveway reflecting on their first date. She walked along the trail all the way to the river and would remember him showing up and assuring her of his feelings. She expected him to be at the front desk greeting her for her therapy appointment but instead was welcomed by a younger gal. He had disappeared from the face of the earth, and she once again felt completely and utterly alone.
Chapter 18
The wedding was in two weeks. Her mother was running around the house like a chicken with her head cut off, and her father had done a lot of work to make it look in tip-top shape for guests. Chris and Gloria decided that it would be better to have the wedding and reception at the house, where it was more homey, familiar, and cost-effective. Peyton would have thought it was a great idea had it not been for her mother. Her mom had turned into a wedding lunatic, making tons of lists, including a honey-do list for her dad, to make sure the house was freshly painted, the lawn was well maintained, and no broken fences where any animals could get loose. She was working in the garden tirelessly day in and day out because that’s where Gloria wanted to walk down the aisle, so the garden had to be beautiful and kept up. She enlisted Peyton in doing the yard work. She was supposed to mow the lawn every few days, pull every weed in sight, and keep the trail trimmed up. Not to mention, she helped keep up on cleaning the house for her mom, which she would usually do anyway, but at this point, it kept her busy. She knew that she probably didn’t need to mop, vacuum, and clean the bathrooms every day, especially with only three people living in the house, but she needed to stay occupied.
Noah hadn’t talked to her in weeks. The first week, Peyton tried getting ahold of him, sending him the occasional text message asking how he was and how his studying was going, but she didn’t hear anything. No response. Nothing. She figured he was getting ready to graduate, but she didn’t know any details. When she went into her last couple of therapy appointments, he wasn’t there, and Dr. Schoenborn didn’t bring him up at all. On the last appointment, he gave her a pudgy handshake with his cheeky smile, and then she was free to go. She never had to go to therapy again. She wanted to celebrate this gigantic feat but realized the only person she wanted to celebrate with was Noah.
He was constantly on her mind, in her every thought, and she couldn’t get him t
o leave. She hoped that he would show up to the house randomly and pretend that everything was okay, but she knew that wouldn’t happen. Deep down, she had blown it. Or her brother had. Either way, he wasn’t going to come back. He had probably moved on by now, and somehow Peyton had to do that too.
Unbeknownst to her mother, all she did was cry. She hid it well, too, because she knew that if she cried in the house, her mother would hear her and then drill her with questions. So, no one would hear her, she would cry while on the riding lawn mower, while she was edging the trail, anywhere far away from the house, when she knew her mom was gone, and sometimes she would become a rebel and cry while weeding. Her heart had been crushed. She had let herself open back up again and could see a future with him. But now that was gone, along with Noah.
Little did she know, while she was weeding the flower beds in the backyard, that her brother would catch her crying.
“Peyton, are you okay?” Chris asked and crouched down next to her in the dirt.
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. It’s just my allergies,” she lied.
“Like I believe that,” said Chris sarcastically.
Peyton tried to smile but was so upset that her emotions took over, and she started crying even harder than before. Chris put his arm around her, and she leaned her head onto his shoulder.
“I’m guessing he still hasn’t talked to you?” Chris assumed. She shook her head, unable to form words, and he sighed, “I’m going to fix this.”
“No,” cried Peyton, “if he wanted to talk to me and hear my side of the story, he would have gotten ahold of me by now.” At this point, she was blubbering and highly doubted Chris understood what she was saying.
“I don’t care. He deserves to hear the whole story and how I made a complete idiot of myself. He should know that you had nothing to do with it, and it was my own doing. He liked you, Peyton, maybe even more than that from what I could tell. Those kinds of feelings don’t go away. He’s probably just really confused. You and I both know that your situation is not an easy one, and it sounds like you guys had some obstacles, and I probably pushed him over the edge,” Chris explained.