Ballsy

by Sean Ashcroft

  It was okay that they weren’t quite on the same page right now. Sam could be patient.

  Now that he knew there was even a possibility he could have Ben, his patience would stretch out until the day he died.

  Ben was his soulmate. Maybe that was a stupid thing to believe in, but Sam believed it. He felt at peace around him in a way he’d never felt with anyone else.

  If anything was worth waiting for, that was it.

  Based on the way the circle was going, their turn was coming last. Sam wished now that he’d volunteered to go first, since it’d all be over and done with by now, and he and Ben could have been watching instead of waiting.

  All the same, their turn came around before Sam was really ready.

  He’d thought in the beginning that this would be easy, but the more time he’d had to contemplate it, the more difficult it had become.

  He jumped when Annie put a hand on his arm to tell him to go, then swallowed.

  “I love you,” he said, most of his worries fading by the time he’d gotten the words out. Ben squeezed his hands, the tiniest of gestures, but enough to let him know that he wasn’t mad. That maybe, even, the sentiment was appreciated.

  Ben cleared his throat.

  “I loved you from the first moment we met, when you stood in front of my desk, held out your hand, and asked me if I wanted to go on an adventure. It took me too long to realize, but just so we’re clear, I still love you now. I always have. I always will.”

  Sam’s mouth fell open. His pulse pounded in his ears, drowning out every other sound in the room.

  Ben wasn’t faking. Everything about him, from the tone of his voice to the way he was standing, was sincere.

  Tears stung at Sam’s eyes. He hadn’t expected hearing the words to matter so much—he knew Ben loved him, in his own way, and had for a long time—but they did.

  Sam swallowed, wanting to respond, but he couldn’t find any words. He wet his lips, trying to think of some sign he could give Ben, some acknowledgement that he’d heard him, and that he understood, and that this was, easily, the happiest, most perfect moment of his life.

  Nothing came out. He was too busy being stunned.

  “Sam?” Annie asked from behind him, obviously noticing his sudden silence. “Are you okay?”

  He couldn’t do this with everyone watching. This meant so much more to him than any of them could possibly understand.

  Except for Ben. He understood.

  Hopefully, he’d understand that Sam had to get away.

  He let go of Ben’s hands and brushed passed him, mumbling that he’d be in their room on the way past and finally letting the tears he’d been trying not to shed well up.

  Ben loved him. Ben had always loved him.

  His heart raced at the thought, hard enough to make him dizzy.

  Ben had always loved him.

  That was everything he wanted to hear.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The moment Sam brushed past him, Ben felt sick to his stomach.

  He’d thought Sam would appreciate the gesture, but maybe he’d read the whole situation wrong. All he’d wanted to do was let Sam know that he wasn’t good at talking about his feelings, and sometimes he wasn’t good at showing them at all, but…

  He had always loved Sam. He’d fallen in love with Sam on the first day, fallen for his brightness and laughter and all the things Ben needed—craved—in his life.

  It had taken him years to realize he wanted anything other than friendship, months more to fully admit it to himself, and then too long—a decade too long—to admit it to Sam. All Ben had wanted was for Sam to understand how much he meant to him.

  Once he got back to their room, he found Sam standing in the middle of it, staring out the window. Ben swallowed, not sure where to start.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said, figuring that was as good a place as any.

  Sam turned around and looked at him, tear tracks shining on his cheeks. Then, unexpectedly, he shook his head.

  “You didn’t upset me. I was just… overwhelmed. I didn’t expect it to hit me so hard.”

  Ben frowned, unsure what Sam meant.

  “I knew you loved me when I left, but I’d never heard it, so it didn’t seem… real, I guess. But now, I just… I don’t care how hard this is going to be or how we still need to get to know each other again or that I can’t just wave a magic wand and fix everything we’ve been through apart.” Sam swallowed visibly. “I just want you to tell me that we’re gonna try. When all this is over.”

  Ben breathed a sigh of relief, taking a hesitant half-step toward him. “Look… I know everything isn’t perfect and I know we’re new-relationship blind at the moment, but… I also know that you were the love of my life back then, and I don’t… no one’s ever come close since.”

  Before Ben could continue, explain that he’d do anything if Sam would just stick around this time and let him adjust and maybe forgive him for being so slow to get to where he was now, Sam closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around him.

  All the worry, all the tension fell away from Ben within seconds. He pulled Sam in close, hugging him tightly, silently daring the universe to even try to take him away again.

  This was worth fighting for, even if it meant fighting himself.

  After a few moments, Sam turned his head and kissed Ben’s neck, taking his time, brushing his lips against the sensitive skin there.

  Arousal curled in Ben’s gut immediately, the sensation going straight to his cock.

  “I want you,” Sam murmured.

  They were supposed to be leaving in an hour, and Ben hadn’t even started to pack yet. They’d be cutting it fine if they paused to do anything else.

  “We have to leave,” Ben objected, though he knew he’d crumble under even the slightest touch from Sam. He’d done all the resisting he was ever going to do.

  “You make me come quickly,” Sam murmured against his ear, his breath tickling the short hairs at the nape of Ben’s neck, making them stand on end.

  He was definitely done resisting. His cock was already telling him that he wanted Sam way more than he wanted to make checkout time.

  “I’ll make the drive back if you fuck me,” Sam promised, his voice still low. Ben chuckled.

  “You want me that bad?” he asked, surprised by the offer. Not that he was about to object. It was a long drive, after all.

  Sam hummed, pressing a kiss into Ben’s neck. “Pretty much. If you hold out long enough, you could get a whole list of offers.”

  “I don’t think I can hold out,” Ben admitted. He gasped as Sam’s hand moved between his legs, squeezing his cock through his jeans.

  “Well, if you’re waiting for an invitation…” Sam trailed off, hooking his fingers into the waistband of Ben’s jeans, wiggling them against the sensitive skin of his belly.

  Ben didn’t need to be told twice. He pushed Sam back toward the bed, only stopping when he was forced to by Sam sitting down on the edge, looking up at him again. Ben fell to his knees in front of him, then reached out to grab the hem of Sam’s shirt without missing a beat.

  Sam didn’t flinch or hesitate this time, raising his arms to help Ben get his shirt off.

  “You’re perfect,” Ben said softly. “Don’t ever think otherwise.”

  “We haven’t got all day,” Sam responded, though his face gave away how touched he was to hear it.

  He was also right. Ben stood, his hands moving straight to his belt as he kicked his shoes off.

  It was a simple, everyday task to get undressed, but watching Sam do it at the same time, his hard cock springing free of his underwear as he slid them off with his jeans, made it a little more difficult.

  Ben wet his lips, remembering how good it had felt to have Sam’s mouth around his cock, and promising himself that he’d return the favor someday.

  Someday soon. He intended to have a lot more sex with Sam.

  Ben pulled his t-shirt of
f roughly before bending down to kiss Sam, encouraging him to back up on the bed. Ben wanted him laid out in the middle of it, at his mercy, ready to be worshipped, pleasured, loved.

  There was no one else he’d ever wanted like this before.

  He crawled up the bed, reaching out for the basket they still hadn’t moved back to the bathroom and grabbed one of the lube bottles and a condom, tearing it open and rolling it on straight away so he wouldn’t have to pause later.

  “I could get used to having you like this more often,” Ben said, pouring a generous bead of lube onto his fingers to warm it between them.

  Sam raised his knees lazily, spreading his legs to give Ben space to kneel between them.

  Ben didn’t pause to tease this time. Instead, he circled Sam’s hole once, and then pressed his finger inside. He was still hotter and tighter than Ben expected, taking his finger without a single hesitation or complaint, so obviously eager for this. Sam bit down on his lip, his hips lifting off the mattress as Ben started to open him up.

  A drop of precome appeared at the tip of Sam’s cock, welling up and then spilling over onto his stomach, leaving a smear there.

  Ben watched, mesmerized, his own cock twitching in response. It was so good to see the evidence that Sam was getting off on this, to be able to watch him squirm as Ben added a second finger alongside the first, to hear the soft, needy moans coming from further up the bed.

  “You sound like you’re enjoying this,” Ben murmured, pleased with himself. He wanted Sam to enjoy this. He wanted Sam to love this so much that they never stopped doing it regularly.

  “I am.” Sam rolled his hips in a slow circle, sighing deeply. “You should try it sometime.”

  “Maybe I will,” Ben said. He’d trust Sam to do this for him, and if the look on his face meant anything, it obviously felt good. He remembered his moment of disappointment when Sam hadn’t done this for him, his curiosity at what it would feel like.

  They could save exploring that for later. Right now, this was all about Sam.

  Remembering that he’d seemed uncomfortable for a moment last time, Ben slipped a third finger in when he felt Sam’s muscles ease, stretching him just a little wider this time. It was a tight fit at first, but Ben got the sense it’d make things easier when he switched out his fingers for his cock.

  Sam grunted as he started moving inside him, his fingers digging deep into the bed sheets, but he was already making a sticky mess on his own stomach, so Ben didn’t stop.

  “Come on,” Sam begged after a moment, as if to confirm that the extra finger wasn’t a problem at all.

  Ben couldn’t pretend he wasn’t getting desperate as well. His whole body felt tense, urgency building in his gut. If he’d thought for a second that he could have resisted Sam, he didn’t think so anymore.

  The thought of being inside him again, sinking into his warmth, feeling his muscles around him…

  Ben didn’t want to rush, but he also didn’t want to wait. He loved Sam, and he would have been happy even if they never did this, but he was really glad the sex was so good.

  “You feel ready?” Ben asked.

  “You’re the one with your fingers up my ass,” Sam responded. “You tell me.”

  Ben laughed, pushing his fingers just a little further in than before, as far as they could go. He could have marveled over how tight Sam’s body was all day, but they didn’t have time for that.

  Besides, Sam would probably kill him if he delayed any longer.

  “You feel amazing,” Ben said, finally removing his fingers and shifting position to press the head of his cock up against Sam, biting his lip at the warmth he could feel, the knowledge of how good this was going to feel as soon as he pushed forward. He gripped the back of Sam’s thigh, his hand nestled under Sam’s knee, holding him open, keeping him in place.

  The heat rolling off him was intense. More intense than he remembered from before, though it had all been so new last time he did this that he hadn’t had time to pay attention to anything other than Sam’s mouth and the fact that they were finally having sex.

  The reality more than held up to the fantasy, as far as Ben was concerned. He couldn’t have imagined that it could feel this good.

  Ben bit down on his lip and rolled his hips forward in a fluid motion, watching Sam’s mouth fall open as he did it, watching his back arch off the bed once Ben was all the way in.

  Like before, he was impossibly hot and tight, squeezing Ben so hard he needed a couple of breaths to stop himself from coming straight away. He could feel Sam’s pulse, or maybe his own, or maybe just his muscles tensing and relaxing. Either way, it was enough to bring him right to the edge, a thread of urgency pulsing between his cock and his balls as he adjusted to the feeling.

  Once it passed Ben leaned in closer, shifting for better leverage, and rolled his hips again.

  Sam’s needy, heartfelt groan went straight to his cock, and Ben could feel himself leaking precome already. He started to build an easy rhythm, deep, even thrusts that tugged at his gut, each one making his skin feel tighter, his thighs tense, his balls heavier.

  Ben moved a hand to Sam’s stomach, laying it beside his cock and reaching out with his thumb to stroke up and down the length, a slow rhythm in time with his hips. Sam wriggled under him, spreading his legs wider, whimpering for more.

  “Harder,” Sam demanded, rocking to meet each one of Ben’s strokes.

  Ben wasn’t about to argue with that, his own need too great, too urgent to stop himself. If Sam wanted harder, he’d get it.

  He leaned forward, reaching out to get a grip on the headboard, and jerked his hips forward hard enough to rock the entire bed. A jolt of pleasure hit the base of his spine, Sam’s eager nodding spurring him on to do it again, and then a third time, building up speed with every new thrust, letting Sam take all the force he was capable of.

  Within moments, the bed was crashing against the wall behind it with every thrust, a steady thud, thud, thud that provided a counterpoint to Ben’s pulse, pounding in his ears. All he could hear over the rush of blood was Sam’s low, eager moans, each roll of his hips punctuated by a new one.

  Ben wondered how many different sounds he could get Sam to make. He’d be happy to do this for the rest of his life in search of the answer.

  Sam’s fingers tangled in his hair suddenly, pulling him down for a needy, biting kiss. Ben groaned into his mouth, finding himself suddenly right on the edge of coming again, so close he could almost taste it. Sam already had him on a hair trigger, so turned on, so needy that holding off took all of his willpower.

  Based on the way Sam was writhing underneath him, bucking his hips and rubbing his cock against Ben’s stomach, precome slicking the way between them, he wasn’t far off, either.

  “You gotta come for me,” Ben murmured into Sam’s mouth, then turned his head to nip along his jaw, trailing down to nuzzle his neck.

  “Close,” Sam gasped out, wrapping his legs around Ben’s waist as he said it, pulling him in closer, harder, pressing them so tightly together that Ben could feel every one of Sam’s heartbeats in the vein running under his cock, tickling the delicate skin of his stomach.

  Ben sped up again, forgetting about rhythm or grace and pounding into Sam instead, thrusting hard and fast, the bed banging against the wall with even more force now. He could hear the mattress springs creaking, feel Sam’s harsh, panted breaths against his ear, smell the lavender shampoo he’d used yesterday.

  One, two, three hard, fast thrusts and Ben was coming, stars exploding behind his eyelids, though he couldn’t remember closing his eyes. The release of so much pressure, so much tension, made him groan low and long, the sound muffled against Sam’s neck as he rocked his hips into him, jerking forward with each new shockwave of his orgasm.

  He felt Sam come between them, a burst of warmth coating both of their stomachs. Sam squeezed him tight for a moment, then relaxed again, sinking into the mattress.

  Exhausted, Ben flopped
down on top of him. Sam grunted once, but otherwise didn’t complain.

  “How long have we got?” Sam asked after a few moments, his voice rough.

  “I don’t care,” Ben said.

  If someone came to kick them out and they were still both lying there naked, he really didn’t mind. Not right now. Not when he had Sam.

  “Good,” Sam responded. “Wake me when we’re leaving.”

  Ben laughed again and finally rolled off him, staring up at the ceiling to catch his breath.

  More sex was definitely the right idea.

  More Sam was the right idea.

  Ben couldn’t wait to start the rest of their lives.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  As he parked in the garage under Ben’s apartment building, Sam’s stomach began to sink. He’d been with Ben for three days straight, and now it was all coming to an end.

  He believed Ben when he said he wanted to give them a real shot. It was just the physical separation he was dreading.

  “So you’re still living here, huh?” Sam asked as he switched the engine off. He hadn’t recognized the directions straight away, but he did recognize this parking garage. He’d been here hundreds of times.

  “Yeah, I never really needed to move.” Ben shrugged. “Cocky is actually closer to here than my last job was, so…”

  “I guess it saves moving all your books. How many are you up to, now?”

  “Uh.” Ben looked down at his lap, clearing his throat. “I’m not game to count. Just assume it’s about twice as many as I should have.”

  Sam chuckled. That sounded like Ben.

  “Did you, uh… want to come in? There’s coffee, I could probably make a late lunch, show you how the place has changed. I bought a new couch.”

  “Was that before or after one of the springs actually burst through the upholstery?” Sam asked, remembering the old one. He’d never been sure when he sat on it if this was the time it was going to collapse.

  “After,” Ben said wryly. “I dunno if you noticed the little scar on my thigh…”