Second First Impressions

by Sally Thorne

  Teddy turns to her. “I’m sorry I exist. I mean it,” he says when she goes to argue. “Me and Mom ruined your life, and I’m really, really sorry. All I’ve ever wanted was to impress you. I don’t know if this will do it, but I’ve got to try, because I’ve tried everything else.”

  Rose is turning red. I can’t tell if she’s angry or upset.

  “This is quite a sacrifice, Teddy,” Jerry says. “What about your studio?”

  “I’ll sell my share. If it’s what it takes to let this place survive, then it’ll be worth it. Look at them.” He encourages his father and sister to look around the room. “How can I let these people be uprooted from the last home they ever planned to have? All Ruthie has ever asked me to do is care about this place. Well, here I am, doing it.”

  The Parlonis have completed their arduous trek across the room to us.

  “What did we miss? Holy shit,” Renata splutters when she looks up at Teddy. “Vogue Italia, eat your heart out. Was he always that good-looking?”

  I laugh. “Yes.”

  Renata has her arm hooked into Aggie’s. “I’ve never been into men, so I’ll take your word for it. Where’s your hair, Theodore?”

  “I donated it to someone who needs a wig more than you do.” He smiles at her patent disappointment. “I’m here to do the right thing for once. I’m making a deal.”

  “Is this in regard to the future of Providence?” Aggie asks Jerry.

  “Yes, ma’am. Nothing has been finalized, however,” he adds with a glance at Rose. “Please, just enjoy your lovely evening.”

  Aggie won’t be treated like an old dear. “I hope you’ve conducted environmental impact assessments?”

  Rose fields that. “Of course, that’s part of my evaluation.”

  “And you know that this site is home to an endangered species of tortoise, and there’s been a care and rehabilitation program happening on-site for the last six years?” Aggie speaks calmly and deliberately and I see a glimpse of her as an attorney.

  “What, the turtles around the place?” Rose scrunches her face in distaste, even as her mind pivots to a new position. “We’ll make sure that whatever work happens here, no animals will be impacted.”

  “We need to go through the impact that any works will have on the golden bonnet tortoises. They’re listed as critically endangered and there’s more here than anywhere else on the planet. If you’d visited the site earlier and taken my tour, you’d know that,” I tell Rose quietly.

  Rose is flustered. She looks at her brother like she’s having a bad dream. “This place means this much to you? You look like a goddamn lawyer or something, Teddy.”

  “Not quite,” he replies, gesturing to the tattoos on his hands. “And yes. This place means this much to me, and Ruthie means the most.”

  I put a hand on his sleeve. “I don’t want you to give up your studio for us.”

  “If it’s what it takes. Well? You can start me at the bottom, as long as I can work out of this office.” He says this to Rose. “I’ve got a lot of experience with menial tasks and humiliating requests.”

  “It’s true,” Renata says. “He barely complained.”

  Rose’s face shows her struggle with various emotions, but then, with a look of resolve, she makes a decision. “All right, I’ll recommend that Providence remain as . . . is. On the other side of that hillside is a vacant field. Maybe it doesn’t have an endangered species. I think we should build affordable retirement housing, linking both sites. It’ll be the best of both worlds; something changing, something staying the same. It was my second recommendation in my report,” she adds. “The first one was to redevelop. But now that I’ve come here, I can see that it wouldn’t be right.”

  Teddy nods. “I think that’s a good idea. This is a nice place to live, and it shouldn’t be exclusively for the insanely wealthy. I think you should also make sure that there’s a plan in place to get a bit of diversity. This place is a little . . .” He trails off, aware of the Parlonis’ stare.

  “You can say it. This is where rich old white people come to die.” Renata cackles at her own joke, then sobers. “I think that’s a very good, mature suggestion to move us forward into the . . . what century is it? I don’t know. But I’m impressed with you. There is a brain in that handsome head.”

  “And a big heart.” Aggie pats his chest.

  “Great, so everything’s settled,” Teddy says, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. He’s lost his life’s dream, to secure mine. I bet he feels how I did when my college fund was emptied. Like me, he’s planning on making the best of it. “Thank you, Rose. I promise I won’t let you down.”

  “Ah, shit, Theodore,” Rose groans. “Why’d you have to do this?” When he doesn’t know what she means, she says, “You had to make a grand gesture. I’ve always thought you were the most self-centered person.”

  “He absolutely is not,” Aggie defends. “We have employed in excess of one hundred young men. None of them are a patch on Theodore. I can assure you, no one cares more than he does.”

  “I’m sorry,” Rose says to him unexpectedly. “I was horrible to you when we were kids.”

  “And adults, by the sounds of it,” Renata adds.

  Rose ignores that and says to Teddy, “It wasn’t your fault.”

  “It was my fault,” Jerry says. “It was my fault, and I left you all to sort it out yourselves. I was just too busy.”

  “You tried so hard to make me love you,” Rose says, and her composure breaks. Tears fill her eyes. “And I wanted to. You were the easy target for how miserable I was. How miserable I am,” Rose amends. “I’m sorry, Teddy. Ruthie said you have a rose tattoo.” Her voice breaks. “I don’t deserve it.”

  “Of course you do. I couldn’t leave you out of the garden of sisters.” He’s so open and kind and that’s what completely breaks her. She steps into his arms. It’s the kind of hug that’s twenty years in the making. He makes eye contact with me over the top of her head, and I see the emotion in him.

  “I’ve been the worst sister to you. It’s been really hard to resist you.”

  “You held out so long I think you’re superhuman,” he agrees with a smile. “Hey. If you’re my sister, what does that make me?”

  “Brother,” Rose says like it’s a weird word. She tries again and her voice is stronger. “Let’s be brother and sister from now on.”

  He swirls her on the spot to the music. “Well, we’re going to be working together now, so we can even be friends.”

  She shakes her head, and Jerry does too. “We’re not going to make you do that.”

  “What?” It’s Teddy’s turn to be flustered. “But we just made a deal.”

  “We saw the commitment and passion we’ve been hoping to see in you for years,” Jerry says. “But I’m not going to hold you to it. You’re a tattoo artist, not a property developer. I know it now.” It’s his turn to hug his son.

  “Could I bother either of you to help me get a drink?” Renata says, her voice old and feeble. “Over at the refreshment table over there?”

  “We’d appreciate it,” Aggie adds, and there’s no way Jerry and Rose can say no. The two old ladies smile at us over their shoulders as they are escorted away. And now Teddy and I are alone.

  He touches his thumb under my chin. “I’ve never seen anyone this beautiful. This dress. You look like an angel.”

  “And you look like a devil. A really hot devil. Your hair.” I raise up my hand and run it through the short cut. “I can’t believe you did this.”

  “I hope it wasn’t what you loved best about me. What? You love me, don’t you?”

  “What’s it like being this self-confident?” I lean into him and he wraps me carefully in a hug. “I’ve been trying to call you.”

  “I know. I just needed to get myself sorted. I thought you’d understand.” Then he goes still. “But if I’m too late, and you continued on with the Sasaki Method—”

  “Relax. The Sasaki Method is a
success, because I fell in love.” I tip my face up and I get the kiss I’ve ached for every minute of every day since he left. What a privilege, to be so young. I have my entire life to know him, to laugh at him, to let him care for me in his sweet, clumsy ways. I can teach him how to give, and he can urge me to take.

  I can have this kiss for the rest of my life, if I’m really careful.

  The music changes, he takes my hand in his and we walk to the dance floor. “Oh, look,” Teddy says to me, pointing discreetly. Renata is holding a square ring box behind her back. When they slowly move around, we see that Aggie has a ring box, too.

  “It’s a race to propose.” He smiles. “Who will win, do you think?”

  “I think they’ll call it a draw.” I’m smiling, too, when he kisses me again. And again. We only break apart when we hear someone clearing their throat.

  It’s Mrs. Whittaker. She leans in and tells me with feeling, “Well done. Oh, hello dearie,” she says with her eyeline behind us. “What a fancy . . . costume.”

  “I am only thirty minutes late.” It’s a breathless Melanie, dressed in a traditional Japanese yukata, teamed with an elaborate fifties beehive. She looks back at her watch. “Okay, more like forty-five minutes late. What the hell is going on here?” She’s noticed Rose and Jerry, mingling with the residents. She definitely notices Teddy’s hand on my waist. “I really didn’t think you’d show up.”

  “I came back to rescue Ruthie. But I think the tortoises are going to rescue her, and this place. Their little way of saying thank you.”

  “My Sasaki Method. What a waste of a brilliant concept.” She points at our joined hands. “Ruthie Midona, you wrote a list that would not describe Teddy in a million years.”

  “Lists aren’t always right.” When I say that, they both make identical theatrical gasps.

  “So you decided to charm her for good. All the cheese you can eat. I was all set to pick out a bridesmaid’s dress, and you had to just come along and ruin everything.” Melanie unknowingly says something very hurtful to him, but Teddy doesn’t flinch. Maybe one hug with his sister has balmed that wound.

  He tells her, “Nothing’s ruined. Ruthie’s world is going to remain exactly the same.”

  I have something to tell them. “I’m leaving Providence. You’ve both given me some really good advice. It’s time for me to see the world outside this place.”

  “So you’re not planning on staying here until you die anymore?” Teddy asks with hope.

  “No, I think I need to find something new for myself.” I think of my forum, my clothes, the tortoise-littered paths I’ve walked a thousand times. “It’s going to be scary, but I want to do it.”

  We are all distracted by the scene unfolding on the dance floor: two elderly women, offering each other rings. The semicircle around them breaks into applause.

  “We’ll help you,” Melanie says without thought. That’s the kind of friend she is. She walks toward the Parlonis and begins taking photos.

  “And will you help me, too?” I ask Teddy. “I mean, I can probably do it by myself, but if you were there, I wouldn’t be so nervous when I go to the Reptile Zoo with my internship application.”

  His smile is brilliant. “Yes, I am going to help. I will do everything for you. It’s my turn to give. So let me.” He cups my jaw in his warm, tattooed hands, and as his lips touch mine, the mirror ball glitters me blind. I’m dazzled, I know I am. And I don’t ever want it to end. And for a long time, it doesn’t.

  In the lull of silence between songs, Melanie screams in horror: “Oh my God, Teddy got his hair cut.”

  Epilogue

  I’d know that door knock anywhere, always in the same pattern and cadence. “Coming.” I open my door and Teddy’s there, holding grocery bags in each hand and my mail in his mouth. “I couldn’t use my key,” he says through his teeth.

  “What have we got here?” I take the envelopes out of his mouth. Now he’s freed up to give me a hello kiss, and he sure does.

  “I brought a bunch of stuff you’re running low on.” He begins to unpack the bags into my fridge. “Did you finish your essay?”

  “Yeah, I turned that in earlier. Now I’m sitting here thinking about something really hard.” I stack my textbooks away and sit back down at my laptop. “Have you ever had something that you held on to for a really long time for sentimental reasons?” I’m looking at my home page for my forum, Heaven Sent You Here.

  “Sure, of course. Sentimentality is my bread and butter.”

  I look at his tattoos and smile. “It’s time I admitted a secret. I was the administrator of a really big online forum.”

  He’s finished unpacking the groceries and brings a wooden board over to the table. He’s made a tiny cheese platter. “What’s this forum? No. Don’t tell me. It’s for Heaven Sent.”

  “Yeah. I’ve been running it with my friends since we were fifteen. But with the Pastor Pierce court trial, no one can feel the same way anymore. I think it might be time to close it down.”

  Teddy leans over and cuts into the piece of cheese and hands me a preloaded cracker. When he sees the screen, he remembers something and laughs. “I’m a member of this.”

  “What?”

  “Back when we lived at Providence, I joined up so I could impress you. No wonder you were always watching the exact episode I needed to keep up. I just thought you were magical and perfect.”

  “I’m okay with you thinking that.” I watch as he begins making another little cracker-and-cheese combo, knowing it’s for me. And sure enough, he’s putting it in my hand before I’ve eaten the first one. “Slow down.”

  “I can’t slow down with you,” he argues. “You make me want to speed up everything.”

  He’s been asking me to move in when my lease here ends. I do love my little studio apartment up on the fourth floor, and with the back pay from PDC I can afford it. But Teddy’s apartment is closer to college, and his bed is the comfiest place on earth.

  His bed is like quicksand, though—if I get in, I can’t get out.

  I nibble my thumb. “Do you think I should close it down? The other admins have told me it’s up to me. This was a lot of time. A lot of memories.” I look at the home page, which has barely changed since I was fifteen.

  “I don’t think you need it anymore,” Teddy says. “You’ve let go of a lot since you left Providence, and it’s only been good for you.” He’s meaning how I’ve been seeing a therapist and I don’t need to recheck door handles until my palm is sore. “But you can leave it up. It won’t do any harm just sitting there.”

  “It’s getting negative.”

  I hate the posts about the actor on trial. It reminds me, too, that I’m going to have to be a witness in PDC’s case against Sylvia Drummond. It didn’t look good for her when the photographs of her disembarking the ship in a fancy outfit hit the news cycle. Her face was contorted in fury, and when she eventually called me, I was prepared to defend myself. And I had Teddy beside me, holding my hand through that call, and Rose Prescott by my other shoulder.

  My parents are now sure that Sylvia was the one who took the church money.

  “I got a text from Mel,” Teddy says with his mouth full of cheese. “She’s asked us to come and help set up for the Christmas party this year.”

  “Of course we will.”

  Mel ended up finding her dream job. She runs a full activity program for the residents of Providence, but it doesn’t stop there. She travels across six retirement sites, coordinating a variety of craft sessions, outings, and dance parties. Every workday for Mel is different. She loves old people. And most importantly, she visits both the wealthy residents of Providence, and the stripped-back struggling residences downtown, spreading her sparkle.

  I say to Teddy, “It’ll be sad to go back, though.”

  A quiet settles over us and when Teddy looks at me, he’s got memories in his eyes. He says gently, “She died happy, and it was because of you.”

  Renata P
arloni’s funeral was outrageous, and she would have loved it. Dubbed a HOT OR NOT magazine publishing pioneer by newspaper obituaries, her ceremony was attended by fashion designers, magazine moguls, and leggy models who peeked furtively at Teddy in his suit. He was too busy holding Aggie’s arm to notice, and besides, I was on his other arm.

  When the priest said that Renata was survived by her wife, Aggie Parloni, a ripple of applause went through the room.

  Renata was outrageous in life, and in death, she did something even more outrageous. That thing she’d always joked about. She’d written me into her will. When Aggie told me, it was like the hundred-dollar-bill incident from a lifetime ago. I tried very hard to not take it. I didn’t deserve it. I tried to slip it back, but it was no use.

  Renata had decided that I was one of her beneficiaries, and now here I am. In a lovely little apartment in Fairchild, exhausted from a full day of study and work. I’m an intern at the Reptile Zoo and while I have a long, long road ahead of me in my dream to one day become a veterinarian, I am tackling the journey just like a golden bonnet tortoise: one inch at a time.

  “I think I need to let a few old things go,” I say to Teddy, and I go to the admin screen of Heaven Sent You Here. There’s a deactivate page button. “If I hit this button, there’s no going back.”

  “Would you want to go back?”

  I think over the question seriously. I wouldn’t have a tattoo of a tortoise on my shoulder blade. I wouldn’t get to look at that red number 50 that Teddy put on the back of his hand as a reminder of how we found each other at Providence. I wouldn’t be in love, and I wouldn’t have someone love me.

  “No, I wouldn’t go back,” I say, and I press the button, and it’s okay. Heaven Sent supported and nourished me during that time of my life that I was alone and old before my time, but I don’t need it now.

  “Aw,” Teddy says, linking his fingers into mine. Give. He always, always gives. “I’m really proud of you.”