by Paige Hill
In previous years I have only been able to give them small gifts as a bonus. With Aiden’s generosity, I will be able to give them a much-deserved Christmas bonus.
Locking up, I head to my car with a huge smile on my face and the high of gift giving in my heart.
Still determined to feel the Holiday Spirit, I take a little detour on my way home.
It occurred to me earlier this afternoon that I don’t have a single Christmas decoration. I’ve never seen the point in decorating the house when I’m barely home and have no one else to enjoy it. But this time is different, and Emily could use a little cheer.
Okay, a lot of cheer.
My bungalow isn’t enormous, so I opted for a pre-lit three-foot tree that I can put on the table in the corner.
Christmas cheer or not, I am not stringing my own lights.
I also snagged a cute bow for a topper, some ornaments, a tree skirt, and a big body pillow for Emily. I’ve heard the bigger you get, the harder it is for pregnant women to sleep.
Gathering what I can get in one trip from the car, I open the front door and the most heavenly of scents fills my senses. Dropping the load in my arms, I follow the smell to the kitchen, taking note of how clean the entire house is.
“Oh, my God, what is that glorious smell?”
Emily chuckles lightly, stirring something that looks amazing. “My grandma’s Minestrone soup. I hope you don’t mind. I was feeling queasy earlier and her soup always makes me feel better.”
“Are you kidding me? That smells delicious. You’re gonna have to peel me away from this kitchen. By the way, you know you don’t have to clean my house, right? I mean, it looks great and thank you, but you don’t have to.”
“I felt bad just sitting here all day and wanted to be helpful. You work all day, the least I can do is cook a simple meal and tidy up.”
“Don’t ever leave me,” I tease.
I finish unloading the car as she sets the table. I couldn’t tell you the last time I ate at that table. Or if I ever have for that matter.
“Seriously, this is the best soup I’ve ever had. If you don’t marry my brother, I’ll put a ring on it.”
She starts to laugh but nearly chokes on her water. Coughing a few times, she clears her throat, “You’re real pretty but my heart belongs to Alex.” She giggles again.
This is the most I’ve seen her smile and it warms my heart. She’s too young for her eyes to be so sad.
“You want to help me decorate the Christmas tree later?”
“Really? I’d love to. I know it makes me sound like a child, but that is one of my favorite family traditions.”
That reminds me of a comment she made earlier about her parents not talking to her. Trying to tread lightly, I ask, “Are you certain you don’t want to spend Christmas with your family?”
Her eyes turn shadowy again and she lets out a resigned, “Yes,” as she mindlessly swirls her spoon round the bowl.
Well, shit. So much for light-hearted. I’ve already jumped the fence, might as well cross the field.
“Do you mind if I ask why? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay. It’s just—they are very set in their ways and my current… Condition,” she runs a soft hand over her tiny bump, “is one they can’t support.”
“What do you mean? Like, they disowned you because you are pregnant?” I ask, incredulous.
“Yes. I strayed from the Lord and they believe this is my punishment.”
What the hell kind of parent abandons their child because they made a poor decision? Better yet, how does one turn their back on that innocent, sinless baby?
“Emily, I don’t mean any disrespect, but your parents are dicks. That baby is not punishment; it’s going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
She sighs, picking at her nails. “I know. That’s why I didn’t even fight it. I don’t want to raise my baby around the same kind of hate disguised as love that I was.”
Trying not to get choked up, I take my bowl to the sink, giving her shoulder a light squeeze as I pass. Pouring myself a large glass of wine, I decide exactly what I’m getting Declan for Christmas.
Emily does most of the decorating, relying on me to hand her what she needs. I don’t mind though, it seems to give her a little peace. She started to cry when I gave her the pillow, which almost made me cry.
The more time I spend with Emily, the happier I am that Alex picked her. I couldn’t ask for a better girl for him to be with, but in the same breath, I’m terrified.
Alex has potentially put everyone in a dangerous position. But, regardless of what happens, the little peanut growing inside her will be loved unconditionally.
“Last one,” Emily says as she hangs the final ornament.
“It looks…” I start, my words cut off just as a blur of fluff leaps onto the tree. I don’t know how but it manages to stay upright as I shoo him away. Defiantly, he sits on the floor under the tree staring at me. “No,” I say sternly and point at him.
I start to turn away and his massive form stands up, bumping the tree. An ornament gets knocked off and smacks me right on top of the head.
I’m too tired for this, I think to myself but smile anyway. That damn cat.
“I’m going to turn you into a fur coat,” I mutter, giving up and going to bed. I’ve got a long day at the shop tomorrow.
Tossing my keys on the table next to the door, I moan in relief as I kick my shoes across the room. The meticulously clean room.
Everyone is in a rush to get haircuts and color touch-ups before the holidays, and while the business is great, I’m beat. Melting into the plush cushions on my couch, I reach for the remote. I’ve decided I am not moving the rest of the night. Someone could try to rob me, and they would have to take the couch with me on it.
Soft sniffles echoing down the hall remind me that I have a houseguest and should probably figure out what I’m going to feed us for dinner.
“Sorry ladies,” I murmur an apology to my sore feet.
Making my way down the short hall, the sound of Emily sobbing gently becomes evident. The door is slightly ajar, so I knock lightly before pushing it open further.
“Em, are you doing alright in there?” I want to be here for her, but I don’t want to cross a boundary.
“I’m sorry. I will be okay. I just picked up an appointment card for my next visit with the doctor and everything just kind of hit me at once.”
Moving to sit next to her on the floor, I rest my back against the bed frame.
“It’s going to be okay. There is no other option but to make sure it’ll all be okay.” I give her a small smile, trying to convince us both.
“I guess. It’s just everything happened so fast. I find out I’m pregnant, my parents turn their backs on me, and now my child may grow up without a father. I’m too young, Celeste. What if I can’t provide for him or her? What if I’m not a good mom?” Her voice is tight—the weight of her words is strangling.
“You know how I know you’re going to be a great mom?” She shakes her head in response to my question, refusing to look at me. “The simple fact that you are worried about it at all. Everything will fall into place. I’m not saying that it’s going to be easy, but that little one is going to be fine.
“As far as the situation with Alex goes, I don’t know what is going to happen. But Alex loves you and the baby. We will figure it out. Peanut there,” I gesture toward her bump, “will grow up knowing exactly how loved they are. I promise you that. Even if it’s the last thing I do.”
She gives me a half smile but I’m going to take it as a victory. Wiping the moisture from her eyes she looks at me again.
“I have an appointment tomorrow, will you come with me to see the doctor? I don’t want to go alone.” The uncertainty in her eyes is overwhelming.
“Of course, I will.” I lean over to embrace her. “You got this,” I say quietly.
“It’s a girl,”
the ultrasound tech smiles warmly at Emily and the overwhelming love I feel sucks the air from my lungs.
Emily shifts on the bed, rustling the sterile paper, trying to get closer to the blurry image on the screen. Blue goo has been smeared all around her belly bump and the swooshing of Peanut’s tiny little heartbeat fills the air. This moment is so perfect. So intimate. I feel guilty being the one to experience this joy instead of Alex.
But I also hate him for it.
“Do you have any names picked out?” The tech asks as she starts to wipe the goo from Emily’s belly.
“Um, no. Not really. We haven’t talked about it yet.”
“That’s part of the fun,” the tech chuckles. “My son didn’t have a name until he was two days old. My husband and I couldn’t stop arguing over it.” She shakes her head at the memory as she puts away her equipment.
“Here are some pictures for you to keep. The doctor will want to see you again in six weeks to measure her.”
Taking the sonograms, I notice that Emily hasn’t moved yet.
“You doing okay over there?” I ask as I grab my purse.
“Yeah. I just can’t shake the feeling in my gut that this isn’t going to be okay.”
Reaching for her hand I help her to her feet.
“And that makes me feel guilty all over again because I want to be excited. I mean I am, but it’s complicated.”
“You got this, Mamá. What do you say we go steal Grandma for a bit and go shopping?” I sling an arm around her back. “Never mind. You don’t have a choice.” I was going for her shoulder, but let’s face it, she’s a good six inches taller than me.
She giggles, and I take it as another victory for Mission: Mamá (to be) Distraction.
My mom was more than excited about joining our little girls’ day. She’s never harassed me about grandkids, but I think that’s only because she knows I’ve chased off any man who’s tried to get serious. But that doesn’t stop her from dropping ever so subtle hints about my express lane to spinsterhood.
“Did you hear? Mr. West’s son, Bobby, has recently filed for divorce. Celeste honey, didn’t he have the biggest crush on you in high school?”
“Mother…” The last thing I want to hear right now is how much mamá wants to see me get together with a divorced, balding furniture salesman. She must think I’m desperate. Or maybe she’s desperate for me. I mean, think about it… Celeste West.
I’d rather sew my shit shut.
“Don’t mother me. You can’t blame me for trying. I know you’re a career woman. I just don’t want you to get to be my age and regret being alone.” She places the hand not holding her chocolate covered spoon over mine. “It’s a lonely life.”
This conversation is too deep for gelato. And Emily must sense my discomfort because she changes the subject.
“Consuela, will you tell me what Alex was like when he was little?”
Mamá gladly shares all of my brother’s antics over the years. He could be a little shit at times, but he had a huge heart and was insanely smart. Which, to be frank, made him all the more annoying.
Listening to her tell stories of our childhood makes my heart heavy. I can’t help but wonder where he is. He hasn’t attempted to make contact with anyone since he dropped Emily at my door, and that worries the hell out of me. I want to ask if mamá has heard from him, but I don’t want to alert her that anything is wrong. She’s spent a lifetime worried about us. It’s time for her to relax and focus on the granddaughter Emily is cooking.
Every day I don’t hear from Alex, my stomach knots tighter. He’s being shady as hell and I’m so disappointed in him right now, but he’s my kid brother. The one that asked me to read him bedtime stories long after he learned to read.
It’s getting hard to fake nonchalance with Emily when she starts asking questions and I know she needs reassurance.
Stirring the now melted contents of my gelato cup, I glance around the mall taking in the holiday shoppers. This place is so crowded this time of year. I’m about to lose interest when something catches my eye. And by something, I mean someone. The same handsome, albeit creepy man from the café. He has a newspaper in one hand and coffee in the other. But once again, his hard eyes are on me.
Fear slices through my gut and I freeze. Is he following me? He’s menacing, but not in a way that would make me feel like he would hurt me. His eyes meet mine and immediately redirect to something behind me. I watch him for a few seconds as curiosity takes over. Could it really be a coincidence that he’s here?
“Hello? What are you staring at?” Mamá waves her hand in my face, trying to get my attention.
“Huh?” I ask, snapping out of my strange trance.
“What is so interesting over there?” Emily asks, looking around.
My eyes shoot back to the dark man in a suit, but he isn’t there. His paper and cup left abandoned. My vision bounces around the food court, searching for his figure, but he is gone. Just like that. “Nothing,” I answer, trying to shake off the chill in my spine. “I just spaced out for a minute.”
“Oh, well… we were asking if you wanted to head over to that cute little baby store. The one with the adorable onesies.”
I nod my head as we stand up to leave, still unable to tamp my growing paranoia. Maybe shopping for unicorn booties will get my mind off of the shadowy man.
Chapter Fifteen
Aiden
“Look who showed up.”
“Don’t cream your panties, O’Connor. I’m only here because your woman threatened me.”
Chuckling, he slaps my back and walks me into the house. Carrying the gift I brought, I place it under the tree, and then glance around.
“Nice place. Teagan happy here?” I ask, happy for them. After everything went down, Declan wanted nothing to do with his old place, and I can’t say I blame him.
“Thanks, man. She loves it here. I can’t get her to sit down,” he shakes his head, a goofy ass smile on his face. “We still have a lot to unpack upstairs, but she spent hours decorating the main floor. She wanted to make sure everyone was comfortable for the party.”
Taking in the room, I feel a pang of jealousy. Everything about this house makes me feel at home. The décor is warm and welcoming. Something I haven’t had in a long time. If ever. When you have money, you’re expected to live a certain way. Everything in the house made a statement, unfortunately that statement was never ‘loving family’. My father never put much thought into the house itself; he focused on the time we spent together. I wouldn’t change a thing about my father, but I do wonder what it would have been like to have feminine touches around the house. Even she didn’t bother to make our house a home.
Where the hell did that come from?
Shaking off the forlorn feeling, I continue greeting the familiar faces. Making my way through the small crowd of people, I give head nods and small waves to everyone. Ramos, Erin, Trent, Ethan, and a few people I don’t recognize are scattered about. Realizing there is no sign of Celeste, I exhale deeply. Why was I holding my breath? Shit between us is going to be awkward for a while, but we’re adults.
I need a drink if I’m going to survive this night. I follow the mouthwatering smell of holiday dessert to the kitchen.
The deliciousness wafting from this part of the house makes my stomach grumble, reminding me that I haven’t eaten all day. Pouring myself two fingers of scotch, I snag a puffy sandwich-looking thing and pop it into my mouth.
“Ow!” I glare at the offender. “You just assaulted me.”
“Don’t eat the food,” Teagan glares back, her hand ready to swat me again.
“Isn’t that what food is for?” I smirk at her.
“Not yet.”
“Come on, I’m starving.”
“We can’t eat until everyone else gets here,” she looks at me like I’m dense.
“Who isn’t here?” I ask, knowing damn well she means Celeste.
“Briggs, you know exactly who isn’t here
.” Teagan always sees through my bullshit.
“Hurry her ass along, I’m hungry.”
Just as the words exit my lips, Celeste flies into the room like a petite tornado that sucked up a Christmas Tree.
“I got it!” she yells, holding out a can of whipped cream. “It was the last one and the store was closing early. I had to suck a dick to get that bad boy.”
My poker face must be complete shit because she’s staring at me, laughing her ass off. The woman wearing reindeer antlers that fucking light up is laughing at me.
Jesus Christ. I need a mental evaluation. Antlers shouldn’t make my dick hard.
“I’m kidding,” she breathes, wiping tears from her eye, careful not to smudge her makeup.
A tall dark-haired young woman with a small, rounded belly stops next to Celeste.
“Oh, Aiden, this is Emily. Alex’s girlfriend. And well, baby mamá.” She chuckles, elbowing the woman playfully.
Leaning in I shake Emily’s hand, “It’s nice to meet you, Emily. You can do better,” I deadpan.
“Aiden!” Celeste snaps, as the anger in her eyes tries to burn a hole through my chest.
“Just being honest,” I shrug, sipping my drink.
“I’ll try to remember that,” Emily says, looking more amused than offended.
“Asshat.” Celeste side-eyes me.
“Can we eat now?”
“Yes, grumpy pants, now we can eat,” Teagan snaps as bodies begin to file into the kitchen.
After everyone gets their fill, Teagan announces it’s time for gifts. With everyone piled in the den near the tree, I take a moment to observe. I’ve never had a Christmas like this before.
Ramos and Erin are quietly arguing as usual, Emily rubs her small bump, Teagan sits on the floor between Declan’s legs, and some edgy looking woman smacks another guy in the back of the head. I’m assuming that’s Bennie. But what actually grabs my attention is Trent, the irritating fucker from work, as he leans into Celeste, making her laugh. She’s too good for him. I’ve worked close enough with him to know he’s an idiot. His hand moves closer to her, like he wants to touch her face.