Even though I knew the shit was a bad decision, the idea that it was a mistake wouldn’t take hold in my mind. Beyond the sex, before the sex, she’d just been flat out dynamic, the likes of which I’d never met in my life. Bold, confident, easy to talk to, and – obviously – not looking for a damn thing from me.
A year ago, I would’ve considered her perfect. Now, she just represented a flawed ideal I’d created, a connection to a lifestyle I was trying to grow up from. Nothing against her, at all. She was dope. Just… not what I needed.
In the little laundry area beside the bathroom, I dumped the sheets into the washing machine, and then started it up. After I had that going, I opened the garbage can, intending to toss those panties in, but for some reason… I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I tossed them into the basket with the other laundry I’d take care of later, then got my ass into the shower to do the clean-up I should’ve done the night before.
Once I was clean, dressed, and had some breakfast in my stomach I went on about my day, grabbing my wallet, keys, and cell on the way out. As usual for a Friday morning, the city was at it’s most crowded – a line out the door at UG, thick traffic, congested sidewalks, and it wasn’t even seven in the morning yet. I shook my head as I ducked down an alley between the buildings, tossing up a hand to the ladies already having a cigarette break at the hair salon a few doors down.
Even though it was early, I was behind, so I wasted no time getting into the shop through the back door and starting the process of opening up. Making sure the stations were clean, making sure there were plenty of clean towels, making sure everything for any chemical services was in place, all of that. Of course it was already done, since I went through this process every night as well, but still. Staying ready so you don’t have to get ready, all of that.
I’d just settled into my chair in the office to make sure our numbers were right for the week when I heard the bell chime over the door, letting me know someone else had come in. A few moments later, Russ and Monty – the homeboys I’d left at Urban Grind to go off with last night’s nameless playmate – were at the door, looking alarmingly triumphant.
“What’s up?” I asked, sitting back in the office chair. “Y’all got big money coming in today or something? Early appointments? Why y’all in the door grinning like comic book villains?”
Russ grinned harder as he held up a pair of trimmers, flipping them on with a flourish that filled the silence with a steady electric buzz. “Hell yeah, we have an appointment, bruh. With you.”
I frowned. “With me? What are you talking about?” I asked, casting a suspicious eye at those trimmers as they stepped inside.
Monty sucked his teeth, crossing his arms as he leaned back against the wall. “You said he was gonna do this,” he told Russ. “You were right.”
“Aren’t I always?” Russ asked. “Even though he’s the one who said it. He’s the one who laid shit on the line, now he wants to act like he doesn’t remember.”
“Remember what?” I asked, tossing up my hands. “Drop a hint or something.”
“I’ma just tell the shit flat out,” Monty said. “When you first got on your brand new, I ain’t chasing bitches no mo’ bullshit, we let you cook, right? Ain’t really argue with it, cause we know you boy. You love the ladies, the ladies love you. Shit wasn’t gonna last long.”
“Nah, nah, nah, man,” Russ interjected, lowering his voice to a deeper pitch that was obviously supposed to mimic mine. “I’m serious about this shit, no more games, homie. I’m off this. The next chick I take home, she gotta be one I’m ready to lock down, on some real shit.”
“But Troy,” Monty said, playing what I assumed was the voice of un-reason. “You’ve said all this before, and went right back to smashing left and right.”
“That was different, boy!” Russ grabbed a black towel from a basket of clean, unfolded ones, and draped it over his head like a wig that was supposed to portray my locs. “I’m thirty-one, time to grow up. I can’t be on this toddler shit forever like the rest of y’all. I’m not making no booty calls, not sending any “you up” texts, not entertaining exes, none of that. Not giving any of these broads any attention, unless she’s gonna be my future, bruh.”
Monty shook his head. “Man, don’t nobody believe that shit, doc. Nobody buying that, you can hang it up, you won’t last a week.”
“Bet money though,” Russ insisted. “Check this – I’m so serious about this shit, if you catch me with a chick that I’m not on some serious shit with? I’ll…”
I watched, eyes wide, as Russ slid that towel off his head while he motioned with the clippers, reminding me of the “bet” I’d made with these dudes months ago. And while a bit of liberty had been taken with the language, I couldn’t pretend that their little performance wasn’t pretty damn close to what the reality had been.
“Oh y’all thought I was serious,” I replied with a chuckle, only for my attempt to play it off to be met with matching scowls.
“I got a fucking Golden State logo tatted on my leg behind “making bets” with you muhfuckas,” Monty reminded. “Y’all stayed on my neck about following through, so I nutted up and did the shit. Cavs lost, I got the tat, cause y’all held me to it.”
“I’m not even a Warriors fan!” I stood up, hoping that being at eye level would help him see reason, but he shook his head.
“Man, that didn’t stop your ass from tag-teaming about keeping my word, so guess what? Your turn, homey.”
“Man, come on,” I exclaimed. “I mean… is there… evidence that I broke my word?”
Monty and Russ both busted out laughing, and then Russ spoke up, finally turning the trimmers off. “I know goddamn well you’re not about to act like you weren’t all over shorty’s fine ass in UG last night.”
Monty chimed in with, “Like we didn’t clock you all on her neck before you rushed up outta there with her. What the hell else were you doing with her, taking notes on her barber’s technique?”
“Hey, it was a dope ass haircut!” I maintained, focusing on the one and only thing I could defend. It really was her hair that had gotten my attention, big natural, blonde-tipped curls that popped against her skin. But then she’d turned, and I saw the intricate work on her fade – a detail that made her style distinctive – and I took a second look. And then I noticed those big, mischievous brown eyes, dimples, and full lips, and I hadn’t been able to look away.
Russ scoffed. “Yeah, okay. You wanted to talk about her hair, while her titties were looking like goddamn in that dress. Whatever you say. You just bring ya’ ass out to this chair.”
“What’s going on, fellas?”
All of us straightened up a little at the sound of Carter’s voice, coming from the doorway. It wasn’t like we were scared of him or anything like that, but well… he owned the place. Nobody wanted to be caught slipping on the job. But since we weren’t even really on duty yet – not to mention I was the shop manager anyway – we all relaxed once the initial shock of his sudden appearance was gone.
“Carter, whassup’?” Russ asked, turning to dap him up as he joined us in the office. “We were just reminding Troy here of a little… accountability exercise he initiated. Being the great friends that we are, we came in a little early to deliver his consequence for not following through. You know… since you don’t really learn the lesson if you don’t have to face the repercussions.”
Carter nodded, his eyes narrowing a bit as he turned to me. “Yeah… right. What did our friend here fail to deliver on?” he asked, and my heart dropped a little, because I knew Monty and Russ didn’t get how significant this was for me. Not the locs – I wasn’t emotionally attached to the hair, not really.
We were just in front of possibly the only person I cared about being disappointed in me.
“Casual sex, your honor,” Monty joked, earning a laugh from Russ, and raised eyebrows from Carter. “Our boy promised he was growing up, was gonna find his wifey, but he took a… wh
olesome young lady home last night.”
Carter shrugged. “Maybe this… wholesome young lady is wifey though. What’s her name, Troy?”
My mouth opened, but nothing came out. “I… uh…I was kinda sleepy, so...”
“Daaaamn,” Russ and Monty laughed, in unison, but the little amusement in Carter’s face fizzled as he realized that I didn’t have an answer to his question.
“Forgetting names, huh?” he asked, and I wordlessly nodded, knowing that “forgetting” sounded a whole lot better than “didn’t know in the first place.” He chuckled a little. “Not gonna lie – I remember those days.”
In the background, Russ and Monty kept up their childish giggling, but they didn’t know what I did – that Carter didn’t view those days favorably. He wasn’t that much older than me, only thirty-five, but he saw his family – his wife and daughter – as the best things to happen to him. His saving grace.
“Well,” he continued, looking me right in the eyes as he held out his hand to Russ. “May as well get it over with.” He motioned for the clippers, and Russ eagerly put them in his hands. “If you’re game, Troy… I haven’t done a cut in a while.”
Nodding was the easiest decision I’d made in a while. For one, he was still the best barber I knew, and for two… it only felt right for him to do it, since I really did feel as if I’d let him down.
A few minutes later, I was in the chair, with Russ’ camera phone in my damn face as I watched almost a decade of hair fall to the ground. Again – I wasn’t really messed up about the hair. If I wanted to grow it back, I would. I was more bothered by what this entire scenario represented – a failure that shouldn’t have happened.
Still though, my issue was with my failing, not… the act. And even that wasn’t the correct framing of it in my mind.
I couldn’t figure out the correct framing, which was part of what was bothering me.
When she’d asked me, right in front of my building, if I thought it was a mistake, she was giving me an out. I could’ve taken it, and with her, I honestly doubted that there would’ve been hard feelings.
I hadn’t wanted an out though.
What I’d wanted was to taste the lips she’d been using to charm me since she first sat down, and so that’s what I did, but a kiss hadn’t been enough. Hell, even last night hadn’t been enough, considering the things I’d wanted to do to her, but held back on because of the little voice in the back of my head reminding me that she was a stranger.
A beautiful one, but still a stranger.
“You not gone cry in the car after this are you?” Monty asked, with a boisterous laugh that pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Whatever bruh,” I shot back, laughing with him but keeping my head still as Carter did the detail work on my fade. “Worry about whether your team is gonna make the championships or not.”
Immediately, Monty’s expression went cold. “Low blow man. I thought we were better than that.”
“Surprise, muhfucka, obviously not,” I said, chuckling as I pointed to my locs on the floor.
“A bet is a bet,” Russ chided. “Nothing personal.”
I scoffed. “Keep that same energy when you get back with Miori and you have to come up off those vinyls.”
“Hell yeah, now you’re speaking my language,” Monty nodded. “Yo – we gotta get to them before she throws all his shit on the curb. You know she got that temper like woah.”
Russ shook his head. “Nope. Nuh-uh. Not happening. I told y’all, that’s a toxic situation, that I’m not going back to. Hashtag, self-care.”
I held up a hand for Carter to give me a second, so I could give my head the full tilt of disbelief, because, “Toxic for who? For her? Cause you’re the one on the bullshit – Miori could do so much better than you,” I jeered, and Monty and Carter laughed, cause the shit was the truth.
“Damn right. You lucky I respect you enough to leave your old work alone, cause her little ass is fine in Black and Japanese.”
“At least thirty-five times finer than any of the broads you have her stressed out over. Talking about some damn hashtag self-care. Dude you need to be paying that girl for pain and suffering,” I laughed, not giving a damn about the fact that Russ was pouting now.
“So y’all been looking at my girl?!” he asked in a huff, dropping his phone in his pocket to stop recording, and moving to his own station as the clock shifted to the hour that made the timer on the “Open” sign switch on.
I chuckled. “Hell yeah, did you not hear us say she was fine?”
“That last post on IG, lawd have mercy,” Monty whistled, putting a hand to his chest. “Bad bitch contest, she in first place.”
Russ frowned, then snatched his phone out again, anxiously tapping on the screen until his eyes got big. “Man, hell nah! Why the fuck she on the beach in goddamn me… dental floss?!”
Monty laughed, walking over to clap Russ on the shoulder. “I don’t know, but milk did that body good.”
“Get the hell off me man, I gotta go!”
“Hey, she already told you not to be starting mess at her job!” I called after his retreating back as he stormed out to go… start some mess at her job, probably.
“I hope she pops his ass in the eye,” a feminine voice sounded, and a moment later, Annette walked past to get to her station, smelling like patchouli and oranges, like always. As hard as I’d tried to keep a female barber in the shop, they always seemed to get poached by the salon, with Annette being a notable exception. When I asked her why, she claimed it was because she preferred the environment of the barbershop over the gossipy, catty bullshit of the salon, but I wasn’t really buying it.
Mainly because all these dudes did over here was gossip too.
“What happened?” she asked, flipping her long braids over her shoulder as she started setting her station up. “Eddie talked you into cutting your locs off cause he cut his? You not as pretty as him, you know that right?” she teased, then turned for the front door as the bell chimed, and her client came in.
“Nah, lost a bet,” I explained, an answer that made her wrinkle her nose as she draped a cape around the guy who’d just sat down. “But what, you saying I don’t look good though?”
She sucked her teeth. “You already know the answer to that,” she said, giving me a quick wink before she turned her chair and her client around, ending the conversation so she could focus on her work.
The timing was perfect though, because Carter had finished up, turning me toward the mirror to see what almost felt foreign to me now. I’d had those locs almost my entire adult life, and seeing myself without them brought back uncomfortable feelings of a kid I’d left behind with good reason.
“You cool, bruh?” Carter asked, almost like he knew what I was thinking. I quickly shook those memories off, and nodded.
“Yeah. Of course. Cut is fire, as always,” I told him, waiting until he’d brushed me off and unhooked the cape to step up to the mirror, surveying myself a little more. I didn’t have to lie – the cut did look good. Faded low, with absolute precision on the sides, and a good amount of length left on top, thanks to my neglect of a retwist over the last few months. As soon as that crossed my mind, a bit of a burden left my shoulders, because that was a whole other drama I would get to leave behind.
“You still cute or whatever,” Annette called out, bringing a chorus of laughter as more and more people, barbers and clients, started to fill the shop.
I laughed as I dapped Carter up, shaking my head when we went in to bump shoulders and he stopped me, asking in a low voice if I needed to talk.
“I’m good, really,” I told him, glad that Monty had moved on to be in Annette’s face, leaving us in relative privacy. “Just… a slip-up. That’s all.”
Carter shrugged. “I’m not your pops, dude. You ain’t gotta answer to me like that.”
“Need to answer to somebody, right?” I asked, pushing my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “You know I—”
&nb
sp; “You don’t have to explain that shit to me man,” he said, waving me off. “And… I get it, and you know I’m good with it. Honored, actually. I’m just saying… shit happens, no reason to beat yourself up. Was she good?”
My mouth dropped open. “I…um.”
“Meaning, sober enough to know what was happening, got home safe, no drama, all of that. Not… a performance review doc, come on,” Carter chuckled as he reached for the broom.
“Shit, my bad, I’m—”
“Tripping?” he finished for me. “Yeah, I noticed. Besides, I already know the answer to the other question, if you already forgot her name.”
I cringed. “Yeah. About that… it’s really not so much that I forgot her name, so much as… never did get her name.”
His eyebrows went up. “Oh, damn. It was like that?”
“Yeah. She was pretty much sober though, as far as I could tell. And about her getting home safely or not… I can’t really say. She was gone when I woke up.”
“With just her things?”
A laugh shot from my belly. “Yo, that was my first thought too, but yeah, she left with only what she came with. Mostly. She left her panties on my bedside table with a note.”
“Oh, damn. That’s some boss shit. Shorty had some swag about her, huh?”
I shook my head. “Some? Man, all of it. She approached me. Smooth as hell with it too.”
“No wonder you got that ass caught up,” Carter laughed, shaking his head.
I was getting ready to respond when, “Uh-oh, here comes Troy’s pussy!” rang out across the shop, from nobody but Monty’s goofy ass as he looked up from a cut. A groan rumbled in my chest as the whole shop started up with the usual bullshit. A glance behind me told me why – Storm.
She sauntered in from wherever she’d been lurking in the back, green eyes blazing as she weaved through a few chairs before she stopped in front of me and sat down, staring like she was trying to figure me out. Or more likely – figure out where my locs had gone.
Love Notes (Equilibrium Book 1) Page 4