The crowd had dispersed now from outside the teashop. They must have hurried down the track towards the riverbank to wave off Esme. Felicity felt paralyzed, rooted to the spot. She didn’t know whether Aidy Redfern had finished interviewing her, but she tried to force a smile on her face as best she could, even though inside she was far from happy.
She watched the TV screen, where another reporter was standing at the side of the river waiting for Esme’s boat to reach him. Felicity watched as Esme and Jessica climbed out into an awaiting car as people all around them clapped and waved them off.
Felicity’s legs felt like they were going to give way and fear stabbed her entire body. She wanted to run as fast as she could to see Fergus, who she knew would be watching this from the cottage. She shivered and felt devastated, knowing that it was she who had dragged Fergus into this unholy mess.
Aidy Redfern wrapped everything up in the teashop before turning towards Felicity. ‘You are a natural on screen! Congratulations again on such amazing fundraising efforts.’
‘Thank you,’ she managed to say.
The TV crew chatted amongst themselves as they packed up all their equipment, and Allie walked over to Felicity. ‘You are quite the local celebrity and look at Esme being whisked off to see Aggie. I’ve never been in a speedboat, I’m rather jealous. Did Fergus change his mind then…?’
Felicity was speechless, her mind in a whirl.
‘Flick, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?’
Felicity didn’t answer; already her legs were thundering down Love Heart Lane towards Fox Hollow Cottage. All Felicity could think about was finding Fergus as soon as possible.
Chapter 27
Felicity swung open the garden gate and burst through the front door of Fergus’s cottage without knocking. The TV was still on and Fergus was pacing up and down the carpet like a wild animal. Tears blurred his eyes and he was frantically raking his hand through his hair.
‘I’m sorry Fergus, I didn’t know they were going to whisk her off in a boat. I promise it has nothing to do with me.
‘I know,’ he said. ‘Jessica called me and Esme was that excited, I couldn’t say no.’
This took Felicity a little by surprise. ‘You knew?’ she asked hesitantly. ‘Did you think about going with them?’
‘For a second.’ His voice was shaky. ‘But look at the state of me. I’ve got myself into a right mess … I can’t think straight and didn’t want Esme seeing me like this.’
‘Come on sit down, let’s try not to blow this out of proportion … let’s think rationally.’ Her voice was soft and her eyes were kind. ‘Try not to get worked up.’
Fergus seemed to calm for a minute. ‘I’ve really no idea what to think or do, Flick.’
‘Well, do nothing then. Burn the letter and try and forget about it.’
‘Don’t you think I’ve tried? It’s been nearly six years since discovering the letter and it’s always there—’ he tapped his head ‘—somewhere in my mind. I can’t believe Lorna would do this to me. If she didn’t give me the letter, then why keep it? Why not destroy it?’
‘I don’t know the answers,’ said Felicity sympathetically.
‘After you left me, and Lorna came into my life, I started to look forward to the future again. And then Esme came along and I couldn’t have loved that little girl more. But now it’s all changed in the blink of an eye.’
‘Has it changed though?’ offered Felicity, softly.
‘What do you mean?’
‘What makes a good father? Biology or commitment? Maybe Lorna got it wrong.’ Felicity took a deep breath. ‘Maybe … she didn’t send the letter because she wasn’t a hundred percent positive you weren’t Esme’s dad. Have you thought more about having a DNA test?’
Felicity could see the sadness in Fergus’s eyes and it was his turn to take a deep breath before speaking.
‘That thought swims around in my mind all the time but I’m not sure what’s worse, the knowing or the not knowing … what would you do?’
Felicity mulled it over, unsure what she would do in the circumstances. She knew she still yearned to be a mother, but now knowing Fergus’s predicament and how much he loved Esme, had her views changed? How would she feel in Fergus’s shoes? She’d always thought that what made a parent was the biological DNA, but now she knew that wasn’t true. Fergus loved Esme, even faced with the prospect that she wasn’t his biological child. Whatever the outcome, Fergus was Esme’s father, he was committed to her and loved her unconditionally no matter what, and a piece of paper wouldn’t change that.
‘Fergus, I don’t know what to tell you…’
‘We lost two babies Flick, and the pain was unbearable. I can’t lose Esme as well.’ His breathing became erratic and he took a few deep breaths. ‘Just thinking about it makes my chest feel tight and…’
Felicity wrapped her fingers around his, interrupting his words. ‘It will be all right. Go and see Dr Taylor … talk it over with him. See what the process is. It will all be confidential. And you don’t have to decide anything straight away.’
Felicity could see that Fergus was considering her suggestion.
‘If by any chance Lorna has got it wrong, all this anxiety, uncertainty will go away,’ added Felicity.
‘And what if the information in the letter turns out to be correct?’
‘Then you can make a decision based on the facts and decide what you want to do next. One step at a time.’
Fergus nodded and seemed a little calmer. ‘Thanks Flick. Thanks for being here for me.’
‘We’ll get through it,’ she reassured him, holding out her arms and Fergus fell into them.
Fergus’s phone vibrated and he pulled away, looking at the screen. ‘It’s a FaceTime call from Jessica,’ he said quickly, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. ‘Do I look okay?’
Felicity ruffled the front of his hair and gave him a smile. ‘You look damn fine to me,’ she said holding his gaze.
He swiped the screen and painted a smile on his face. ‘Hi Jess!’
Jessica was smiling back at him. ‘We are here!’
‘How was the crossing and how is Mum?’
‘Why don’t you ask her yourself,’ smiled Jessica, turning the phone towards the hospital bed where Aggie was sitting up with a very smiley Esme perched on her knee.
‘You certainly look better, probably enjoying all this attention,’ he teased.
‘Yes, I feel better,’ she answered, ‘and what a lovely surprise, the TV crew shipping this one over the river for a quick visit.’ She patted Esme’s knee – the little girl was beaming.
‘Yes, a surprise for all of us.’
‘I’m missing you all.’
‘We miss you too, Mum.’
‘The staff have been brilliant, and I’m allowed home in a few days. I just need to work out how that’s going to happen, but I can’t wait to be back. Jessica has been filling me in on all the goings on in the village. I believe the teashop has been going great guns feeding everyone?’
‘Yes, they’ve been doing a marvellous job. In fact, Felicity is here with me now.’
Fergus swung his phone in Felicity’s direction who gave Aggie a small wave. ‘You are looking better!’
‘I feel it … but what’s the food situation like in the village?’ asked Aggie with concern written all over her face.
Funnily enough Hamish had rung the teashop earlier today and informed them that supplies were already running low. Felicity was going to ring Annie Boyd to see if there was anything they could do to help. Maybe they could drop food supplies by helicopter or even transport across the river. By Hamish’s reckoning they could maybe stretch for another week.
‘It needs looking into straightaway,’ confirmed Felicity. ‘In fact, I’ll make a few phone calls this afternoon.’
Aggie nodded.
‘And when am I getting my beautiful daughter home?’ asked Fergus.
‘Soon,’ smiled Esme. ‘But
the boat, Dad … was amazing. It zoomed across the water. Can we get a speed boat?’ Esme gave Fergus such an adorable smile it melted his heart.
‘Uncle Drew has a boat and I’m sure we can take you and Finn out in it very soon. It’s not a speed boat mind, you’ll have to row.’
‘We are heading back over the water in around twenty minutes,’ said Jessica, glancing at her watch. ‘Is that okay with you?’
Fergus nodded and after saying goodbye to everyone, he hung up.
‘How are you feeling?’ asked Felicity.
A tear ran down Fergus’s face and he brushed it away.
‘Why me Felicity, why do I always have to deal with upset Look at Drew and Isla, they have no worries, a beautiful family, two gorgeous children. Rory and Allie are head over heels in love …’
‘And you have a gorgeous daughter who loves you with all her heart.’
‘It’s just such a mess.’
‘If you want me to, I’ll come with you to see Dr Taylor, or I can wait outside. For what my opinion is worth I don’t think you’ll settle until you know one way or the other.’
Fergus paused for a moment and took in a deep breath, filling his lungs with air. ‘I think you’re right. It’s been eating away at me for far too long and I’m always on edge, feeling anxious.’
‘I’m sorry you are going through this, I really am,’ said Felicity slowly. ‘You don’t deserve this.’
‘Someone thinks I do, otherwise it wouldn’t be happening to me.’
Felicity pulled him gently towards her and he didn’t object. ‘You do know I never meant to hurt you, don’t you?’ Gripped by sudden emotion she looked up at Fergus with bleary eyes. ‘If I could change what I did back then, the way I ran … I would in a heartbeat. I was an idiot.’ She was conscious her heart was pounding, and a feeling of trepidation ran through her entire body. ‘You hate me, don’t you?’ she pressed.
The silence echoed all around them and she felt a tear roll down her cheek that Fergus brushed away tenderly.
‘How could I ever hate you? Now it’s you that’s being daft. I didn’t like you for a very long time,’ he admitted with sadness. ‘And you hurt me, but at the time I know you had your reasons. I just thought we’d get through it together. I was crushed when you left me, Flick.’
Felicity rested her head on his shoulder, the warmth and smell of his body sending a tingle up her spine.
Felicity knew he was still hurting, she was hurting too. She should have trusted him at the time and believed that she was enough for him. They were enough for each other.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said under her breath. ‘I’m really sorry.’ She tilted her head up towards his. The familiarity of his lips were staring her straight in the face and she had to do everything in her power not to lean in and kiss them tenderly.
He rested his forehead against hers. ‘I know. We were young, scared, and unsure of the world,’ he said softly. ‘But just for the record you were always enough for me and that would have never changed.’
‘I still love you, Fergus.’ The words were out there before she could stop them. She looked deep into his eyes and willed him to kiss her, but he didn’t.
His eyes stayed locked on hers and her heart gave a little bounce until Fergus spoke. ‘Flick, I can’t have my heart broken again. I just can’t.’
She’d let him down, everyone had let him down.
Fergus leant back on the settee and she automatically rested her head against his chest just like they had done in the past. Tears threatened to spill over as she closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. She knew she wanted him back and loved him with all her heart, but maybe too much time had passed between them. Maybe she had left it too late to come home…
Chapter 28
The next morning Felicity awoke to the sound of rustling coming from the bedroom opposite. Taking a quick look at the clock she noticed that it was just before eight o’clock. Throwing back the duvet, she slipped her feet into her slippers and pulled her dressing gown tightly around her body and padded across the landing. A soft glow came from the room opposite that had once been her grandmother’s bedroom. Felicity sneaked a peek through the crack in the door and could see her mum sitting on the bed with a drawer laying on the duvet in front of her. She noticed her mum wiping away tears. The door slightly creaked, and Rona looked up startled and brought a hand to her chest. ‘You frightened me then, what are you doing up so early?’
‘I could ask you the very same question … I heard you rustling about in here. What are you up to?’
Felicity perched on the end of the bed and looked inside the drawer. It was like a treasure trove, full of knick- knacks, cinema tickets, photographs and old letters.
‘Your grandmother’s life.’ Rona smiled up at Felicity. ‘Here, look at this.’ Rona passed Felicity a photograph.
‘Wow, Grandma looks so young.’
Bonnie was proudly standing outside the tearoom in a long black skirt and a white blouse. Her hair was tied up in a neat bun and she wore the most beautiful smile. She was pointing up at the newly painted sign, ‘The Old Teashop’, and alongside her stood two gentlemen dressed in hiking gear holding up mugs of tea.
Felicity turned the photograph over and scrawled on the other side were the words: ‘My very first customers’.
‘Grandma definitely saw an opportunity.’ She reached over and giving her mum’s knee a squeeze followed by a smile.
‘She did. I’ve lived in this cottage all my life and I can remember all those years ago, ramblers knocking on the door and asking Mum where the nearest toilet was. She always invited them in and gave them a cup of tea and a slice of homemade cake, and that’s how her idea was born … “we don’t use that front parlour”,’ Rona mimicked Bonnie’s voice. ‘“all it’s doing is gathering dust, and I’m going to turn it into a tearoom.”’
‘And so she did,’ smiled Felicity, remembering the times she’d spent baking with her grandma.
Rona fanned her face with her hand, trying to keep the tears at bay. ‘Don’t mind me, I’m just having a wee moment.’
‘Have all the moments you want, I miss her too.’
‘It’s a strange feeling when someone has been a part of your life for all of your life, and then they are no longer there. Some days are a struggle and in a funny sort of a way the bridge collapsing has helped me to cope.’
‘What do you mean?’ asked Felicity tentatively.
‘It’s given me a purpose again, to get back in that kitchen and reconnect with the villagers … and it’s brought you back home.’
‘It has,’ said Felicity with a smile.
It’s good to keep busy.’
‘It’s always good to keep busy when you’ve got something on your mind,’ agreed Felicity.
‘Is there something going on between you and Fergus?’ Rona probed gently, placing the photograph back in the drawer.
‘What gives you that impression?’
‘You are distracted, all over the place and I saw you running off in the direction of his cottage yesterday after the interview. Then when you came home, you went straight to your room.’
‘It’s complicated,’ admitted Felicity, not wanting to talk about it in case everything came spilling out.
‘You still have feelings for him?’
Felicity nodded. ‘Of course, he’s always been the man for me. I just lost my way for a time.’
‘Are you at least friends again?’
Felicity nodded. ‘I hope so.’
‘Time will tell.’ Rona patted her daughter’s knee and stood up. ‘Hamish and Drew will be arriving soon with the food supplies, I’d better get down to the kitchen.’
Rona slid the drawer back into place and took a battered old looking book from the dressing table.
‘Do you recognise this?’
Felicity smiled, taking the book from her mum’s hand. ‘Of course I do, Grandma’s recipe book.’
Felicity carefully opened it up. All of
the recipes were neatly written in Bonnie’s handwriting.
‘You keep that, she’d want you to have it.’
‘Are you sure?’ asked Felicity, feeling privileged that this special book was being handed down to her.
‘Of course, I’m sure.’
Interrupted by a knock on the door, Rona and Felicity both hurried downstairs to let in Hamish and Drew who were standing outside with the day’s food supplies.
‘Good morning, lads, how are you?’ chirped Rona, holding the door open wide. They placed two boxes full down on the table and Rona peered inside.
‘Supplies are getting low,’ said a worried Hamish. ‘In fact, the shelves are already becoming quite bare. Any ideas what we can do, Flick?’
‘It’s going to have to be the boat.’ Felicity turned towards Drew.
‘I’m not sure we are going to fit many supplies in that rickety old thing.’
‘I was going to contact Annie Boyd yesterday to see what she suggests, but I forgot. Is it too early to ring now?’ Felicity’s mind flicked back to a programme she’d once watched where there were people stranded on an island after a flood and helicopters swooped in dropping parcels of essential foods.
‘You can always leave her a message,’ suggested Rona.
Felicity left them unpacking the boxes and grabbed the phone from the hallway. She dialled the number and waited to be connected to Annie Boyd.
‘Hi, it’s Felicity Simons.’
‘Felicity!’ her voice trilled. ‘Marvellous, marvellous fundraising for the temporary bridge. I’m in awe of your efforts … and the good news is you chose the right man for the job. Alfie has the team all in hand and work will start as soon as … well, as soon as today I believe!’ She finally came up for breath.
‘That’s good to hear but we have a slight problem looming over us.’
‘Which is?’
‘The food supplies here are diminishing fast. The villagers pooled together their resources but now even the local shop is running low. We’ve even thought of taking a rowing boat across the river but that would take so many trips and there is very little space to store much food in the boat anyway.’
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