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And I thought about how very strange was the path my life had taken that I could find myself loving such very, very different people.
Jehanne and Snow Tiger, as unalike as two women could possibly be. My fickle, vain, impossibly charming Queen, my unlikely rescuer. My relentlessly noble, impossibly valiant princess, to whom I had once been an unwelcome necessary inconvenience.
Cillian, my first lover, my oldest grief.
I thought about Raphael de Mereliot, whom I had thought I loved. The healer with the golden touch. I had been so sure he was my destiny. Even now, my diadh-anam yet flickered at the thought of him.
There was a destiny there…. . but I no longer believed it was a good one.
Bao.
For him, my diadh-anam blazed. Stubborn, infuriating Bao with his thorny sense of pride.
I missed him.
It never went away, not altogether. The ache of his absence was like a shadow on my soul. But I had chosen this respite, and I was glad of it. Every time the princess smiled at me with unreserved sweetness, I was glad of it. Every time she said my name with a certain lilt in her voice, I was glad of it. And I understood a little better Bao's need to find a way to choose a destiny thrust upon him unasked and unwanted, a destiny that had denied him a hero's death and stolen his mentor's life.
One week.
It was tempting to stay longer. I might have if the princess had let me. Winter was approaching fast enough that I could convince myself it would be wiser to stay in the Celestial City, wiser to wait for spring.
That Bao, wherever he was bound, would be forced to stay put. I suggested it hopefully to Snow Tiger.
"No, Moirin," my princess said firmly. "It is time for you to go. "
She was right, of course.
I sighed. "You sent me away the first time, too. "
"This is different. " Our eyes met in a familiar silence, in the void left where the dragon had been. It was still strange to me not to see his silvery coils reflected in her pupils—and for her, too. "This time I am sorry to do it. "
So I went.
True to my wishes, I took my leave with no fanfare. I repacked my things, replenished the supplies I would carry. Snow Tiger escorted me quietly to the gates of the Celestial City. Unlike Jehanne, she did not kiss me farewell. This was Ch'in, not Terre d'Ange. Instead, she gave me a small, private smile that was just as good as a kiss, filled with extraordinary tenderness.
Imperial guardsmen opened the gates.
I rode through them, leading my pack-horse.
I glanced behind me once. Slender and upright, my princess watched me ride away, Ten Tigers Dai hovering like a faithful shadow behind her, his staff planted firmly, ready to defend her against anything. He was in love with her, of course. I hadn't told her. She would discover it for herself when she was ready. I hoped he liked poetry.
Mayhap there was a story there.
If so, I hoped it was a beautiful one with a happy ending.
The gates closed behind me.
I consulted the unfailing compass of my diadh-anam. I turned my face northwest, took up the reins, and set out to find the errant half of my soul.
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