I laughed, but she didn’t flinch. “You think you can help me have sex, no Lucky Hole style? And even if you do, once, then what?”
“I told you, stop thinking.” She moved in close, and I smelled that sweetness again. And her lips looked so soft and her breath was so sweet and pure that I leaned in and my cock was hard but I didn’t even care—all I wanted to do was kiss her. I wanted to ask her if she had sex with all her experiments and didn’t Jaxen care? Weren’t they a couple? But she kissed me so hard and so deep that I forgot the questions I had in my mind. It turned out that the missionary position had quite a lot going for it. I loved how she wrapped those beautiful steel legs around me, so cool and smooth.
We lay on the floor afterwards and Janaelle stroked my head. “I can’t fix those years of self-hatred,” she said. “Your mother felt like that about herself and so did your father. And they would have had their reasons too—everybody does. But sometimes, stripping it naked and looking it in the eye is the first step towards taming the beast. You reacted to how they made you feel, according to their feelings, based on their perceived reality of life. If you’d had a brother or a sister, their interpretation of your parents could be the complete opposite to yours and that’s not your fault.”
“Please can I not think about any of this for a moment? I actually feel marginally happy, and I’d like to enjoy it. I’d love to sleep now, really sleep, and not think about anything except how good I feel.”
“Of course,” she said. She sat up and I grabbed her arm. “Janaelle…” I wanted to ask her if this was pity sex to get me back on track, but I couldn’t find the words. She stroked my cheek. “I do like you,” she said. “I did, from the start. And I don’t mean when Norman told us about you. I noticed you on The Eye and I felt drawn to you. I felt a kinship. I don’t know. So no, this wasn’t me trying to fix the situation to make you go along with our plan. Which is your plan too, even if you don’t feel that right way now.”
“But will we…?” Ever see each other again, or see each other at all? I wanted to ask. She leaned and kissed me and my cock sprang to action and before I could think any further about any of it, we were at it again. Her skin was so soft and smooth and she smelled like lilacs and peaches and I lost myself inside her.
Once we were done, she said, “I guess that answers your question?” She laughed and got up. “I’m going to shower. I’m glad you didn’t find my legs off-putting.”
“Everything about you is stunning and exquisite,” I said, and I meant it. I heard her turn on the shower, and my happiness left me like a sheet yanked from my body. What was going to happen next?
Because I had just added a whole new dimension of things I would lose. And never recover from.
30. HEAD OFFICE CHIMES IN
“THE COMPUTER CANNOT COMPUTE,” Jaxen announced when he and Sting Ray Bob arrived back at the hotel room.
“What do you mean?” Janaelle asked, and a frown cut a vertical crevice down the centre of her forehead.
“Sharps’s journey back changed things. But we don’t know what changed. There’s no way to track the variables. We can change Sharps’s arrival time, but we can’t help him plan anything.”
“Great.” Janaelle sank down into a chair. “So there’s nothing we can do.”
“Head Office has a suggestion.”
Head Office? This was the first I’d heard of Head Office.
“OctoOne said we need to change his timeline.”
“OctoOne? Will someone please tell me what’s going on?”
“Need to know, and you do not need to know, Sharps. But we’ve been advised that if you go back on the day you killed your family, you can perhaps change things by not going into work. That way you’ll avoid pushing Ava down the stairs and that will save her and Adwar. You must go to Jazza’s place instead. And,” Janaelle looked off into the distance and fell silent for a moment. I reached over and prodded her. “And what?”
“And you have to save Jazza. Jazza is not allowed to die. Ava and Jazza both have to live.”
“Why?”
“They just do.”
I was getting annoyed by this game of cat and mouse, and Janaelle saw it. “Listen Sharps. You need to save your kids. You know you do. You hate the world as it is, but you love your kids and if you do this, things are going to change. You may not believe this, but you were a great dad.”
“I was?” Tears filled my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. “Really? You’re just saying that.”
“Nope. You were gentle and loving and kind and caring. You loved them more than life itself, and now you have to save them. Save them so they can be a part of the new world.”
I saw my babies’ faces. Bax’s narrow, earnest little face, his fine features, and Sophie’s wide brown eyes, her little button nose. “Sure,” I said. “But…”
“But what?”
I looked at Janaelle. “I won’t have you.” I said bluntly, not caring that Sting Ray Bob and Jaxen were there. “I want you.”
“Not part of the plan,” Janaelle said. The sliding doors of her face closed, and she stood up. “You need to save your kids, Sharps. This is bigger than you and me. You can’t be selfish. Who knows, maybe there’s a way that we’ll connect. I guess we’ll see.”
“You can’t mean that!” I jumped up and grabbed her, and she didn’t flinch. She looked right at me, and I knew she could see the desperate panic in my eyes. “I just found you,” I said. “You’re the one for me. You and me. You know it, too.”
“Sting Ray Bob, please sit Sharps down, hook him up, and adjust the time.” Her voice lacked any emotion. “I’m leaving now. Sharps, I’m not sorry we took a bend in the road. I’m not. And in case you think I don’t care, you’re wrong. I care. But like I said, this is bigger than you and me.”
She left, and I turned to Jaxen. “Help me,” I said, and he shook his head.
“No can do, buddy, sorry about that.”
I was about to turn to Sting Ray Bob to beg for his help, but I felt a sharp prick in my neck and I crumpled into Jaxen’s arms.
“Gotta feel a bit sorry for this guy,” I heard Jaxen say, and then I saw the Hockney man coming for me. I screamed and ran down a long tunnel of white light, but he was gaining on me—man, that sucker could run. “No pain, no gain!” he yelled as he jumped me and tackled me from behind. “You’re going to save the world! We’re topping up your immune system; you might feel a small level of discomfort.”
I wanted to tell him that I didn’t care about saving the world. All I wanted was to taste Janaelle’s sweetness and kiss her so deeply that I lost my mind. An agonizing pain seared my body, and I heard a high-pitched howling—me, as the flesh was ripped from my bones. A small level of discomfort? What an ass that guy was.
When I woke, the room was dark. I was afraid to move. What new horrors awaited? Nausea or pain? A broken heart. I sat up slowly. I felt good. Rejuvenated. Strong and powerful. I took a deep breath. No nausea. I stood up, walked over to the window, and pulled the blinds apart. It was night, and the city sparkled below me. I was reminded of the first night I went to Celeste’s apartment. How naïve I had been. How cocksure and full of myself. Fake it till you make it. I’d thought I had a game plan when really I’d had a shotgun in my mouth the whole time.
I turned to the mirror and inspected my body. Ship shape. I actually looked great, more defined than my toughest gym periods. I ran my hands down my legs, up my back, around my ribcage. All good.
There was a note on the dressing table.
You’re set to go back to the day of. There won’t be any nausea on re-entry. You’re booked into this hotel for the next week. In case you’ve lost track, you’ve been back for seven days. You healed more quickly than we anticipated, so you don’t need us anymore, but you STILL NEED TO REST. We loaded your CashExchange. Stay out of trouble.
That was it. N
othing from Janaelle. I looked over at the pile of clothes on the chair. Jeans, running shoes, a hoodie, and T-shirt. I pulled them on. I had to get out of the room. They were nuts if they thought I was going to stay in that prison all alone. I stuffed the money and the fob into my pocket.
I hailed a Taxiio on the street and gave the driver the address. The Bar None, Norman and Knox’s stomping grounds.
On the way over, I thought about Janaelle. What choice did she have? I understood that she couldn’t be with a man who had killed his children. But I was trying to fix things, undo what I had done. I was angry with her. She had all kinds of technology at her disposal, surely she could think of a way for us to be together? She wasn’t trying hard enough. Why had she started what she couldn’t finish? I had no answers to all the questions whirling around my brain.
31. THE DREAM TEAM REUNITED
THE BAR NONE WAS PACKED, bodies pushing against each other in waves, heat rising despite the air conditioner. I saw Shasta behind the bar and Knox talking to her, grinning.
“Hey guys,” I said. I thought I saw a wary look come into Knox’s eyes, but I didn’t care. “How’s it going?”
“Shane!” Shasta looked delighted to see me, and I realized that was why Knox looked equally as miserable at my arrival. He didn’t want to have to compete for her attention. “Where’ve you been?” she asked. “I get off in a couple of hours. You guys want to do something?”
Knox looked annoyed, like I was raining on his parade. “Sure,” I said, more to annoy him than anything. “I’ll have a beer, Shaz, lager on tap, whatever.”
She poured me a drink, and I motioned to her to pour one for Knox, too. He took it grudgingly. “So what have you guys been up to since the forest?” I asked, and they both looked blank.
“St. Adrian’s! We went to St. Adrian’s together.”
Shasta nodded and looked away while Knox looked very confused. “Not us, buddy. You are beyond confused.” He laughed. “Man, you were a mess the last time we saw you, on the floor.”
“I’m fine. Better. You don’t remember anything? We were there together, remember? The long walk with Norman, the shower, the robot in the underground lab, the grilled cheese and tomato soup, Janaelle?”
They both shook their heads. Right. They had been erased. I sighed.
“When last did you see me?” I asked, and they both looked confused.
“At The Barking Frog, buddy,” Knox said. “You fell over. You look way better, by the way. You actually look kind of healthy. What’ve you been up to?”
“Not much. Just hanging out around the St. Drogo’s, ha ha, living the high life, long story.”
“What’s at St. Drogo’s apart from Blowflies?” Shasta leaned towards me.
“Nothing, forget it. Knox, you been working?”
Knox shook his head. “It’s like so dead out there right now. I’m super strapped for cash. Which reminds me…” He shook his head like he was trying to get water out of his ears. “You’ve got cash, right buddy?”
“Not a whole lot,” I lied. “But enough to get us another round.”
“And enough to buy us some weed?” A gleam came into Knox’s eye. “I’ve been starved! Hey, how about we go and score us some of the good stuff and then come back here and get Shaz?”
“I can do that,” I replied. Heck, it wasn’t my money. What did I care? I had nothing better to do with my time. My heart was in shreds. I hated getting stoned, but if it would help me forget Janaelle for a moment, I was game. I wanted to get wasted beyond all recognition.
“And some coke,” Shasta said eagerly. “Just a bit. Come on, Shane!”
She smiled brightly, and I nodded. “Okay.”
“We’ll see you back here,” Knox said to Shasta. He downed the last of his beer and jumped off the bar stool.
I followed him out onto the street, and he got us a Taxiio. “Corner of Duchess and Queen,” he told the driver. “Step on the gas!”
“That’s Blowfly land,” I objected, and Knox waved a hand in dismissal. “We’ll be fine.”
We got out and walked up an alleyway, and Knox headed towards a man in a red cocktail dress who was standing in the shadows of a streetlight.
I’d never been so deep in a Blowfly zone before. I scanned the area, convinced we’d be mugged at any moment, but there was no one out. It was eerily quiet. The fake trees and the park benches were covered with graffiti, but otherwise, it looked like the rest of the world. I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting.
I handed Knox a couple of hundred bucks, and he and the man had a quiet exchange. We turned to leave, but as I turned towards the street we had come from, Knox grabbed my arm. “Let’s go through the park that way,” he said. “Shortcut. And we can get a head start.”
He sat down on a bench and fished a straw out of his pocket. “Straw bag,” he laughed. “Trouble with doing it this way is you can do too much. Whazza! I’d better leave some for Shaz or she’ll kill me.” He snorted and threw his head back and howled at the night sky. I wondered what I was doing with him. Such a dick. I’d made a mistake coming to see him and Shasta. I had counted them as friends, but they were just random party people, strangers. I got up to leave, and next thing, Knox was in front of me, in my face, breathing hard. “Where are your car keys?” he asked. His breath was sour, old bourbon, weed, unbrushed teeth.
“What?”
“Your car. You’ve got money in it. I can’t remember how I know, but I know. And I know something else, too: you’re that guy who killed his family. There’s a reward out for you. But I won’t turn you in if you give me the money in your car. Fair’s fair. I could have turned you in at the bar and got the reward but I didn’t. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, and then when you showed up tonight, I had to think fast. I guess I should have asked you where your car was and have us go right there.” He looked around and seemed to be thinking about the mistakes he had made. I immediately tried to make a run for it, but he grabbed my hoodie and yanked me back. “You’ve got some nerve, walking around when you did what you did. I won’t turn you in. I just want your casheroo.”
WTF? I tried to play it cool. “Knox, buddy, you’re losing it. I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about. Let’s go and find Shasta and have some fun. I just want to have some fun. There’s no money in my car and I didn’t kill anyone. You’re stoned and messed up.”
“I need the money!” he yelled, and then he grabbed me and punched me in the gut. He was pretty feeble, and I came back at him with a violence that surprised us both.
“Don’t touch me!” I yelled. “Who do you think you are? Loser! You’re such a fucking loser!” I pounded him, pushing him to the ground and grabbing him around the neck. He thrashed around. I should have stopped myself there, but I couldn’t. I’d lost Janaelle, I had nothing left in this world worth living for, and now this guy wanted to pull this kind of shit? I squeezed harder and harder and I yelled and spat in his face and suddenly I was still shaking him but he was limp and heavy. Shit. I’d killed him. I hadn’t realized I was that strong or that it was that easy to kill a man with my bare hands.
I jumped to my feet. The dealer had seen me with him. So had Shasta and the Taxiio driver. The entire world had seen me with Knox. I was up to my eyeballs in boiling water. Shit, shit, shit.
There was only one thing to do.
I had to jump immediately. I had to go back and fix this thing. I turned and ran towards St. Drogo’s.
32. THE SECOND JUMP
I KNEW I WAS JUMPING TOO EARLY, but I had no choice. I landed in my kitchen, wearing my suit, my hair slicked back, ready to face my shitty day. Right. I’d hit Celeste the previous night and she was making breakfast, her face covered in makeup. The kitchen was a mess and I was in no position to say anything. I had a meeting later with Ava, and Jazza would text to say he was sorry, and I’d take it from the
re.
“I’m so sorry about last night,” I apologized to my wife and my son. “Bax, what Daddy did was very wrong. And he’s very sorry. Please, my boy, forgive me.”
Bax gave me a nod of sorts and darted a look at Celeste. I was surprised by his allegiance. I thought he was my guy. Didn’t he see what a loser Celeste was? I hated myself for pitting myself against my wife for my four-year-old’s attention, but he’d turned on me for one mistake.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” Celeste told me. “He’ll be fine. Go and do your day. We’ll make things lovely for when you get home.” I hoped she’d clean up the mess properly and I wanted to comment, but I bit my tongue. Knowing her, she’d get the OpalineCleanShines in, even though she knew I thought those robots did a shitty job.
I sat in traffic on the way to work and thought about my life.
The girl of my dreams had sent me back to save my kids, thereby making it likely I’d never see her again. How could my life as Sharps Barkley, husband and father, ever intersect with hers, Janaelle, leader of the underground resistance, residing in St. Adrian’s?
Regardless, I had to fix things. I’d inadvertently turned into a killing machine, and I had to find the command undo key and sort my shit out. How had it even happened? Was I born a killer or had life pushed me too far? Could I blame genetics? Was this my father’s fault? Perhaps I could change things. Janaelle thought I could, so I would certainly try.
Head Office had instructed me to go to Jazza’s place, but I had a better plan in mind. I wouldn’t kill anyone myself, but that didn’t mean someone wouldn’t die.
I met with Ava. I pretended to study her wall screens and spreadsheets while I waited for the fire alarm to go off. I sat through her yelling at me over the alarm while the building emptied. I waited patiently, wanting to hit her stupid vapid face, and I followed her to get our coats. Then I ran down the stairs with her and out into the crowd that had gathered outside in the park, waiting to be let back in.
The Rage Room Page 20