“I’ve been there once or twice, but I didn’t burn it down.”
He holds up his hand and I shut my mouth, waiting for his next question.
“Arson is notoriously difficult to prove. I need to sit down with the prosecutor and feel him out before I develop my strategy.”
He goes over a list of questions about the night of the arson and I give him the same “details” I gave the cops. Hope pulls out her own notebook and jots down a few things, but doesn’t interrupt.
“All right, Mr. Frazier. We’ll try to get bail set as soon as possible.” He passes me a business card. “Call me if you think of anything that might help or if you just have any questions. My cell number is on the back. Call me whenever you need to.”
The club must be paying this guy a fortune. “Thank you.”
Sanford lumbers toward the door, but doesn’t open it right away, giving Hope a chance to stop and squeeze my hand. “Are you okay?” she whispers.
The fear in her eyes and the quiver at the corner of her mouth almost does me in. When Rock had been inside Slater County jail, a guard there took pleasure in using him as a punching bag. While the guards here have been dicks, none of them are that level of depraved. While this sucks, I’m not in danger and I want to reassure her the best I can. “I’m fine. Really. Got Murphy as my bunkmate. We’re solid. Don’t worry about me.”
She stares at me a second longer before nodding. “Okay. Good. We’re all here waiting for you, Z.”
“Thank you.”
She hesitates for another second then whispers, “Little Sister’s doing okay. School. Everything.”
I swallow hard and nod.
Sanford taps the door. Hope takes a step back, slings her briefcase over her shoulder and runs her hands over her skirt. A second later, the guard opens it and gives us a once-over. “Wait there, Mr. Frazier.”
“Yup.”
He ushers the attorneys out and closes the door behind them. A few seconds later, he returns for me.
“High-priced attorney,” he comments once we’re walking back to my cell. “That your wife with him?”
I have no idea how Hope explained her relationship at the front desk and I don’t want to get her in trouble if she claimed she was working on my case. I highly doubt she went with “wife” as her cover though. “Wouldn’t mind if she was,” I answer like the horny bastard they probably assume I am.
The guard chuckles. “No kidding. Nice legs.”
My body tenses because if he goes any further and says something crude about Hope, I’m probably going to break his jaw. But he keeps his mouth shut and walks me back quickly.
Murphy’s busy doing pull-ups on one of the pipes at the back of our cell when I return.
“That better not be a water pipe,” I warn him. “It breaks under your weight and we get flooded out, I’m gonna kick your ass.”
He removes one hand to flip me off then continues.
The guard chuckles as he locks me back inside. “Play nice, kids.”
“Who’d you see?” Murphy asks between reps.
“None of your business.”
Finally, he jumps down and I pat the space on the cot next to me.
“Why you being so needy?” he asks. “You want a cuddle?”
“Yeah.” I clasp my hands under my chin in prayer pose. “Will you be the big spoon, pretty please?”
“Fuck off.” He shoves me and I fall over, laughing.
“Mom likes me better than you,” I tease.
“Huh?” He frowns at me and I sit up.
I lean in closer and whisper. “Hope came with my new lawyer.”
“No shit? What’d she say? Everyone all right?”
“Yeah.” I squeeze his shoulder. “Little sister’s been going to school and doing okay.”
As calm and unaffected as he’s been about all of this, he’s been worried about Heidi. He squeezes his eyes shut. “Thank fuck.”
“You should be out soon.”
His mouth twists. “I hope you’re coming with me.”
“Me too, brother. Me too.”
Somehow, I doubt it though.
Chapter Six
Lilly
I’m waiting in the garage like an over-eager puppy when Rock pulls his big SUV inside.
Hope smiles wide as she steps out. “He’s okay.”
All the air rushes out of my lungs. “Thank God.”
She gives me a hug and I end up clinging to her until Rock comes up and puts an arm around both of us.
“Honestly, Lilly,” she assures me. “he looked good. A little crankier than usual for Z, but that’s to be expected.”
Rock huffs out a laugh and nudges us inside.
“Teller and Charlotte are watching the kids.” I point to the living room.
“When’d you get here, Charlotte?” Hope calls out. They squeal and hug in the hallway. Chance follows them out and asks Hope for a hug.
Rock pulls me into the dining room. “The lawyer thinks he should have Z out on bail by the end of the week. He’s meeting with the DA tomorrow to see if this can be outright dismissed. But it’s unlikely.”
“Damn.” I meet his eyes and I can tell he’s just as distressed. “You really care about Z.”
He swallows hard. “I know a lot of people say ‘he’s like a brother’ and it means nothing, but when we say it, we mean it. Known him more than half my life now, Lilly. Nothing I wouldn’t do for him.” His mouth quirks. “Even though he’s a pain in my fuckin’ ass most of the time.”
He says it with affection so I’m not offended. “That’s brotherly love for sure then.”
“Yeah, it is. This lawyer’s good. Glassman spoke highly of him. Hope likes him and she hates most lawyers.”
I have to laugh at that because, boy, is that the truth.
“He knows what he’s doing. Z’s in good hands, I think.”
“Thank you so much, Rock.”
He gives my shoulder a light squeeze. “You’re not alone in this.”
Hope joins us and gives me a one-armed side hug. “I think Z got the gist of my message. Although, the lawyer looked at me like I was a lunatic.” She gives me the recap and I can’t help laughing.
“You know how hard it is to work mermaid into a normal conversation?” She shakes her head.
“Mermaids?” Alexa asks as she toddles into the room.
“One-track mind on you, princess.” Hope leans over and scoops Alexa up.
“Daddy?” Alexa looks so damn hopeful that I want to cry. She’s been asking for Murphy a lot.
“He’ll be home soon,” Hope says, her voice breaking on the last word. She clears her throat and turns toward the living room. “Come show me what you and Chance were up to.”
Alexa holds out her hand to Rock. “Pop-pop too.”
What the kids—and Teller—were up to was turning the living room into one toy-car-sized race track. Matchbox cars, Hot Wheels, toy trucks, tractors, and motorcycles are scattered from one end to the other. But the kids have been laughing and thoroughly engrossed in the activity, which is all that matters.
“I’m not sure who had more fun, Teller or the kids,” I mutter to Rock.
He rumbles with laughter and taps Teller’s shoulder. “Who’s cleaning this up, knucklehead?”
Teller glances up from where he and Chance are getting ready to race their trucks. “The short people.” He tips his head toward Chance.
“Everyone’s short next to you and Rock,” Charlotte points out.
Teller rolls his eyes. “The shortest people.”
Charlotte holds up one hand. “I just wanted to clarify.” She cuddles Grace closer. “Gracie isn’t picking any of this mess up. Neither is her mommy or aunty Charlotte, right, baby?”
Grace coos at her and Hope chuckles.
“Pop-pop.” Alexa tugs on Rock’s hand and drags him over to see her cars, trucks, and one lone unicorn all neatly lined up at the finish line.
“Who knew they made glittery pi
nk trucks?” I say to Hope.
“You know how many places I had to look to find those?” Teller mutters without looking up from the racetrack.
“Don’t feel bad for him,” Charlotte says. “He enjoyed every second.”
My eyes water. What would I do if I didn’t have everyone here to keep us occupied today?
Chapter Seven
Lilly
Since I can’t leave the house without an escort, “keeping things normal” for Chance is almost impossible. Thank God for Hope and Alexa. Having them stay with us has given the house a bit of a “sleepover” vibe that’s kept Chance occupied.
He still asks about Z every day.
When Heidi’s not in class, she ends up staying here too. I never thought I’d like having so many people in and out of my house, but I find it oddly comforting.
I’m certainly not lonely.
But I still have the urge to do something.
So far, the arrest hasn’t made the news. Maybe it was mentioned in the papers somewhere, but I haven’t gotten any angry phone calls from my brother yet, so I assume he hasn’t heard anything about it. Thank God. One snarky comment from Alex will probably send me over the edge.
The little girl in me wants to call my big brother and see if he has any advice. But I shut her up. I’m not in the mood to listen to the litany of I told you so’s Alex will have ready to fire off. He won’t be able to help himself.
I certainly haven’t needed to call and ask him for anything, either. Rooster and Jigsaw have stopped by with groceries whenever we’ve needed something. Teller said they didn’t trust any of the prospects enough to send them to our house, which I appreciated. Charlotte brought over some of the more personal items I didn’t feel like asking the guys to buy.
First thing in the morning, I burn off some energy in the pool. When that’s not enough, I let Rock know I need to go to the grocery store.
“You mind if I send Teller with you?”
I appreciate him asking, even though I think Teller will be tagging along whether I want him to or not.
“As long as he doesn’t mind.”
“I’ll go with you too,” Hope offers.
Teller grabs the keys to Rock’s SUV since the kids’ seats are already strapped-in. It’s like herding cats to get the kids situated.
“I feel like we need a few more adults for supervision.” Hope laughs as she finishes strapping Grace in and backs out of the car. “Oh!” She bumps into Rock.
“I’ll go with you, baby doll.” He places his hands on her hips and kisses her cheek.
Emptiness, and a longing for Z, turns my stomach inside out and I avert my eyes.
“Can’t be apart for more than five minutes?” Teller says, tossing the keys to Rock.
“You’re still going.” Rock nods to the passenger side door.
Hope’s nervous laughter covers the awkwardness between the two men. I just want to get going.
“Where to?” Rock asks.
“I haven’t really gotten used to any of the places down here yet.” The list of things I want isn’t complicated, but a few ingredients might not be easy to find at a regular market.
I open an app on my phone to show him the store I had in mind and he taps the address into the GPS.
At the store, Teller stays in the car with the kids while Rock escorts us inside.
“I just need cereal and milk,” Hope says. “Want to meet up front when you’re done?”
Thank God. I’d been worried they were going to follow me all over the store. This whole experience is already weird enough.
On some strange sort of autopilot, I cruise around for items I haven’t shopped for since I was a kid following my mother around the grocery store. I can’t shake the feeling I’m forgetting something so I end up looking up a few recipes on my phone.
Maybe an hour later, I think I have everything I need. Even though the guys say not to worry about it, I hate having so many people in and out of my house without feeding them properly.
Plus, I apparently have lots of free time now.
“Get everything you needed?” Hope asks, casting a quick glance at my cart, overflowing with bags.
“I didn’t leave much on the shelves.”
“Come on.” Rock nudges her arm. “Let’s make sure Knucklehead and the kids are okay.”
“That sounds like a biker band,” Hope quips, making Rock chuckle.
“Looks like more than cereal, Hope.” I nod to the bags Rock’s carrying. “I’m sorry I don’t have anything in the house. I should’ve—”
“Stop, Lilly. It’s fine. Geez, if anything, we’re imposing on you. Isn’t there some sort of saying about fish and house guests should be gone after three days?”
Rock snorts.
“You’re more than house guests, Hope.” I don’t want to break down in the supermarket parking lot and tell her that I don’t think I could make it through this without her.
Teller jumps out when he sees us and opens the back. “The little people were just about to stage a mutiny.”
My attempts to help the guys load the car are brushed off, so I peek my head in the truck. “You being good?” I ask Chance.
He nods while Alexa shakes her head.
Laughing, I climb in and Hope gets in on the other side.
“Was he okay?” I ask Teller once we’re headed home.
“They were fine until maybe two minutes before you guys came out.”
“Sorry.”
He shrugs. “Long time to ask them to wait.” He elbows Rock. “Grandpa here could join the twenty-first century and put those DVD players back there to use.”
“Yeah, that’s what kids need. More television. What happened to enjoying the scenery?” Rock says, waving his arm out the open window.
Hope smothers a laugh while she tucks Grace’s blanket around her.
“Actually, I agree with Rock. I try to limit Chance’s screen time as much as possible.”
Teller turns toward me. “Not helpful, Lilly.”
“You need me to set you up back there with some SpongeBob SquarePants?” Rock asks, slapping Teller’s leg. “Is that what I’m hearing, knucklehead?”
Teller shakes with uncontrollable laughter and finally squeezes out a “No.”
Once we’re home, and I’m staring at the bags littering every inch of kitchen counter, I wonder if I overestimated myself.
Chapter Eight
Lilly
“What were you planning to make?” Hope asks.
“A few different things.” I’m not sure I want an audience. In case I suck at it.
As if she sensed my mood, Hope leaves to put Grace down for a nap, leaving me free to search the kitchen.
One of the things I brought down from my house was my favorite cast-iron pan. I haven’t had a chance to use it since we’ve been here, but I drag it out now and brush some oil over it.
The batter is easy to make, but it takes a couple tries to get the hang of making the blinis in a perfect circle. One comes out in a lumpy sort of heart shape. Cute, but not what I was going for.
Hope returns and pulls up a stool on the other side of the counter.
“My mother always made this look so easy,” I grumble.
Hope peers over. “Are they crepes?”
“Same idea. Blini, Russian crepes. Damn.” Another misshapen one. I set it aside and Zipper thumps his nub of a tail against the floor as if he knows I’m saving it for him and Ziggy. “You don’t care what they look like, do you, buddy?”
He whines.
Hope chuckles. “Such a good helper.”
After some trial and error, I seem to have it down. Something about the process soothes me. Making food that used to bring me comfort when I was a child. Cooking with my mother is one of the few pleasant memories I have from my childhood.
Eventually, I have a decent-sized stack and a larger audience.
Chance tugs on my jeans.
I tip my head down and smile at him. “
Hungry?”
He eyes the stack of blini carefully before nodding.
“My mother always served them with sweet and savory stuff,” I explain as I start placing things on the table.
Hope grabs a stack of dishes out of the cabinet. “Right now, I’m just eying the sweetened condensed milk. I don’t think I’ve had that since I was a kid.”
“We used to drizzle it over the blini and add berries.”
“Sold.” She grins at me, then touches my shoulder. “You didn’t have to go to so much trouble.”
“I needed to do something to keep my mind off things.”
After dinner, my phone rings. Before answering, I explain to Hope that it’s my brother and I’m going to take it upstairs.
“What’s up?” Somehow, I sound more chipper than I’m feeling.
“What’s up with you? I haven’t heard from you in days.”
“Sorry. Just been a little crazy.” Crazy with grief, worry, dread. I debate whether or not to tell Alex what’s going on, but I don’t think I can handle any shitty comments about Z from him right now. “I made blini tonight,” I blurt out before he can ask any more questions.
“Really? Did you get them as thin as Mom’s?”
“Close. Oh, and I found a recipe for pirozhki I was going to try too. Maybe. We’ll see.”
“Is everything okay, Lilly?” he asks in a somber tone. “I can’t remember the last time you wanted to cook dishes from the old country.”
“I cook all the time.”
“Not blini or pirozhki. Why didn’t you just call Mom for her recipe?”
Because I’m thirty-six and don’t feel like being yelled at by my mother. “I don’t know.”
“How’s Chance?”
“He’s been racing Hot Wheels with Alexa most of the day.”
“Z’s friend’s kid?”
“Yes,” I answer carefully.
“That’s good. Glad he has someone his age to play with.”
“It’s been nice. They’re taking swim lessons together too.”
Zero Apologies Page 4