by Andrea Boyd
The bronze and brown cab was much like any other carriage, but instead of horses doing the work, a steam engine pumped beneath the body of the buggy. A water barrel was strapped to the front. The driver’s seat was high above it all. The man sitting there looked down at me through goggle lenses but did not say anything in greeting. A small amount of steam was already wafting from the back. I imagined it would increase once we got started.
Just as I was about to join Adrika in the cab, I noticed a hand-painted plaque below the door. I recognized Gilvary’s falcon emblem and the words Product of Gilvary Trade Academy. The trade school Reagan had started right after becoming king had designed this conveyance. When I left home, the idea of a steam carriage was in its conception stage, and now it was complete.
Our other four traveling companions were placed in the carriage behind ours. I was glad to have my wife all to myself. I sat beside her and took her hand, but my gaze was focused outside the buggy as we began our journey. I could not remember the last time I had felt this type of invigoration. My wonder at the fact that things were so much more progressive here than in Dermot seemed to spill out as I began talking about all the improvements I would like to make there. Adrika did not have much to say. She mostly stared out the window at the passing terrain. This trip was nothing new to her. She more than likely found my babble to be rather boring.
The population seemed much thicker than it had been before I left. Small towns and villages had popped up along the main route that had not existed before. We stopped for supper for a couple of hours. The station where we ate was much like the fort but smaller. By the time we stopped at the next station that night, my enthusiasm had waned quite a bit. I was already beginning to miss the freedom of being on horseback. It was also surprising that I found myself missing the quiet solitude of Dermot.
I paced the floor of our chambers, trying to stretch the kinks from my muscles while Kariann helped Adrika get ready for bed. When they came from behind the privacy panel, Adrika offered me a set of clothes.
“What is this for?”
“I thought you might like to change into something more comfortable for sleeping.”
I usually slept in the nude. Was she afraid we would be disturbed in the night?
Still holding the clothes, she lifted her hand out again. “We will be in the carriage. I thought this would be best for travel.”
“It is late. I thought we were stopping for the night.”
“We will sleep in the carriage and travel through the night. That will shorten our travel time significantly, but if you would rather stay here, I am sure it can be arranged.”
I took the clothing from her. It was a loose pair of pants and a pullover shirt like the outfit I used to train in. Since the wedding, new clothes for me had just shown up. The independence I had enjoyed for the last ten years was gone. It was not that I wanted to shop for myself, but I missed the option to do so.
As we headed back out to the carriage, I put a protective arm around my wife and pulled her closer. Her robe covered everything, but it was strange having her out in public in her nighttime attire.
When we climbed back into the carriage, the curtains were closed and the leather seats had been laid flat and made into a bed. It was a while before sleep claimed me and even then, it was never restful. The rocking and creaking from the contraption had my body and mind in constant movement, leaving me sore and weary the next morning.
I had to keep reminding myself that every mile was getting me closer to my family and at a quicker pace than if we had gone by horseback. This trip was taking its toll on Adrika as well. The longer we traveled, the more despondent she became. By the evening of the third day, she looked almost in tears.
I squeezed her knee. “What is wrong? Are you just weary from traveling or is something else bothering you?”
“It is nothing more than a headache. I will take something for it when we stop for the night.” She rubbed her fingertips up her scalp on the sides as if she wanted to dig deeper, but did not want to disturb her hair style.
I reached up and carefully began pulling pins from her hair.
“What are you doing?”
“Taking your hair down. It will help with the headache. Why do you wear it up all the time now? It cannot be all that comfortable.”
“I am a married woman now. Married women are supposed to wear it up.”
I dropped each collected pin into her open hand. “Says who? I have seen others with their hair down after they are married. Kariann wears hers up, and she is yet unwed. Correct?”
She sighed—whether from relief or exasperation over my naivety, I could not tell. “It is what my mother always taught me.”
With a gentle touch of my fingertips to her chin, I turned her to face me. “Do you like wearing it up?”
She looked down at my chest. “It makes me feel pretty, but other than that, not really.”
I turned to place my back against the side of the carriage and pulled her against me with her head on my chest. Placing my fingertips on both sides of her head, I began massaging her scalp. This time, her body relaxed along with her sigh.
“You are very beautiful no matter how your hair is fixed, but I like it better down. You should save wearing it up for special occasions.” I kissed her temple to soften my words. I really did like it hanging down her back. I loved the freedom of running my fingers through the silky waves whenever I wanted to, but it was her choice to make.
“Kariann will be so disappointed.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as she lay against me with her eyes closed.
I massaged her head and combed my fingers through the length of her dark hair. Then I asked her to sit up so I could braid it. Kariann would have done this anyway when we made our last stop. Adrika usually slept with the braid to keep the tangles at bay. I finished just as the carriage was coming to a stop. With no tie for the end, I handed the tail of it to Adrika. After kissing her one more time on the cheek, I stepped out first and then turned to help her down.
Later, we climbed back into the carriage for our last night before we arrived in Aisling. Adrika was so quiet, and I could not help but think there was something else going on besides a headache.
“Is your head still hurting?”
“Not as much. Thank you for what you did. It really helped.”
We were on our sides, facing each other in the dark. The anchor ensign on the chain around my neck was clasped in her hand. I reached up and rubbed the side of her face.
“What else is bothering you?”
She opened her palm and tilted the anchor back and forth to catch the little bit of moonlight coming from around the edges of the curtains. “I am surprised you wear an anchor if you hate going by sea so much. What made you finally decide to come home? Was it your family?”
She had flitted from one subject to another without answering my question. I thought about what she had asked. Maybe if I answered her questions first, she would feel more comfortable opening up to me about what was bothering her. Then again, she was asking for more than she realized. How much should I tell her? She was my wife. I supposed she had the right to know everything.
Eighteen
Adrika
Rian’s excitement was almost tangible. I had forgotten that the things I took for granted about traveling to Aisling, were mostly new to him. There was no way of competing with the pleasure he must have felt at seeing the progress of his home kingdom against the backdrop of the land that must have once been as familiar to him as the back of his hand.
Losing him was my greatest fear. I had this sinking feeling that every fragile thing we had built between us would be crushed once Rian was reunited with the rest of his family. This constant dread had my stomach in knots and increased the pounding in my head. We had been enclosed in this carriage for days, but in my heart, I had put more distance between us with each passing mile.
And then he had taken the pins from my hair. Him pulling me against his chest, runn
ing his fingers through my tresses, and gently kissing my temple had soothed my weary heart. His tender act eased my pain, and it was almost my undoing. No man had ever shown me such kindness. How could I ever let him go?
This was our last night together before we arrived in Aisling, my last chance to connect with him before I was outnumbered by his family. As I watched the light reflect off the silver chain around his neck, I tried to think of a way to start the conversation. I had not meant to blurt out that question. What made you finally decide to come home? Was it your family? What I really wanted to know—What can I do to make you stay with me?
Rian reached out in the dark and lightly brushed the side of my face with his palm. “I love my family, but they were not the reason for my return, not really.”
“What was it then?”
He hesitated for so long, I wondered if he was going to answer. “I was involved with this woman. Things went . . . badly.”
What did he mean? I had not expected this answer.
My husband turned over on his back with his face toward the ceiling of the carriage as if he did not want to look at me, even in the dark. Did thinking of her make him wish he had never left Rivania? My heart twisted in my chest at the thought.
I could only whisper my next question. “What happened?”
“She was with child. She said it was mine. It seemed doubtful, but it did not matter. I offered to marry her. She refused.” He sounded broken.
His feelings toward this woman seemed obvious, but I had to ask. “Did you love her?”
“I told you, I have never been in love before now. I cared about her wellbeing, but I did not love her. Truthfully, I am not even sure I cared about her wellbeing until the end.”
He stopped talking for a moment. Maybe he was waiting for a response from me, but I did not know what to say. I sensed there was more to this tale—things I was not so sure he was ready to reveal. Did I even want to know these things?
“Once I accepted the responsibility of the babe to come, I became excited at the prospect of a child of my own. I imagined what it would be like. For some reason, I pictured a little girl. Which is odd, I guess, considering I had no sisters. But the woman, she did not feel the same way. She cursed the baby and constantly complained about what it was doing to her body and how it would ruin her future.”
“What was her name?”
“I would rather not say. It is not important now anyway.” He stopped talking again, making me regret my interruption.
When he finally began again, his voice was strained. “I came home one afternoon, and she was lying in a pool of blood. She told me that she had taken measures to rid herself of the unwanted baby. She died before I could even call out for help.”
I could hear the pain he must have felt along with a shift in his emotions as he said these words. Nothing I had ever experienced could compare to the moment he was describing.
He turned back on his side, facing me. “Her life and that of the child were not the first senseless deaths that had resulted because of me. In Rivania, it is either kill or be killed. I had begun to hate my life there, but losing my child . . . that had brought me to my lowest point, which was down on my knees before God. After my salvation, I knew He meant for me to come home.”
He scooted closer and put his arm around me. “I believe He planned out my stop in Dermot.”
“You do?” Could that be true? Hope blossomed in my chest.
“Yes, I do. I have never felt more sure about anything.”
Nothing else was said, but it was a long time before I could sleep. I raked through every word of that conversation. He had said he had never been in love before now. What did that mean? I felt a jealousy toward the unnamed woman. If he could not even bear to say her name, he must have loved her even though he said otherwise. I had never felt that tug to be a mother, but Rian’s desire for a child had me imagining his babe in my arms.
I awoke the next morning with the imprint of his anchor pendant in my palm. He was still asleep when I sat up and tried to smooth back the hair that had come loose from my braid. Daylight peeked through the curtains. We would be stopping soon for the last time before our arrival.
Thankfully, my head no longer hurt. It was a shame my hair would be pinned up once again very shortly. I had taken my husband’s advice to heart, but I wanted to look my best for this first meeting with the Barnali family as Rian’s wife.
We both took extra care with our appearance during our morning stop. It was surprising to find that a part of me was looking forward to the end of our journey. For one thing, we would finally be released from this moving contraption. It was admittedly better than traveling by horseback, but I would rather travel by boat. At least we would have had the freedom to move about aboard a ship.
I was also looking forward to seeing Deidre again. It had always been my wish that we could live closer to one another. Damini had been my only companion in Dermot. I loved her and missed her dearly, but it was never the same as having someone closer to your own age to confide in.
When we rolled up to the front of the castle, Rian’s entire family was there. As soon as he helped me down from the carriage, I was accosted by his niece. Deidre grabbed me in a tight hug. She did not let go as she pulled back to look into my face. I took in her auburn hair and striking green eyes.
Her face was glowing with happiness as she looked up at me. “I cannot believe it. We are family now. To tell the truth, I had hoped you would end up with Nic, which would make us cousins, but I never dreamed I would one day refer to you as my aunt. Aunt Rika. I do not know if I will ever get used to calling you that.”
Heat colored my face. Deidre’s words about me and Nic had been spoken in almost a whisper, but I would have died right on the spot if anyone had heard her. I did a quick look around to see if anyone was paying attention. They were all gathered around Rian several feet away, and no one was looking our way.
Nic was a sweet boy, but he was two years younger than me and it showed. While he stood waiting for his chance to speak with Rian, I took in his appearance for the first time with the newfound knowledge of who his father was. He had the same light brown eye color as Reagan and Rian, but there had always been something different about the shape of his features that had been hard to place. Now that I knew he had once belonged to someone other than Reagan and Gwen, it made perfect sense.
Deidre took my hand and walked toward her family. Rian was now standing before Queen Gwen. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at him while touching his face. In fact, the same type of emotion could be seen on the faces of all the adults present. It was strange standing on the edge of the circle, looking on. I truly was an outsider.
Deidre was the last to hug him. “Uncle Rian, I am glad you finally made it back home. It is so good to see you again.”
My gut cinched at the word home. Where ever home was for Rian, would I truly be included?
“I missed you too, Brat.”
Her giggling at the nickname sounded as if it had a life of its own. I had always envied my friend’s easy manner, but never more so than now. I never had this type of family connection. Things had changed so much between my father and me. At times, it was hard to recognize any relationship between us at all.
Rian took me by the hand and pulled me to the middle of the crowd. “Everyone, I would like to introduce you to my wife.”
It was embarrassing, being the center of attention. The king and queen of Aisling were standing directly in front of me. I dipped down in a low curtsy like I had done at every meeting prior to this day.
Queen Brianna grabbed me by the shoulders as soon as I stood and pulled me into an awkward hug. “You are family now. There will be no more curtsying.”
She pulled away and her hazel eyes studied my face as if she truly was meeting me for the first time. Except for those eyes, she and Deidre looked so much alike, but their personalities were very different. Brianna was much more serious. I had a feeling she would be a force
to be reckoned with if crossed.
The queen looped her arm through mine and led us into the castle. I wanted nothing more than to believe I had been completely accepted into this family, but how could that be? They had to know that Rian had been practically forced into marrying me. How would I feel if the shoe were on the other foot? I had never had siblings to compare it to, but I could not imagine welcoming an intruder, such as myself, with open arms.
Nineteen
Rian
Fiona Mitchel. I had not given her name because I did not want it to be forever etched in Adrika’s mind. It was a name I wished to forget—not because I loved Fiona but because I never had. I did not even understand how I could have a two-year relationship with the woman and never feel for her what I felt for my wife after less than a month together. As hard as it was to tell Adrika about that part of my past, there was an unexpected relief at her knowing.
Sharing the intimate tale seemed to draw Adrika from her melancholy. For the first time since our journey began, she seemed almost excited to reach our destination. Once we stepped down from the carriage, it was a surprise when a young lady from the group squealed and embraced my wife like a dear friend. It was even more of a shock to realize this grown woman was my niece, Deidre. Garrett’s daughter had not been much more than a toddler the last time I saw her.
I barely had time to contemplate this information before I was completely surrounded by my family. Garrett was the first to grab me into a tight hug. Of everyone in my family, he had always been more apt to show affection. A knot formed in my throat at the acceptance. I deserved much worse after the way I had abandoned them and my country.
Gwen was the last of my siblings to greet me with tears in her eyes. I could list on one hand the number of times I had seen this woman cry. Seeing her tears was almost my undoing. “I am so glad you came home. I have been so worried, not knowing what happened to you.”