by Liz Isaacson
“Maybe you should pray about it,” she said quietly. He sat behind the wheel, the air conditioner blowing, as the red sports car kicked up dust as Jenny drove down the lane toward the homestead.
“Would you?” Flynn asked, looking at Jessie. In that moment, Jessie felt herself slipping further in love with him, as if she wasn’t in deep enough already.
“Sure,” she said, her voice a bit froggy. As she prayed that Flynn would have the clarity of mind about the ranch, and that he would know what God wanted him to do, and that she could support him any way possible, she felt sure she’d revealed too many of her feelings.
When she finished, Flynn reached for her. She slid across the seat and let him hold her. “Thank you, sweetheart,” he whispered into her hair, and Jessie felt more content than she had in years.
Jessie made it through church the next day without revealing her new relationship. Flynn didn’t come to lunch, and he sat way down on the end of the row beside her father, as usual. Well, sometimes he sat by Rhodes or Logan or whoever. Sometimes her, and she’d never suspected that he liked her for more than one of the ranch hands.
He was exceptionally good at hiding things, and that kept Jessie awake at night when she wished it wouldn’t.
Her work around the ranch didn’t feel like drudgery anymore. When she heard Flynn whistling, her heart catapulted around inside her chest, and when he came to see her in the morning in the calf barn, she experienced more joy than she knew how to contain.
“Come to my place tonight,” he whispered a week after her birthday party, his lips right at her ear. He hadn’t kissed her yet, but the soft, secret touches were thrilling enough. He held her now, swaying with his eyes closed as they breathed together.
“What did you decide about the ranch?” she asked.
“I’m working with the bank,” he said. “I think I’m going to get approved. They said I’d know by Monday.”
“What are we going to do at your place tonight?” She smiled up at him, the idea of kissing him all she could think about.
“I don’t know,” he said. “It’s been a rough week. Maybe we’ll just hide out and watch a movie. I know how to make churro popcorn.”
“You won’t be missed at the dancehall?”
His eyes flew open, and Jessie hated that she’d brought up his dancing habit. “Jess.” He dropped his arms from around her, and she felt cold though July was right around the corner.
“Sorry,” she said quickly. “It’s just…maybe I don’t want to hide out with you inside your house.”
“Oh, you want everyone to know about us.” His eyes sparkled as he teased her, but Jessie felt stupid.
“Kind of,” she said, though there was no kind of about it. Other women got to parade Flynn around on their arms, and she’d always wondered what that would be like. How everyone would look at her and wonder how she’d gotten him to go out with her.
Her.
Everyone would see her then. Everyone would know her name; she wouldn’t just be “one of the Quinns” or “Rhodes’s little sister,” or “the one older than Cami.”
“Well, that’s up to you, sweetheart,” he said. “I told you I didn’t care if your dad or Rhodes knew. You seemed like you wanted to keep things under wraps for a while.”
“I did,” she said, now wondering why.
“Why’s that?” he asked.
“I…wasn’t sure you weren’t just being nice to me.” She lifted her chin, almost daring him to confirm what she’d said.
A pinch of pain entered his eyes, and he opened his mouth to say something at the same time the barn door squeaked as someone came in.
He jumped away from her, swiping his hat off his head and putting it back on, all in the space of a breath. “So I’ll see you over in the hay barn,” he said. “Bring that clipboard, would you? I’ll give it to Clay.”
His voice sounded so unlike the boyfriend Flynn Jessie had been talking to, and he walked away without waiting for her to say anything. “Oh, good morning, Clay,” he said, and Jessie turned from her workbench to find the other cowboy moving the ladder so he could climb into the loft, where they stored a few things. “He’s here, Jess. You can just give it to him.”
“Morning, Jess,” Clay said as if he hadn’t interrupted anything. And of course, he didn’t know he had.
“Hey,” she said, glad her voice sounded normal, as Flynn slipped out of the barn. “Everything okay out there?” He didn’t normally come and get the medication charts from her, but they met over near the small office he maintained in the stables. As the veterinarian for the ranch, Clay lived on-site and worked seven days a week.
“Yep,” he said. “Rhodes just wants the tent down. Getting ready for the Fourth.”
“Oh, right. The charts are almost done.”
“Great.” Clay climbed up into the loft and tossed down a few boxes, all of them making extremely loud noises as they landed. “Sorry,” he said, climbing down.
“It’s fine,” she said, going over to help him. “Where does he want these?”
“I have the ATV with the trailer,” Clay said. “I’ll take them out to the field just east of the homestead.” He gave her a smile and paused. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.” Jessie bent to pick up one of the lighter boxes anyway.
“Is Cami…I mean…. Oh, wow. Forget it.” His face turned bright red, and he ducked out of the barn as quickly as he’d come.
Jessie grinned and followed him. “She just broke up with this loser boyfriend of hers,” she said without looking at Clay. “Maybe give her a few weeks, and then be really nice to her.” She turned around to go back inside the barn to finish her medication charts for the day. “I’ll have your charts in five minutes, if you want to wait.”
“Sure.” He continued taking boxes out while Jessie finished up the charts.
Outside, she smiled and handed them to him with the words, “Really nice, Clay. Cami’s had a string of not-nice men in her life.”
He nodded, pressed his lips together, and studied something on the horizon. “How many weeks should I wait?”
“Maybe let her know you’re interested now,” Jessie said. “But don’t ask her out for a couple of weeks.”
He nodded, got in the ATV, and revved away.
Jessie turned toward the hay barn in the distance, thinking it needed new paint now that she’d seen the facilities at Flynn’s ranch.
Almost his ranch.
Her phone went off as she walked between the barns, and a text from Cami sat on her screen. Just got asked out by Malcolm! I should say yes, right?
Jessie’s heart fell to her boot tips. If you want to, she texted back.
I do, Cami said. He’s so dreamy.
Malcolm had just been hired on at the ranch, and Jessie found him to be too old for her, let alone her younger sister. But Cami had a magnetism about her that attracted everyone, and it was no wonder Clay wanted to ask her out.
Her pulse didn’t accelerate with lost hope the way it usually did. She was seeing Flynn, though no one knew it. She’d always been happy for Cami in her relationships, but she didn’t want to be the last Quinn sibling without a date to all the family functions.
“Just hire someone,” she muttered to herself as she thought about Georgia and Logan. “That worked.”
But she knew it wouldn’t work for her. She pushed into the barn to hear Rhodes talking with Flynn.
“So you’re telling me you haven’t been out with anyone?” her brother asked. “You know I can find out.”
“I’ve stayed away from the dancehall,” Flynn said. “No females in my life, just like I said.”
Jess’s breath left her body in one fell swoop. No females in my life. What did that mean? Part of her wanted to run. Find a spot behind a barn and cry.
The other part demanded to know what Flynn meant by that, consequences or not. “Hey,” she said, marching around the corner and into the tack room, where they stood talking. “No
females? You?”
Rhodes started laughing. “Even Jess doesn’t believe you.” He grinned at her. “He made a deal with me and Newt. No dates, no new girls, for thirty days, or he has to buy us all a nice steak dinner. His time’s almost up.”
Jessie looked at Flynn, her eyebrows sky high. “It is, is it?”
“Jess,” he said, his smile stuck in place, but his eyes filled with absolute terror.
Good, Jessie thought. Let him squirm.
She scoffed and said, “I’m going out to the pasture with Wyatt. He’s not on a female fast, is he?”
“What?” Rhodes asked, but Jessie just turned and walked away, the sound of Flynn’s sigh filling the space between her footsteps.
Chapter 6
Flynn escaped the hay barn without telling Rhodes anything. He knew Rhodes and Jessie were close, and he didn’t have the stomach to tell his best friend he’d been holding his sister’s hand. Not until the female fast ended, and not until Jess gave him the go-ahead.
And now, she likely wouldn’t. He couldn’t even get her to answer his texts. He read through them again, and they sounded desperate even to him.
In the end, he made one more desperate move. He texted Wyatt. Is Jess with you?
Right here, he said.
Can you ask her to call me?
Several seconds passed, and then Wyatt’s message said, She just laughed and said right. I don’t get it.
“Never mind,” Flynn muttered to himself as he stuffed his phone in his back pocket. She had a stubborn streak he normally admired—when it wasn’t aimed at him. He knew where she was, and he could go talk to her if he wanted to. Instead, he opted to let her cool off a little, absorb his texts.
You’re obviously not the normal female I’d be going out with, he’d said. The fast didn’t apply to you.
He wasn’t sure if that made him more of a player or not. He didn’t want to fool around with Jess and break her heart. She’d been there for him last weekend when he’d needed her, just like she had been since the moment he’d arrived at Quinn Valley Ranch. She was kind, beautiful, and everything he’d always wanted.
“You’re going to have to tell her about Sandra,” he muttered to himself as he put on a pair of gloves and headed out to the equipment shed. He’d get the hay mowed in the fields he’d been assigned, and then he’d find Jess.
She still hadn’t answered him about coming to his house that night, and he didn’t want to be alone.
He didn’t know how to be alone. Everyone and everything had abandoned him so quickly, his life had been full of holes. He’d needed something or someone to fill them, and ranch work and best friends only went so far.
In the past week, as he spent more time with Jess hiding in the barn, or texting her at night, those holes didn’t exist.
Behind the wheel of the tractor, he pulled off his gloves and sent her another message. Listen, maybe I messed up. I don’t know. I’m sorry. Please come to dinner at my place tonight.
I want a steak dinner too. The message that popped up actually made him smile.
Deal. He just wanted her to come.
I’m still really annoyed with you, just to be clear.
Why? he texted. I broke my deal with my friends to see you. Isn’t that a compliment?
No, Flynn, it means you’ll flirt with the first girl who shows any interest in you at all. I’m not interested in being that girl. If that’s what we are…I don’t want that to be what we are.
“Jess,” he said aloud, only his ears close enough to hear the anguish in his voice. “That’s not what you are.”
Be truthful.
The words from the Lord were still there, and Flynn’s fingers flew across the screen. I have to tell you something about my last real girlfriend. Will you please come tonight? Steak and seafood, if that’s what you want. Just come.
He deleted off the last two words, so he didn’t come across too dramatic. Satisfied with the message, he sent it.
Fine.
Relief hit him with her response, even though he knew that was the worst word a female could use. Now, he better get his chores done so he could get off this ranch, order dinner, shower, and be ready to talk to Jess when she showed up.
Flynn sat in the chair on his front porch, both of his dogs panting at his feet. He’d thrown a ball for them for thirty minutes, received the dinners he’d ordered ten minutes ago, and Jess still wasn’t here.
He found a single word moving through his mind—please—his right foot tapping out a rhythm on the floorboards at his feet.
Jess finally pulled up in that white ranch truck, jumping down and closing the door behind her. She adjusted the tie on the bottom of her blouse and inhaled deeply, her chest lifting, before Flynn stood up.
She stalled, and he came down the steps to meet her. “Heya, Jess.”
“Oh, you don’t get to talk to me in that sweet voice,” she said. “I’m going to be mad all the way through dinner.”
He shook his head as he smiled. “All right. It’s inside. Let’s get it over with, so you’ll forgive me.”
She stepped ahead of him, and Flynn didn’t feel bad about watching her climb the steps ahead of him. She paused to pet his pups, and he watched Shep close his eyes in bliss. Flynn knew how he felt, and he busied himself inside by getting down real dishes and serving up the food.
“Medium-rare,” he said. “Which you didn’t even tell me. I just know that’s what you like.”
She glanced up at him and rolled her eyes. “It’s not hard,” she said. “You’ve eaten with my family a million times.”
“I don’t know what Cami likes.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Ask me,” he said, sitting down across from her, determined to show her he’d liked her for a long time.
“I don’t know what to ask,” she said, cutting into her baked potato.
“Okay, I’ll talk,” he said. “One time, all of you girls went to get your hair done. It was for your parents’ thirty-fifth wedding anniversary. You got your hair colored, and it was this beautiful, silky shade of blonde I wanted to run my fingers through.” He cut a bite of steak and put it in his mouth, watching her.
She’d stilled, and she finally lifted her eyes to his. “What color was Betsy’s hair?”
“I have no idea. I only saw you.” He put down his knife and fork. “Jess, I saw you when you cried on the north side of the stables after that jerk Winn broke up with you three years ago. I saw you when you held onto that rope, even when the cow on the other end of it could’ve ripped your shoulders right out of their sockets.”
He swallowed, but he was just getting started, and he’d never fought this hard to keep a woman in his life before. He didn’t know what it meant, but he didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to lose her. “I saw you when you showed up at the dancehall a few months ago. You looked around, and I thought I was finally going to get to hold you in my arms. Then you took one look at me and walked out.”
His heart felt too big for his chest. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to hurt you. The female fast is stupid. Even Rhodes knew I wouldn’t really do it. But the point is, I didn’t break it for someone I don’t care about.” He reached across the table and covered her hand with his, encouraged when she didn’t pull away.
“What did you have to tell me about your last real girlfriend?”
Flynn sat back in his chair, folding his hands in his lap. “Her name was Sandra Iverson. You know the Iverson’s, I assume.”
“Yes,” she said. “Sandra left town a few…years ago.”
“Five years ago,” Flynn said, his throat narrowing. Why hadn’t he eaten first too? This conversation would probably be easier if he had. “Two weeks before my father died, in fact. I was heartbroken. I was in love with her, and we’d been together for three years. I bought her a diamond ring and asked her to marry me. As she stood above me, crying, she said she didn’t want to be a rancher’s wife.”
Flynn sh
ook his head. “I didn’t see it. I didn’t see her. I didn’t know. I was so…stupid.” The memories wouldn’t go away now that he’d let them out of their box. “She left town the next day. Then my dad died. I lost him at a crucial time in my life, and I was angry with everyone. Him, for dying. My mom, for not knowing the state of the ranch. Myself, for being as clueless as she was. Sandra, for abandoning me. God, for everything.”
He looked up, the familiar bitterness and hopelessness coursing through him again. “Then I lost the ranch too. Just like that. One, two, three things I loved gone. I felt so alone.”
Jessie wiped her eyes, but she said nothing.
“I called Rhodes, and that man saved me.” He leaned forward, hoping he could keep his own emotions dormant long enough to be truthful, the way he felt like he needed to be.
“Your dad saved me. Your mom. The ranch. And you, Jess. You were so kind to me, and you taught me how to treat others as if they’d just lost their girlfriend, their father, and their ranch in the span of three weeks.”
He swallowed. “I was sick for a long time, but you were always there, always with a smile or a helping hand.”
“Stop it,” she said, sniffling. “Just stop it. I didn’t do anything special.”
But she had, and he’d never told anyone any of this. “I started having romantic feelings for you when I found a way to move past Sandra.”
“How long?” she asked.
“Years,” he whispered. “I’ve thought about kissing you for years, Jess.”
She stared at him, her eyes glassy. A tear fell down her cheek, and she swiped at it as she exploded out of her chair. “Excuse me.”
“Jess,” he said after her, but she strode out of the front door without looking back, those reddish-blonde curls begging him to touch them. “You’ve done it now, cowboy,” he said to himself, something his father used to say to the men who worked the ranch with them.
He got up and went to the front door too, only to find Jess had left in her blue and white truck. Helplessness filled him, and he turned to his two cattle dogs. “I blew it with her, didn’t I?”