I didn’t reply, even though a horrible suspicion came to me. My throat dried out.
“Because a blood crystal can’t even do a tenth of what a proper fae mind manipulation spell can do. The serum you were just given is the most powerful one.”
“It won’t work! I won’t do it!” I pivoted and ran out of the room. My feet pounded the hallway. I needed to get out. I couldn’t stand still.
I had reached the front door when a strong arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me back.
“Onyx!”
I glared at Atticus. “Let go of me! How dare you?”
In response, he dragged me toward the car. Something made me stop flailing. The serum. It would force me to do as Olwen wanted. Atticus threw me into the passenger seat, then got into the driver’s one. I tried to open the door, but it was locked.
“I won’t do it,” I snarled as he started the car. He pulled out of the parking lot and raced down the road, burning rubber.
Atticus hiked his shoulders. He wouldn’t face me. Good, he should feel shame and guilt. I’d thought he was my ally, but he was just like everyone else.
“I’m going to use my magic on you if you don’t let me out immediately.” I didn’t want to hurt Atticus, but I would if necessary. Just like how I would hurt Thorsten if he messed with me again. No, that wasn’t right. What was I thinking? I loved Thorsten. Nonsense. There was no such thing as love. I shook my head, trying not to get side tracked. “Let me out!”
Atticus continued staring straight ahead. “You can’t use your powers on me. The spell makes sure of it.”
“You’re lying.” I tried to call upon my ice magic, but found that my veins remained free of the black cold. “What the hell?”
Atticus sighed. “Don’t fight this. You’ll only make it worse.”
I grabbed the seat so hard I might’ve left permanent marks. “There has to be a way out of this. I’m not killing Thorsten.”
“You will. The spell will compel you.” Atticus’s voice was thick with sadness.
I gripped his hand. “Please. Help me.” He didn’t respond.
Kill Thorsten.
I flinched at the haunting whisper in my head. I pressed my palms against my ears. I tried to think positive thoughts. I tried to breathe, but my teeth only gritted in response, and my hands balled into fists.
“There’s no way out of this.” Atticus shot me a side glance. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t take me to him. We can pretend I killed Thorsten. I promise I’ll never see him again.” Desperation filled me.
“I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m bound by the oath I swore to my king.”
I swallowed hard. Atticus’s hands were tied. I was on my own. I had to think. There must be a way out. I had done crazier things.
Kill Thorsten. Kill Thorsten.
I gritted my jaw hard enough to break a tooth, and dug my nails into my flesh. “Where are you taking me?”
When Atticus didn’t reply, I glanced around. We weren’t going toward the city, but high up the mountain. That was good, right? Thorsten couldn’t be here.
He will be here. And you’ll kill him.
“There’s a bridge at the top,” Atticus said quietly. “It connects two cliffs. You’ll meet Thorsten there after sundown.”
“No.” Had the guards captured him? They couldn’t. He was much too smart for that.
Atticus sighed. “Lily wrote him a note, saying you’d be waiting for him there.”
I straightened with shock. “What? Why?”
Atticus didn’t reply, but I knew the answer.
“Because she’s my friend. This is my punishment for bringing her to the mansion.” Olwen wanted to make sure that she had a part in Thorsten’s death so that I learned once and for all that my whole loyalty belonged to him alone.
Thorsten. He has to die. He is my enemy.
The more the whisper invaded my head, the more it sounded like my own voice. And the longer this went on, the more those horrible feelings of betrayal returned. I blinked, seeing Thorsten taunting me in the closet over and over again. The potion was forcing all our worst moments to the surface.
No, those were not my thoughts. I loved Thorsten. I hated him. How could I love him after everything he had done? The mental images kept hitting me from all sides.
“How does this elixir work exactly?” I tapped my feet, struggling to sit still. I needed to kill Thorsten. Needed to stake him. No, no, no. Damn it. I had to fight this.
Atticus’s throat bobbed up and down. “It binds to your memories, focusing on the negative ones, enhancing them, minimizing the good. It uses your feelings to change your intentions.”
“Until I can do nothing else but kill him,” I choked out. I wanted to deny the words, deny that I would do it, but already hatred was taking over.
Atticus pulled the car to a stop at the top of a hill, crunching gravel. Trees stood around us like giants waiting to witness the upcoming fight. The last of the day’s light was fading on the horizon, leaving only pale orange and creeping blues.
Tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them away. I would kill Thorsten before the night was through and there was no need to shed crocodile tears. “What happens after? Will I remember?” My voice broke on the last word.
Atticus gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles whitened, even though we were no longer driving. “Yes, and the hate you felt for him will leave you. It’s meant as a lesson.”
“A lesson that I can’t trust my feelings. That nothing belongs to me.”
He opened his mouth, but I shook my head. There was nothing he could say. I opened the door, hoping he’d think that I wanted to get this over quickly, which I did, just not in the way he was planning for me to. Fighting against the potion was pointless. Give in. No. If I told Thorsten what I was doing, warned him somehow, he could stay away or leave before I acted.
We were near the top of a mountain, one that appeared to be used by hunters or forest rangers. Yellow signs warned about mountain lions. A trail rose into the trees, winding around boulders and toward something I couldn’t see. I climbed it, the potion compelling my legs forward, and followed the path that brave hikers must take during the daytime hours.
No, no, no. Shit. I couldn’t stop.
I didn’t want to stop. Thorsten had played with my feelings for too long.
The trail curved, and I stared at the two-foot wide wooden bridge that stretched over a dark gorge below. It was empty, but he’d be here soon. I knew it in my heart.
You must kill him. He hurt you. He used you.
No!
He’s a psycho. He’s using you for sex. Everything he told you is a lie.
I exhaled, reminding myself that fighting the voice would only give it fuel.
I’m going to do it, I replied, and my pulse calmed a bit. Good, I could do this, trick the magic in the potion.
I stepped onto the wooden bridge that connected the two hills. The gurgle of a river rose from far below. The bridge swayed and creaked, and my stomach lurched. If I fell, I’d die. But I wouldn’t. Olwen would’ve never chosen this spot if there was a risk to my well-being. But what if I cut the ropes? What if I ended my sorry life before I could harm Thorsten? I called my ice, but it didn’t come. I tried to slip over the rope railing, but my body refused. Another side effect of the spell. A tear ran down my face. Of course, Olwen had made sure that I stayed alive. This was the point. He was teaching me a lesson I’d never forget.
Something flashed above me, and I knew the time had come. I looked up, feeling hope, excitement, and anger as Thorsten descended and then landed a few feet away from me.
“I got your message. What’s wrong?”
I opened my mouth to give him a warning, to tell him to get away, but all that came out was a snarl. “I’m going to kill you!” I charged, an ice dagger appearing in my hand. Thorsten dodged it and caught my wrist with his strong grasp, making me drop my weapon.
“Onyx, what are you doing?” His ey
es widened in shock.
The words I shouted weren’t mine. “You are my enemy!” Another ice dagger appeared in my hand, and this time, I impaled it into Thorsten’s shoulder, the tiny bit of me that still had some self-control managing to avoid his heart, but I was quickly losing the battle.
Thorsten fell back. He glanced from the blood seeping through his shirt to me, his blue eyes wide with confusion. “Onyx, what—”
I charged him again. I wanted to scream for him to run, to save himself, but the words were stuck in my throat, unable to get out. Another ice dagger appeared in my hand. I jumped at him, knocking him down and then straddled him. The bridge squealed and screamed. With Thorsten pinned underneath me, I raised my hand, aiming straight for his heart as mine turned to stone. I brought the dagger down as he shoved me away.
I flung myself forward again and brought the dagger down. But instead of impaling flesh, I impaled wood.
Thorsten had ascended. I looked up to find him floating above me. Anger pumped through me, and the next instant, several ice knives materialized around me. I shot them all at him, screaming on the inside as several met their marks. His knee. His arm. His abdomen.
Thorsten jerked. He gasped. More blood flowed down his body, and instead of going higher up into the sky, Thorsten began to fall, trying to remove the daggers that weren’t melting.
But the magic invading my body wasn’t done yet. Against my will, I conjured more icy knives. He tried to dodge, but two struck, and his body plummeted and spun into a free-fall, crashing into the water beneath the bridge.
I howled on the inside as my legs carried me to the rope railing, making me witness what I had done.
The moonlight revealed the horror. Unmoving and facedown, Thorsten floated down the stream. Fight, I urged him on silently, but he didn’t even twitch. The hatred and ice dissolved. I had killed him. Oh my god, I had killed Thorsten.
All the adrenaline and anger fled as the potion released its hold on me. I collapsed to my knees, sobbing hysterically.
Arms came around me from behind and pulled me up. I was too weak to protest or to care. What did it matter what happened next? I had killed the man I loved, and the man who loved me. Yes, I knew it didn’t make sense given the short time we had spent together, but I knew what we had was real, and I had ruined it. I had been so naïve, foolish, and weak. I had destroyed everything.
Atticus said something, but I didn’t hear him and when he gave me a vial to drink, I didn’t question what was in it. Instead, I gulped it down, hoping it was poison, yet knowing that it would be a calming draft, a sleeping one if I was lucky. As my lids grew heavy, I welcomed the darkness. I didn’t deserve the reprieve after what I had done, and yet, I lapped it up, proving once again how pathetic I was.
Chapter 20
Time both sped up and slowed down. Orange mornings and purple evenings passed as I lay on my bed. Olwen didn’t fetch for me, and Atticus didn’t come by to pick me up for training. Everyone was leaving me alone, whether that was out of compassion or by Olwen’s orders, I didn’t know.
Not that it mattered. Just like everywhere else, I didn’t matter here. My feelings and wishes didn’t matter. My only purpose was to be a warrior, and right now, I’d make a distraught and useless one. Olwen was cold, but he at least ensured that his warriors were in good shape when they went into battle.
Lily entered my bedroom once bringing me a tray of soup like I had the flu and hadn’t killed someone. I remained on my bed, staring at her as she put the tray down and bit her lip nervously. I knew she hadn’t wanted to write a letter to lure Thorsten to his death, but logic did nothing to calm down the throbbing agony in my chest.
“Please go away,” I rasped.
Lily opened her mouth to say something, then closed it and left, but not before I noticed the tears brimming around her wide, hollow eyes.
Olwen had either blinded her with her desperation to prove herself or had coerced her. I hoped for the latter. Lily, like me, had to survive. I understood. I really did. I only had myself to blame for being weak.
The days melted into one another. I only got up to use the bathroom. The rest of the time, I watched the light change from morning to evening to night. I couldn’t sleep, nor could I stay awake.
However, when sunrays pushed through my window on what I believed to be the third day, I rose, tired of my self-pity. I didn’t deserve it.
My joints popped as I stretched and got dressed, coming to terms with my new reality. I swallowed over razor blades. Thorsten was dead. I had killed him. I was a monster, but I had to be a monster. I had to harden. If I hadn’t killed Thorsten, he would’ve gotten us both killed eventually.
I swallowed again, focusing on the pain sliding down and through my chest. I shouldn’t regret killing Thorsten. I should regret having sex with him and falling for him. Sex was something to be used to gain an advantage. I should’ve learned that much at Nocturnal Academy. Instead, I had allowed Thorsten to weaken me.
It was time to talk to Lily. I needed to know why she had written the letter and where we stood. I needed to know whether she was an ally or an enemy. It was a tactical move, nothing more.
Wearing a pair of cargo pants and a tank top, I wandered out of my room, gut turning over in anticipation of meeting Olwen, but there was no sight of him. A few guards nodded to me but didn’t meet my gaze. Word must’ve traveled around the mansion about the long-lost daughter sleeping with a vamp.
I found Lily in the kitchen, scrubbing some dirty dishes. My stomach rumbled out of desperation, cutting over the sickness, and I realized I hadn’t eaten in forever. She lifted her face to look at me and frowned, quickly going back to her dishes.
“I understand if you hate me and want to punish me. I deserve it. Do whatever you must.” Lily’s voice trembled. She was a ball of shame, her cheeks aflame, her shoulders hunched forward. “Go ahead. Do it.” She turned so that she was facing me, closed her eyes, and let her arms fall to her sides.
Instead of advancing, I exhaled slowly. Olwen had tricked her. She too had become his pawn. I allowed the stone around my heart to crumble. “Lily. I know you didn’t want to write the letter.” Before I could stop myself—foolish, I was being so weak and foolish, doing this again—I walked over and hugged her, needing the physical contact as much as she did. “What did Olwen threaten you with?”
Lily sniffed as I let go. “Nothing. I was so stupid. I thought you wanted me to deliver the letter to Thorsten.”
My fingernails dug into my palm, drawing blood. I embraced the pain. Let it come.
Lily dared to look at me as tears flowed down her cheeks. “I thought that was your note in the cleaning supply closet. ‘Tell Thorsten to meet me on the north hiking bridge.’ And I thought you wanted me to deliver it because you had to go gather information about Vuthus and couldn’t do it yourself. I’m the one who goes outside to sweep. It made sense.”
“Shit, Lily.” I slapped my hand over my mouth. Once again I’d gotten another person into my mess. When would I stop? Knowing what she’d done was punishment enough for Lily. She was barely holding it together. “I took a risk and now we’re both paying.” Turning away, I went to leave the kitchen.
But Lily wrapped her arms around me from behind. “It’s not your fault. It’s all just so messed up...” She choked up, unable to finish.
We stood there for a long moment, drawing warmth from each other.
“Onyx.” Atticus knocked on my door. Again.
I woke from my restless nap. Where was I again? My room. Olwen’s mansion. I reached for Thorsten, but of course he was gone. He would never come back. A fresh spike of pain impaled my heart, and I let out a screech. Most people let out cries of distress because they were in a nightmare. I did, because I had woken up.
“Onyx. Olwen wishes to speak to you immediately. Plans are in motion.” Atticus added that last line as if to reassure me.
I balled my fists and blinked as I sat up. I shouldn’t hate Atticus for his p
art in all of this, but right now, I did. This was the first time he had knocked on my door since Thorsten had plunged to his death. How much time had passed since I had met Lily in the kitchen?
“You must get up.”
“Give me a minute, will you!”
Atticus said nothing about my attitude. He wouldn’t, not after what he had done. I rose, realizing I was still in the cargo pants and tank top I had worn to the kitchen. Evening had arrived. Was it the evening of the same day? Had I eaten? Yes, I had choked down a sandwich.
Not bothering to change, I opened the door. Atticus walked beside me to the study where Olwen retreated to in the evenings. I squared my shoulders and lifted my head high. I would not show him that I was broken. He would see it as justification for what he had done.
I marched into the study to find Olwen waiting with two guards, a female and a male. Combat equipment spread across the table between us. Bows. Arrows. Daggers. Even wooden stakes. The guards were also decked out in combat gear I had grown familiar with.
I swallowed down my pain. Tonight, we would finally move against Vulthus. The air was thick with anticipation. I would at least have my revenge against the monster who had taken so much from me.
“Onyx.” Olwen gave a sharp nod. “Vulthus is at his mansion tonight. The information you provided was correct.”
So that was it, then. No acknowledgement of what I had done. We were moving into battle. I was a warrior and nothing more. I swallowed my emotions and focused on the reward—Vulthus’s head. Ice coated my heart. Cold flowed through my veins as my magic rose to the surface. There would be no need for any injections now. I would kill. It was what I was meant to do. Revenge would be mine. But at what horrific price?
“I had Vulthus agree to meet with me for a truce,” Olwen continued, his face stony. “A negotiation. I have told him that even though you are my daughter, I’m disappointed in your abilities, that they only match that of my weak warriors and that I have no use for you. I made it clear that I’d be willing to return you to him in exchange for a proper standing in the vamp society.”
Savage Monarchs (A New Adult Prison Academy Novel) (Nocturnal Academy Book 3) Page 14