by T. S. Joyce
To her bafflement, Graylan stood on the other side, arms braced on the frame, head down as he glared at the carpet. He shoved off the door and narrowed his eyes at it, then turned and strode out of sight. Huh.
Just as she was about to ease away from the peep hole, Graylan returned, hand raised as if he was going to knock. But he didn’t. Instead, he gritted his teeth and scrubbed his hand down his face, then shook his head and walked off, only to return again. He leaned against the opposite wall, head canted as he stared at her door. What on earth was he doing?
Arms crossed, eyes troubled, he was the epitome of a man completely at odds with himself. Pushing off the wall, he shrugged out of his jacket, then pulled his shirt over his head.
Holy mother of eggnog. Emry’s eyes popped wide as she raked her gaze down the cords of thick muscle in his throat to the perfect indentation between his pecs. His Adonis abs flexed with every breath, and his arms were cut, rippling with the movement of tossing his sweater to the ground beside his door. And that tattoo she’d been dying to get a look at was on full display now. From here, it looked tribal, stretching from his forearm to his shoulder.
He cast her door one more side glance, then bared his teeth and disappeared down the hallway toward the stairs.
Why would he strip down in the hallway? Unless he was going to shift! And he’d wanted to ask her something, or tell her something. He’d just chickened out. Emry zipped her jacket up to her chin and threw open the door. She jogged down the stairs and out the front door into the chilly night.
“Graylan,” she called, stopping him in his tracks.
His pants were in a pile near her feet on the porch, but the cold didn’t seem to bother him as he stood with his back to her in the middle of the yard.
“I want to see this part of you,” she said, voice shaking. “Will you show me?”
Graylan cast her a glance over his shoulder. “Swear not to run?”
“I won’t ever run. I swear it.”
His eyes blazed as he looked at her once more before he hunched inward, and with a smattering of pops like snapping bones, an enormous snow-colored bear exploded from him.
A polar bear. Emry’s heart pounded against her chest as realization surged through her. Graylan was an enormous polar bear shifter.
He lowered to all fours, rattling the ground beneath her feet. Step after powerful step drew him closer to her. His nose was the color of coffee, contrasting with his pure white fur, but his eyes were still the ice blue she’d grown to adore.
Her breath heaving, she took a tentative step toward him. He wouldn’t hurt her. He wouldn’t! He’d told her not to run, so he must’ve been telling her she’d be safe with him in this form. Still, that didn’t stop a terrified sound from wrenching from her as she stepped off the last porch stair onto the crunching snow.
A soft hum sounded from his throat, eerily similar to the satisfied growl he’d given her when they’d gone hunting for a Christmas tree. This was her Graylan, and he wouldn’t hurt her. Every careful step he took toward her said he was trying not to scare her.
His eyes were soft and relaxed, questioning if this was all okay as he froze right in front of her, close enough that she could reach out and touch his fur. Pursing her lips, she held out her hand. Graylan leaned into her touch, and a long, shuddering sigh escaped her lips. Her breath froze on the wind, the fear leaving her body.
“I see you,” she whispered. “And I still care about you just like before. Maybe more now that you let me in. Now, you don’t have to hide anymore. Not from me.”
The rumbling noise grew louder, and then tapered off. He nudged his giant head into her stomach, pushing her back a few steps with how unintentionally powerful he was. Twin tears warmed her cheeks as she stroked down the side of his face. He was soft and surprisingly warm, and this moment was so surreal, she had to anchor herself in the here and now. She was petting a Changed bear shifter. No, not just any Changed shifter. She was with her bear—her Graylan, who had trusted her enough to share his secret side with only her.
She was the luckiest.
“I’ll wait,” she whispered. “I know you have to spend some time in this form, but I’ll be here with a blanket when you get back.”
Graylan rumbled an approving sound and nudged his head down her side, causing her to giggle when she lost her footing and stumbled. Graylan huffed steam from his long snout as he turned and walked away. She smiled when he looked back at her over his shoulder just before he disappeared into the woods.
Even as an animal, he cared for her. As long as she lived, she’d never forget this feeling. He’d allowed himself, this powerful man, to be vulnerable in front of her. He’d allowed her into the part of his life he hadn’t shared with anyone else, simply because it had been what she needed.
Even if tonight was all she had with him, she’d never forget how happy she was, right here, in this moment.
Graylan Young had just given her the greatest holiday present anyone had ever gifted her.
He’d given her his trust.
****
Emry took a deep, steadying breath and clutched tighter in her lap the red comforter she’d yanked off her bed. Movement ghosted the tree line, and she sat ramrod straight in the creaking porch swing as Graylan sauntered from the woods in his human form—his ripped, muscles-flexing-with-every-swing-of-his-arms, tattoo-bearing, bright-eyed, sexy, smiling form. He oozed male bravado and confidence, clearly unconcerned with his long, thick erection that swung slightly with his steady gait.
“Oookay,” she said on a nervous breath, standing to meet him.
His powerful strides lengthened the closer he got.
“Hi,” she murmured as he took the stairs two at a time to reach her.
“Hey,” he rumbled, voice gravel and silk. His lips crashed onto hers as he scooped her up and drove her backward toward the front door.
How was he so warm after being out here in the cold like this? Angling his head, he plunged his tongue against hers. As the shock wore off, she pulled the blanket around his shoulders as he kicked the door closed behind them.
Emry whispered, “Helena—”
“Is asleep. I can hear her snoring,” Graylan murmured, matching her quiet voice.
The house was dark, but that didn’t seem to hinder Graylan as he pulled her knees around his waist and padded up the stairs as if she weighed less than fresh snowfall.
“You can come in my room,” she rasped as he trailed kisses down her neck.
“No,” he murmured against her neck as he shoved open his door. Easing back, Graylan searched her eyes. “I want to be with you in my den.”
This sounded important. The way he said that made it seem like he was telling her much more than she could understand.
Emry leaned forward and pecked his lips softly. “I’d like that.”
Gingerly, he set her on her feet and watched her intently as she looked around his place—his den. It was different than she remembered when the last tenant had lived here. A few boxes were lined against the wall, but other than those, the room was impeccable. A couch sat in front of a dark fireplace with a blanket folded perfectly over the back of it. His bed along the back wall was made, the chocolate-colored comforter clear of wrinkles. Even the remote controls for the television and stereo were lined up neatly on the natural wood coffee table. Perhaps his animal required organization, or maybe Graylan was clean naturally. Emry was much messier by nature.
“Do you like it?”
With a grin, she said, “It’s missing holiday decorations.”
Graylan chuckled and pulled her close. “I might be persuaded to tie some mistletoe over the door, but no more than that.”
“I knew it,” she murmured triumphantly as she nuzzled her cheek against his smooth chest. “I’m rubbing off on you.”
Graylan hooked a finger under her chin and lifted her gaze to his. “I think you are changing me in the best ways.”
She should be terrified by his glowing
eyes, but she couldn’t conjure fear right now if she tried. Graylan was good. Down to his bones, he was a protective soul, and she fell under his umbrella of protection now. She could tell by the adoration pooling in his inhuman gaze. By the hesitant smile that told her she was beautiful to him.
She was safe here with Graylan. All of the grit in her life melted away until it was just them. She took a shaky breath and unzipped her jacket. Seconds stretched on as she shrugged out of her clothes. But when she reached around to unclasp the lacy red bra she’d worn in hopes of this happening between them, Graylan settled her hand with his.
“Let me,” he said in a deep, husky voice.
After guiding her to the back of the sofa, he leaned her against it and unsnapped her lingerie with an easy snick. His fingers glided along her skin, pulling the straps from her arms. A shudder ran up her spine as he reached her wrists. Sinking to his knees in front of her, Graylan pulled her jeans and panties down slowly, drawing gooseflesh where his warm touch caressed her.
Attention between her legs, he gripped the backs of her knees and bit the top of her thigh with a gentle nip. A gasp left her throat as she arched against him, pleading silently for more.
He grazed his teeth closer to her sex this time, and she ran her fingers through his hair. “Please,” she moaned.
“You like my mouth this close to you, Emry?”
Unable to form the word, she nodded and rolled her hips slightly. Graylan gripped her hips and kissed her right on the spot she was most sensitive. Damn, he was good. How did the man know exactly the right buttons to push to get her heart pounding like this? Legs weak, she leaned farther back against the sofa as her eyes rolled closed. His tongue brushed between her legs, and her fingers twitched in his hair. He was teasing her now, going too slow for her to climax, but always keeping the pressure on. When his tongue slipped inside of her, she nearly lost it, but Graylan—clever Graylan—eased out and sucked gently.
“I’m going to… Graylan, I don’t want to come like this.”
Leaning back, he nibbled her thigh again and whispered against her oversensitive skin, “How do you want to come?”
“I read that you don’t get sick. Is that true?”
“Truth.”
“I’m on the pill.” She gripped his hair and made him look up at her. “I want to feel you.”
His eyes went wide, pupils dilating until the glow in his eyes dimmed. He swayed slightly. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“If we do this, it’ll change things between us.”
She smiled and raked her fingernails over his scalp until the soft humming sounded from his chest. “Good.”
He trailed his finger down the gooseflesh on her leg. “You’re cold.”
More like nervous, but the chill in the room wasn’t helping. Leaning forward, he kissed between her legs once more before he rocked to standing. After plucking her discarded blanket from the floor, he wrapped it around her shoulders and pulled her hand until she was standing in front of the fireplace beside him.
A match lit up between his finger and thumb, casting away the shadows from Graylan’s face with glowing orange light. He ran the tiny flame across crumpled up sheets of newspaper in the fireplace until a blaze caught. Crackling logs banished the silence.
“Come here,” he murmured through that slow, sexy smile of his.
Excitement quivered in her belly as she slid her hand against his outstretched fingertips. He held her ensnared in that beautiful gaze of his until the last moment when he bent and kissed her lips. From the humming energy that coursed from his body and the tautness of his coiled muscles, he was a powerful man. But here in the dark, his touch was gentle. Soft stroking up her arm, cupping her neck as if she were precious, tasting her lips unrushed, Graylan was melting her with every caress, banishing her tension.
His tongue brushed the closed seam of her lips, and she opened for him. Breath trembling, Emry ran her fingernails gently down his chest to his abs, then to the creases of muscle that wrapped around his hips. He shuddered under her touch. How empowering that a man as strong as Graylan was so affected by a single touch from her. She couldn’t stop her smile if she tried, and Graylan canted his head, eyes dancing.
“What?”
When Emry stroked her nails back up his stomach, his shoulders shook in a deep shudder. “I like that you are as affected by me as I am by you. I haven’t had that before.” She hadn’t meant for her voice to come out so vulnerable on that last part, but it did, and the smile fell from Graylan’s face.
He grabbed the folded blanket from the back of the couch and spread it out in front of the fireplace, then pulled her down to straddle his lap and wrapped her comforter tighter around her shoulders. Leaning back on one locked arm, he cupped her cheek and ran the pad of his thumb softly underneath her lashes. “You affect me more than you know. It scares me sometimes, but mostly it feels right.”
Sadness slashed through her chest. His admission felt huge, but he would still leave soon. Graylan seemed like the most important person to ever come into her life, yet her time with him was limited by what his animal was capable of. His stay here, in her arms, was only temporary, while the changes he’d begun in her would stay forever. There was tragedy in that.
Desperate to escape the ache, she reached for him. Kissing him hard she rolled her hips against him. The fire was warm, and it cast appealing shadows over the man she was falling hopelessly in love with. How sad she only had right now with him.
She hated his bear for not allowing Graylan to settle in a place.
She loved his bear because he had shared that part with her.
Swallowing a sob, she trailed biting kisses along his jaw and down his neck. Graylan’s breath hitched as her slick folds rubbed up the length of his hard shaft. She rolled against him again, and his hips jerked. She could come like this so easily, but she wanted more—needed more. She needed a better connection with him in order to stifle the blooming hurt that pulsed against her chest.
Graylan’s fingertips dug into her hips, and he cursed softly as she lifted off him enough to press the swollen head of his cock inside her. Cupping the back of his head as he brushed a kiss onto her shoulder, she slid onto him slowly, savoring the feel of him stretching and filling her. A growl ripped through him as he thrust deeper into her, then eased back. His muscles twitched, arms flexed as he pulled her closer. She gasped his name on the next thrust, body clenching around him. Slow, too slow, and she needed more. Pressure built to blinding, and she threw her head back and begged. His lips were warm, pressing against her tripping pulse in her neck, and when she clawed his back to punish him for his slow pace, he gave in. His teeth grazed the fevered flesh at the base of her throat as release crashed through her in pulsing waves. He froze and gripped her neck with his own throbbing climax, rasping out her name as he crushed her against him.
Graylan went rigid and gasped, then jerked away, landing hard on his locked arms. His eyes went wide, and the inhuman fire in them blazed. His chest was heaving as if he were struggling for breath.
“Graylan, what’s wrong?” she asked, panicked. She pressed her palm against his chest where his heart was pounding double-time.
“That was…” He swallowed hard and shook his head. “Something happened.”
Gooseflesh rippled across his skin, so she leaned against him and pulled the corners of the blanket around him. Heat flushed her cheeks as she rested her face against his torso. “Was I bad?”
“No! Hell no. You were… That was the best.” He swallowed again and ran his hands roughly through his hair before he wrapped his arms around her. “It’s never been like that for me before.”
Something was wrong. He was acting strange, and now he was shaking. Emry slid off him and pressed him back until he was laying down, then she snuggled up beside him. “Tell me what’s happening. Just tell me what you’re thinking right now.”
Graylan shook his head back and forth slowly and stared up a
t the ceiling as he stroked her hair in an absent sort of way. “I wanted to bite you.”
“Oh,” she said on a breath. “That sounds bad.”
“For you, not for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“For bear shifters, that’s how we claim a mate.”
Emry’s heartbeat drummed against her sternum as she stared at the rise and fall of his chest. Hope filled her, and she tried to trample that inconvenient skank down. Graylan was leaving, and her home was here. Plus, she’d done the research. A bite would Turn her, and she didn’t want a bear inside of her, dictating her instincts and fighting for her skin. Graylan was born a shifter, and he still couldn’t control the blazing color of his eyes. She had zero impulse control and would suck as a bear shifter.
“Say something,” he murmured.
She couldn’t expose her weakness to a man so strong. She couldn’t tell him about her fear of being a shifter, so she told him the most honest thing she’d been feeling since he’d come into her life. “I don’t want you to leave.”
Silence stretched on and on between them, and that was answer enough. He was as good as gone. She’d known that and gave her heart to him, anyway. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Soft chimes trilled out from Graylan’s cell phone on the coffee table.
“Do you need to get that?” she asked in a defeated voice.
“No, it’s an alarm.” He sounded completely distracted, and he was still stroking her hair as if he didn’t realize he was doing it. “I’m supposed to be on shift tonight. Another storm is coming through, and we’re supposed to be putting down sand and salt to keep the ice from getting too bad.”
Suddenly feeling vulnerable and exposed, she stood, wrapping her comforter tightly around her. “You should go take care of that.”
His dark eyebrows drew down, and he propped up on his elbows. “You smell angry.”
“I’m going back to my room.” Dipping down, she grabbed her jeans and searched frantically for her panties. Where had she lost those at? Her limbs felt like noodles, and her mind was all muddy, and aw, forget it. He could keep the damned things. A souvenir to remind him of his conquest.