by Mj Fields
Lost in my thoughts, I realize that it does not go unnoticed that L-L-I-N-K-S 1, Lucas Links, Lucas, or, to make it easier, I will now use LL at his mention, is looking back at me, his self-appointed “challenge.” I don’t like that he thinks he can play games with me. I also don’t like that, for some reason, it makes my heart beat a bit faster, or that his eyes are the color of the trees, or that he is incredibly built … any of that. But, what worries me the most is that I have never backed down from a challenge, and I have a feeling neither has he.
When the assembly finally ends, I’m the first to stand and head out of the auditorium. Jade, Becca, and Phoebe follow behind me as I head to the signups.
Jade writes her name on the sign up for chorus.
“Jade Ross.” LL’s friend winks at her. “Now I have a name to go with that pretty face.”
Smooth, I think and can’t help but laugh as Becca, Phoebe, and I sign up, too.
Sitting in English, listening to Mr. Mandel give out a list of the semester’s required reading, I overhear a group of implants whispering behind me. The name Lucas Links catches my attention. I try to force my ear elsewhere, but the dark-haired, green-eyed, square-jawed man-boy has obviously piqued my interests.
Chewing on my pencil, my thoughts wander. He’s tall and built, not lanky like the majority of boys our age. His clothes fit him flawlessly. His shirts hug his pecs and biceps just enough that you know they’re there. And his butt … hmm … football pants would surely look great on him, but probably no better than his dark jeans that rest perfectly on his hips. He seriously has the nicest ass.
Get a hold of yourself! I silently scold myself.
But Lord help me, I think as I lean back and listen.
“He’s so fine … Have you heard what he did in the storage closet.”
“I heard he could make a girl orgasm just by talking to her.”
“I am going to have him just once before graduation. Since he and Sadi”—must be the blonde with zero social skills—“split up, he’s on the market.”
“I heard that boy was hung.”
Oh my … My chair tips back, and I not so gracefully grab the desk, barely catching myself from falling on my ass.
Serves you right, Tessa.
After righting myself, I look around to see who may have witnessed my moment of idiocy.
No one, thank God.
“I talked with Coach V. He said, since you just transferred, and if you are interested, you could join the field hockey team.”
Phoebe looks up from her schedule with hopeful eyes. “I wouldn’t have to try out?”
“I mean, you may not start at first, but we can practice and get you caught up. Then maybe—”
“I’ll have to ask Mrs. Brooks.” Her new foster mother.
“We can go to the office. Mrs. Murry would let you use the phone to call home.”
At the use of home, her eyes do some nervous flutter thing, and I immediately feel like a jerk.
“I didn’t mean—”
“It is what it is, right?” She shrugs. “And yeah, if you think she won’t be upset, I think I’d like that. But I don’t have a uniform and—”
“Gym clothes for practices, and there are plenty of uniforms in the storage locker.”
She smiles genuinely now; I assume the ease of not having to ask an almost stranger whose home you just moved into causes some anxiety. “Then yes. Definitely yes.”
I open my locker and shove my books in before Study Hall, which is right before lunch, and something falls out of it.
I pick up the paper and open it.
Tessa Ross,
You’re lovely.
“Did you get a note?” Jade asks from behind me.
“Yeah. Weird. I have no idea who it is.” I mean, I have a suspicion, but it couldn’t be. I hand her the note.
“It’s from Lucas. He asked for your number, too!” Jade giggles.
“And you gave it to him?” I gasp.
“Tommy asked for it nicely, so I gave him both of ours.”
“Jade, seriously?”
Right now, I feel a lot like one of our barn cats getting that fourth belly rub, the one that lets you know they seriously only wanted three. But, instead of hissing or scratching my best friend and cousin, I slam my locker and walk away.
I have spent my life involved in the farm, my family, our church and, over the past few years, worrying over Alex and Jade. With the heavy hanging over me at home, now is not the time to allow my stomach to get all tied up in knots over a boy, no matter how incredibly good-looking he is.
Let’s not forget the conversation I overheard about LL, because that is definitely not what I want in my life.
When I’m ready, I’d like to date a guy who, like Jade mentioned, hasn’t worked for my family. I’d like to fall in love, not become he sees me some sort of challenge, and definitely not just because his best friend makes Jade all giddy and flirty.
I certainly don’t like the way I felt when LL looked at me. And I don’t like the fact that the note, now fisted in my hand, makes me feel like I’m Supergirl holding kryptonite when I should be throwing it as far away from me as I can.
There is, however, something about him that unnerves me. Or maybe he just gets on my nerves. I don’t have the time or the luxury for being weak. Not now when Alex and Jade finally seem to be breathing again and not with the dark cloud hanging over the farm.
I walk to the trash can and toss the note.
Chapter Three
I thought the only thing I could truly love more than my hair is finding gratification from helping my loved ones — but, turns out, I also have this uncanny ability to blur those that take up too much space in my head, for the rest of the day, I do just that.
Phoebe Maxwell has the most amazing smile, and she’s lit up most of the day. She’s over the moon excited that she will be playing field hockey with Becca, Jade, and I. During gym class, Coach Val let us grab her gear, and she and I happen to both wear size seven shoes, so we cleaned up my old cleats, and I gave her my new ones. She tried to object, but I told her that the old ones were my favorite, anyway—they were all broken in. Aside from that, I loved that she was getting something only a little bit used, as I just wore them around the house to try to break them in.
I don’t know her story, nor will I pry, but it seems to me that a girl like Phoebe deserves some good in her life. If being part of a team and wearing only a partially- used pair of cleats makes her smile like that, she’s definitely the kind of person I want to surround myself with. The bonus, in which I do not share, is that no one on the team has seen them, so they’ll never know. Not that it matters to possibly anyone but me, but it does matter to me. I’m not sure how, but I know she and I are going to be great friends.
Walking out of the locker room door, a little bit of that blur disappears, knowing we’re in close proximity and getting closer every second to that football field, in which we have to pass to get to our practice.
Walking past the football players and cheerleaders, we hear a whistle, followed by, “Nice skirt, pretty girl.”
I look at Jade, because I know that voice—LL’s sidekick—and see her raise a finger over her shoulder.
“Damn, Tommy, was that your girl?” LL’s unmistakable voice booms in fake shock.
“You’re breaking my heart, pretty girl,” Tommy calls after her.
I look back and see him drop to his knees.
I elbow Jade and tilt my head back, knowing she’ll love it.
Jade turns around and gives him a quick smile, whereas I jog ahead.
Today at practice, we ran the perimeter at the state park that borders the school’s property, including the one hundred plus stairs, two times. So, as much as I thought Phoebe and I would be great friends, I’m thinking she’s going to hate me after this practice. Hell, I hate me right now.
When we return to the locker room, Coach V is waiting.
“This is like basic training, ladies.
It’ll show us who is varsity field hockey material and who isn’t. If it’s not for you, don’t bother coming back tomorrow. Half of you will make it through the next two weeks, and the others will walk away. It’s not for everyone. We’re looking for skill and heart. That’s a wrap.” He claps. “See you all tomorrow.” Then he leaves the room.
I look at Phoebe who, God love her, is still smiling.
“Let’s shower at home?” Becca asks.
“Okay.” Phoebe nods.
“I’m seriously starving,” Becca admits.
“See you tomorrow.” Phoebe smiles at me as she grabs her bags.
Jade smiles at her. “You got heart, Phoebe. Now let’s see your skills tomorrow.”
Like seriously, it’s infectious.
“Oh, I’ll bring it,” she calls back as she follows Becca.
Jade looks at me. “We love her, right?”
“Even more so now. She’s got some sass in her.”
Showered and dressed, Jade and I walk out to the back parking lot to see if Alex is still here. When I don’t see the truck, I realize that he probably thought we were catching a ride with Becca.
Suddenly, I hear a car racing toward the sidewalk then the sound of brakes and …
“You crushed me, pretty girl,” Tommy shouts from LL’s car as they pull up next to us.
Jade laughs as Tommy jumps out of the car, shirtless, holding his hand over his heart as he falls dramatically to his knees.
Okay, up close, I kind of like his smile, too. It’s … sweet.
The engine to the Trans Am revs, and I decide to ignore it as I dig in my bag for … absolutely nothing. However, I do pull out a note that reads:
You look hot, Tessa.
LL
I roll my eyes, ignore it, and shove it back in my bag.
“Is that how it’s gonna be, Tessa?” LL leans over and rests his elbow on the console between the seats, flashing his perfectly white half-smile.
“Oh, I’m sorry, was that from you?” I ask sarcastically.
“You’re not used to this kind of attention, are you?” he asks, trying to hide his amusement. “You need to get used to it, Tessa Ross. I’m going to be watching you.”
“Sounds kind of stalker-ish, LL.”
“No, Tessa, just someone who admires your assets.” He looks me up and down.
“Wow, does that normally work for you?” I turn away, annoyed and embarrassed.
“Jade, you ready?”
Jade is kneeling down, laughing at Tommy, who then stands, pulls her up, and asks, “Can we give you ladies a lift?”
“Sure. We were going to probably walk to Tessa’s house, but now I guess we don’t have to.”
“Thanks for accepting.”
“Yeah, thanks, Jade,” I grumble as Tommy opens the door and slides in the back.
“Looks like you’re up here with me, Tessa Ross.” Lucas states the obvious.
“Oh my, I feel—”
“Honored?” He grins.
I get in and sit. “Not the word I was looking for, but whatever.”
I cross my arms over my chest and hear him chuckle.
Ignoring him, I look back and see Jade’s face lit up as she smiling at Tommy who points to the clouds through the T-top, resting his head on her shoulder. Then I turn and look out the window, secretly wishing I could crawl out of it.
Lucas revs the engine then hits the gas, flying through the now near-empty parking lot and hanging a crazy fast right on Main Street as I scramble to put on my seat belt.
A few blocks down, he grumbles, “Fuck.”
I look at him then follow his gaze. Immediately, I see that blonde, Sadi, half a block down, looking toward us.
“Don’t ask questions, just bend down and hide,” he almost demands.
I do what he asks immediately then get pissed at myself for doing so.
“Okay, the coast is clear,” he says much softer this time. “Sorry, Tessa. Crazy ex.”
Pissed, I spit, “That won’t happen again.”
His green eyes flash in something like amusement, but different. Something … way different.
“That cloud looks like a monkey,” Tommy says from the back seat. “Do you like animals, Jade?”
“Yes. Why?” Jade stills.
“Just wondering. I want to know everything about you. You’re perfect on the outside. I just want to know you. Is that all right?”
“I guess so. Since you asked so nicely.”
“I told you, Jade. I always will.”
As we get closer to the farm, I feel incredibly uncomfortable.
Jade leans forward and taps Lucas on the shoulder. “Could you pull up this road and let us out? I don’t want my aunt and uncle to get upset about us riding with you guys without asking first.”
Lucas pulls over, reaches across the car, and pushes the release on my seat belt. His hand lingers for a second on my leg, and my skin tingles with adrenaline. I even feel my entire body begin to heat.
“I think you’re hot. You’d have to agree I’m not hard on the eyes, either. Just think about it. I would love to spend time with you, Tessa Ross.” He squeezes my leg, and I jerk back.
“Thank you for the ride.” Uncomfortable, I shove the door open and jump out. Jade follows.
“Come to my game this weekend?” Tommy asks Jade.
“My cousin plays. Of course, I’ll be there.”
“Oh, that’s right. Well, when I make a touchdown and hold my hand like this”—Tommy grins, making his fingers into a J—“you know I’m thinking of you, pretty girl.”
Jade blushes, and I almost laugh, because I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen that. But I don’t, because I’m pretty sure I am fire engine red from the tips of my toes to the top of my head.
Once Lucas pulls away, Jade laughs. “He’s so cute and funny, and he really likes me!”
The rest of the quarter mile walk up Old Stage Road, grinning from ear to ear, Jade gives a recount on the two-mile ride, as if I wasn’t in the same vehicle. Hell, I’m pretty sure she thinks she was on her own planet.
I love that she’s happy, and I love that she doesn’t even notice I’m kind of a mess, so I listen intently.
That borrowed happiness dissipates, though, as soon as we walk into the house and I see two old suitcases by the door.
Jade gives me a questioning look, and I do what I always do—I wall up and act unaffected, minimizing the stress it may cause Jade to see me emotional, thus making her forget that, for the past five minutes, she was happier than she’s ever been.
I shrug and let the numbness overtake me.
The lingering clouds are about to break, a storm is about to rock Ross Farms, and I have to be stronger than ever. Strong for Jade, for Alex, for Kendall, for Jake—basically for everyone.
But can I be?
“I think I saw Dad’s truck out back, in front of the shop. I’ll call you later?”
I nod as she hugs me tightly before walking out the door.
Standing at the sink, I see Mom holding Jake’s and Kendall’s hands as they walk from the barn to the house.
The blur proves to be penetrable as we all sit around the table. I’m not sure what I expected. These are my people, the ones I hold the nearest and dearest.
Dad stands at the head of it, and when he places a sad smile on his face, my heart immediately hurt.
Lots of words are spoken, but the short version is that things changed between my parents. The playfulness between them ended some time ago. I know this. Even before the past month, I caught Mom crying in the bathroom more than once. And, deep down, I knew that the thorough cleaning was not the normal organizing of the house that takes place in the fall.
When my knee begins bouncing under the table, I’m overwhelmed with the want to run, to avoid what’s coming next.
Dad takes a deep breath and tells us that he and Mom need a break from one another. That it has nothing to do with us, the kids. The part that nearly causes the d
am to break is that Mom already has an apartment ten miles away and is going there tonight. I didn’t expect that so soon, and I feel betrayed because, out of all of us, I spent the most time with Mom over the past few months, and she said … nothing.
Dad continues, “We decided it would be best for you all to stay here for the week so you can settle into the new school year.”
Dad looks at me and doesn’t say anything. And, although I’ve been strong … so strong over the past few years, he’s looking at me like he did when I was younger. It’s no secret that when I allow myself to feel, I become a bit hard to handle. Even I’m aware of it.
My chest tightens, and I feel my breaths become harder and faster.
Dad begins talking again. “You are not choosing when and where you go between our places. You’re still our children, so we make those choices. Maggie and I agree that’s too heavy a cross for you all to carry, so there will be no discussion or choices about this. It’s for the adults in the situation to make. Maggie’s going to get the apartment set up and ready for the weekend. Then we’ll discuss how the weekends will work.”
“Or weeks,” Mom says.
I’ve never seen Dad pissed at Mom, or hurt by her, for that matter, because it’s never happened. His eyes now, though, they flash both feelings at the same time.
Sensing things are about to get heated, something Dad said neither of them wants, Mom stands, eyes shining with unshed tears, and holds out her arms. “Come give me a hug, and I’ll get on my way.”
As soon as Mom leaves, I put my shoes on and head outside. The door slamming causes the first tear to fall.
Five. My feet pound on the cracked sidewalk, and I swear to God above I’m going to fix that damn door myself. Then, in the next breath, I hope it never gets fixed, because it’s just a damn door.
I also couldn’t care less that my feet hurt from running for almost two hours at practice and my body is exhausted.