by Mj Fields
At lunch, as I’m pushing my food around, Lucas takes my fork, loads it up with pasta, and says, “Open.”
Not wanting him to worry, I laugh and open my mouth.
“Now bite it.”
The way he says it is a miserable attempt, although also funny, to mimic what I said to him in the park.
He arches a brow, and I roll my eyes, sitting back and chewing. Then he loads the fork again.
“Need the carbs, baby. Open.”
From behind me, I hear the annoying and unmistakable shrill voice of Sadi. “Good God, what now? Did they break her hands, too?”
Without thinking, nor caring, I push back in my seat and stand. “Walk with me, Sadi. If you don’t, I’ll drag your ass out of here.”
“Tessa, let it go,” Lucas says.
“I’m not afraid of you, bitch. Let’s walk.” Sadi storms out of the cafeteria.
“Locker room!” I yell at her.
Lucas grabs my hand, but I pull it away. “I got this.”
“Tessa!” he yells, and I look back to see Alex and Ryan holding him back.
“Ignoring her shit hasn’t done a damn thing. Let her go,” Ryan insists.
“She gets hurt, and it’s on you!” Lucas heads for the locker room.
“My sister’s going to be fine,” Alex growls.
Storming into the locker room, I come face to face with a seething Sadi.
“What the fuck is your problem with me?” I yell.
“Isn’t it obvious, you whore?” Sadi yells back.
I lean against the lockers. “I guess it is, but tell me something. Is this making it any better for you? Does this help you get through your day?”
“Don’t try to shrink me, Tessa. The minute you stop fucking him, he’ll be crawling back to me. He always does!”
Shaking my head and rolling my eyes, I sigh. “Sadi, I haven’t slept with him.”
“Whatever. Now you’re a lying whore.” Her voice shakes but is much calmer. She looks visibly upset and confused.
I sit down on a bench and look at her. “No, Sadi, I’m not.”
“So, is that your game? You’re stringing him along so he pants after you like a little puppy?”
“I love him, and he loves me. It’s not like that.”
Everything about her hardens. “He loves you? What makes you think that, you delusional bitch?”
“Do you really want to know the answer to that question?”
“Among others,” she says.
“Then ask away.”
“Why do you think he loves you?” She looks at me with contempt.
“Because he tells me he does.”
She shakes her head. “Have you even met his mother?”
I should not feel sorry for her, but it’s hard not to. “You’ve seen me at games with her, Sadi.”
“Has he told you about us?”
“That’s not my business.”
She looks around the room like she wants to escape then steps back and sits. “Do you know about the girls who beat your ass at the hockey game?”
I nod. “I do.”
“Did he tell you he told me he loved me?” Sadi asks.
“Yes.”
“Does he still?” she asks, tearing up.
“I know he cared after you jumped me in the parking lot, or he wouldn’t have gotten you out of there.”
“Does that bother you?”
“No. You share a past.”
“We do.” She squares her shoulders and looks at me. “I was pregnant. I had an abortion. I aborted our baby.” Then she begins to cry.
I walk over and sit next to her. Then, without thinking of her as the torturous bitch she’s been, seeing her now as the girl who Lucas once loved, I put an arm around her and pull her head against my shoulder.
“Don’t you want to know why?” Sadi sniffs back tears.
“It’s not any of my business. That’s between the two of you and God.”
“He slept with the girls who attacked you, and I wanted his game to be over. I couldn’t handle it. I was scared, and I didn’t want to have his baby and be connected to him forever. He hates me because of it, and I hate me, too.” She starts to shake.
The story he told wasn’t exactly the same, and a bit of unease begins to set in, but the words, “Thank you for loving me, anyway,” makes it as okay as it can be.
“I can’t imagine what it must have been like, to have to make that decision. I’m so sorry.”
“I hate you. I hate you so much.” She cries then whispers, “And I don’t know why.”
“I understand, and I don’t know how. But I do know that it’s hurting you to be so angry. You’re stunning and young, and although I have yet to see it, I bet you’re lovable.”
She laughs silently as she wipes her eyes and pulls away. “How do you do it? How do you not give in to him?”
“He told me he loves me, and I love him. I want it to be right and have no regrets if it ends.”
She smiles weakly. “Can I still hate you?”
“If you need to, I guess, but could you please stop trying to beat me up? That’s getting annoying,” I tease, sort of, because she says nothing more, and I guess it is what it is.
The bell rings, and I stand. “Gotta get to class.”
“Good luck tonight,” Sadi yells from behind me as she follows me out the door.
I turn back. “Thanks, Sadi.”
Outside the locker room, Jade, Becca, Phoebe, Tommy, and Lucas stand waiting. Down the hall a bit, I see Alex and Ryan, who both nod to me. I nod back, telling them, without words, that I am fine, and yes, they were right in assuming I’d deal with it and walk out unscathed.
Sadi walks up to Lucas. “I forgive you.” Then she walks away.
To witness that forgiveness is kind of beautiful. I mean, beautiful if it wasn’t Sadi and she wasn’t saying those words to my boyfriend, who she shares a past with, and still both clearly have some sort of feelings toward each other.
Lucas grabs my hand and pulls me toward him. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I reply.
“Are you pissed at me?” he asks.
I shake my head and whisper, “You left out the fact that you were with the three blondes before, you know?”
His face hardens. “You told her you knew?”
“No, she asked me if you told me what happened with the two of you. I told her it was none of my business. She got emotional and told me what she’d done. Then she told me why.”
He steps back. “You hate me now?”
“I told you, and now her, that I was not involved with you then. That was your past. As long as it stays there, we’re fine.” I place my hand on his chest, and he tenses up. “I have no problem letting it go. But Lucas, you have to make yourself forgive her. She made a horrible decision on her own that was brought on by the pain you caused her. No, it wasn’t right, but who are you to judge her?”
His lip curls. “So, I’m a piece of shit because of what she did?”
“No, Lucas, but you hurt her. Regardless of what she did, you need to take some ownership and forgive her, starting with saying you’re sorry that your head was wherever the dark place it went to when this all went down.”
He steps back. “Why do you think you get to tell me what to do? Who do you think you are?”
I look at him, confused at the sudden change, and then tell him, “The person who loves you, anyway.”
He steps back then storms off.
I immediately feel ill. Like mouthwatering, I’m-going-to-throw-up kind of ill.
I turn and run back into the locker room.
“You okay, Tessa?” Jade asks, pulling my hair back as I vomit.
“No, Jade, I’m not.” I throw up again.
Sitting on the bench, braiding Phoebe’s hair, I tug at the ends. “It’s grown so much in the past three weeks.”
“Do you like it better like this or shorter?” she asks, reaching over her shoulder, holding a Saltine.
I grab it with my mouth and nibble at the end while tying the bow at the end of one of her braids.
After finishing the cracker, I answer, “Your hair is full and has so many cool layers. It looks great either way.”
Becca holds out a cup of juice with a straw, and I take a drink as I tie the second bow. “Thanks, Becs.” I look back at Phoebe, who is holding Jade’s compact, looking at herself. “You’re all set.”
“You feeling better now?” Jade asks.
“Yeah, I’m good.” And I am. Regardless of what happens on the field, with Lucas, or … Mom.
“Head in the game, Ross,” Becca says.
“Attention ladies, this is your captain, Phoebe, speaking. It is going to be a rough flight, but we are in for a smooth landing. The penalty box is to your right.” She points like an airline attendant would then points again. “And to your left, the bench where you can enjoy some cool, refreshing Blue Valley water, or a complimentary ice pack.”
I can’t help but burst out laughing.
“In case of emergency, please feel free to utilize the exit. But, above all, be sure to be alert and make every stroke count.”
“I seriously love you.” I laugh as we all grab our sticks.
“Love you, too, T. Ross,” she whispers.
Passing the football field on our way to the hockey field, I glance over, but Lucas doesn’t even turn around.
It should piss me off that he thinks the way he does of me. “Who do you think you are?”
“Go get ’em, Tessa!” Alex yells.
I look from Lucas to my three friends, who I know are counting on me.
“Head in the game, T. Ross.” Becca smiles.
I nod and begin to pick up the pace, wanting to get the hell out of there so there is no more distraction.
After Coach V wraps my ankles—both of them, which may be overkill, but so are the new shin guards that Mom dropped off at the house—I lace up my cleats then head to the side of the field to stretch.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see the Three Bs coming onto our field and fight the urge to flip them off. Instead, I glare at them.
“Tessa, you’re going to defend today,” Coach V yells.
“Not a chance.” I smile, focused on them.
“I’m the coach, T. Ross. You just got back, and you need to listen,” he lectures me.
“You’re also human and have a competitive nature. Would you want to be sitting in the back against a bunch of bitches that messed you up?”
He shakes his head. “Mouth, girl.”
I don’t reply.
He sighs heavily. “Fine, but the minute they start messing with you, you’re going back, got it?”
“I prefer to sit in the box over the bench. I’ll be fine.”
I start where I always have, and B1, Madison, is right in front of me.
“Back so soon? Guess we didn’t do that great of a job then, huh?”
“I’m not into the three on one thing. Actually, never been asked. Guess I’m good enough all by myself. So, right now, it’s me and you, so give me all you got, girl.”
“You little bitch,” B1 sneers.
“You want to start name calling? I can think of a few for you, too.”
The ball is passed while she’s looking at me and has no clue it’s coming toward us. I make the most of it and, in less than five seconds, I make my first goal.
After a team hug and congrats, I walk back over and smile at B1.
“Great shot, Tessa!”
I glance to the bleachers and see Lucas’s mom. I can’t even believe she’s here, but she is.
Smiling, I give her a wave then look back at B1.
“You ready to play yet?”
“I came ready,” she stews.
“Hey, you ever met Lucas’s mom?” I ask. “I mean, been to the house when she was there?”
“Of course I’ve been there when she was home!” she snaps.
“Oh … so I wonder which one of us she’s here to see?” I nod to the bleachers, and the whistle blows. As she looks dumbstruck at Katie, I nab the ball and again score.
Back at the line, I laugh. “You falling asleep on me, B1?”
“B1?” She looks at me like I’m stupid.
“B stands for blonde, at first. I soon realized bitch was better suited. But hey, it’s your choice. I really don’t give a shit.”
Madison drops her stick and lunges at me.
On the ground, in a pile, I quickly end up on top and hop up. “Is that all you got?”
The umpire red cards her immediately.
From across the field, Phoebe yells, “Don’t you go stealing all the fun. I want to play, too.”
I give her a thumbs-up then turn to face B2, and I can’t help but laugh. I swear I can see steam coming from her ears.
“Hey, nice seeing you again.” I stretch my arms, one after the other, across my body. “All better, thanks for asking.”
B2 says nothing, so I do.
“Are you going to play nice today?”
B2 smiles. “Not on your life.”
“That’s what I thought, and that’s why the cops came today.” The whistle blows, and I nod toward the bleachers, making her think my head is not in the game. B2 turns and looks while I dart out, grabbing the ball and head toward the goal.
Becca is open, so I pass it to her.
Back on the line, B2 bares her teeth. “Nice try, Ross. No cops!”
“Not yet. Try me.” I glare at her then shake my head. “Did you see Lucas’s mom?”
“What’s she doing here?” she asks.
“She’s here to watch me play, because her son loves me.” Or loved. Doesn’t matter now. Head in the game and playing defense as well as offense.
“He told you that?”
“Every day.”
B2 swings the stick at my head. I duck, and the whistle blows.
“Red card, bitch. See yourself to the box.”
Once she’s gone, I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Two down, one to go.
I watch as Alex, Ryan, and Tommy walk toward the field, but no Lucas. After further inspection, I see him finally. He’s in the distance, talking to … Sadi.
“And you thought you could change him?”
I turn around to see B3, eyes void of malice.
“That girl has been the only one he has turned me down for, and look, things haven’t changed.”
Defeated already, I ask, “Are you here to play, or are you gonna try to kick my ass again, too?”
“Looks like your ass just got kicked. Let’s play.”
The whistle blows, and we both go for the ball. Carla gets it first. I quickly snag it back and head down the field, only to have Carla nab it back and pass it down the field. Phoebe stops it and passes to Becca. Carla grabs it again.
I run after her, fighting for possession, but Carla shoots at the goal. Jade blocks it.
Carla takes it back and makes a goal.
Back at the line, I nod. “Good shot.”
She nods off the field, toward Lucas, where Sadi is hugging him, and he stands, arms to his sides.
“You going to let it happen again?” she asks, raising her eyebrow.
She’s talking about Sadi and Lucas, and not the goal. I prefer to focus on the game. I promised my team that my head was in it, so it will be.
“Not a chance,” I say as the whistle blows.
Ball in front of me, I head down the field and hit it in. Tommy’s ex doesn’t even try to catch it.
High-fiving my teammates, I go back to the line.
“Good shot, Tessa Ross.”
The whistle blows again, signaling half-time.
Carla grabs my elbow as I start off the field. “Hey, you going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I will be. How about you?”
“As long as I stay sober, there is nothing there. Just got caught up in a dirty game, that’s all.” She shrugs.
“Did you know him when you were”—I pause—“sober?”
“A little. We are all fucked up and have shitty family lives. You know, the broken family, kids falling in the cracks. We are ‘emotionally disturbed,’ as my shrink says.” Carla smiles a bit.
“My parents split a month ago, so I guess I’m emotionally disturbed now, as well,” I joke, and then we both laugh.
“Hey, Tessa, Carla,” Lucas says from the sidelines.
“Hi, Lucas,” Carla says. “How are you?”
“I’m well. Are you three still trying to kick my girlfriend’s ass?”
“Well, she and I are good; the other two are red-carded.”
“You okay, baby?” he asks.
I look away, not ready to deal with him.
“Oh, you’re mad at me? About Sadi? You asked me to apologize to her, and I did.”
“Holy shit.” Carla laughs. “Lucas Links is in love.”
Lucas nods, and his face starts changing color. He’s … blushing.
“I am.” He grabs me and pulls me into him, kissing the top of my head then telling her, “Sobriety and Tessa have been good for me.”
Sobriety?
“Well, Lucas, I’m happy for you. Truly, I am,” Carla says sincerely. “It’s a work in progress, but I’m getting there, too.”
“I think you’re my favorite ex so far,” I tell her.
She laughs, and so do I, but it really wasn’t a joke.
“See you in a few minutes, Ross, so I can kick your ass up and down this field,” she jokes, I think, and then she walks away.
I look up at Lucas. “You’re not mad at me?”
Lucas laughs. “I didn’t say that. But maybe I directed it at the wrong person.” He kisses me softly then steps back.
“Your mom’s here.”
“No shit?” He looks toward the bleachers. “You are my little ray of sunshine.”
“I have to …” I nod toward my team.
“Go. I’ll go hang on the bleachers with Mom.”
And just like that, I’m on cloud Lucas … again.
The game ends 3-1.
After showering, I walk out and see Lucas standing next to his car … smiling.
I run to him, jump into his arms, and kiss his entire face.
“Slow down, crazy girl.” He laughs.
“I love you, Lucas. I was so scared you were pissed at me.”