by Mj Fields
“Yeah.” I give her another squeeze then step back.
When we walk back over, Ash gets in the car, and I start toward the girls, who are sitting on the porch, but Audri stops me.
“I overheard you say you were seeing someone. Are you being good to her?”
“I’m trying. She just …” I can’t help but smile. “I don’t know. She’s just different than the other girls back home.”
Audrianna smiles with her eyes. “It is so nice to see you happy, Lucas. I don’t think I have ever seen you like this.”
“I know. Things are changing.” I look back to my sisters. “I’d really like to get to know them and be a brother to them.”
Tears fill her eyes. “I should have fought harder for him to pay attention to you. I wish I hadn’t been so wrapped up in our drama and helped—”
“Not your fault.”
She wipes away a tear. “Well, it may be late in the game to tell you this, but I now see how hard you work and how strong you are to get where you’re going in life. I’m so proud of you, Lucas. Your successes are completely your own.”
I nod because I’m not sure what to say. This is all new to me.
“And the girl? I hope she deserves you.”
“She deserves better, but I’m working on being that for her.”
“Don’t sell yourself short.” She smiles and looks toward the car at Ash. “We’re going to have to change our plans. The sitter is going to be about an hour late.” She waves for the girls to come.
“No way. I got this. We can have fun together, can’t we, girls?” I swoop them up and spin them in a circle.
“Oh no, Lucas, you don’t have to,” Audri says, looking a bit nervous.
“Please, Mommy,” the girls ask in unison.
“Audri, I promise they will be fine. I won’t break them.”
“He’ll be okay,” Ash says.
Audrianna reluctantly agrees, and then she and Ashley take off.
“Wanna see the treehouse?” They ask, and before I answer, they grab my hands and drag me to the backyard.
“Wow, this is so cool,” I say, climbing up behind them, thankful it’s low to the ground. Otherwise, I’d probably worry they’d fall. Note to self: I am going to be a shit father. They’ll be wrapped in bubble wrap.
We play Princess for an hour, and I’m thankful they want me to be the prince, and it’s pretty awesome that they both want me to marry them.
“Okay, but only because it’s pretend. When you grow up, its only one prince for each of you. And he better be really good to you, because if he isn’t, do you know what’ll happen?” I ask in a low grumble.
Their eyes widen.
I throw my hands in the air, making giant claws. “Your brother will turn into a dragon and gobble them up.” I pull them into my arms and pretend to chew on their ears.
I hear a laugh and look behind me.
“Totally adorable.” Leah holds up a camera. “May I?”
Confused and hoping this isn’t some fucked-up ex lay issue, I ask, “What’s up, Leah?”
“She’s here to watch us, but she doesn’t have to. Now we have you!” Alexandra hugs me tighter.
I point to her camera. “Take lots. And I want copies.”
The next couple hours are a riot. Honestly, I think this is the only time I’ve played like a real kid. Kind of makes me sick that I used to be jealous of what they had with Dad, because they obviously have much the same—an absent father. Never again will I feel like that. They’re family, my family, and straight-up, it feels real damn good.
After changing, I give them hugs. “I have to meet Dad for a couple hours, and then I will be back. Are you spending the night?”
“We don’t spend the night, silly.” Ally laughs.
“Well, maybe tonight you can. Should we call your mom and ask?”
“Yay!” They both clapped.
Leah gives me Adrianna’s phone number, and I call to ask. She’s reluctant but agrees that it’s all right if Leah stays, as well. Leah’s cool with it.
When I tell the girls, they flip.
On my way to meet Dad, I call Tessa, and she answers this time.
“Baby,” I say, laughing. “I’ve had the best day I’ve ever had here.” Then I tell her all about the girls and checking two more names off the list of exes. She’s happy for me; I can hear it in her voice. “I’m rambling. Tell me about your day.”
Tessa tells me she spent the evening with Chewy, training him on his invisible fencing system. That Chewy hates the beeping noise he heard when he got too close to his fenceless boundaries, but she’s sure he’s going to be a quick learner.
We say goodbye and hang up as I pull into the country club.
After the meeting, I’m happy that he doesn’t freak out about the girls staying over, but I’m annoyed that I had to leave my car at the country club, because Dad kept buying drinks, and his new investors seemed to like the fact that I drank with him. John Ross wouldn’t be impressed. I couldn’t say shit because I needed to keep the peace, and it was well worth it.
When we walk in, the girls run to me, and I pick them up and spin them around, because I love the sound of them giggling and they love the spinning. The issue I didn’t realize is I’m a bit tipsy, so the spinning comes to a sudden halt.
“Okay, girls, hot tub time?”
They race around and get changed then meet me on the back deck, where we all jump in the custom-made, twelve-person tub that overlooks the lake. Dad joins us.
“Hey, Leah, could you grab my camera and take a picture of us?”
“Of course.” She smiles.
Dad looks at the girls then me. “They have really taken to you, Lucas.”
“They’re great, Dad. They really never spend the night?”
“I’m a very busy man,” Dad reminds me.
Of course you are.
After about twenty minutes, I climb out. “All right, little princesses, time to get ready for bed. It’s getting late. Leah, could you wash the chlorine off them and get them in their PJs?”
“No.” Ally stomps her foot. “We want to stay with you!”
“Okay, why don’t we all sleep in my room, pillows and blankets on the floor? It’ll be like we’re camping,” I suggest.
The girls jump up and down, splashing as they clap their hands.
I shower, wash my face and brush my teeth, throw on some pajama pants, and then I flop on my bed and call Tessa.
“Hello?” she answers quietly.
I decide to recite the note I would have normally written to her. “Day six without Tessa Ross has been enlightening. From her, I have been able to see what family is supposed to be. I have two sisters, who are amazing, and we are going to camp out on my floor tonight. Without her light shining through me, I would have never been able to or have the desire to see how precious love is. LYA, Lucas.”
She sniffs and replies as if she has written it, too. “I hope you have a great time. I miss you. And, BTW, you made me cry … Love … your friend … Tessa.”
“I’m sorry, Tessa. That wasn’t my intention.”
“Happy tears, Lucas. Thank you. Go have fun with your sisters.”
“I’ll call you later. Or tomorrow?”
“Whenever you want to call, I’ll be here.”
“Hey, Lucas, the girls got carried away with the water. Do you have a shirt I can wear?” Leah asks, soaked to the skin.
I hop off the bed, grab one from my dresser, and toss it to her as the girls run in, dive onto my bed, and start jumping.
Laughing, I ask, “Hey, can I jump, too?”
Leah stands on my bed with a camera and takes a bunch of pictures of us jumping and laughing as she tries not to fall.
I catch Dad leaning against the doorjamb, smiling.
When he sees me looking, he pushes off and says, “I think it’s bedtime, you four.”
“Go give Dad a hug, girls,” I whisper to the girls, and they jump off the bed and run to hi
m.
In minutes, I have them tucked in on the floor, otherwise known as Camp Links.
They insist on me sleeping between them, and they also ask me to say prayers with them.
It’s been years, but I remember the words. “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord our souls to keep, as the angels watch us through the night and keep us in their blessed sight. God bless Mommy, Daddy, Aunt Ashley, Ally, Alex, and Lucas. This we ask in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
“Aw … thanks.” I laugh.
Ally yawns. “We say it with Mommy and Aunt Ashley every night.”
“That’s cool. Real cool.”
I wake up a little bit tipsy still, having to piss, and when I come out and tuck the girls in tighter and grab my pillow, I put it at the foot of my bed so I can hear them better if they wake.
I lay down, phone in hand in case she calls me, close my eyes, and think about Tessa. One more sleep, and I will be able to explain everything.
I’m having a hot as fuck dream when I realize it’s not a dream at all.
The girl is grinding on me, kissing me, doesn’t taste like cool mint, and her lips aren’t Tessa’s.
“I want you, Lucas. Take me again.”
“Oh God, Leah! No, no, no,” I whisper as I push her off me.
“We’ve already done it once. You seemed to really like it. Let’s do it again.” Leah bends to kiss me again.
I move, and my phone clatters on the floor.
“Shit, Leah,” I whisper. “The girls are sleeping right there, and I already told you I was sorry about the first time. I was different then.”
Leah stands up. “Sorry, I just thought …” She begins to tear up.
“Leah …” I sigh. “Okay, just …let’s forget this happened, okay? Just go back to bed.”
She quickly leaves my room, and I lay there, thinking how close I came to fucking up. About what could have just happened and how it would have ruined everything I’ve been trying to accomplish over the past few days.
I wake up on the couch after having a dream about Lucas, and my mouth is dry, possibly because of all the kissing in said dream.
When I walk into the kitchen, I see the answering machine flashing red, alerting me of a message. Worried I missed a call from Lucas, I press play.
“I want you, Lucas. Take me again,” a woman’s voice says.
“Oh God, Leah! No, no, no,” Lucas whisper.
“We’ve already done it once. You seemed to really like it. Let’s do it again,” the woman says.
“Shit, Leah, the girls are sleeping right there,” Lucas replies and then the message ends.
I play it again and feel the blood drain from my face as I slide down on the floor and begin to cry.
Oh no, you don’t, Tessa Ross. That’s enough. He’s a player.
I grab the phone, ready to call him then stop, head a mess, and feeling like a total idiot. Then, possibly losing my fucking mind, I begin to laugh.
“I am officially done. I’m such an idiot, and he’s such an ass. I am officially done. Two months is nothing. I’ll be fine.” A tear falls, and I wipe it away. “No more.”
I wake up to two giggling girls staring at me. “Well, good morning, my gorgeous, intelligent princesses. How did you sleep?”
“It was wonderful, my prince.” Alexandra grins.
Ally giggles. “I felt a pea under my mattress.”
“Well, we mustn’t have that,” I fake pissed.
I swoop them up and set them on my bed. Then I set out to destroy Camp Links in search of the pea. “I’ve found the culprit, my lady. I shall banish it from the kingdom.” Laughing at myself, I hurry to the bathroom and flush the toilet. Then I walk out and inform them, “Pea belongs in the potty.”
The girls laugh hysterically.
After breakfast, Audrianna comes to pick them up.
“No, Mommy, we want to stay with Lucas,” they plead.
“Well, my fair maidens, I must return to my kingdom far away. I have dragons to slay on Friday night.” I bow.
“We want to watch.”
“Then I shall send the royal father a video reel.”
Dad is standing in the doorway of the kitchen, obviously amused by the interaction between us, and he looks at Audri. “Well, ya know, I’m considering driving up tomorrow to see Lucas, um … slay the dragons. Maybe you three can come with me?”
Audrianna blushes. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Lucas, could you take the girls to get their things?” Dad asks, looking at Audri.
I hurry the girls up the stairs then stand and listen to their conversation from the hallway.
“Audri, we can go together, as a family. No pressure, but he seems to really enjoy them. I have never seen him happier, and they clearly adore him. I know that it would be too much for me to ask to take them alone, but will you go with us?”
“Landon, this is for the kids, all three of them, do you understand?”
“Sure.”
“And what about your girlfriend?”
“I think this is more important right now. She will have to deal with it or not. It’s really not a big deal to me.”
Smiling, I hurry up and help the girls, and then we all hurry back down.
“Okay, the princesses are ready,” I say, carrying one of the girls under each arm.
“Well, my fair ladies,” Dad says, “your mother and I have decided we’re all going to watch Lucas slay the dragons tomorrow.”
They clap as they wiggle out of my arms and run to Dad.
“Mommy, too?” Ally asks as she jumps in his arms.
“Yes, Mommy, too,” he says, eyes on Audri.
While Dad helps them to the car, I call Tessa and leave a message.
“I’m leaving in about an hour. Should be home at around one. I’m going to come in so that I can make practice and see you. Guess what? My dad, sisters, and their mom will be coming to the game tomorrow night. The girls can’t wait to meet you, and please excuse anything my father may say. Most of my bad habits of the past come from him. See you soon, Tessa Ross. LYA.”
From the doorway, Dad clears his throat and holds out a check. “Here’s a check for your mother’s rehab. The conditions are as follows: first, you come here one weekend a month. I want to see you, and your sisters would obviously like that, too. Second, your mother stays in treatment for three months. I want her to recover for good this time.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I nod, fighting back emotions. “See you tomorrow.”
When I start to walk out, he pulls me in for a hug, and I can’t remember how long it’s been since we hugged. I’m pretty damn sure this is the first time it actually felt unforced.
Chapter Twenty One
Since hearing the message, and obsessively listening to it before pulling the tape out of the recorder and shoving it in a place that no one else in my family would ever hear it, I’ve gone down a rabbit hole of self-shame. I mean, who still wants the guy who had Scuba Sadi popping out of the fucking water days ago and now Leah? The guy who’s been going to his “sexes” and apologizing to make things better for us? To fix himself for me?
I mean, I got to hand it to him, he did go all the way to New Jersey to have sex with someone to keep up the charade. I guess, like Vegas, “What Happens in Jersey stays in Jersey,” unless you’re so stupid you send a message to the girl you’re trying to dupe with all this “change for you” bullshit.
So damn stupid, part of me still wants that change to happen.
So, here I sit, at lunch, knowing he’s going to be coming back today, hoping it’s after lunch, because I must keep my shit together, because he has a big game. One that Tommy and Alex keep talking about more scouts coming to.
Apparently, no one is answering prayers today because, as I look up, here he comes.
“Hey, baby.” He wraps his arms around me from behind, kisses my cheek, and then sits next to me.
I am so angry that I seriously want to not only cry but punch h
im in the face. He’s been playing me since day one, and I am so tired of his game. I mean, why me? Not that I would wish him on anyone else, but why?
Heart beating against my chest, I can’t even remember what my well-thought-out revenge plan was. How pathetic am I that him just being close makes me feel better than I did when he was away? Pathetic. Totally fucking pathetic.
“You okay, Tessa?” he asks.
Afraid of what may come out of my mouth, I simply nod.
Smiling and excited, he leans in and whispers, “So, tomorrow some colleges are sending recruiters here to check us out. My dad talked to the head coach from Syracuse personally. Isn’t that cool? I’d be close to you and at a great school.”
I want to tell him I already know, and that he’s so lucky I’m dumb enough to give a shit … about the team, so I’m not saying what I really not only want to say but need to say. And suddenly, I feel the bad kind of butterflies in my stomach now.
“Tessa, what’s going on?”
I point to my throat.
“You lost your voice?” he jokes.
“No. Just sore,” I whisper, but the truth is I’m afraid that, if I talk, I’ll cry.
When he touches my forehead, I tense up. “You aren’t warm.”
I look down when I feel my eyes narrow, and my blood boil.
“Baby, are you okay?”
The bell rings.
I stand so fast that I nearly knock the chair over. “See ya.” Then I dart out the door.
Where the hell is Aretha Franklin’s voice in my head when I need her? R.E.S.P.E.C.T is needed, and not just from him, but from my own damn self.
When I walk into class, I sit, concentrating on inhaling and exhaling, praying that I don’t break down. A moment later, Jade sits next to me.
“You have been acting weird all day. But what was that about?”
If I told her the truth, she would either tell Tommy, kick Lucas’s ass, or both. Neither can happen, not now, anyway.
“I’m just feeling off. I’ll be fine.”