by Apryl Baker
“Anxiety sucks.”
“Yeah, it does, but I believe in you, even if you don’t. And I’ll be right there if you need me.” And I’ll make sure Mom calls the school to let them know I’ll be bringing my sister home if need be. As much as I sound like I’m trying to force her to face her fears, I’m not. I just want her to try, and if it’s too much, I’ll be the first person to put a stop to it. Anxiety is a nightmare, and I’ll do what’s necessary to get her better, even if it means letting her hide from her fears for as long as she needs to.
I’ve been reading every book on anxiety I can get my hands on so I can help her, but I honestly don’t think I’ll ever understand it as she experiences it because I’ve never truly felt it. All I can do is listen to her and try to help as best I can. I’ll support her in every way she needs me to.
“Now, get up, brush your hair, and get dressed, or we’re going to be late on our first day of school. Go in my room and pick any pair of socks you want to wear, but remember it’s supposed to be in the eighties today, so maybe fuzzy socks aren’t a good idea. Just saying.”
“Thanks, sis.”
“Love you, brat.” I get up and go back downstairs, hoping she’ll at least brush her hair. My sister before the kidnapping never got up and lounged in pajamas with a messy bun of uncombed hair. She was dressed, with perfect hair and perfect makeup. Since the kidnapping, she barely changes clothes unless we harp on her to do it because, let’s face it, if you don’t change your clothes for days on end, you’re gonna smell worse than a skunk trapped in a car.
“How is she?” Dad asks from his place at the head of the breakfast table in the kitchen. We don’t normally use the formal dining room.
“She’s dealing as best as she can. Speaking of…Mom, you need to call the school and let them know if she can’t handle it, I’m bringing her home.”
“That’s not a good idea.” Dad puts the newspaper down. “She needs to snap out of this and move forward.”
“She just turned sixteen last week. She’s been kidnapped, abused, and terrified. She’s not going to snap out of it because you think she should. It’s going to take time for her to heal, and pushing her to get over it isn’t going to help. It’ll do more harm than good. If you actually read any literature on the subject or went to a counseling session with her, you’d know that. Leave her alone and let her heal in her own time.”
Dad’s eye twitches. He knows how seriously I take my big sister role and will protect Cecily even from him. She needs us to be supportive, not dismissive. He’s a soldier; she’s not.
“Ella’s right.” Mom all but slams a plate of eggs down on the table. “She needs time, and we’re going to give her that, Henry. Not another word about her snapping out of it. You aren’t the one who talks to her therapist every week. I am. You’ll be nothing but kind and supportive of your daughter. Do you understand?”
Wow. Here I thought Mom was trying to brush it aside, when in fact she’s actually listening to what the therapist is telling us Cecily needs. Go, Mom.
“Fine.” Dad picks the paper back up and buries his head in it.
Mom passes me the eggs. “Eat, Ella. It’ll be a long day, and you need your energy.”
I take the eggs without a word and scrape some onto my plate along with a couple pieces of bacon I snatch from the plate on its way to Dad. He’s a bacon hog, and you have to get it while you can when he’s around.
Cecily comes down fifteen minutes later in a pair of jean capris and a blue t-shirt with some kind of castle on it. Reminds me of the shirts she wore when she was little and into her princess phase. She has on some lip gloss, and that’s about it. Not a bit of makeup. I think she looks great, but I know her makeup is sort of like her shield against the world. I’m worried she’s not wearing it.
“Mom, can you French braid my hair?”
“Of course. Sit, and I’ll do it while you eat.”
Cecily smiles gratefully and sits next to me, her gaze sweeping the kitchen. None of us know where the hidden cameras are. Eli and Gramps thought it best if we didn’t so we wouldn’t be aware and avoid them subconsciously. We don’t want to alert the people watching that we know about them.
I hand over the pancakes, knowing she won’t touch the bacon or the eggs. She hates grease early in the morning, but she’ll smother those pancakes with sugary syrup. I envy her that. I so much as look at sugar and my blood glucose spikes. Being diabetic is crappy when I have to watch others eat what I want to. I learned my lesson on that real fast when I decided I didn’t care and just ate sugar all day. Landed myself in the hospital with diabetic shock.
We eat in relative silence, Mom occasionally asking one of us if we’re sure we have everything until she finishes Cecily’s braid and the two of us can escape the house to the car. It’s not much better here, as we know my car is bugged too. But it gets us away from Dad’s attitude. Cecily knows he doesn’t like that she’s taking so long in getting back to normal, but after what she’s been through, is it possible to get back to her normal normal? I think a new normal is called for, one she’s comfortable with.
I’ll deal with Daddy later tonight. He needs to fall in line and get behind this.
When we pull up to the school, I’m reminded of that day last April when we arrived for our first day. Same school, same group of kids meandering about. Same everything, and it gives me a sense of deja vu. It’s weird.
“Hey, it’s my turn to ask if you’re straight.”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “The last time I was here, some crazy person ran me over with their car. Is it weird I don’t want to get out of the car?”
“Nope. It’s normal.” Cecily squeezes my hand. “This time, make sure your glucose meter is in your backpack, though.”
“Already taken care of. I zipped it in there tight before we left the house.”
“I guess we should get out of the car and go inside, then.” Cecily bites her lip but doesn’t make a move to get out of the car.
We’re both startled by the loud knocking on my driver’s side window. Eli is there, grinning like a loon. Eli McGreggor is my Guardian Angel, my protector. It’s his job to keep me safe in my role of living reaper. He’s my best friend too.
And my secret crush. Doesn’t help that he’s gorgeous with the most beautiful aqua eyes. His black hair glints in the early morning sunshine. When I first met him, he was blond, but he’d kept it that way in honor of his mom who died. She liked it when he dyed it blond, and I think going back to his dark hair is a sign that’s he finally starting to grieve the loss of his entire family except his grandfather.
Jordan, Eli’s best friend, and Cecily’s first boyfriend here in Jacob’s Falls, opens her door. “Sitting in there isn’t going to make it easier.” He doesn’t sound unkind or overbearing. Calm and soothing. He holds his hand out to her. “Come on, princess. I got you.”
Cecily stares at his hand and then back at me, confused. I’m a little confused myself. He’s been over to check on her a few times, but when they broke up, he didn’t really hang out with her anymore.
She takes his hand tentatively, and he wastes no time in pulling her out of the car. “It’s fine, C. I’m here, Eli’s here, and Ella’s here. You got all the support you need. Promise.”
I watch as he leads her away, and she looks helplessly back at me.
Eli opens my door and squats down. “He’ll keep her safe, Shortcake.”
“But why—”
“He feels responsible.”
“What…why?” Jordan has nothing to feel responsible for.
“He really likes your sister, and he let your dad’s rules get in the way of it, and he thinks if he’d stuck it out, she’d never have been vulnerable. She’d never have met the loser who did this to her. Let him help her, Ella. I think he needs to help her as much as she needs to be helped. You can be there if she needs you, but it’s not a one-man show. Cecily needs us all right now.”
I can’t believe Jord
an blames himself. Cecily doesn’t, and I sure as heck don’t. “That’s crazy, Eli. It wasn’t his fault.”
“I know that, and you know that, and Cecily knows that, but this is something he has to do. Let him. It’ll help them both.”
“I guess.” I mean, Jordan’s not going to let anyone say anything snarky or mean or question her about her ordeal either. At least I hope not, and if he does, I’ll personally beat him until he can’t walk, let alone play football.
“How you doing?”
“Better than Cecily.”
“Yeah, but this has to be hard for you too. You died here, Ella Grace. I know you’ve been having nightmares about watching that car run over you and passing out. They’ve gotten worse the closer you got to the start of school today.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because it bothers you, and so I get a front row seat to your nightmares.”
Oh, my God. Really?
“Yes, really.” He laughs when I stare unblinkingly at him. “Remember, I told you when your thoughts are really loud, I can hear them?”
I forgot about that.
“I got you the same as Jordan has Cecily.” He stands, opens the back door, and collects my bookbag. “Your meter in here?”
I nod. Not forgetting that ever again.
“Then, get a move on. We got classes to get to.”
I don’t hesitate when he holds out his hand. I trust Eli more than anyone, including my family. Maybe even more than Cecily, if I’m honest with myself, but I shove that down. It’s a truth I’ll never allow myself to admit out loud.
“And your boyfriend is waiting.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.” I can feel my cheeks heat. His teammate, Matt, and I have gone out a few times, and we talk and text daily, but I’m not sure if I’d call him my boyfriend yet. There are issues there that might not get resolved.
“Uh-huh.” He grins and wraps an arm around me. “Jessie and Matt are waiting on us. I asked him to let me meet you because I thought you might need a minute.”
My feet stutter when we get to the spot in the parking lot carved forever into my memory. Images of the car flash in front of me, and I can feel it hit me all over again. Eli’s arm tightens, and he whispers something, but I don’t hear it.
The impact of the metal assaults me, and I’m not prepared. My legs go weak, and I would have fallen if not for Eli.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” He helps me over to the steps, and we sit. “Just breathe, Shortcake, I got you.” His hand strokes up and down my back as I take in deep breaths.
Is this what Cecily’s been feeling? Dear God, how is she handling this? My body starts to shake, and Eli gives up on the stroking and pulls me into his lap. “It’s okay, Ella. They’re in jail, and they can’t hurt you.”
“But what about the others who don’t want us here?” I whisper my worst fear. “What if I’ll never be safe? Me or Cecily?”
“No one is going to hurt you, I promise.” The darkness in his voice snaps me out of my funk, and his eyes are glowing white again. The Angel in him. “They know if they do, they’ll deal with me, and trust me, Ella Grace, none of them want to do that.”
“Excuse me?” A boy is standing off to the side, and Eli growls at him. “Please, I need to talk to you. I need your help.”
He looks terrified.
“Not here,” Eli says, his eyes hunting the area. “Too many prying eyes.”
“Okay, but it’s important. I need her help.”
“Why?”
“My brother was murdered last night.”
Eli goes stiff. “You’re Philip Roberts.”
He nods.
“Come by my house after school. I’ll help you.”
“But…”
“Not here.” His tone is sharper than I think he intended, but he’s right. We can’t talk about this out in the open. “Go on inside, and I’ll find you between classes.”
The boy nods and all but runs past us.
“Wh…aaa…” I’m stuttering. I’m shaking, and I can barely focus. What’s wrong with me?
“Easy, Shortcake. This is a panic attack. Just breathe and try to relax. I thought this might happen when you came face to face with the place of your death. I got you.”
We sit there for several minutes, and the bell rings, announcing classes have started, but I can’t move. After a few more minutes, an older man comes outside and sits beside us. He looks very average—average height, brown hair, brown eyes. He could blend in and be forgotten.
“Eli, is everything okay?”
“No, sir. Ella’s having a panic attack. This is the first time she’s been back since the accident. Give us a few minutes, and we’ll be inside.”
“I’ll send a note to both your first period classes to excuse you. I’m sorry, Ms. Banks. What can we do to help you?”
“I…”
“This is Vice Principal Edgar Nolan, by the way.”
The man smiles kindly. “My sister suffers from panic attacks. Eli holding you that tight will help, and if you focus your mind on a happy memory, it’ll calm you down as well.”
I nod and try to focus on a happy memory. The first one that comes to mind is the day Eli took me to visit the ski resort and our picnic. We’d broken in since it was closed, but it was still a fun day. I take slow, deep breaths and force my body to relax. I lean into Eli and take in his scent. He makes me feel safe, and before long, the shaking stops and I can move.
“There we go,” Mr. Nolan says. “Why don’t you use the back parking lot tomorrow? I’ll clear it in the office for you.”
“The back parking lot?” I whisper, not sure where that is.
“It’s the staff parking lot, and we have a security guard on duty back there. You kids love to vandalize our cars.”
“I would never…”
“I wasn’t saying you specifically,” he rushes to assure me. “I think it might be easier for you to come in that way for the time being until you can come to terms with your memories.”
“Thank you.”
“Think you can go inside now?” Eli whispers in my ear, sending a shiver through me. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything.
I nod and let him help me up, keeping my vision focused on the doors in front of me and not on the concrete behind me where I lay last year, broken and bleeding, where I died.
Dead.
No life.
Eli saved me, and Death came back with me.
No, I’m not ready to be here, but I need to take my own advice and try. I have to face my fears.
“Let’s go.”
And with that, I take one step after another until I’m in the building where Eli sits with me outside the office until the bell rings for the second period.
Time to man up, pull up my big girl panties, and be fierce.
Maybe.
Chapter Three
Ella
Being back is weird as all get out. A little saying I picked up hanging out at Eli’s house. His grandpa says it all the time. I was only here for a couple of hours before the accident last semester. No one really even said hi to me, and now I know it was because they knew who my father was and what his job entailed here in the town. But oddly, that’s different now. Several people have said hello to me, told me they’re glad I’m back, and smiled or waved. I mean, don’t get me wrong, just as many are glaring at me like they want to eviscerate me and feed my body parts to the forest animals. There are just as many people who still hate me because of Daddy as there are who are tentatively reaching out.
And I think that’s because of Eli. He’s campaigned for them accepting me as a part of the Supernatural community. He’s assured them I’m not my father, and I can’t control what the man does. Which is true enough. If I had a say in it, he’d have resigned the moment I found out he’s capturing Supes, as Eli calls members of the community, to be held for experimentation and study.
“Hey, hey!” Jessie calls and jumps away from the wall
when she sees me. I met her over the summer at one of Eli’s football practices. She’s a cheerleader for the team and extended her hand in friendship to me. Again, I think that was Eli’s doing, but I’ll take any help I can get.
I’m shocked when she hugs me.
“You okay?” Her expression is so concerned I wonder what I look like.
“I will be.” I try to smile and fail miserably.
“Hard to come through the entrance?”
“I wasn’t expecting the reaction I had,” I admit honestly. “It caused a panic attack.”
An arm drops on my shoulder, and the aroma of fresh dirt and the pine trees that seem to grow in no shortage around here fills my nose. Matt. It’s his natural scent, I think. I’ve never smelled any kind of cologne on him.
Matt is a wide receiver for the football team and a panther shifter. Which presents its own problems. Mainly, if his true mate comes along, he’ll drop me like a hot potato. It’s why I’ve not let myself get too attached and why I won’t call him my boyfriend. I don’t want to lose my heart to someone who would leave me for a stranger, and it wouldn’t even be his fault. You can’t fight a mate bond connection.
Doesn’t mean we can’t hang out and have some fun. And he’s cute as a button with big blue eyes and brown hair that’s constantly mussed like he’s just rolled out of bed. I always want to comb my fingers through it to settle it down.
Then there’s the added fact that he genuinely seems to like me. Most guys I met only tried to get close to me to get close to my sister, the beauty queen. Cecily is two years younger, but she’s my complete opposite. She’s a blonde Amazon with Mom’s sky-blue eyes, whereas I’m lucky to claim five feet with Dad’s red hair and green eyes. Guys rarely saw me when my sister was around. At first, I thought that was Matt’s angle, but he’s proved to me that’s not the case. It’s nice.
“You okay, Ella?”
“I will be.”
Several girls walk past us and whisper. Matt glowers at them, and they hurry by. See, big brute of a football player can come in handy for more than just his looks.
“I have to get to the other side of the school, Shortcake. You gonna be all right?” Eli’s aqua eyes swim with worry.