by Najwa Zebian
you choose to claim that
I
broke
your
soul.
And all the times that
I
broke my soul in front of
you,
shattering my tears through
my eyes,
telling you that
I love you
and that I need to feel
your presence
meant absolutely
nothing to you.
OceanofPDF.com
When preparing for them to leave:
If things between us
come to an end,
I hope I have the
courage
to say that it was just not meant to be.
I hope that my mind does not
think back to every word
you said,
because the moment you decide to
walk away
is the moment you prove
that you never meant
a word you said.
I hate lying,
and I hate hatred,
so I hope I have the courage
not to hate you,
but only hate what you did.
There is no right way to
prepare for their departure.
It is just like preparing for
someone you love
to die.
You don’t want them to.
But they do.
OceanofPDF.com
I burned all of the
unsent
letters inside of me
for you.
I do not want your
love
if you do not come
with it.
Today,
I choose to start
something new.
OceanofPDF.com
I listen to the sound
of the same rain
that I listened to
the night that your love
fell into my soul.
And I cry my tears
as I feel this new rain
cleansing my soul of you.
I did not want your soul
to leave,
but I cannot
force you
to stay.
OceanofPDF.com
Why are you insisting on staying
in my mind?
You’re the one who decided to
leave.
You left before I could even
taste the nectar
in you.
OceanofPDF.com
They tell me to forget about
you
because you’re not
worth it.
As if I haven’t
tried.
Believe me when I say
that if I could,
I would erase
you
from my life
forever,
but you are always
on my mind,
even when
I hate you.
I do not hate
you.
OceanofPDF.com
They told me that they saw you
knocking on my door
with roses in your hands.
You thought I’d be waiting,
but
I built myself a new home.
Thank you for
remembering me
after I forgot you.
I am glad that
I spent time with
myself long enough to
not see you again.
OceanofPDF.com
I attached myself
to the parts of
you
that you
yourself
were not
attached to.
Attachment detaches you
from yourself.
OceanofPDF.com
Stop building
castles in skies
that are not your
own.
Do not settle
for the parts of them
that no one else
wanted.
OceanofPDF.com
You will one day
meet someone who will
make room in their soul
for the
beautiful
pieces of
you.
May their soul be
the home
of your love,
because homes
protect,
and your love is
a pearl:
too precious.
OceanofPDF.com
I want your roses with
your thorns.
Roses are tender.
They will soothe my heart.
Thorns are sharp.
They will teach me how
not to use
the thorns of my own.
OceanofPDF.com
Choose them because
you love them,
not because you are
afraid of
being alone.
Choose them because
they are right for
you,
not because you want to be
with
someone.
It’s simple,
I know,
but we often forget what we
know
in pursuit of what we
want.
OceanofPDF.com
Just like their love for
you
fell out of
them,
new people will come
whose love for
you
will make love fall back
into
you.
The nectar of your
pain
will attract the right
humans to you.
OceanofPDF.com
It is not love that
you fall
into.
It is love
that falls
into you.
OceanofPDF.com
Even though your eyes
speak of the
broken promises that
someone once made,
someone’s eyes
somewhere
will speak of
the love that they have for your
brokenness.
All of the places that let
you
go
are leading you to
your
home.
OceanofPDF.com
I forgot to forget about
you
when I tried to
forget
you.
I run from you
to
you.
You are
every destination
I ever knew.
OceanofPDF.com
You broke my heart into
pieces.
Now that it’s open,
I can see how much love
it has inside.
I can see how much love
every piece of it deserves,
and that’s not the love that
you gave me.
So thank you for allowing
me to see
how much love
I have inside of me.
There is a sadness attached
to some endings that
no beginning
can ever erase.
OceanofPDF.com
My heart tells me every night:
Let go of the hurt.
Let go of the pain.
Stay pure,
as you’ve always been.
Forgive them.
Forgive yourself.
Release them.
Release yourself.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Fall asleep with nothing
in your heart but
love.
OceanofPDF.com
I am sensiti
ve.
It means that when I laugh,
I laugh my heart out.
And when I cry,
the birds in the sky
cry with me.
When I see pain in your eyes,
I feel it in my heart.
My sensitivity makes me
real.
If you want me,
know that I will not
leave my sensitivity
to be loved by
anyone.
OceanofPDF.com
You chose to let me go.
My gift to you is
twenty years of
walking away.
When they see that you
actually moved on,
they might come back and
tell you that they are happy
that you gave them space and that
you’ve become in control of your
emotions.
Don’t fall for that.
They only want the thrill of
having you care about them
again,
and once you do,
they will walk away.
Again.
OceanofPDF.com
You say that I mean
nothing
to you,
but you search for my eyes
in the face of every woman
you meet.
You search for my warmth
in the soul of every woman
you seek.
You think that
if time and circumstance
forced you to force me
out of your life,
that time and circumstance
owe you
a woman like me.
Search, my darling.
Search.
I do not come
twice
in the eternity that passed
nor in the one to come.
OceanofPDF.com
Your sky no longer
means a thing
to me,
for I am in a totally
different universe.
Keep your clouds out of my
sky.
OceanofPDF.com
The worst kind of
pain
is the one that you
feel but
cannot express.
Your words cause a
storm inside of you,
trying to escape through
your eyes or
your skin, but
your silence cages them
inside.
OceanofPDF.com
You asked me:
“How can I make the ending of
us
easier on you?”
“Stay.”
OceanofPDF.com
In a coffee shop
one day,
you will see me sitting
next to the window,
sipping on my coffee
the same way
I used to
and looking out the window
the same way
I used to.
You will wonder if I still think about you
the same way
I used to
or if I am still waiting for you to come back
the same way
I used to.
You better walk away, because
I no longer crave you in my life
the same way I used to.
OceanofPDF.com
Oh, little voice of mine,
they want to weaken you.
Stay strong.
They want to silence you.
Stay alive.
They want you to follow.
Revolt.
They want you to speak to impress them.
Speak honestly.
They want to dim your grace.
Stay kind.
Oh, little voice of mine,
remember when you’re heard one day
to give a voice to the
unheard.
OceanofPDF.com
You escaped my soul
through my tears.
My love for you was as
deep
as the ocean,
and that’s how far down I dove.
I cried enough to fill the ocean
and float my soul back
to shore.
OceanofPDF.com
I hope one day
when the tables turn
that I am no longer
sitting at them.
I have no interest in
helping karma
take its course,
nor am I interested in treating
them
the way they treated
me.
OceanofPDF.com
We run from attachment to
attachment,
as if that is the solution.
The problem is that
we fail to love
ourselves
without someone loving
us.
And we fail to see
our self-worth
without someone seeing
it.
Do not detach from yourself
to attach to someone else.
OceanofPDF.com
When new love comes along:
I am so afraid of
giving you the pieces of
my soul that
I gave before.
They are still hurting and
perhaps too
fragile
to trust again.
OceanofPDF.com
When new love comes along,
it might feel like this:
Your kind of love
makes me want to love
again.
It makes me want to
forget about every love
that turned out to be
not love
and fly into the ocean of
you
and dip into the sky of
you.
You left, too.
But thank you for allowing me to
write about love
again.
OceanofPDF.com
If your sky is
a lot clearer without
me,
I will not be a cloud
in your space.
May the love that
finds you
put sunshine in your sky.
I will work on cherishing
the clouds in my soul
that cause rainbows
after the rain.
OceanofPDF.com
Leave me to my sadness if
you do
not
understand it.
Don’t pretend to
care
if you don’t.
Don’t pretend to know the
way.
Because you don’t.
No one does.
OceanofPDF.com
Why do you love feeling
when you fall in love but
hate it when you’re in
pain?
How do you expect pain to leave you if
you
do not
feel it
so it can leave
you?
Let it hurt you.
Let it drain you.
Let it destroy you.
For only after your destruction will you
rebuild an extraordinary masterpiece of
your soul and say:
“I own all that I am.”
So go ahead. Crumble.
OceanofPDF.com
Just because they
deny
that they caused you
pain,
it does not mean that they
didn’t.
Why do you still believe them
anyway?
OceanofPDF.com
If you have to beg for
their love, then
it’s not love.
&nb
sp; Giving love because you
feel it
is different from giving it because
you have to.
OceanofPDF.com
To the one who comes into my life:
I don’t want the stars.
I want you to capture them in my eyes as you look my way.
I don’t want the moon.
I want you to capture its light and guide our way
through the darkest of nights
as you hold my hand.
I don’t want the sun.
I want you to use its beautiful rays to put color into
the memories that we make together.
I don’t want empty words.
I would rather meaningful silence.
I don’t want things.
I want happiness.
I knew that I started
healing
when I started seeing a