by Lauren Rowe
Colin nods. “Cool. You do you, Rock Star.” He looks at Dean’s house again. “You ready to go in there?”
I take a deep breath. “Yeah.”
“The only thing I ask is when this is all done, I get to call her Yoko,” Colin says. “That’s all I ask.”
“No. That would hurt Violet’s feelings.”
“Just behind her back, then.”
“No way. Violet’s so not Yoko, dude. She’s the opposite of Yoko.”
Colin sighs. “Fine. I won’t call her Yoko. Goddammit. I ask for one fucking thing.” He flicks his cigarette to the ground and stomps on it, and then gestures to Dean’s house up the street. “Come on. I wanna get this over with. I’ve got a stomach ache.”
“Me, too. Gimme a goat chant to pump me up, guys.” I put my hand in the middle. We chant, “One, two, three, goats!” And then, off we go, an army of three, toward the iron gate enclosing Dean’s sprawling estate.
Chapter 46
Dax
“Come in, come in,” Dean says brightly. “I didn’t realize all three of you goats were coming today. That’s awesome.” He bro-hugs each of us. “Caleb’s shooting pool in the man cave. Come on.”
I look at Colin and Fish like, Here we go.
As we walk through Dean’s impressive house, we pass framed gold and platinum records on the wall, one after another. Framed music memorabilia. An elaborate fish tank. If we were here for a different reason—to actually write songs and hang out with our good friends—I’d be lighting Dean up with comments and questions about all of it. But now isn’t the time.
We arrive in a gorgeous man cave with a sleek pool table, stocked bar, and massive TV on the wall—which, at the moment, is showing a baseball game. Plus, there’s a shit-ton of sick musical instruments and gear littering the room and a state-of-the-art vocal booth in the corner. In other words, this place is heaven. Too bad I’ll probably never be invited back.
When C-Bomb sees us, he puts down his pool stick and bounds over to us, clearly thrilled to see us. Shit. I really do love this guy. He’s flawed, for sure. Temperamental as fuck. Kind of a caveman in some ways. But his heart is big and in the right place. From day one, he took my bandmates and me under his wing. Taught us what we needed to know about touring and the industry at large. He’s had our backs in ways big and small. He’s not the villain in this story. He’s just the guy who doesn’t get the girl. At least, not this time. Because the girl in this story is mine.
C-Bomb bro-hugs all of us, and we let him do it, even though I’m sure we’re all feeling physically ill as we do. He asks us what we want to drink from the bar, but I immediately cut him off.
“There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
Caleb freezes on his way to the bar. Wariness flickers across his face. In a heartbeat, he looks like a guy used to getting really shitty news whenever someone begins a conversation with those words.
“Why don’t we sit?” I say, motioning to a leather couch.
“Sure,” he says, his tone tight.
“Me, too?” Dean says, shifting his weight.
“Yeah, this is gonna involve all of us at the end of the day. Might as well talk about it as a family.”
We all sit. I’m on the end of the couch, right next to Caleb in an armchair, and everyone else is littered around us.
I clear my throat. “I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gonna come right out and say it.” I take a deep breath. “I’m in love with Violet.”
Caleb freezes. Color blasts into his cheeks. “My Violet?”
“Yes. I—”
Without warning, he lunges at me and throws a wicked punch that lands hard on my cheek. I cover my face with my forearms but otherwise don’t fight back, because I know I deserve his wrath. Quickly, though, Dean or Colin, or maybe both, pull my attacker off me and drag him across the room. When I emerge from behind my forearms, they’ve got him pinned against the bar.
I hop up, adrenaline flooding me. I can already feel myself getting a shiner, but it feels good. I feel alive. I feel free. Emotion is expanding my chest and closing my throat. Panting, I blurt, “I didn’t know she’d ever been yours when I hooked up with her. I met her at Reed’s party, right before the tour. I didn’t tell her I was leaving on tour with you guys, and she didn’t say a word about being Reed’s sister to me.”
Oh, the look on Caleb’s face as Dean and Colin hold him back. He looks crushed. Raging. Homicidal. Betrayed.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I never meant to hurt you, and neither did Violet. I didn’t find out she was your ex until she walked into the dressing room before the LA show and you introduced her. And I didn’t find out she was Reed’s sister until the next day, when I saw her, by chance, at a wedding.”
“You were fucking around on her throughout the entire tour?” Caleb bellows.
“It wasn’t like that. I was single during the tour. Violet figured out my connection to you at the last minute, right before I left—but she didn’t tell me about it. All she said was she didn’t want to get involved with me. Didn’t want to keep in touch. But I never stopped thinking about her during the tour. Never stopped wanting her.”
Caleb scoffs. “You sure had a fucked-up way of showing it.”
I’m not the one who cheated on her, motherfucker, I think. But, of course, I don’t say it. “Believe what you want,” I say, breathing hard. “But I’m telling you, I didn’t stop thinking about her. And then, eight months later, there she was, walking into that dressing room.”
Caleb looks incensed. “You’re telling me it’s only been a week you’ve been with her? You don’t even know her!”
“I do know her, and I’m in love with her.”
Caleb’s face flashes with unadulterated rage. “You let me stand on that balcony and tell you how much I want her. How much I love her! You stood there and let me pour my fucking heart out... and you’d already fucked her?”
Oh, fuck. This is torture. I nod, my body quaking. “I’m sorry.”
Caleb’s fury can’t be contained. He breaks loose of Colin and Dean and charges me. But this time, I’m not just gonna take the hit. I gave him one free shot at me and that’s all he gets. When he reaches me, I jerk out of the way of his oncoming fist and take a swing of my own, though I’m no match for him, and we scuffle furiously, with Caleb getting the better of me, until Dean and Colin are there again, pulling Caleb back.
“You’re dead to me, you fucking cocksucker!” Caleb shouts as the guys wrangle him, his green eyes bugging out and his neck veins bulging.
My heart is breaking. I’m breathing hard. Feeling dizzy. “Caleb, I’m sorry.”
“I love her,” he says, his voice breaking. He visibly crumples. “And I loved you. I loved you like a little brother and you lied to my face and stabbed me in the back.”
I choke up. “I didn’t know how to tell you. Or if I should.”
“You were my brother.”
“I was. I am. I’m so sorry.”
“Fuck you.” He literally spits at me.
“Okay, you guys gotta go now,” Dean says. But when we three goats remain frozen like deer in headlights, Dean shouts, “Go!”
I look at Dean with pleading eyes. He’s my idol. The musician and songwriter I respect the most. My friend. “Dean, I didn’t know Violet was his ex when I hooked up with her and by the time I found out—”
Caleb screams at me to get the fuck out.
“Just go,” Dean says firmly. “Please. Nothing you say is gonna make this any better, Dax. Only worse.”
I look at Caleb again. “I’ll always be grateful to you for everything you did. I’ll always love you like a brother, even if you hate me.”
“Fuck you, you piece of shit asshole. I’ll always hate your fucking guts.”
Fighting back tears, I turn to go.
“Hey!” Caleb shouts at my back.
I turn around, expecting a fist to my head. But he’s still standing with Dean, being held
back. He looks like a broken man.
“I don’t understand any of this,” he says, his voice dripping with emotion. “Violet said it was over with the guy she was dating. She said she broke it off with him.”
“She did. The night of the concert. That’s why she didn’t come to the wrap party.”
Now Caleb looks thoroughly confused. “The night of the...? What? When I saw her yesterday at her apartment, she was crying her eyes out, saying she’d just broken up with the guy because she loves him, but he doesn’t love her.”
My heart leaps and bounds in my chest, even though it shouldn’t. “She said this to you yesterday—that she loves the guy?”
“Don’t smile about it!” Dean shouts, suddenly livid.
Caleb’s hurt is replaced by fury again. “What did you do to her to make her sob like that, motherfucker? If you’re so in love with her after one goddamned week, then what did you do to her to make her cry and say you don’t love her?”
It’s too much to explain. And none of it will make any difference, anyway. And now that I know for sure Violet loves me, thanks to Caleb, I’m done here. I did what I came to do. I told the truth. With one last, “I’m sorry, Caleb,” I turn and stride toward the doorway of the man cave, followed closely by Fish and Colin.
Just as I’m leaving the room, Caleb shouts at me, “Stay the fuck away from her, Dax! I’m warning you!” And when I don’t respond, he adds. “If you hurt her, I’ll kill you!”
I wind through the house, flanked by Fish and Colin, my heart racing, and finally burst through the front door like a burglar escaping a barking watchdog.
I feel a mix of emotions like nothing I’ve felt before. Heartbreak and elation. Pain and euphoria. Caleb literally wants me dead. But Violet loves me. In fact, she’s so sure of it, she even felt the need to admit it to Caleb! Why Caleb saw Violet yesterday at her apartment, I have no idea. And I don’t care. Whatever happened between them, she spent at least part of the time telling Caleb she loves me and not him.
When Dean’s iron gate closes behind us three goats, Fish mutters, “Well, that went well.”
“You okay, Rock Star?” Colin asks, as we stride down Dean’s front walkway. “Your cheek is already swelling up like crazy.”
“I’m fine. It feels good, actually, in a twisted sort of way.”
“You think your face is broken?”
“No. He clocked me pretty good, but I don’t think anything cracked.”
We walk in silence toward Colin’s car. I took an Uber here, so it’s understood without us needing to say it Colin is going to be driving me to my next destination.
When we settle into Colin’s car, I look at myself in the passenger side mirror. “Yeesh.”
Colin says, “I think it’s a good look for you, actually. Gives you some much-needed street cred.”
“Makes you look like a rebel,” Fish says. But then he pats my arm sympathetically. “Fuck it, shit happens, Daxy.”
I let out a long, deep exhale. “Fuck it, shit happens,” I whisper softly. “Ain’t that the fucking truth.”
Colin starts his fancy new car and it purrs like a kitten. “So, where to next, Rock Star? Violet’s apartment, I presume?”
“Yep. It’s time for me to get my girl. Onward.”
Chapter 47
Dax
Miranda opens the door to her apartment and gasps at the sight of me. “What happened to your face?”
“Is Violet here?”
“No. What happened to you?”
“I told Caleb about Violet and me.”
“Oh, God. He’s gonna be so pissed at me.”
“At you?”
“For not telling him. I’m sure he’s blowing up my phone right now, pissed as hell I kept it from him.”
“Sorry. I didn’t think about that.”
“It’s okay. Caleb knows when it comes to him and Vi, my loyalty is with her. I love my brother, but he broke her heart. Karma’s a bitch.”
“Do you think Caleb might get so pissed at you, he’d get physical with you?”
“Caleb? Oh, God, no. Never. Caleb yells and screams when he gets angry, and he’ll punch any dude for the slightest offense—as you’ve obviously just found out—but he would never, ever touch me or any woman. He’s one of the good ones.”
I sigh with relief. “I told Reed about Violet and me, right before I told Caleb.”
“Well, damn. You set off all kinds of atomic bombs today, didn’t you? What’d Reed say?”
“He was cool with it. Not that he gets a vote. Nobody gets a vote but Violet and me. Do you know when she’ll be back?”
“I’m not sure. Definitely not today. She dropped everything yesterday to fly to Seattle for a funeral.”
My heart leaps into my mouth. “Who died?”
“Her stepfather. He had a massive heart attack. Dropped dead on the spot. She took off like a bat out of hell when she found out. The funeral is tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, God. Jesus.” I rub my forehead and exhale. “I called and called Violet yesterday and this morning. I thought she was ghosting me.”
“She was probably on an airplane when you tried calling her yesterday. As far today goes, she’s probably just grieving... but, yeah, also, ghosting you. When Violet gets really upset, she’s notorious for taking a couple days to cool off before returning texts or calls. She was really upset when she left you yesterday.”
My blood feels like it’s physically heating with my need to see Violet. To set things right with her. To tell her those three little words. And, now, to comfort her, as well. “Do you know where the funeral is in Seattle?”
“No. Sorry. I didn’t ask for details. Maybe I could call Vi’s mom and find out if she has the information, but I doubt it. Apparently, the stepfather’s new wife despises Violet’s mom for cheating on him after his son died. I guess he had some sort of breakdown for a little while after losing his kid and marriage, all at once.”
“Poor guy.” I sigh. “I’m sure I can get the info from Reed or figure it out with a little internet sleuthing. I’m gonna head to the airport now.”
“Do you need a ride?”
“No, thanks. Colin’s sitting in his car out front, waiting for a text from me.”
“Should I tell Violet you’re coming to Seattle?”
“No. If she likes taking a few days to cool off when she’s upset, let’s give her that. I’d rather just show up tomorrow in Seattle and say what needs to be said, face to face. If it turns out she doesn’t want me there, then I’m a big believer in asking for forgiveness, instead of permission.”
Chapter 48
Dax
It’s late morning in Seattle and pouring rain. I feel stupid to be sitting in the back of a limo right now, as opposed to a simple Uber, but Reed arranged the car for me, saying he wasn’t going to let Violet get whisked off into the sunset in a fucking Uber. And so, here I am, a rock-star cliché behind tinted windows, directing my limo driver down the rain-soaked main drag of Lake View Cemetery.
I spot Violet. She’s about forty yards away, wearing a long, black coat, but, even so, there’s no doubt it’s her. She’s at the far back of a small cluster of mourners gathered around a gravesite, all of them taking cover underneath dark umbrellas.
“There,” I say to the limo driver, and he parks the car at the curbside of the gravesite.
Violet’s in profile to me, holding a dark blue umbrella to shield her from the driving rain. She’s not merely at the back of that group of mourners. She’s distinctly detached, her positioning clearly reinforcing her status as an outsider. Obviously, Violet doesn’t think she’s welcome at this funeral and nobody has bothered to disabuse her of that notion by inviting her to stand closer.
My baby looks impossibly small underneath that blue umbrella. Her face in profile is somber. Heartbreaking. Elegant. She’s visibly shivering in the cold. Because, of course, Seattle is always colder than visitors think it’s going to be.
For a moment,
I don’t know what to do with myself. During the drive here, I resolved to catch Violet’s attention after the funeral and guide her into the waiting limo. The last thing I want to do is insert myself into Violet’s private grieving for the only father figure she’s ever known. Her stepfather was the man who fathered her beloved baby brother, after all, and, ever so briefly, became a father to Violet, too... until her brother died and her mother betrayed her stepfather, and Violet’s short-lived fairytale family came tumbling down.
I’m guessing Violet is thinking about a whole lot more than her stepfather as she’s standing there in the rain. I’m sure she’s remembering her baby brother’s funeral. Maybe even the fact that she never went to her actual father’s funeral because he’d never acknowledged her. Maybe she’s wishing her stepfather had been willing to maintain a relationship with her after his marriage went down in flames. Knowing her, though, she’s probably standing there forgiving him for turning his back on her. She’s probably telling him, right at this moment, she understands and loves him, regardless.
Oh, my heart. I feel the urge to go to Violet now, but I waffle, feeling unsure. Clearly, this is a deeply private and poignant moment for her, and I don’t want to make it about me and what I want. But when I notice Violet’s slender shoulders shuddering violently underneath that blue umbrella—when I realize my baby is standing there, bawling her eyes out—there’s suddenly no question what I should do. I stuff my hair into my beanie, zip up my jacket, and throw on my hood. And then I bound out of the limo and sprint to Violet through the driving rain... until, finally, sliding underneath her blue umbrella and wrapping her in a warm hug.
When Violet sees me, her face registers shock... and then, massive relief. Wordlessly, without asking how or why, she crumples into my chest and loses herself to wracking sobs. I take the umbrella from her and use it to protect her from the storm as I hug her to me with my free arm... and then, when I’m sure she’s safe and protected, I let my own tears fall and mingle with the rainwater soaking my cheeks.