How long would it be before Ryan’s body collapsed under his need for his mate?
-Chapter Two-
The vomit bucket was only half full on the second week of Ryan’s stay in the Sanctuary. And he could get up unassisted and walk to the window before his legs would tremble so bad that they threatened to buckle, which was why Maureen had placed the chair there.
Ryan could sit in the sunlight and try not to remember, but that was still an impossible feat.
Anders, his big, braw mate. Dark and fierce and primed for any threat. Ryan had fallen for the shifter after seeing him on the battlefield in the Hollow Lands but had been too reserved to let Anders know it.
Weeks had passed of the same, sleeping rough between skirmishes between the Ursas and the rogue clan trying to conquer their territory. They called themselves Rebels, but from what Ryan could tell, they weren’t rebelling against anything but others having what they did not.
Occasionally, Ryan would see Anders while getting food, and he’d admire the strong man as he sat before the fire biting off chunks of a turkey leg or eating a haunch of venison. The lines of his body had called to him even then, but Anders never looked his way.
Then it had happened—after a ceremony where Ryan and some others had been given accolades, Anders strode by him and said in a low tone, “Follow me.”
Walking into the woods behind the man, gazing at his upright back and the set of his broad shoulders, was something Ryan had relived again and again both then and now.
When they’d gotten a few feet into the shrub line, Anders had turned to him, grabbed him by the nape and kissed him.
The fumbling of clothes that followed seemed like a dream. Anders had not shifted that first time, only bared his body and held his thick cock at the base for Ryan to swallow. Then he’d sucked down the cream of Anders’ release and relished every drop.
That was the first moment Ryan knew he was not the alpha in that relationship, or maybe in any that came later, in the event things didn’t work out with Anders.
But they’d enjoyed each other’s bodies thoroughly, with Anders ordering him to his hands and knees and teasing his netherhole with short flicks of his tongue before sinking his fingers in him and readying him for his cock.
When Anders joined them in one hard thrust, Ryan had thrown his head back and brayed loudly in bliss, giving himself over to every sensation and emotion that came with the coupling.
He was hard even now thinking of it, and disgust burned to think that he’d never experience that again. Coupling in human form was nothing compared to the mating ritual, he later learned. But he couldn’t think on that too long without the shakes coming back upon him.
He stared out the window at the familiar bend in the stream cutting through the land. The Medve Territory was beautiful, raw and primitive in a way that was quite unlike the Ursa lands. And though he longed for home with all the cells of his being, he was coming to love it here.
The hominess of his room, the calming blue walls. The cool sheets that were being replaced less often now that he wasn’t waking with the drenching sweats every hour. And the people.
He’d come to look forward to Maureen’s smile for him.
Or Dr. Dreyer’s visits.
His body relaxed in the chair merely thinking of Dreyer’s healing touch moving over his body and the berry tonic he’d make him drink. When he was finished, Ryan could sleep, most times, a deep, dreamless state that he welcomed. The terrors of what his mate had done to him was too much to bear.
While he looked on, a large, older bear wandered into view, walking the tree line and sniffing at bushes. As if the bear detected eyes on him, he turned to face the building and stared up at the window Ryan was behind.
Ryan ducked back a bit, hiding himself from view. Was the bear able to see him or did the light reflect on the pane of glass, making it whited out? There was no way to know without going outside, but he wasn’t quite up to that yet.
He leaned forward and looked out again, but the bear was gone. Ryan hoped he saw it tomorrow.
* * * * *
“Dr. Dreyer?” Josef poked his head into the door of Dirk’s office quarters. Unlike the typical single room with a window and a desk, as most of the doctors had, his space was an open area comprised of three separate rooms. Here he did paperwork at a glass-topped desk situated in front of a wall of windows overlooking the Sanctuary. The light changed depending on the time of day, ranging from the dark emerald green of very early mornings or late nights hunched over his files, to the light, airy blue-green of midday like now.
Dirk looked up and waved his assistant in. The shifter was tall and lean with a slightly hesitant attitude in all he did. Dirk had learned early on that Josef required a soft hand and kind words. He thrived under such conditions, and in the year he’d been Dirk’s assistant, he had watched him blossom to a much more confident young man.
Josef took his usual seat across the desk and looked down at his clipboard. “I have ten people today for group therapy.”
He arched a brow. “Ten?” He didn’t want to form the words for fear his voice would give him away, but he had to ask. “Is Ryan attending then?”
Giving a shake of his head, Josef returned his stare to the clipboard, which Dirk was grateful for. The last thing he needed was his assistant picking up on something that might bring questions he could not, did not, want to answer.
“Read off the names on the list please.” Dirk listened intently to the names of shifters.
Most were regulars to group therapy sessions he held daily in the other big room of his office. They were here for various reasons. Some had lived through torture during the clan wars. Others had come to the Sanctuary for personal reasons they hadn’t yet felt comfortable enough with Dirk to share.
And then there were a very few in a unique group who had come to them in states of blinding pain after their mates denied them. Like Ryan.
Josef had finished reading and was waiting patiently for him to respond. The man was calm and caring—whoever his mate was had better take a care with this one’s heart. But the present state of affairs had Dirk worried about mating these days.
Dirk let out a heavy sigh.
“I know what you’re going to say, Doctor. That the world is mad. What kind of world is it when mates turn against their own or shifters cannot see the heart and soul of another shifter and instead brings them pain and torment?”
He nodded. “I’ve said it before. Every time I think on the topic, I grow more confused. If there were physical symptoms, like burns or deformities, we’d know that an outside force has caused the phenomenon, like a nuclear bomb being detonated.”
“You’ve shared your theories with me that some event is taking place in the world that is changing the shifters’ brain codes that make them protect and care for their mates.” Josef stuck the end of the pen in his mouth and chewed it lightly.
Dirk nodded. “Yes, I wish I knew what it was so I could put an end to the cycle. But all I can do is talk to those shifters and help them move past it.”
“I can’t imagine the pain they all face,” Josef said softly.
“Nor I. It makes me glad I never took a mate myself. At any rate…” He stood abruptly, shaking off the images racking him of drawing Ryan into his arms and feeling him finally succumb to the emotions he refused to release.
This protective nature he felt for the shifter was peculiar and disturbing—he didn’t know if he wanted to explore it more in his own private way or stuff it down and hide it away.
The exact opposite of what he told his patients to do.
He closed a file on his desk and looked to his assistant. “Bring them in. And could you make some coffee please, Josef? I’m not feeling as energetic as I’d like today.”
“Of course, Doctor. I’d be happy to.” He stood and gave him a smile before turning for the open space where the therapy session was to be held.
Dirk drifted to the wall of windows to look o
ut at the Medve Territory that backed right up to the edge of the Sanctuary. In all its wildness, it was still more home than anything Dirk had known for years, and he was glad to be here. Lately, he’d taken to shifting into his bear form and running those trails. Weaving between trees as fast as his paws would carry him and dragging breaths of fresh pine into his lungs.
He always ended up at the same spot, though—directly below Ryan’s window. On more than one occasion, he’d caught the man sitting there but had no idea if he could see him. Perhaps from that angle in his room—
He cut off the thoughts and shook himself. No matter. He was Dirk’s patient first and foremost. His only goal was to see Ryan healthy and, hopefully, happy over time.
“Coffee’s brewing, Doctor. I’ll bring in the patients now,” Josef said as he passed through.
Hands in his pockets, he turned to nod at his assistant. His mind was somewhere back on the ground below, staring up at the tormented shifter he wished to help more than anybody in the Sanctuary.
-Chapter Three-
“Four weeks, six days and twelve hours since I’ve seen Anders.” Ryan’s voice, though soft, sounded loud to himself. Nobody was in the room with him, which was good because they’d believe him crazier than they already did.
At least he’d stopped puking. The shakes were no less but no more, which he took as a good sign. And the sweating… well, hopefully that would come. The constant feeling of the sickly sheen coating his body was enough to drive him as crazy as everyone thought.
Each day, he’d begun reciting the time since he’d been with his mate as a way to speak his name aloud again. Now he wasn’t so certain it wasn’t causing more pain.
With shaking legs, he sank to his chair by the window, leaning forward with elbows on his knees and dropping his head to stare at the floor. The blue carpet by the window was more familiar than anything in the room—he spent enough time staring at it and making out small patterns in the uneven loops.
Sometimes he even swore he saw his mate there.
But today he saw nothing—just loops of blue. He pushed up and turned his attention to the tree line. Today he hadn’t spotted the lone bear. Who was he? Was he a patient here at the Sanctuary? Could he also be experiencing the sort of pain Ryan was?
He couldn’t stand to think anyone else had been cast off like he had been, like an old holey sock without a match.
He lifted a bottle of water to his lips and sipped. The water cooled and healed his throat, which was still sore from the awful howls that had come from the depths of his soul. It happened most in the wee hours of the night, when his body craved Anders most.
Over the past few days, he’d been feeling something besides extreme need for his mate.
He felt anger.
Fury, almost.
Rage at being thrown away, a bond broken, a love shattered. And for what? He still had no idea what had caused the change in Anders. But he was pissed off about it too.
Part of him felt guilty for this. He loved the shifter with every ounce of his soul. If his mate walked through the door right now, Ryan would be in his arms weeping with relief to see him.
But that would never happen, and Ryan couldn’t even bring himself to hate the fantasies of that happening. He was too depressed and full of despair.
He lowered the bottle from his lips as the dark figure came into sight. He scooted to the edge of his chair and stared at the inky spot that, in the darkness, gave no hints as to who the shifter could be even if he knew the other patients staying here.
Maybe it was time to go searching and find out?
No, not yet. He didn’t know what would happen if he left his room right now. He was too fragile, the small bubble around himself he’d been able to erect too delicate to risk. Maybe in time.
He watched the bear move along the forest’s edge, up and down as if pacing. Occasionally he would stop and arch his head as if staring straight at Ryan’s window.
But that couldn’t be.
The bear gamboled on, pausing to turn once more. This time he threw his head back and heaved onto his hind legs.
The roar pushed from his powerful jaws and the sound hit Ryan’s window, causing the glass to tremble in the pane.
He sucked in a gasp and before he knew it, had pressed his palm to the cold glass.
A gust of wind brought rain drumming against his hand, as if the bear had called the weather down. The fanciful thought was not possible, yet Ryan couldn’t shake it off, long after the bear ambled off again.
Gone.
He let out a shaky breath, unaware he’d been holding it. What had just happened? He felt the concussion of that roar like a touch. A stroke of a hand.
Magic.
His mind went instantly to Dr. Dreyer and the magic he’d performed on him last night after Maureen had called for him during one of Ryan’s bad fits. He had been shaking so badly, he couldn’t even pry his jaws apart to take the healing herbs she offered. But as soon as he’d seen the doctor, Ryan had relaxed back on the bed and accepted his touch like a drowning man clung to a tree branch.
Was it weak of him to take this help? Maybe. Did he have any choice? No. He couldn’t live like this. With or without Anders, he would live on, that was the plain fact.
With a shock, he realized how much his mindset had changed in the four weeks, six days and twelve hours he’d been in the Sanctuary—he’d gone from begging for death to hoping for a life without his mate.
Whatever life could come now would never be as rich or filled with joy and love. Yet the wildness of that roar had made him believe there was something out there for him. Something primal, something to count on.
* * * * *
An animalistic growl rumbled through Ryan and into Dirk. A hot clench of a fist around Dirk’s heart.
“Deeper,” Ryan panted in his ear.
Dirk moved his hips with slow precision, grinding his cock deep in his lover’s body before easing out to the tip.
Ryan’s eyes were dark with need. “More. Harder. Claim me.”
With a wild thrust, Dirk sank balls-deep again, and their shared growl shook the bed. The big mahogany headboard struck the wall. Again. Again. Dirk was about to burst with an orgasm so big that he had no hope of keeping his sanity after this. He had to have every bit of this man. Had to…
Had to…
The headboard banged the wall once more.
“Dr. Dreyer!” the call that accompanied the knocking sound jolted Dirk straight up in bed. His cock bobbed on his abs, swollen, straining. The tip oozing the cum he was about to shoot into his lover.
His forbidden dream lover, that was.
He leaped out of bed, reaching for his lounge pants as the knocking began again.
Josef. Christ, that man had the worst timing, but in a way, he’d also stopped Dirk from feeling so much shame and guilt. If he’d actually spilled his seed for Ryan in his dream, he’d never be able to look him in the eyes again.
He pushed out a hot sigh and shoved his fingers through his messy hair as he strode to the door of his quarters. The brass handle felt cool in his hand, which was a welcome relief after the scorching twisted sheets he’d just left.
When he whipped open the door, it was to the sight of his assistant looking as disheveled as he felt.
“Josef. What’s happened?”
“A new shifter just came in, Doctor. He’s bad off. We can’t control him, sir.” Josef’s gaze ran downward over Dirk’s torso, and he realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt.
“Uh, just let me get dressed. Set up the operating room in case there are injuries to attend.”
“Right away, Doctor.” Josef took a parting glance at his chest—and lower—before running off down the hallway.
Without another thought to his erection, Dirk ran to change into scrubs. As soon as he opened the door, a sound, so dismal and filled with pain, hit him.
Propelled forward by the call, he took off running to the surgery. When he skidded around a c
orner, he ran smack into someone. He grunted and automatically reached out to grip the man’s shoulders.
Then realized who he was holding on to.
“Ryan,” he said with surprise. “What are you doing here?” As far as he knew, he’d never left his room in the Sanctuary, never ventured past the doorway and spent most of his time in a chair by the window.
Ryan’s eyes clouded over with pain as the horrific sound carried to them again. “What’s happened to that shifter happened to me.” He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple slicing up and down his throat as if to slash through the skin.
Dirk squeezed the man’s shoulders, too aware of his closeness when that dream hadn’t fully faded from his mind. His cock was still semi-hard. “Ryan, listen to me. This is no place for you right now, but I hope to see you out of your room tomorrow.”
“There’s nothing I can… do?”
Dirk’s heart broke open at the calm plea to help a shifter Ryan didn’t even know. He ran his hands up from Ryan’s biceps to bracket his neck, his fingertips lightly kneading the base of Ryan’s skull where the muscles were most tense.
“Not now but soon your help will be welcome, I’m sure. Please, return to your room.”
Ryan stood frozen as another of those unearthly howls echoed down the corridor as if coming from the bowels of hell.
Dirk searched the man’s eyes for signs of his own distress. All he saw were the fresh scars of his own ordeal and concern for the anguished shifter. “Go,” he whispered and released Ryan.
The man strode away quickly back to the flight of stairs leading to his room. Dirk wanted to stay and gaze after him, but he had a job to do.
He burst into the emergency intake room where a terrifying scene met him. A shifter, in the throes of pain, his eyes wild and rolling, jaws dripping blood. From what Dirk could see, the blood was his own, from a chunk torn out of his own upper arm.
Dirk stepped back.
The chunk of flesh lay on the floor near the shifter’s feet. He’d torn it from his own body.
Sanctuary in the Bear Shifter's Arms: A MM Shifter Bonding Alpha Mates Romance (Primal Roar Book 1) Page 2