by Roxie Ray
I had to.
Even if I was terrified of the answer.
“You said if I helped you complete your assignment, I'd be granted citizenship on Valkred,” I began, licking my dry lips and trying to keep my voice from shaking. “But Umel and the other Valkredian Sives have told me stories about how on Valkred, humans are treated as... a food source. They said they're only kept alive for as long as they can keep generating enough healthy blood for their owners to feed on. So I have to know, Surge: Is any of that true? Or were they just trying to scare me? Because if it is true, it doesn't sound like I'll be any safer there than I am here.”
I suddenly realized I'd used his real name in private again, even after he'd told me not to. But it didn't seem as though he'd noticed. He tilted his head, giving me a winning smile that made my insides tingle.
“If I answer your question,” he replied, “and assure you that you would be safe and happy there, why would you choose to believe me?”
“I guess I'd be able to tell if you were lying to me.”
“And why would you assume that?” His grin widened. With his bloody nose, the effect was strangely boyish, as though he'd been sent home after winning a fight in the schoolyard. “I am a spy, after all. Lies are my stock in trade.”
I laughed uncertainly. “You're right. I don't know why I asked. Hell, maybe there's a part of me that wants to be lied to, just so I can have some hope to cling to... a reason to keep it together while I'm taking these risks for you.”
He nodded. “I can understand that. For what it's worth, I wish I didn't have these psychic inhibitors installed, or else I could allow you to share my thoughts and know that I'm being truthful.”
I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. “Something tells me that even then, you'd be able to hide your true thoughts from me if you really wanted to.”
Surge laughed, hardly wincing at the pain in his nose. “Damn, but you are clever! The more time I spend with you, the more you manage to impress me.”
Yeah, and now you're flattering me, too, I thought to myself wryly. Another page from the Big Book of Spying?
He took a deep breath, growing serious. “I will tell you the truth, Paige, and you may decide for yourself whether to believe me or not. The Valkred that Umel and the others described did indeed exist. In some aspects, I suppose it still does.
“Until recently, Earthlings did not live on my homeworld except as blood slaves. Over the past century or so, many came to view this practice as barbaric... but it was so thoroughly ingrained in our culture that there was no significant movement to put an end to it. At least, not until recently.”
“Oh? What happened?”
“Akzun, the ruler of our planet, found – much to his own surprise – that his predestined mate was a human woman named Carly, who had initially been purchased as a blood slave. He fell madly in love with her, and elevated her to the role of consort. Shortly after that, Akzun's brother Zark had a similar experience with an Earthling female named Miranda. There were other such instances which followed as well. So now that free humans live on Valkred, and occupy positions of political influence...”
“The practice of keeping blood slaves is falling out of fashion?” I guessed.
“Such massive changes cannot be put into place overnight,” he replied, “but yes. Carly, Miranda, and the others are working to see that the Earthlings currently being held as blood slaves will live out the rest of their days as free citizens of Valkred, whether that involves purchasing their liberation or issuing an imperial edict banning their enslavement.
“So you see, Paige, if I guarantee that you will not be harmed – and that you will be accepted as a member of our society – I am in a position to keep those promises.” He paused, and then asked, “Is there anything else you wish to ask of me?”
Was there? I thought about everything else I'd heard from Umel and the other Valkredian Sives about their homeworld. They'd frequently traded stories of the crimes they'd committed there, the sordid and dangerous-sounding characters they had associated with, the sleazy bars and brothels where they'd spent most of their time between crimes. All in all, they'd made it sound like a dark place teeming with awful people.
But they were criminals. So that couldn't have been the whole story where Valkred was concerned.
Could it?
I was tempted to put all this into words, but the more details I gave him about why I was asking, the more likely it seemed that he might make something up specifically to convince me that what I'd heard wasn't true (even if it was). I desperately wanted to trust him, but I still couldn't be sure. I figured I should keep my questions as vague as possible, and let him fill in the blanks.
“What's your home planet like?” I asked.
Surge closed his eyes for a moment as though visualizing it, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Valkred is a magnificent place, especially now that our war with Mana has ended. The nights last for eighteen hours, and they are truly magical. The air is so fresh and crisp and clean, even in the deepest heart of the capital city, where it blends with the smells of the flowers and foods sold by the street vendors. There is music and dancing in the moonlight. And if you entice them with the proper treats, the tooth-bats will flap down and eat right out of your hand.”
I grimaced. “Tooth-bats?”
He laughed. “A repulsive name for such fascinating and graceful creatures. Their flocks dance through the purple skies in intricate formations, searching for insects and flowers to feast upon. Their favorite food is the crimson nectar of the blood-blossoms, which only bloom and thrive at sunset... much like we Valkredians ourselves.”
“It sounds like a beautiful place,” I said wistfully. Seeing how passionate he was about it made me feel weak in the knees – knowing he could dedicate himself to something like that made me wish someone felt the same way about protecting and defending me, too. “No wonder you've dedicated your whole life to protecting and defending it.”
Surge seemed taken aback by my words, as though he hadn't expected anyone else to understand – or at least, not a human. He nodded slowly. “Yes. It is a place well worth fighting for. Worth dying for, if it comes to that.”
“It's too bad you don't have anyone to share all that beauty with.”
I hadn't planned to say that. The words just sprang from my mouth before I could stop them. But why? Did I want to give him the idea that I could soothe his loneliness with my affection and companionship, so he'd work even harder to keep me safe and free me from this place?
No, that wasn't it. I almost wished that it was – that I had it in me to lure and control him that way out of self-interest.
But instead, I knew the truth: I was inexplicably drawn to the concept of us being together, despite the fact that I barely knew this being.
There was something in his handsome features, his flashing green eyes, the commanding way he carried himself, that made my skin feel electric just being around him. Just being near him made my heart tremble with desire – any time I was with him, I wanted to reach out and touch him, to feel the power radiating from him. And the more time I spent near him, the more time I wanted to spend.
The thought of pursuing a real future with him, of spending the rest of my life in his arms, was too intoxicating for me to ignore. It was crazy, but there it was.
Something flickered behind his eyes, though – a pang of deep sadness. Had I touched a nerve?
But in a split second, it was gone, replaced with the careful poker face he usually maintained.
“Still, I suppose you are homesick for your own world,” Surge deflected. “It must be filled with many wonderful sights and people. I wish I could promise to return you to it once all of this is over, but I cannot.”
I chuckled bitterly, remembering the squalor I'd come from. “'Wonderful?' Hardly. Have you ever been there?”
He shook his head. “We don't carry out high-level espionage or military operations on Earth, so no, I've never been sent there
on any missions.”
“And that's the only reason you ever go anywhere? Because you're told to? You never go anywhere on your own, just to... go there?”
Surge appeared to think this over for a moment, as though the idea had never really occurred to him. “No. I suppose I never have. My entire life, ever since I was a child, it seems as though I've either been carrying out assignments or waiting for new ones.”
“You never get any time off at all? Ever?”
His expression hardened. “Does a blade or a blaster ever take time off from being a weapon? No. It is simply what they are at all times... every moment, from their creation to their eventual destruction.”
Now it was my turn to be taken aback. As a nurse on Earth, I'd heard lots of sad stories, but I couldn't remember ever hearing anything as heartbreaking as that. Then again, maybe it was just because I found myself so attracted to him.
I reached out, putting my hand over his.
“You're not a weapon, Surge.” This time, I knew I was using his real name, but I didn't care – I wanted him, the real him, to hear me. I could almost feel his pulse rushing through my veins, aligning my heartbeat to his own, and the sensation made me lightheaded. “You're a person. You're allowed to feel, to go places and do things because you want to. Just because you serve your planet and people doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your humanity.”
He raised an eyebrow, amused. “My 'humanity?'”
I laughed. “You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I suppose I do. It is a lovely sentiment, and I know that it is well-meant. But sentimentality is a luxury I have never been able to afford. Now, the lights-out alarm will sound any moment now. Do you have the information from the corpses you examined this morning?”
His tone was suddenly brisk and businesslike, as though he was firmly shutting the door on what we'd been talking about. It was very much like how he'd behaved yesterday when I'd mentioned how lonely his life sounded.
Was I getting close enough to him to make him uncomfortable? Was that why he kept pulling back?
It sure seemed that way.
It could have been some spy tactic, I supposed – to keep me off-balance, keep me interested, keep me wanting more so I'd continue to help him. And if it was… I couldn’t help but admit that it was working. But somehow, I doubted it. The look on his face when I'd pointed out that he had no one to enjoy Valkred with seemed too raw, too vulnerable, to be an act.
Either way, I decided, it didn't seem like a good idea to keep pushing him now. I pulled the scrap of paper with the death data and birth dates scrawled on it out of my pocket and handed it to him. “Here. I'm still not sure what kind of sense it's all supposed to make, though.”
“Neither do I,” he said, looking it over. “But there must be some pattern, some clue that will point to Karaak's true motives. And I will find it.”
“Because you always complete your missions successfully.”
He flashed me another charming smile, and everything inside of me melted. “Precisely. And thanks to your courageous efforts, this one will be a success as well. I know it.”
The alarm buzzed, and Qhugu bellowed, “All right, you worthless collection of slime-spawned maggots, line up for count!”
I leaned forward impulsively, kissing Surge. He flinched at first, but then relaxed, allowing himself to enjoy it more thoroughly. His pale lips were cool, like a marble statue. He seized my shoulders, holding them tightly, refusing to let me withdraw until the last possible second.
Would he ever release me? Or would we stay like this forever, our lips locked, our breath mingling? I desperately wanted that – but then his hands and mouth pulled back, and the kiss was over, leaving me aching for more.
“A goodnight kiss,” I explained, feeling myself blush a little. “Just something to cling to, in case of nightmares.”
“Thank you.” His voice sounded strangely choked, as though all the breath had gone out of him.
Qhugu rapped on the doorway of my cell with his baton, scowling. “Enough of that! Hakkas, get to your cell for count, now. If I have to ask you again, Umel won't be the only one hopping around here on stumps. Get to it!”
Surge stood, gave the jailer a small ironic bow, and walked to his cell. I stood outside my own next to Suzanne as the other admins moved up and down the rows of prisoners, cataloging them one last time before the bars slid shut and locked us in.
There were more scratching and scraping noises in our cell throughout the night, but I didn't bother investigating this time. The truth was, I barely heard them.
All I could think about was that kiss... and whether I'd find an occasion to steal another one.
10
Surge
“So listen,” Kuhlii burbled eagerly as I climbed into my bunk, “what you did to Umel earlier? I mean, wow! Talk about hardcore. You really showed him who's boss, ha.”
I remained silent, waiting for him to get to the point.
“See, um, the thing is, though,” he went on, flapping his gills and wringing his webbed hands nervously, “not all of us have those kinds of skills, you know? Some of us gotta rely on our wits... or, more specifically, on who we know. Connections, right? Friends in high places?”
More silence from me. By the Succubi, I hated people who kept blabbing away without really saying anything. I already had enough on my mind without listening to his irritating blather.
Especially after that kiss.
“I guess what I'm trying to say,” he continued uneasily, “or ask, really, is, um... have you given any more thought to what we talked about? You know, giving me some of that sweet Sive protection? I got all the money you need, just tell me where to transfer it...”
“Sure.”
The word was out of my mouth before I realized it, flat and final, like a dropped rock. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to be able to hear myself think, and if agreeing to protect the Mana was enough to make him be quiet, so be it.
Besides, isn't that what the real Hakkas would do if he were in my position? Grant Kuhlii's wish in exchange for all that money?
His fishy eyes bulged with surprise and delight. “Yeah? No foolin'? You're gonna watch my back in here?”
“Two hundred and fifty thousand rulas, and yeah, you got a deal. I'll give you the account information for the transfer in the morning, so you can have your people take care of it. Do you have a way to contact them, or will you be needing a transmitter?”
“No, no, I can handle it myself! Thank you, Hakkas!” He grabbed my hand, pumping it effusively until I gave him a dirty look and he released it sheepishly. “Sorry. Guess I got a little carried away. It's just... the rest of the guys in here, they scare the roe out of me. Now that I've got you on my side, though, I'll actually have a chance of coming out of this alive! All I gotta do is keep my head down and serve my sentence, and I'm home free.”
“Indeed. And just to make your stay here more pleasant, I have a small gift for you,” I growled impatiently. I reached into my uniform pocket and pulled out a small ball of chewable green rax gum, handing it to him. “This should help you get a nice, long, deep sleep.”
He took the lump, eyeing it warily. “I'm not gonna get addicted, am I?”
I shrugged. “If you do, there's plenty more where that came from.”
Kuhlii pondered this for a moment, and then shrugged, popping the ball in his mouth and chewing it slowly. “It's kind of bitter, isn't it?”
“Most people don't take it for the taste,” I shot back. “Just the effect. Now chew it up until the flavor's all gone, and you'll have a good night's rest.”
He chuckled, chomping it loudly. “It'd be the first time I had that since they caught me, that's for damn sure.”
I settled back into my bunk, listening to the disgusting sounds Kuhlii made as he chewed the rax and smacked his lips. It was a heavy dose – especially for someone who'd never consumed any of the drug before – and in a few minutes, he was snoring wetly.
&nb
sp; Good. I needed him utterly unconscious so I could report to Dhimurs without being overheard. Doing it yesterday while all of the other prisoners had been awake was one thing, but it seemed like too much of an unnecessary risk to repeat.
As I turned to face the wall and summoned the precise mental triggers to send a transmission, I thought about what I had just done to Kuhlii. He was annoying, to be sure, and a liability to have around. Making sure he was properly passed out had been absolutely necessary.
Even so, I had probably gotten him hooked on narcotics. Shouldn't I have been more bothered by that? Felt guilty about it?
But I didn't.
Because Hakkas wouldn't have cared one bit.
And I could still feel Hakkas inside my head, twisting and turning and gnashing his teeth like a Delabnian mud eel trapped in a jar. I had never found the violent aspects of my missions particularly distasteful... but he was downright enjoying the casual brutality I'd seen and participated in so far since I'd come here. I could practically hear him cheering from the sidelines, demanding more blood, more brawls, more chances to show what a hard man he was.
And there was something else he was demanding, too.
Paige.
Whenever she was within smelling distance of me, I could hear Hakkas roaring inside my mind – commanding me to seize her, to throw her down and have her any way I wanted. Any way he wanted. The compulsion was stronger than a pack of runaway Macurian ox lizards, their massive hooves stomping and thundering through me.
But was the mating urge mine, or his?
Maybe “Hakkas” had always been with me in one form or another – an unwelcome passenger along for the ride, goading me to embrace the worst aspects of myself, the ones that wanted to fight the entire universe for leaving me parentless and uncared for as a child. Maybe my current disguise had only given a name and a face to my own darkest instincts.