by Roxie Ray
I hoped that by repeating her name, I could coax her back to sanity, prompt her to regain some semblance of her former self.
“Too late,” she wheezed pitifully. “Too late for me. Too late for you. Too late for everyone and everything. All will burn. I have seen. He has shown me often, yes. A great flame, endless, devouring us all for a thousand eternities. His hatred given form at last.”
“It's not too late,” I insisted. “We have a plan, Boola. It will work, but you must help us.”
“Look at me.” She began to sob. “I stood up to my brother, once. And look what he did to me. Look at what I have become. Everything inside of me is... gone. I no longer hear the universe singing as I once did. I no longer feel the heart of the cosmos beating in my chest. He stole it from me... took it all away forever.”
“Then you have nothing left to lose,” I urged her. “You can finally get your revenge. You can finish what you started, and keep him from inflicting that same pain on the rest of the galaxy.”
“No.” She closed her eyes, waving me away and resting her head on the filthy floor. “No more. Nothing left. Close the door. Turn the field back on. Let me rot here. Please. It's what I deserve for failing to stop him when I had the chance.”
I rose to my feet again. “Fine. I'll go. But we're leaving the door unlocked and the emitters off, just in case you change your mind.”
As I stepped out of the seg cell, Tetro said, “Unfortunate, but not surprising. And speaking of seg cells, if we're going to act, it needs to be now. Every moment brings us closer to danger. I can still keep the emitters off for now since he'll probably think I'm in there torturing you, but eventually, he might decide to check on you himself.”
“Then it seems that only one thing remains,” I replied. “I have to go to Paige. She has to know how wrong I was, and she needs to know that I’m going to do everything I can to keep her safe. We need her on our side, we need her to be in the know, and I cast her away. I was a fool.”
“I agree,” Suzanne chimed in with a smirk. “We'll take my tunnel. That's the fastest way.”
Suzanne squeezed into the tight passage, and I followed. My Valkredian eyes were used to seeing in darkness, and as I looked around at her handiwork, I had to admire it. There were firm and steady footholds, and she'd scratched a series of arrows into the walls to keep from getting lost when the wide pipes and shafts branched off from it.
“Keep up.” Her voice echoed ahead of me. “No time for sightseeing.”
I started to climb, anxiously counting the moments until I would see Paige again... and hoping that against all odds, she would forgive me when I reached her.
20
Paige
I'd been sitting on my bunk, wondering if any more tears would come or if they had all run out.
The rest of the prisoners were milling around unit seven as usual, killing time before lights-out. The Sives were already starting to turn on each other, snarling and shoving and jockeying for leadership. Umel's bionic legs had been reattached (albeit badly) by Healer Lozar, and he still had plenty of loyalists –but Kelso was starting to gather more followers. If he hadn't been an Earthling, he'd probably have already taken over the gang. But there were just enough members who were prejudiced against humans to make it a struggle for him.
Not that it mattered. To me, it seemed like whoever won, I was going to lose.
I longed to feel Surge's wings wrapped around my body again, to see the tenderness in his eyes when he looked at me. I had been so damn certain that now that we'd found each other, we'd never let go.
Well, that made one of us, I supposed.
I wanted to be furious with Surge – but instead, I was mostly angry at myself for having given in to those tantalizing feelings of safety and comfort he'd given me. I should have known better. Here in Karcerikus, just about anything good was a mirage, a pipe dream. And on those rare occasions when it wasn't, it never lasted for long.
I wanted to think of Sharon and Tetro as the exception to that rule, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Yes, they had gotten away – but now Tetro was back in this hellhole, and this time, there was a good chance he wouldn't be leaving. When I'd been working with Surge, defeating Karaak had seemed like a real possibility. Now that he'd pushed me away and I wasn't bolstered by his firm and comforting presence anymore, I had a hard time believing in any outcome except failure... and, most likely, death for anyone involved. Maybe even me, if Karaak somehow found out what my part in all this had been and decided to punish me accordingly.
Either way, all I could do was sit there and wait for the next terraforming shift. Everything else was beyond my control now.
I searched the throngs in unit seven for Suzanne, but I couldn't see her among the other inmates. Too bad. I would have liked to have her with me, even if it was just so I could laugh at her jokes and marvel at her stories of white-knuckle piloting and daring escapes.
Suddenly, I heard her voice from inside our cell: “Psst. Hey. Over here.”
I glanced over, startled – and saw a section of the marble wall detach itself, sliding aside to reveal Suzanne. Her face was dirty, but she was grinning ear to ear.
“What the hell...?” I exclaimed.
“Shh! Stop staring, you'll draw attention.” She emerged from the hole in the wall, sliding the marble slab back into place.
“Is that what those scraping and scratching sounds have been at night?” I asked incredulously. “You've been digging a fucking tunnel?”
“Damn right I have. Made it all the way down to the lowest level of the prison, too. And I brought someone back with me.”
Before I could ask what she was talking about, the slab slid aside again – revealing Surge's face. His handsome features were smudged with dust and soot. He peered out at me, his expression inscrutable.
“What's he doing here?” I asked.
“I had to see you,” he whispered furtively. “We've formulated a plan to defeat Karaak before he can threaten the entire universe, but in order for it to work, we'll need your help.”
I crossed my arms. “You made it very clear that you don't want my help.”
Before Surge could answer, Suzanne put a hand on my shoulder. “Look. He hurt you. I get it. He made you feel stupid for wanting him so much. And that sucks, Paige, it really does, and no one could blame you for being angry. But we don't have time for that right now, okay? The warden's going to tap into the cosmic flow of the universe during the next terraforming shift, even if he has to slaughter you and every other prisoner in here to do it. So whatever Surge has to say, you need to hear it. And if you still want to sit things out after that and sulk, hey, there's nothing I can do to stop you.”
Obviously, I didn't want Karaak to succeed, but could I really trust myself around Surge again? Could I really trust him a second time, knowing he might change his mind again and snatch his love away from me at any moment?
I didn't know.
But based on the look on Suzanne's face, it was a risk I was going to have to take, for all our sakes.
“All right, fine.” I turned to Surge. “You're here, I'm listening. But you’d better make it good.”
“I'll give you two some privacy,” Suzanne said, stepping out of the cell and wiping her face on her sleeve.
“What I said to you before was foolish and wrong,” Surge began. His tone was stiff and awkward. “I was right to let my guard down with you. To let myself... feel those things for you. Just as I was wrong to think that this mission was something I needed to complete without your aid. As it turns out, I do need you by my side, if we have any hope of prevailing against Karaak.”
“I see. So now that you need me to make your plan work, you expect me to just trust you and fall into your arms all over again.”
He cleared his throat, trying to maintain eye contact with me. “I understand how difficult I have made that for you, Paige. How much I have hurt you. I cannot even claim that it was not deliberate... I felt I had to push
you away, no matter how hard it was, for your own good. If anything had gone wrong... if your involvement in all of this had been discovered... I could not have forgiven myself for that.”
“Okay, so what's different?” I challenged. “How am I supposed to believe in you – in us – again, knowing you could just change your mind at any moment and decide we can't be together? Because I can't go through that again, Surge. You don't know what that did to me, how it made me feel.”
Surge took a deep breath. When he spoke, it was with great difficulty. “I... do know, Paige. Because my feelings for you are far deeper than I had previously dared to communicate. You see, we Valkredians believe that for each of us, a predestined mate exists somewhere in the cosmos. The person we are meant to be with forever, the other half of ourselves that we have longed to reunite with since birth. We know them upon sight, and once we encounter them, we know that we must hold onto them as tightly as possible. We must spend the rest of our lives protecting them. And when I first came to Karcerikus... I recognized you as my mate.”
“But you didn't protect me.” I felt a lump in my throat, as though I might cry again – but if that had to happen, I didn't want it to be in front of him, so I fought it as hard as I could. “You didn't comfort me. You said you didn't need me. You shoved me away. You made me feel stupid for clinging to some rosy idea of the future we might have together.”
“I did do those things, Paige, and I regret them bitterly. Everything about this mission has been a challenge: sharing my body, my brain with a criminal to maintain my disguise, questioning whether the mating urges I feel aren't even my own, wondering if you will find my real face as attractive as this one, worried that our mission might fail and doom us both before we have a chance to find true happiness together.
“It all blinded me to what was most important: You, and the life we deserve to share with each other. And as soon as I’d heard that you were in danger, despite trying to distance you from my mission, I realized how wrong I’d been to push you away.”
Now I was crying – I couldn't help it, and I hated myself for it. I wanted so badly to believe him, to let myself feel the way I did before.
But I wasn't the same woman I used to be on Earth.
Life on Karcerikus had hardened me. Made me more suspicious, more closed-off, more protective of myself. It was the only way to survive in this terrible place. And if I did trust him and take him back, only to be hurt again, it would destroy me this time... because I'd have no one to blame but myself.
I sighed. “Look. Those are very pretty words, and I'd love to just take them all at face value. But I can't. Not after all those things you said to me, not after you tore apart all the trust we'd built. You say you need me to take more risks for you now, to make this plan work? Cool. I'll do it. Not for you, but for everyone else in here who doesn't deserve to suffer and die at the whims of an insane alien wizard. If we manage to get out of this alive, then maybe we can talk about what's next for us... though personally, I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you.”
He nodded. “I understand. And I will prove myself to you this time, Paige. This I vow.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just tell me what you want me to do.” I wiped my tears away, trying to keep my expression as neutral as possible.
“Talk to the Sives, and anyone else whose loyalty you can rely on... especially those whose lives you've saved in the infirmary. Tell them to be in place and ready tomorrow, so we can put an end to the warden's homicidal lunacy once and for all.”
He told me the plan, and I had to admit, I was impressed. I agreed to do my part, and then waited for his face to withdraw from the tunnel and he replaced the section of marble behind him.
It occurred to me that it might be the last time we'd ever see each other if the plan failed, and the thought made my heart feel like it was made of lead. Despite how angry I'd been at him before, there was a part of me that still wanted to believe things between us could somehow return to the way they were. I didn't know how, but not knowing didn't drown the faint glimmer of hope.
Then I walked up to the Sives. From the look of it, Umel and Kelso were in the process of threatening each other, and each one had their loyalists backing them up. Good. I wanted as many of them in one place as possible so I wouldn't have to repeat myself.
“Listen up, guys,” I said quietly, “because we don't have much time.”
They looked at each other, and then burst into laughter.
“What the fuck do you think a weak little human chick like you is gonna say to us?” Umel sneered.
“Yeah, move along, bitch, before you get hurt,” Kelso chimed in.
“There's no time for your pigheaded posturing and bullshit,” I snapped. “We've got one chance to bust this goddamn hellhole wide open and put Karaak out of business permanently. You want in, or do you want to sit here and rot for the rest of your sentences, waiting for that Lunian whack-job to send you down to die in a terra-pod? The way I see it, there's only one smart choice here, but whether you grab onto it is up to you.”
“So, what, you're giving orders?” Kelso mocked. “You're gonna run the Sives now?”
“No. Hakkas is.”
“Don't be stupid.” Umel rolled his eyes. “Hakkas is in a seg cell. He ain't runnin' shit.”
“He got out,” I said.
“No one gets out of a seg cell, girlie.” But did I see hope in Kelso's eyes?
“Yeah, and 'no one' could smuggle rax in anymore either, but he did it,” I pointed out. “Just like 'no one' could put real weapons and holo-pads in your hands since Karaak tightened up security, but Hakkas did that too. He's capable of more than you assholes can possibly imagine. And tomorrow, he's going to stage a riot.”
“Uh-huh, a riot, okay.” Umel still sounded skeptical. “But then what? Even if we get rid of Karaak, even if we take the place over, we won't be able to hold onto it forever. Eventually, someone's gonna send the authorities in here to beat us down and put us back in our cages. Then we'll lose all our privileges, we'll get more time tacked onto our sentences, and life's gonna really suck for us.”
“Hakkas has that covered,” I explained. Selling this next bit to them was going to be tricky as hell. “He's got connections high up in the Valkred government. I'm talking Ruby Stronghold connections, here, guys. He's already gotten word to them that Karaak's been murdering prisoners. They're sending a fleet right now to back our play. Anyone who helps us is going to get time off their sentences, guaranteed... and the ones who were sent here for nonviolent crimes will get paroled, no questions asked.”
Umel paused for a long moment... then suddenly reached out, grabbing me by the throat and snarling in my face. “Are you telling me Hakkas was a rat this whole time, you thrice-damned human bitch?! And you've been WORKING WITH HIM?! I SHOULD TEAR YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!”
I tried to answer, but I couldn't gather enough air. Black blotches bloomed in the corner of my vision. A few more seconds, and my throat would be crushed completely.
But Kelso yanked Umel off me, slamming him against a wall sharply. “Enough of that ignorant jailbird crap, you dumb fuck. The way I see it, whether she's a rat or not doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that if we've got a real shot at taking Karaak down, we need to take it, period. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm sick of sitting around waiting for the Sives to be treated like the rest of the garbage in here. We either act now, or we all get fitted for twisted metal coffins.” He turned to me. “What's the hustle?”
“Get word to all the Sives in the other cell blocks,” I rasped, rubbing my sore throat. “Tell them that when they get the signal, they should unleash hell and take down the jailers. Not the new one, though, the Manaean with all the scars... he's on our side.”
“What's the signal gonna be?” Kelso asked.
I smiled. “Believe me... when the time comes, you'll know.”
21
Surge
I sat in the seg cell, waiting. I'd swall
owed the last few drops from Paige's bottle, and I was numb and floating again.
Patience – as I've said before – can be a spy's best ally.
I had set everything in motion. Tetro had finally persuaded B'Naaka to exchange shifts with him, and then left the door of my cell unlocked and abandoned his post, so he could be near the weapons locker when the crucial moment came.
In the meantime, I had to continue to occupy the cell with the emitters cranked up right up until the last possible moment, so that Karaak would not suspect anything was amiss. I had to sit. I had to wait. I had to hope that all would go smoothly and according to plan.
So. Patience.
Even though every muscle in my body, every fiber of my being, wanted to jump out and act. Even though the thought of Paige climbing into one of those damn terra-pods at the start of her appointed shift – the second work detail shift of the day – was enough to drive me mad with concern. Even though I wanted to wrap my hands around Karaak's neck and squeeze and squeeze until his eyes popped and his tongue lolled out and he...
Suddenly, I felt a series of explosions rock the prison. The power surge made the dimensional emitters short out, returning me to the normal space of the seg cell.
I smiled.
At last, my time had come.
I burst out of the cell, checking to make sure none of the jailers had chosen to make an unscheduled appearance down here. Sure enough, I was alone. As I jogged past Boola's cell, I peered inside. She was still curled up in a ball on the floor, rocking back and forth and whimpering to herself. I was briefly tempted to reason with her one more time, to try to convince her to join the fight... but if I stopped to do that, if I hesitated for even a moment, I knew the plan might fail.