Emelia walked around and put a hand on her shoulder. “And you’re all he has—and he’s all you have.”
Kate nodded, then realized Emelia Gray understood more than most. Kate turned and looked up at her. “Mrs. Gray, we aren’t married or—I mean, we are just traveling companions. We met quite by accident, and after what happened with my wagon train, I needed someone to help me get to Oregon. I was lost and had nothing to my name but the clothes on my back.” She turned back to press the towel on Luke’s forehead. “I wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about our relationship, but Luke has helped me so much, so I care about him.”
Emelia squeezed her shoulder. “Mrs. Winters, I’m a woman, too.”
Kate realized what the woman was trying to tell her, and she couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. There was a distinct possibility Luke could die. Her shoulders jerked as she quietly sobbed.
“I know loneliness and sorrow, Mrs. Winters,” Emelia told her, “and I know that out here people do things they would never do under normal circumstances. I’ve seen total strangers marry out of the simple need of a woman alone with children to raise, and a man who needs the company of a woman and her cooking and sewing and canning and laundering and making a home…and all the other things a man needs a woman for. It’s just a fact of life, and men get lonely, too. Out here not many people worry about how things look. Everyone knows that for a woman alone, life is just too hard and too dangerous, especially if she has children with no father.”
Kate wiped at her eyes and re-folded the towel, bathing Luke’s face with it. “Luke worries about my reputation and doesn’t want some of the less understanding men here in Lander to get the wrong idea about me. He’s been so respectful.”
“Well, while you are in here, you are allowed to cry all you want and show your feelings all you want. I hardly think the two of you are fooling anyone, but just knowing what an able man Mister Bowden is, and knowing he is determined to protect you, will keep most of the less respectable men away, I assure you. There are a lot of no-goods in Lander—in all of this outlaw country—but most of them are respectful toward women. They aren’t all like those no-goods who attacked you. It’s just wise to stay off the streets at night when a lot of them have been drinking. After dark, and after drinking a good deal of whiskey, even I look beautiful to some of those men.”
Kate smiled through tears and looked up at her. “You are beautiful!”
Emelia took a clean handkerchief from a pocket of her dress and handed it to Kate. “I am gray and wrinkled and thick-waisted,” she said with a twinkle in her blue eyes, “but thank you for the compliment. You, on the other hand, are quite lovely, and you’re new in town. You need to still be a little careful. Let my husband walk you to and from the boarding house. And since Mister Bowden is so concerned about your reputation, you should probably go back to your room there tonight and every night. My husband can come and get you mornings. I’m afraid he often needs to walk off a hangover anyway.” She took the washrag from Kate and rinsed it in the cool water again, then handed it back. “Richard drinks, but he’s a very good doctor, I assure you. He drinks at night so he can sleep better…since losing our son. He treated Jimmy himself, but our son still died. It was the kind of wound no man would have lived through, but it still haunts my husband.”
“I’m so sorry,” Kate told her.
“Life goes on, Mrs. Winters.”
“Please call me Kate.”
“And you may call me Emelia.” The woman patted her shoulder again. “You stay here as long as you want. Just be aware that men come in and out with wounds from fistfights and gunfights and such. We might have to move Mister Bowden to a spare room in the back, as we have only two cots here for treating others. Our living quarters are also in the back. You may eat with us when you need to.” She walked toward the back of the room. “I have some things that need doing. I’ll bring you some tea in a little while.”
“Thank you so much. I wasn’t sure there were many women in this town other than…well…those who live above the saloons. But now I’ve met Nora Keil and Betsy Heater and Esther Pierce, plus you.”
Emelia paused. “Well, between you and me, Betsy Heater used to work above the Royal Flush Saloon, but she decided to make her money running a legitimate bathhouse, although it seems to be quite popular with men who don’t usually bathe as often as they should.”
Kate drew in her breath and met the woman’s gaze. Emelia grinned. “That’s just life out here. You’ll get used to it.” She left the room, and Kate put the cool rag on Luke’s forehead again.
“So, Luke Bowden, you cleaned up good before you came back to the cave. Was it at Betsy’s place?”
What a strange turn her life had taken…nursing a man who was in many ways still a stranger, yet she’d slept with him. She wasn’t so different from women like Betsy.
Maybe that’s all I’ll end up being to you. In the spring, we’ll go on west together and part ways, and no one will ever know what we shared. The problem is, how will I go on without you?
Thirty
For five days, Luke lay in waves of fever and pain, hardly aware of his surroundings. Mourning the fact that the infection that raged within would likely bring his death, Kate could do nothing more than keep bathing him with cool water. She sat with him day after day, praying for him and force-feeding him, hoping the food would stay down, because it usually didn’t.
A glimmer of hope for answered prayers came on the sixth day, when Luke’s fever finally broke, and he actually fell into a genuine, hard sleep. Kate sat at a table nearby with her head down on folded arms, nearly asleep herself when she heard Luke say her name in a quiet, weak voice. She looked over at him to see recognition in eyes that were clear rather than bloodshot from fever.
“Luke!” She hurried to his bed and sat down on the edge of it, reaching out to touch his face. “Your fever is finally gone! I was afraid it would come back, but I think you’ve finally conquered it.” She grasped his hand. “How do you feel?”
“Hungry.”
His response filled Kate with hope that this man who meant so much to her was actually going to survive the awful infection. “Hungry?” she asked with a smile. “That’s wonderful! It’s a sign you’re finally getting better.”
“What the hell happened?” His voice came in a near whisper, as though it took all his strength just to talk. “The last thing I remember is talking to Big Jim…around a camp fire, I think…after we buried those men.”
“If you’re talking about the night before they brought you back here, Luke, that was seven days ago. This is your sixth day here at the doctor’s office, and you’re lucky you’re alive.”
“Seven days!” He tried to rise, but Kate pushed him back down.
“Luke, you are going to have to lie here a few more days. You don’t want to do anything to aggravate that wound. Doctor Gray had to cut it open and drain it and stitch it. You’ve had an infection that went through your whole body. You’ve been very, very sick. Everyone, including me, thought we were watching you die.” Kate leaned close and kissed his forehead. “You have no idea how happy I am that your fever is gone and you seem to know your whereabouts. The doctor said a fever suffered so long could have affected your brain.”
She straightened, and Luke put a hand to his eyes. “My God. I’m starting to remember now. I threw up a lot, didn’t I?”
“That was just your body’s way of getting rid of the infection.”
Luke felt under his blankets. “And I’m damn…naked.”
“There was no sense dressing you when you were vomiting all over everything.” Kate grasped his hand and squeezed it. “I guess now we’ve traded places nursing each other, haven’t we?”
“And I suppose you have been with me…this whole time?”
“Most of it. The doctor walked me back to the boarding house every night. Sometime
s Big Jim walked me.” She leaned closer. “And guess what? I talked Big Jim into going to the bathhouse. He’s a little more bearable to be around now.”
Luke smiled weakly and looked her over in a way that reminded her he knew every inch of her body. “You can be pretty convincing yourself…when you want to be.”
Kate felt the sweet urges Luke Bowden had a way of easily stirring. “And so can you, Mister Bowden.”
Luke closed his eyes. “Yeah, well, there has been nothing sweet or convincing about me…these past few days.” He let go of her hand and rubbed at his eyes. “Jesus, I’ll never live this down. I’m sorry…for what you must have put up with.”
Kate reached out and smoothed back his hair. “You couldn’t help it, Luke, any more than I could help all the things you had to do for me when my leg got infected.” She kissed his forehead again. “And you have to stop almost dying on me, Luke Bowden. You’re one tough man, but this terrible infection might have been avoided if you’d seen the doctor before leaving, like I asked you to.”
He winced as he shifted in bed. “But I felt okay. I didn’t figure…it would matter.” His voice was already sounding a bit stronger.
“And you are such a typical man, thinking he doesn’t need any help. I know now what a long ride that is back to that cabin. It was too much too soon after being wounded.”
He frowned. “You aren’t safe, Kate. Those other two are going to come here looking for me…maybe for both of us. They’ll figure they have…unfinished business with you. I have to get up and get dressed…go after them.” He tried to sit up again.
Kate forced him back down again. He was so weak it didn’t take much. “What are you talking about? Those other two men rode off and—”
“No! You don’t understand.” He sighed deeply. “My God, I have to get out of this bed.” He met Kate’s gaze. “I meant it. You aren’t safe. Didn’t Big Jim tell you?”
Kate frowned. “He told me he knew who the other two men might be because of the identifications of the other three. He said something about the Lazy T Ranch, but he said that’s miles to the west of here, and there was no sense trying to find those two. He said they likely never even went back to the Lazy T…said you found their tracks and they headed south, not north.”
“I don’t trust them. They know we can identify them and what they did. They would have defiled you in the worst way and then probably killed you.”
“Luke, what are you telling me? Are you actually going after those men?”
“I have to. There’s no law out here, but there is such a thing as outlaw justice. What those men intended to do to you is something a lot of the men in Lander won’t put up with now that they know you and know all the details. I have to at least ride out to the Lazy T…see if they went back there. They probably did, because they will be branded horse thieves if they don’t. Their mounts probably belonged to the Lazy T. Stealing horses is as bad as killing a man out here. They could be hanged.” Luke tried to sit up yet again, and again Kate pushed him back down.
“Luke, please calm down. Everything is fine for now. I’m all right, and Big Jim is keeping an eye on things.”
“Shit!” Luke lamented his weakness. “I have to get out of this bed. I don’t plan to spend the winter here wondering when those two will come to town and recognize me, probably shoot me in the back, knowing I’m a witness to what they did at that cabin. And that means you’re in danger, too.”
“Luke, you’ve already had two brushes with death. You can’t go riding out to that ranch.”
“I can’t let this go. I’m betting I can find a couple of men who will go with me to look for those two.”
“And living here doesn’t mean you have to become an outlaw yourself. That’s how you’re talking.”
“Out here, who cares? I already am on the wrong side of the law in some ways. That hanging changed my attitude on trying to do things right. And I’ll have help. Those men who attacked you are the kind of men even most outlaws don’t like.” He took hold of her hand. “Get the doctor. I need to talk to him.”
“He’s in the back.” Kate rose. “Luke, I don’t like the way you’re talking.”
“I promised to get you to Oregon safely. Getting rid of those two…will help ensure that. I might not find them at all, but I have to try.”
His voice was growing weaker again, worn out by his spurt of awareness and energy.
“Then just get some rest for now,” Kate said. “And try to eat. You’ll never get out of this bed if you don’t start eating. It’s the only way to get your strength back. Tomorrow I promise to help you clean up, and I’ll shave you. And you will eat some more. Just promise me you won’t try to get out of bed by yourself yet.”
“I don’t have much choice,” he answered. “I already…need to sleep again.”
“I’ll get Doctor Gray,” Kate said. “And as soon as you’re fully awake again, I’ll bring you some soup and we’ll see if you can keep it down.” She started for the doctor’s living quarters.
Luke spoke up. “Kate.”
Kate turned.
“Thanks for staying and…helping take care of me.”
She walked back to the bed and knelt beside it. “How could I not help, after all you did for me?” I love you so! I was so terrified you would die. “And by the way, I took your advice about getting a job. As soon as you’re a little better, I have one waiting for me at Esther Pierce’s clothing store. I’m going to make dresses and men’s pants and shirts.”
He closed his eyes and shifted in his bed again. “I’m glad you’ve found something to get you through the winter.”
Without you? Is that what you mean, Luke? He was different. Harder. She could already see it and feel it. This country…towns like this…the injustices he’d suffered…the war…Bonnie…those things took away the tenderness in a man. Marriage and settling were not on his mind now. Maybe he never would have thoughts like that for her. I promised to get you to Oregon, he’d told her earlier. So, that was still what he planned to do—get her to Oregon and then be on his way.
She stood up and leaned over him, kissing his cheek. “Just sleep now, Luke. You need real sleep even more than you need food. Let your body mend, and be thankful you’re even alive.” She could tell he was already drifting off.
“Make sure…Big Jim watches out…for you,” he said, before his breathing became deeper as exhaustion took over.
Kate waited and watched, making sure he’d fallen asleep and wouldn’t try getting up again. Thank you, Lord, she prayed. He seemed likely to completely recover now. She just wished he’d stop talking about going after the two remaining men who’d attacked them at the cabin.
She loved him more than ever.
I can’t make any promises.
Kate blinked back tears and reminded herself she’d accepted those words and had no right expecting anything more.
Thirty-one
Kate walked to the shed behind Nora’s rooming house and used the key Nora gave her to open the shed door. The weather had turned much colder, and she needed her winter coat. She stepped up onto the shed’s wood floor and held up a lamp to see better. Inside, the shed was divided into several bin-like sections, most of them filled with saddles and tack, small barrels of flour and sugar, and carpet bags full of extra clothes, blankets, and even rifles and boxes of ammunition. The contents of the bins changed constantly as miners, business men, settlers and such came and went.
Right now, most of the bins were empty. Winter had already set in, and most of those who’d spent the summer here had headed south, wanting to avoid the fierce mountain winter likely to come soon. It was unlikely any newcomers would show up again until spring. Supply wagons had come through Lander a couple of weeks earlier, bringing food, ammunition, whiskey, cloth, and other supplies people would need to get through the winter. Any day now it could snow to the point wher
e no one could get in or out of Lander. The “big lonesome” would be even more silent and vacant.
Kate walked to Bin Number Two, where hers and Luke’s things were kept. She felt a stab at her heart when she saw the saddle Luke had bought her to use on Jenny. She hadn’t even seen or ridden the pinto mare since she and Luke had arrived over a month ago and put the horses up at Big Jim’s stables. She missed the horse, missed the cave, missed being around Luke every day, and missed the woman he’d brought out in her—the one she’d again buried so she could pretend she was just fine on her own.
Her heart ached at the memories. She missed being just Luke and Kate. She missed the old coffeepot and the smell of Luke frying bacon. She missed the man himself, his touch, being carried in his arms when she couldn’t walk, his wonderful smile, and everything else about him.
It had taken Luke longer to get his strength back than he thought it would, but he was healing well now, eating like most men ate, his appetite fully returned. He was her strong and sure Luke Bowden again, but he wasn’t the same man he’d been at that cave. He’d grown more distant, insisting that’s how it had to be while they were here. At his request, she’d stayed away while he healed. Other than one lunch together, she’d not seen or talked to him. And at the lunch, he’d not even hinted at wanting her again the way he’d wanted her that night on the trail to Lander and again in that cabin.
The intrusion of those ranch hands at the cabin and Luke’s wound had ruined the magic of that night together. Now they lived their own lives in civilization, if living in Lander, Wyoming Territory, could be called civilized. And in spite of the lawless type of people who lived here, Luke was determined there should be no rumors about the two of them.
Kate believed it was more than that for Luke. She sensed he truly wanted to pull away, wanted to not care too deeply. He wanted them to be more like strangers again by the time they left in the spring. He wanted to erase the memories and all feelings. It was easier that way. He was not ready to marry again. He might never be ready. Bonnie had done that to him.
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