Esther poured more hot water into Kate’s teacup while Kate showed Darlene the best way to darn a sock. Through her visit with the other women and all the conversation, she still thought about Luke, wondered if he was all right. After the shoot-out at the Lazy T, Big Jim had returned to report that Luke did indeed ride on to Atlantic City, even though his fingers were swelling from a fistfight with old Erin Sanders and his shoulder was injured. Did Luke even make it there?
She could still remember the talk when the men returned that night.
What a fight! Luke shot down two men, and he beat ole Erin Sanders near to death!
Kate couldn’t help believing that the Luke who went plowing into the Lazy T, killing men and beating on others, was not the real Luke. Deep inside, he was a peaceful man, and she had no doubt that he wanted to live that way again.
Luke Bowden is some man, another told Kate. He went chargin’ in there like a she-bear protectin’ her own. Ma’am, he stood up for you with nothin’ but total respect. We’re all lookin’ out for you now, so you can just rest easy.
Men did watch out for her, almost to the point of annoyance. Kate wondered if it was mostly because they were afraid of having to answer to Luke Bowden if something happened to her. A few had dared to ask her to accompany them to a town dance in one of the stable barns in January, a party to celebrate the new year. Kate decided they were just being nice and didn’t harbor any romantic thoughts for a woman they figured belonged to Luke Bowden. Even so, she’d turned them all down and went to the celebration alone, helping serve punch and cake and accepting only a few dances.
She’d not heard a word from Luke. He hadn’t even contacted Sienna. Either he thought this way was best, or he’d never even made it to Atlantic City. She blamed it on the weather. Winter had come raging into western Wyoming shortly after Luke left, so maybe messengers simply couldn’t get through. A wild, windy snowstorm had buried them around mid-October, and the weather hadn’t let up since then.
Was the entrance to the cave where she’d fallen in love with Luke Bowden also buried in snow now? There was a lonely grave out there…a grave where a man she’d shot lay dead. How long ago was that? It seemed like a couple of years already. A mass grave holding three men lay near that cabin…the cabin in which she’d let Luke make love to her with total abandon, fiery passion, and deep desire.
So many memories…such crazy, unexpected twists to what was supposed to be a journey to Oregon to meet with family. She wondered if she would ever get there after all. This aloneness might be permanent. In spite of all the hope Sienna had given her, she still wondered if Luke would want her when he returned, if he returned. He could easily make arrangements for someone to bring Scout and his horses to him—or even sell them for him. Come spring, she had to know if he was even alive or dead. He’d told her she could have everything he owned if he died, and for all she knew, that’s what had happened. The thought of it made her feel ill. Maybe what they had shared was just another event in her lonely, confused life.
February brought a break in the weather, and some of the deep snows that had imprisoned the citizens of Lander within the town’s borders began to melt. All knew more wicked winter storms would come over the Rockies and blast away at them again, but today was sunny, the thawing ground very sloppy with mud that literally sucked at feet and hooves and wagon wheels.
“If you do it this way, the darned spot will be flatter and won’t irritate your husband’s feet,” Kate told Darlene with a smile, telling herself maybe she should forget about Luke and figure out how she was going to get to Oregon in a couple more months.
“Oh, I see! This does work better,” Darlene said.
Women chitchatted about husbands and children and the weather. Outside the kitchen door, someone stomped snow off booted feet and knocked on the door. All six women looked up, and Nora grabbed a six-gun and put it in her lap.
“Who is it?” Esther called.
“It’s Big Jim, ma’am. Got a note here for Mrs. Winters.”
Women smiled excitedly. The tiniest diversion from the norm was cause for excitement. Lynn Tibbits giggled, and Nora gave Kate a teasing look as she nodded.
“It’s from Luke, I’ll bet,” Darlene said with a smile.
They all waited anxiously as Esther got up and opened the door. Lynn’s new baby girl began to fuss, and Lynn stuck her foot out to rock the baby’s cradle. Her other daughter, now two years old, sat in a corner of the room playing with a doll. She totally ignored the fuss.
Esther opened the door, and Big Jim handed her an envelope, peeking inside as he did so and nodding to the other women. “Afternoon, ladies.”
They all nodded in reply, every one of them anxious for Esther to close the door and cut off the strong body odor that came rushing in when she’d opened it.
“A messenger brought this to me this morning,” Jim told them all. “He brung some newspapers, too, and a few other letters. He’s been to Atlantic City and decided to take advantage of this break in the weather and bring some things up to us. Drove a sled all the way here. He headed right back. Wants to get to Atlantic City again before more bad weather sets in.”
Esther took the note. “Thank you, Big Jim.”
“It’s for Kate,” the man said excitedly. “Anybody want to guess who it’s from?”
All the women smiled. “We’re pretty sure of that,” Nora told Big Jim.
The man tipped his hat. “Mrs. Winters, a lot of the men down at The Four Aces will want to know how Luke is doin’, if that note is from him. Will you let us know?”
“Of course,” Kate answered. She could hardly calm her heartbeat. Finally! News from Luke. She fought the dread that it could be bad news instead of good. Maybe someone from Atlantic City had written the note for him, letting her know that Luke Bowden had been killed.
“Thank you,” Esther told Big Jim.
“Yes, ma’am.” He turned and left, and Esther closed the door. All the women waved their hands over their noses.
“Thank God he’s gone,” Lynn said. “Much more of that smell could kill my baby.”
They all laughed at the remark, and Esther handed the note to Kate. “I know that whatever is in that note is none of our business,” she told Kate, “but please just let us know if it says Luke is all right.”
“I will.” Kate took the letter with a shaking hand. “Naturally, I hope it is good news. It could be nothing special at all. We all know how poor men are at writing letters.”
Kate clung to the letter and rose from her chair, using a kitchen knife to slice open the envelope, which read only “Kate Winters.” She breathed deeply before pulling out the single-page letter inside and unfolding it. She took it into the parlor to read alone.
Kate,
Sorry this is so late. I’m okay. I could have come back during this break in the weather, but I promised to keep my jobs till spring, and you know me—a man of my word. I am working as a bank guard, and at night I keep the peace in the biggest saloon in Atlantic City. I think about you all the time and I miss you and worry about you like a husband would worry about his wife, so I guess maybe that’s what you should be, if you will have me.
Kate’s heart skipped a beat. She read the line again…if you will have me. Was he indirectly proposing to her? Luke was that kind of man, never one to come right out and speak his feelings.
Kate continued reading.
I’ve been a fool in a lot of ways, but I’ve had to wrestle with something I did in the war and learn how to live with it. Kate, I killed a young boy. It was an accident, but it was still my bullet that killed him. That and what happened with Bonnie left me real angry inside and scared to love ever again. Sometimes drinking covers up the anger, and sometimes it makes it worse, so I promise not to drink, except maybe once in a while with friends.
Kate smiled at his attempt at finding an excuse to occasionally im
bibe. She wanted to jump up and scream out that Luke Bowden had mentioned marriage, but she feared a broken heart later. He could change his mind before he returned, and she didn’t want to risk the embarrassment. He was, after all, an independent and unsettled man. Her whole being ached to hold Luke right now, to hug him and hug him. But for all she knew, he’d been drinking when he wrote the letter and feeling sentimental from whiskey.
She moved to the second page of the letter.
I plan to come back in March. We will decide things then. I just hope I come back to find you still love me and haven’t found someone else. I promise that’s okay. I wouldn’t blame you. Leaving did just what I thought it would. It opened my eyes. I never thought I could miss someone so much when I’ve only known that person such a short while, but I guess God knows when something is right and when it’s wrong. That thing at the Lazy T left me knowing that revenge isn’t always satisfying. Only the love of a good woman is satisfying. And you’re that good woman. If I’ve already lost you because I left, I can only blame myself, not you. God bless.
Luke
Esther peeked inside as Kate folded the letter. “Are you all right, dear? Is the letter from Luke?”
Kate nodded. “Yes. He’s fine. He says he’ll be here by the end of March.” A tear slipped down her cheek, and Esther came into the kitchen and took a chair beside her.
“What is it, Kate?”
Kate wanted to tell her that in so many words Luke had asked her to marry him. “I’m…I’m just relieved he’s all right. He’s working as a bank guard.” She sniffed and pulled a handkerchief from her dress pocket. “It’s just so good to hear from him,” she continued. “I’ve been worried about him, so this letter makes me feel much better.”
“Oh, that’s good, dear,” Esther said. “You should go back into the kitchen and tell the other women Luke is okay. And maybe you can find a way to write back to him and have someone take a letter before the next big storm moves in.”
Kate nodded. “Yes, I think I will.” And I know what I will say, she thought. Dear Luke. No, you haven’t lost me, and yes, I will gladly be your wife.
Thirty-six
March came and went, and Luke didn’t show. Now it was May. May! Luke was two months late, and Kate feared the worst. She checked the supplies she and Luke had stored in Nora’s shed to make sure no mice had gotten into them. She packed her own extra clothing and some bolts of cloth into the same supplies, making ready for when Luke would come to take her to Oregon. She’d hardened her heart against expecting anything more from him, just in case he’d changed his mind about wanting to stay together. He’d only said “if you’ll have me.” He never actually mentioned marriage in his letter, and so many things had gone wrong since she left home for Oregon that she was hesitant to think she could find real happiness again, in spite of Luke’s letter. She was glad now that she hadn’t mentioned his hint at marriage in that letter. It would spare her the humiliation of having to admit Luke had changed his mind.
Tomorrow Lander would hold a spring dance. The whole town would attend, she was sure, along with new arrivals. Esther had told her that usually, even some of the worst and unkempt of the men in town bathed and shaved for the dance, including Big Jim.
Women were already cooking and baking for the event. A piano had been dragged out of The Royal Flush saloon and that, combined with a man who wasn’t all that bad playing the fiddle, would provide music for the dance. Kate could just imagine what a wild event it would probably be.
A few men had already started slow-cooking a side of beef. Kate could smell it in the air—a wonderful smell that woke up a person’s stomach and made them hungry, not just for the beef, but for all the other food that would be served…biscuits, pies, cookies, cakes, potatoes cooked a dozen ways, churned butter, gravy, vegetables, fried chicken, sweetened dried apples, and just about anything and everything a person could want in the way of a meal.
Kate would help with all of it, but she would attend the dance with a sad and worried heart. Had Luke changed his mind to the point of deliberately not returning at all? Or was he dead? The latter made her feel ill. Should she stay here and keep waiting? Or was it time to move on, time to find someone else to take her to Oregon? She’d written her brother-in-law to tell him she would arrive “sometime before July.”
She realized now that if she did leave, she would miss her women friends here, and she’d even miss some of the men. They had all been good to her. She’d be leaving behind a lot of people who’d befriended her and cared about her. And she’d be leaving behind memories—glorious, salacious, beautiful but painful memories. Leaving would mean never seeing this place, or these people, or this big, big country again—never seeing Luke Bowden again. Still, maybe in Oregon she could turn her upside-down world right-side up again. Maybe Luke had just been a stepping-stone to leaving the past behind her.
Every day she cleaned up and dressed, hoping this was the day Luke would come back. Today she wore a sky-blue cotton dress with a tiny, white-flower design and white lace trim. Betsy had piled her hair into red curls into which she’d wound and twisted more of the same white lace, and tiny gold earrings decorated her ear lobes. She looked down at her black, high-button shoes, bought for her by Luke Bowden. He’d offered her everything that was his if he should die. He’d sent her that letter, saying how much he missed her. Why would such a generous man who apparently loved her simply go away and never come back? There could be only one answer, and now that the danger of avalanches, spring snowstorms and flooding from spring runoff had passed, she decided she would send someone to Atlantic City to find out what had happened to Luke. She could make no decisions until she knew the truth, even if she learned Luke had gone on to California.
She had her own place now, a small cabin the men had built for her behind Nora’s place. The cabin was another reason she hated the thought of leaving. Those who’d built it—a bunch of no-good outlaws, Big Jim had called them—had even hung a dinner bell outside her door and rigged the cord to hang inside the main room of the cabin, right beside the door, so Kate could pull it if she needed help. She still couldn’t get over the fact that those men had been kind enough to think of such a thing. All of them had done the work “for Luke.” Always “for Luke.” Even her own waiting was “for Luke.”
She fought tears as she left the storage shed and headed to her cabin. Lost in thought, she didn’t see him right away…a man standing beside a big red horse outside some fencing that housed a small horse stall. The same men who’d built her cabin had also built the horse stall and corral so she could keep Jenny nearby.
At first, Kate thought maybe she should ring the bell for help, but it only took a moment to realize who was standing here.
“Luke!”
Tossing aside all pride and all worry she might make a fool of herself, she ran to him, arms out, joy in her heart, not caring about his reason for coming so late. Was that love in his eyes? Had he really come for her?
She threw herself into his arms, and those arms came around her in just the way she’d dreamed—protectively, lovingly, the embrace of a man who’d missed her just as much as she’d missed him.
“Kate.” He said nothing more for the moment, but the way he spoke her name told her everything. He breathed deeply as his lips caressed her neck, her throat, her face, her eyes. “My God, Kate, you smell so damn good, just like I remembered.” Her hair, her forehead. “And you’re even more beautiful.”
He met her lips, and he tasted like Luke, he smelled like Luke, he held her like Luke, he kissed her like Luke, with hungry lips that knew how to stir every deep desire a woman could experience.
“I’m so sorry,” he told her. “So sorry. Please tell me there is no one else.”
“Of course there’s no one else,” Kate told him. More kisses. “I would have waited forever for you.”
“I was so afraid you’d give up on me.”
/>
Kate put her head on his shoulder. “Luke, why would I do that?”
He hugged her close, her feet still off the ground. “Because part of me wanted you to give up on me. The short time you knew me, I didn’t exactly show you my best side, Kate. I was always angry and full of a need for revenge. I killed so many men, and I used you like the women over the saloons. That was wrong, Kate. I knew it was wrong, and I didn’t care. I haven’t cared about much of anything since I killed that kid in the war and then lost Bonnie.”
Kate kissed his neck, and he lowered her to her feet. “Luke, you aren’t the only one who needs to get over things that happened because of that ugly war. It took me years to get over it, too. And I didn’t think I could love another man, but then you came along. The way we met was crazy, but I think God had a purpose.” She leaned up and kissed the lingering scar on his neck, remembering that first day and how afraid she was of him. “What did you mean about wanting me to give up on you?”
Luke leaned down and kissed her hair, then drew her close again. “I couldn’t get back in March because of the weather, Kate. Atlantic City was absolutely buried in snow. Not even horses could get through it. One man tried to get through for supplies, and horse and man both died.” He grasped her arms and pushed her away slightly. “The rest needs forgiving, Kate. April came, and I could have left, but that damn voice of doubt left over from Bonnie told me to wait a couple more months—to test you out and see if you really would wait, or if you would find some other man. I’m so damn sorry I did that to you.”
Ride the High Lonesome Page 24