by H Q Kingsley
"What are you doing here?" I asked, going for casual and trying not to seem keyed up.
He shrugged a shoulder. "I just wanted to talk to you, so I thought I'd come by. Bad time?"
I shook my head. "Nah, not at all. Come on in."
I could feel his eyes on me while I unlocked the door, and he stepped in after me, glancing around the mostly bare space of my apartment.
His smile was as easy as ever, but there was a sort of tension in the air, and I wondered what that was about. Maybe he and Patrick had gotten into another fight. That worried me because the last thing I wanted him to find out about was what had happened between me and Patrick.
I didn't like keeping that secret from him. Of course, it was a lot less bad than the secret about me being a federal agent out to put the two of them behind bars for a long time, but still.
"Is everything okay?" I asked him after he'd been standing there for a while, not saying anything.
He sighed and nodded. "I just...look, don't be mad, okay, but Patrick had one of our guys do a background check on you."
I fought to keep my face neutral, taking my shoes off and putting my keys on the hook by the door. "Sounds like Patrick," I said, not looking at him.
"I know, right? It's just. The thing is...they didn't find anything. Not like, nothing shady. There was nothing. It's like you didn't exist until a few months ago. And, you know, whatever you've been through, that's your business, but I just kinda need to know why there's no records of you anywhere. I just...I need to know."
It sounded like something he'd been psyching himself up to ask me, and I could only imagine what he'd been thinking when he found out.
For a second, I wasn't sure what to say, but then my brain kicked in, and the story started to fill itself in. "When I was younger, I got into a lot of trouble," I said. "Stuff that I'm not proud of now and I wish I hadn't done. I got an opportunity to get away from that and from my old life and sort of...recreate myself, I guess, so I took it. I didn't want to be associated with the person I used to be. I still don't."
When I finally looked at him, Paddox was watching me carefully, like he was assessing everything I said, every move I made. Finally, he nodded, and some of that tension seemed to bleed out of his shoulders.
"I can understand that," he said, going to drop down onto my couch. I followed him, relief flooding through me.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I said, and he smiled, waving it away.
"Nah, it's okay. That's your business, you know. And like I said, I get it. Sometimes I wish I could do that. Just run away from everything and become someone different."
There was a wistful tone to his voice and his eyes were sad, and I found I couldn't look away from him. He was so emotional sometimes, and he wore that on his sleeve for everyone to see, which I hadn't been expecting and kept surprising me. He really was nothing like Patrick, who seemed like he worked hard to keep any real emotion locked up and buried deep down where he didn't have to deal with it and no one could see it.
Paddox was just so genuine, and it made my job so much harder because whatever I did, it was going to hurt him. At first I'd been okay with that. It was worth it for the job, but the more time I spent with him, the harder it was for me to keep my distance. Physically and emotionally.
"Maybe you should," I murmured, unable to help myself. "Run away. Get away from all of this."
Paddox blinked and frowned at me, obviously confused. "What are you talking about?" he asked.
I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him so badly right in that moment. To admit everything and face his anger and hatred as long as it meant he would be okay. I hadn't meant for this to happen, but he'd worked his way into my feelings. I told myself I was just playing a role, doing my job, but I was losing track of what was real and what wasn't.
For so long, everything had been black and white. There were good guys and there were bad guys. People like my dad, who worked every day to keep the streets safe and put the bad people away, they were the good guys. And I'd never spared a thought about the bad ones. If they were worth caring about, then they wouldn't be bad guys, right?
But maybe everything wasn't that cut and dry. Maybe there were different sides to all those people my dad had put away.
Paddox was a mixture of both. He was a good person who participated in bad things. And so was I, when I really thought about it. I wasn't all good, and the longer I stayed in this world of drugs and guns and violence, the easier that was to see. I hurt people, and I used them for my own gain. I didn't really know what to think about that.
All I knew was Paddox didn't deserve to be hurt the way I was going to have to hurt him, no matter what else he'd done. But I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I couldn't risk everything just for some misguided feelings.
He was still looking at me, clearly waiting for an answer, and I swallowed hard. “Don’t go to the pick-up tomorrow.”
“Why wouldn’t I go?” he asked, still frowning at me.
“I just...I really like you, Paddox, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” It wasn’t even a lie, no matter how I looked at it.
Paddox’s face softened, and he smiled at me. “Hey, I’m gonna be fine,” he said. “I’m always fine, you know? Don’t worry. Patrick can be a huge asshole sometimes, but he’d never let anything happen to me.”
“Neither will I,” I said firmly. I was surprised at my own conviction, but I knew I was telling the truth. Paddox didn’t deserve bad things, and I was going to do what I could to make sure he came out of this okay.
“Come here,” Paddox said, and he pulled me closer, cupping my face in both hands so he could kiss me.
I leaned up into the kiss hungrily, kissing him back and winding my arms around his neck. I wanted the reassurance that he was there, whole and safe with me, and that it was how he would stay. I let the kiss drown out everything else, my fears, my lies, my guilt, and I focused on him, on our mouths moving together.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me even closer until I was half in his lap, and I moved the rest of the way, straddling him.
He made a soft sound of approval against my lips, and I used that opportunity to press my tongue into his mouth, needing to taste him.
Paddox groaned, hands sliding down my back so he could grip my ass, and he dragged me in even closer, making it so there was no space between us at all.
I moaned into it, sliding my fingers through his close cropped hair while I kissed him with everything I had.
He pulled back to breathe, his warm breath soft against my mouth and his eyes going dark while I watched. "I want you," he murmured, and I smiled.
"Good. I want you, too."
He grinned and pulled me back in, kissing my mouth and then down to my neck. His lips were warm, and he flicked his tongue against my pulse point, nipping and sucking lightly all the way down my throat.
I gasped for him, heat surging through me. My neck was sensitive, and he was hitting every button I had, making me breathless for him. Between my legs, my cock was taking an interest, getting hard for him, and I could feel him getting hard under me.
My body responded to him so eagerly, and I dug my fingers into his shirt, holding on while he thoroughly laid claim to my neck. One hand slipped under the fabric of my shirt, and his fingers splayed over my back, holding me close.
There were too many clothes in the way, and I wanted the feeling of skin on skin. I plucked at his shirt, gasping softly when he bit down on my neck.
"Off," I said, knowing he'd get the point.
"Bed," he replied, and he let me go so I could slide off of his lap and pull my shirt off first and then his when he stood up after me.
He let me, grinning when I tossed his shirt to the floor in a heap. I didn't care about leaving a trail of clothes to my bedroom; I just wanted him.
Paddox hauled me back in by the waistband of my pants and kissed me again, licking into my mouth and sucking on my bottom lip. He dragged his nails ligh
tly down my back, and I shivered, panting his name against his mouth.
"I thought you wanted to go to bed," I said.
He just grinned. "I can't keep my hands off of you for long enough to get there."
I laughed at that, swatting at the hands in question. "You can have them on me as much as you want when we get to bed, Paddox."
"Promise?" he asked, making a pouting face.
"Hell yeah."
He grinned wider, and we made our way to the hall before he was kissing me again, and I let it happen, hands wandering down the firm, muscled planes of his chest, feeling my way down to his abs. Fuck, he was gorgeous. All that dark skin, flawless in the dim light, those abs that I could feel under my fingers.
He kissed at my mouth and my neck until I was shivering and my knees were turning to jelly. My fingers got busy at his fly, undoing it and pushing his pants down so I could see the bulge in his underwear, speaking for how much he wanted me.
"Fuck," he groaned against the skin of my neck, and I pulled him the last few feet into the bedroom, laughing when he kicked his pants off along the way, leaving them scattered in the hall.
We could deal with that later. Right then, I wanted him. I wanted him with a sweet, slow desire that curled through my veins like molasses.
It was different from how I'd felt with Patrick, or even the first time Paddox and I had fucked. Then it had been all frantic heat, the desperate need to taste and touch and be touched. At that moment, I just wanted to have my hands on him. I wanted to feel him over me or under me. It didn't matter as long as I was close to him.
When our eyes met, I could see he wanted the same thing. He licked his lips and smiled at me, shucking off his underwear and holding out a hand to me to pull me back in once more.
It was like he didn't want me more than a few inches outside of his personal space, and I was fine with that.
I made a show of taking my own pants off, pushing them down my hips with my underwear in one go, until I was standing in front of him completely naked.
His eyes traced over my body from head to toe and then back up again, lingering on my cock between my legs which was rapidly hardening under his gaze.
Paddox flashed me a soft smile, and it was such a good look for him. He looked happy. He was there with me, and we were about to have sex, and he looked so happy.
That guilt I was trying to ignore was there again, biting at me, telling me I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve him. Even if I wasn't lying to him, I'd messed around with his brother, and Paddox didn't know any of it.
As far as he knew, we were two kindred spirits, and everything was going his way. It felt wrong to stand there with him, seeing him bare and open for me, when he had no idea how closed off I really was. But the words to tell him didn't come, and when he pulled me over to the bed and pulled me down on top of him, I didn't fight it.
His big hands cupped my cheeks and then slid down to my neck and shoulders. He let them roam down my arms and then back up, over my back and down to my ass. I felt him dig his hands into the flesh there, and I groaned, tipping my head forward to rest my forehead against his.
"Hi," he said.
"Hey."
"So, uh. I was thinking."
"That's dangerous," I teased, following it up with a soft kiss to his mouth that softened the teasing scowl he had on his face. "Go on. You were thinking."
"That, um.” His lips quirked in a crooked smile. “I'd like it if you fucked me."
I blinked, pushing up onto my hands so I could look down at him. I was surprised, even though I probably shouldn't have been. Maybe my mind was still on Patrick, who I could never imagine wanting to bottom in a million years. He was too uptight for that, too rigid. But Paddox was definitely not, and he looked so earnest and open that all I could do was smile at him and lean back down to kiss him hard, one hand coming up to drag gentle fingers against the side of his face.
When I pulled back, he was breathing harder, and his eyes were bright. "So is that a yes, or?" he asked, and we both laughed.
It was so easy. So simple to be there with him. Laughing in bed like we belonged together, and I let myself get swept up in it.
"Yeah," I said, grinning. "It's a yes."
"Cool," Paddox said, and that nervous look shifted away. I sat up, straddling him, looking over all that body that was mine to do what I wanted with. I remembered how gentle he'd been with me, and I wanted to make him feel just as good.
I leaned down and pressed my mouth to his neck, kissing slowly, softly. My lips were feather light sometimes and other times I followed a kiss with just an edge of teeth, listening to Paddox gasp softy.
The kisses trailed down to his shoulders, broad and sturdy, and then to his chest, where I licked over the nub of one brown nipple, eyes rolled up to gauge his reaction.
He was breathing harder, eyes closed, so I did it again, licking over it and then letting my tongue swirl around the hardening bud.
"Skylar," he moaned, and my name sounded damned good on his lips. I wanted to hear it again and again.
I kissed my way over to his other nipple, giving it the same treatment, making sure they both had equal attention.
When he was panting for me, I moved on, kissing his chest and the planes of his stomach, my mouth caressing over every muscled ridge.
I kissed and licked and nibbled down to the trail of hair that led to his cock, but I bypassed it for the moment, going to the side instead to work my tongue into the lines that started at his hips and pointed in a V down to his groin.
He shuddered under me, breath coming in soft pants, and I made sure to pay attention to everywhere but his cock.
By then it was full and hard, curving up towards his stomach, and my mouth watered at the thought of sucking it. It was flushed and right there, but I was worshiping all of Paddox's body, not just his very nice cock at the moment, so I gave it a pass once more, sliding my hands down his thighs and massaging the muscles there.
"You're really hot, did you know that?" I murmured, biting down lightly on the inside of one thigh and enjoying the noise I got in response.
"You're one to talk," he moaned. "You're driving me crazy, Skylar."
"In a good way?" I asked, head tipped to one side. I licked a stripe up his inner thigh, watching the way the muscle tensed and then released.
"Oh yeah," Paddox said. "A really good way."
I felt warm to hear that, and I continued on, kissing my way over to his other thigh and giving it the same attention.
And then, finally, I couldn't ignore his cock anymore. It was right there, big and beautiful, and I wanted it. There was no rush, we had all night, and I planned to savor every part of him because in the morning, I had no idea what would happen. It could be the last time I ever got to do this to him, and I wanted to have it to remember him by if everything went wrong.
I took his cock in my hand and stroked it slowly, rubbing my thumb over the tip of it and smiling when it came away sticky with precum.
Paddox felt so much, and it was always easy to tell when he was turned on. His cock was already leaking just from me kissing him all over, and I leaned down to lick up that sticky bead of fluid, keeping my eyes on him so he could see how much I loved it.
"Your cock is so amazing," I breathed, and he shivered for me.
I fit my mouth over it, more a soft tease than anything else for the time being. It was almost too easy to work my down his shaft and have it hit the back of my throat, and I forced all thoughts of Patrick out of my head.
He had no place in what we were doing that night. It was about me and Paddox and nothing else.
My fingers gripped the base of his cock, and I slowly pulled up, hollowing my cheeks so he could feel every part of the slow slide.
His eyes were rolling back, and he gripped the sheets, breathing harder. "Skylar," he groaned. "Fuck. Please."
I knew what he wanted, and I gave it to him, sucking him back down and bobbing my head as I set a rhythm.
It mirrored what he'd done to me the first time we'd slept together. How he'd worked me up with his mouth on my cock and his tongue in my ass, and I wanted to make him feel just as good.
While my mouth was busy on his cock, I let my hands wander. One slid up to his stomach, resting there, feeling the way his muscles twitched and jumped while I pleasured him.
The other went lower, finding the seam below his balls that led to his hole, and I probed it experimentally, rubbing my finger over the puckered opening.
Paddox gasped softly and squirmed on the bed, his legs falling open more for me. Clearly he liked that. I couldn't get over the fact that someone like him wanted this from me, and I knew I was going to do my best to make it everything he wanted it to be.
He deserved that.
I pulled off of his cock with a wet pop and watched drool drip down the shaft before I reached for the drawer of the nightstand and found the lube I kept there for when I was alone at night and needed some stress relief.
Paddox laughed and grinned up at me. "I think every dude in the world keeps their slick in the nightstand drawer," he said, and I laughed with him.
"Gotta have it on hand when you need it."
I slicked my fingers up for him, and then went back to his cock, licking my way up and running my tongue along the head of it, getting him back into it before I slipped him back into my mouth.
With my slippery fingers, I found his hole again, and I traced it once more, this time letting the tip of my index finger press past the tight ring of muscle, testing to see if he'd relax.
There was a moment of tension, where it seemed like he was fighting it, but then he relaxed for me, caught up in the pleasure of my mouth on his cock, probably, and let me push my finger into him.
He was so hot and tight inside, and it was incredible just around one finger, so I could only imagine what he'd feel like on my cock.
Each time I worked my way back up his cock with my mouth, I pressed my finger deep inside of him, and then when I sucked back down, I pulled it out, setting a rhythm that had him shaking and writhing on the bed.