‘Wow, really?’
‘Maybe,’ he says. ‘Maybe not. Not sure how much I should be telling you.’
I laugh. ‘Well, don’t worry,’ I insist. ‘It’s not interesting enough to tell anyone about.’
We make small talk, listening to the radio, laughing together, all while Dean keeps an eye on the farm. It’s getting dark out now. You know what it’s like in winter – you feel like you’ve only just had your lunch when the night creeps in early. At first it’s slow, as the sky turns to a miserable dark blue. Then, all at once, pitch black, and it’s only 6 p.m. It’s never bothered me much, living in the city, especially one like London that never really seems to go to sleep, no matter what time it is or how dark it gets. Here though, in a small town surrounded by the sea on one side and fields on all others, when the night-time hits, the lights from inside are all that we have. They barely illuminate more than a few metres outside the town. We’re just outside town, right where the darkness starts. Hiding here in Dean’s car, with the engine off, it’s pitch black. It’s starting to get chilly too.
‘Sorry, are you cold?’ he says.
‘I’m not so bad,’ I reply. I’m lying though; I’m freezing.
Dean reaches into the back of the car and grabs a tartan blanket from the back seat.
‘Here,’ he says as he wraps it around me. Once the blanket is cloaking my shoulders, for extra warmth, Dean places an arm around me too. He lightly rubs on my shoulder. ‘Better?’
‘Much better,’ I say.
I’m still a bit on the cold side but I do feel better. Now that I have crutches it will be easier to get around and, spending time with Dean is proving to be a great distraction.
While he stares at the farm, I stare at him. As far as I can tell, and unless he’s lied to me (which, let’s face it, men seem to be doing a lot recently), there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with him. He’s gorgeous, charming, attentive, caring, gorgeous – wait, I already said that one. He seems like the whole package, so why is he single? Is it by choice? I might be on a bit of a downer at the moment, and I might struggle to trust the next person I’m involved with, but why wouldn’t he want to be loved? I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to be loved. It’s the easiest thing in the world to love someone and have them love you too – on face value, at least. It does get harder when people get greedy – greedy for attention or sex or whatever it is that makes people cheat.
Dean catches me staring.
‘What?’ he asks.
‘Nothing,’ I say, looking away. ‘Nothing.’
‘What, do I have something on my face?’ He laughs. ‘There won’t be tractors over here; over there is where you should be looking, Detective James.’
Dean is so, so impossibly charming. I look into his eyes as he stares back at me.
‘What?’ he asks with a chuckle. ‘What’s going on in that head?’
Right now, at this very moment in time, I don’t think Dean can read me. The reason for that is because I can’t read myself right now. What am I thinking? What’s going on? Is Dean’s face moving closer to mine?
Lights appear behind Dean’s head, lighting him up like an angel. It isn’t a sign from a higher power though, it’s a tractor.
‘It’s here,’ I say, pulling away, pointing out of the window.
‘Oh, thanks,’ Dean says.
As he gets on with his work I’m left alone with my thoughts.
What the hell was happening there?
Chapter 32
Getting around the B & B is so much easier now that I’m on crutches. At the hospital they taught me how to go up and down stairs on them, so I’m sleeping in my old bedroom now, at the top of the lighthouse. It does take a while, to go all the way up and down the stairs, but I’m only doing it once when I get up and once when I go to bed, so it’s not so bad.
I’ve just woken up after my first night sleeping in a proper bed and I feel glorious. I guess the blinds were closed when I popped up here the other day so I didn’t get to appreciate the view. Being a converted lighthouse, and with my room sitting at the top of it, I have a panoramic view of the island and the sea. I pull on the string next to my bed, which opens all of the blinds at once. It’s quite a bright day, for a February morning. There’s enough sunshine to glisten on the water. I hop around my room, looking out of each window, taking in the vastly different view I get from each one. There is no way I appreciated this properly when I was growing up – what a dream.
I hear my phone vibrating on my bedside table and I hop over to it. It’s Kim.
‘Hey, Kim!’
‘Hi, Lola, how are you?’
‘I’m doing good thanks. I have crutches,’ I tell her excitedly.
‘Oh, good for you,’ she replies. ‘You’ll be back to normal in no time. When are you thinking of heading back to London?’
‘Maybe next week,’ I say. ‘Got a few loose ends to tie up here first, before it’s back to reality.’
‘About that,’ she starts, pausing for a second to gather her words. ‘I’ve been thinking and, well, I guess you’re right about love being under our noses …’
‘Oh God, not Will,’ I blurt.
‘God, no, I’ve seen his true colours,’ she says. ‘I can hardly look him in the eye at work. No, I was thinking about Dean.’
Her words weaken me for some reason. I’ve been making the most of being vertical, but I sit down when I hear this.
‘Dean?’
‘Yeah,’ she replies. ‘He seems like a great guy – I can’t understand why he’s single. I was hoping you’d put in a good word for me? Maybe set us up on a date? I don’t mind if it’s under the pretence of practising, now that the Unmatchables have been forced to disband.’
‘Oh, Kim … I … I just don’t think that’s a good idea,’ I say.
Why would I say that? They’re my only two singles left. If she’s interested in Dean, and Dean is starting to soften, why wouldn’t they be perfect for each other?
‘Oh?’ she says curiously.
‘Yeah, he’s just … I’ve been spending a lot of time with him and … he’s just … he’s really damaged.’
I’m not sure that’s true. Yes, there is something that is holding him back, but he’s certainly not damaged.
‘Oh, well, I’m happy to take my chances,’ she says. ‘Anything is worth a shot, right? Look, I’ve got to get back to work, but think about it.’
‘OK, bye,’ I say.
I bite my lip as I glance out to sea. Why did I do that? Why wouldn’t I want them to find love together? Channy and Toby, despite their differences and a complete lack of sexual attraction for Toby on Channy’s part, are great together and I’m so happy for them. Why can’t I bring myself to set my other friends up too?
I hop into my clothes, put on a little make-up and pull my hair into a bun. I don’t have anywhere to go today so I might as well be comfortable. On my way downstairs I hear my mum in her bedroom so I pop my head through the door.
‘Mum? Are you OK?’ I ask, when I spot her kneeling on the floor with her head in her hands. She’s crying her eyes out.
‘Lola, sorry,’ she says as she jumps to her feet. ‘Sorry, I forget you can move now. There was a level of privacy that came with you being stuck in that chair.’
Oh wow.
‘I just, erm, need a second to compose myself,’ she says, sitting down on the bed, wiping her eyes.
‘Take your time,’ I insist as I sit down next to her. ‘Where’s Dad?’
‘Ha,’ she replies. ‘There’s some sort of emergency at the tourist centre.’
You can hear the disbelief in the way she says the words.
‘I don’t know what kind of emergency they could possibly have, other than running out of leaflets for the hot air balloon festival or something. He’s had to rush in.’
‘Oh.’
‘Oh indeed.’
‘Mum, are you OK?’ I ask seriously. She doesn’t seem like herself at all. My
mum never gets upset over big things like this; she gets upset over improperly ironed valances and missing hand soap.
‘My life is out of control,’ she replies with a sob.
‘So is your hair, Mum,’ I can’t help but blurt out. I’ve never seen my mum with a hair out of place. Even in the photos taken immediately after she gave birth to me, she looked like she’d just walked out of a salon.
At this, my mother breaks down in tears.
‘Oh, no, I was just kidding,’ I say as I grab her for a hug.
‘I gave him enough time to get to work before calling the office – they said he isn’t in at all today. He told me he’s working this morning and tonight. Working late. At the tourist centre. I know you don’t believe me,’ she sobs, ‘but your father is having an affair. I know it must be hard for you to understand. He’s your dad, but he is having an affair. He’s lying to me, sneaking around, pretending to work – I’m not an idiot.’
‘I know,’ I tell her.
‘We’ve been having marriage counselling,’ my mum confesses. ‘He’s turned into a grumpy old man and I thought it might help us.’
‘Marriage counselling is a positive step,’ I tell her, trying to put out of my head that the couple in question is my mum and dad.
‘Except he isn’t taking it seriously,’ she says. ‘I’ve tried to tell him that things aren’t what they used to be, that it isn’t fun or exciting anymore, and now I suppose it’s because he’s finding those things elsewhere.’
I may not be one hundred per cent certain about this but my mum needs someone on her side right now.
‘What can I do?’ I ask.
‘I want to spy on him tonight, when he’s supposedly working late. The only problem is that he’ll have our car, and you don’t have a car …’
‘I can get us a car,’ I tell her. ‘I can get us a car and the best damn detective in Marram Bay, if it will help?’
‘Oh, Lola, can you ask him? That would be amazing,’ she says. ‘I just need to know, for my sanity … I’m going mad …’
I hug her again. ‘Of course I’ll ask him,’ I tell her. ‘Just don’t worry about it for the rest of today, OK?’
‘OK, I’ll try,’ she says. ‘Lots to do around the B & B anyway. I feel like I’m running it single-handedly at the moment.’
‘I’m going to help you,’ I tell her.
‘You’re a good girl, Lola James,’ she says, and I know she means it.
‘I’ll take care of you, Mum. We can start with your hair.’ I chuckle.
‘Now now, Lola,’ she says, looking at my hair. ‘We don’t want to make things worse.’
As she disappears into her bathroom to sort herself out, I take my phone from my pocket and punch Dean a text, asking him for a favour. I’m sure he’ll be asleep but he calls me straight away.
‘Hey, Lola, what can I do for you?’ he asks.
‘Hey,’ I say, keeping my voice as quiet as possible. ‘It’s my mum. She’s convinced my dad is having an affair. She wants to follow him and she’s asked for my help. I’m worried about what she’ll do if I don’t – she’s so upset.’
‘Oh, Lola, I’m so sorry,’ he says. ‘That must be awful for you.’
‘Well, I’m not convinced that he is cheating,’ I insist. ‘But he’s definitely lying about something. I’m worried he’s ill or something …’
‘I mean that it must be awful for you being caught in the middle of this, no matter what the reason is,’ he says. ‘Of course I’ll help you. When does she want to do it?’
‘Are you free tonight?’ I ask.
‘I can be,’ he says.
‘Are you sure? Please, if you’re busy, we can do it another time.’
‘Free as a bird,’ he insists. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll get to the bottom of it.’
‘Thank you so much,’ I say. ‘I’d be lost without you at the moment.’
‘It’s nothing,’ he says. ‘Just being a cool customer.’
As soon as I hang up I remember that I was supposed to ask him if he fancied a date with Kim. Actually, no, that’s not true – it was on my mind pretty much throughout the whole call but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Well, he’s helping me out tonight. I need him. After that, that’s when I’ll ask him. I suppose I’ll be gone soon, but I just can’t imagine spending my last week here without him around, and if he gets a new girlfriend, he’ll get lost in that first flush of romance … I’ll probably never see him again.
Chapter 33
I really lucked out, making friends with a policeman. It means that we can effortlessly follow my dad without him having a clue. I almost feel sorry for him, going about his business while we spy on him. It feels like a betrayal, even though I know he is lying about something.
My poor mum, who hasn’t slept properly in days, has fallen asleep in the back of Dean’s car. She has come dressed from head to toe in black. I told her that it wasn’t necessary but I think she’s terrified of him seeing her, just in case she’s wrong. I’m happy she’s getting some sleep; she’s been looking so tired. I guess, with me and Dean in the car, she feels like she can take her eye off the ball for a moment.
‘How are the Unmatchables doing?’ he asks. ‘Since we, erm, disbanded.’
‘Fine, I think.’
Tell him that Kim wants to go on a date with him. Tell him, Lola.
‘That’s good,’ he says. ‘I was worried they’d be lost without us. It kind of felt like we were their mummy and daddy.’
‘It did, didn’t it? And what a dysfunctional family.’
‘We’re dysfunctional but we love each other,’ he reminds me.
‘Oh, shit, there’s my dad,’ I say.
‘What? Where?’ my mum babbles as she wakes up. I guess she wasn’t sleeping that deeply after all.
She hurries on a pair of oversized black sunglasses. ‘Oh, you’re incognito now, Mamma,’ I tease to lighten the mood, but she shushes me.
He emerges from the tourist centre, where he’s been for about thirty minutes, and hovers outside. After a couple of minutes a young girl walks out to join him.
‘That’s Karla,’ my mum says, her voice barely audible. I think she’s in shock. Perhaps she wasn’t as convinced something was going on as she thought she was. Not until right now, at least.
Karla stands next to my dad as he locks up. The pair of them are laughing and joking together and I can hear my poor mum sobbing behind me. Just as I am thinking that this doesn’t mean anything the pair of them get in my dad’s car and drive off together.
‘Quick,’ my mum says, ‘follow them.’
‘On it,’ Dean says.
He tails my dad with all the care and attention he would give a lead in his big tractor case.
I’d say it was exciting, but this is my dad we’re following; my mum’s husband of nearly forty years. I can’t even imagine what she must be going through right now.
‘Maybe he’s just giving her a lift home,’ I reason as we follow them.
‘Yeah, but he said he was working late,’ she reminds me through her tears.
My dad parks down one of the backstreets of town, gets out of his car and runs around to open the door for Karla. Oh, what a gentleman. We watch from Dean’s car as the two of them walk just a few feet down the road and head into Bounty – the only nightclub Marram Bay has to offer, usually favoured by the young and the rowdy.
‘Lola, have you ever known your snooker-loving dad to frequent nightclubs with young women on an evening?’
‘I haven’t,’ I admit.
‘Well, that’s that,’ my mum says quietly. ‘Let’s go home.’
Chapter 34
Peering down into my cast as best I can, I can see hair, dry skin, dust that I imagine is made of me, which is completely grossing me out. It is an intimidating mess that I have no idea how I’m going to tackle.
Speaking of messes, after catching my dad heading out on the town with his young lady friend, my mum seems
to have shut down emotionally. She doesn’t want to confront him about it yet and I know that it isn’t really any of my business. It’s up to her how she wants to handle it and I’ll stand by her whatever she decides. One thing is for sure, she is a stronger woman than me because at breakfast this morning when my dad cranked up the radio and started bobbing his head to a Chainsmokers tune I wanted to hit him over the head with a frying pan; but my mum, the amazing lady that she is, cooked him breakfast in the same pan I was planning my assault with.
She is acting as though everything is normal, just biding her time as she works out what she’s going to do. I am amazed by her strength. The second I realised both Patrick and Will might not be being completely honest with me I didn’t take a moment to think things through. I kicked them to the kerb.
After breakfast my dad went out ‘to work’ for a couple of hours so I parked myself on the sofa, ready to try and relax and watch a bit of TV. I must’ve fallen asleep for a while. I don’t know how long for.
I awake with a fright as my mum charges through the room with her Dyson. She’s wearing her usual purple apron, a pair of pink marigolds and, in the hand that is not controlling the vacuum cleaner, she’s holding a feather duster. As she moves around the room at a dizzying pace, vacuuming and dusting like Kim and Aggie on speed, a ridiculous smile remains plastered across her face.
‘Mum.’ I try to get her attention, but it doesn’t work. ‘Mum,’ I try again, shouting this time. Still nothing. ‘Linda,’ I yell at the top of my voice.
My mum stops suddenly and stares at me, the vacuum cleaner still running.
‘What is going on?’ I ask.
‘Nothing is going on,’ she replies. ‘Just cleaning up, then I need to make your dad’s tea. He’ll be home from work before we know it.’
‘Let that lying bastard make his own tea for once,’ I can’t help but snap. I immediately feel bad.
‘Lola James,’ my mum starts, but her bottom lip starts trembling. She turns off the vacuum cleaner, turns away from me and dusts nothing in particular.
Make or Break at the Lighthouse B & B Page 18