by Alyssa Day
I got another Halloween card from you today, with treats!! Thanks!! I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I'll buy a phone card today and call you this evening so I can sing "Happy Birthday" to you.
I think it will be a short day for me. This weekend celebrates the 35th anniversary of Diego Garcia as a British Indian Ocean Territory, and there is some sort of picnic on the 11th (another free T-shirt, of course). I may go to that. Happy Birthday!
November 23
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope you got some turkey and pumpkin pie, or the Middle Eastern equivalent (lamb and dates?). We went to a party at Dawn's house with Malia and Kai and had a great time. Wonderful food, company, and conversation. Anyway, the kids had fun and it was great to be among friends on the holiday, since we miss you so much.
I'm sorry you missed Connor's Thanksgiving celebration at preschool. It was really adorable. The kids were dressed up as Pilgrims and Indians and there was a lunch with the apple and pumpkin pies the kids made all by themselves! It was so wonderful, except that you weren't there. Have a safe flight!
November 24
To: Alesia
From: Judd
Subject: Happy Thanksgiving
We had an interesting Thanksgiving; the cooks did pretty good with the Thanksgiving stuff. We ate real turkey and stuffing with gravy, and also some cranberry sauce. And they made pumpkin, blueberry, and apple pie. It was good, but still a little sad to be away from the family on a holiday.
(Also, there was no football.) How are you and Connor and Lauren doing? I found a video of the over-the-hump party and am going to watch it hoping to catch a glimpse of my beautiful family.
November 28
To: Alesia
From: Judd
Subject: Happy Ramadan
Hello again. Still not much happening here, other than getting ready to come home. We are flying every other day now. Each flight is about 10.5 hours long, so it makes for a pretty long day, but it is good practice for the flight home. Is Connor excited now that there are only a few more links left on the chain? I sure am!
It is Ramadan here, and we had a briefing on the proper protocol. We aren't allowed to eat in public in daylight, for example. I am looking forward to celebrating a second Thanksgiving with you when I get home! Then we'll really have something to be thankful for.
26
The Home Stretch
November 12
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Less than a month to go!!
I can't believe it! This time next month, you'll be home!! When we hit single-digit weeks, it was big, but this is HUGE!! I can't believe it's been five months already. It only feels like five years.
November 13
To: Alesia
From: Judd
Subject: Re: Less than a month
I know, I can't believe it, either! Still here at work, getting ready to go to lunch. It has been a pretty boring morning so far. I've been working on gathering the charts that we will need for the trip home. I'll try to call in the morning (your morning). I'll see you soon!
November 18
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: I don't want you to feel like a third wheel when you come home.
I can't wait to see you, I can't wait to see you, I can't wait to see you!!!!!
I took the garbage out and thought: Only two more garbage days before Judd comes home!!
I don't want you to feel like a third wheel when you come home, so I've made the following list of "honey-do" jobs for you, in order that you feel essential and wanted:
All bath times until June 1st.
All grocery shopping.
Repair of the following: lawn mower, video camera, printer, digital camera, and toaster (don't ask).
Inspection/changing of the following: all smoke detectors, outdoor lights, and you have to show me how to copy a tape from our video camera to a tape on the TV.
All night shifts with sick children until June 1st.
All veterinary appointments, dog-grooming appointments, dog brushing, etc., until June 1st.
Connor's dentist visit.
Lauren's one-year checkup and shots in January (I can't stand to see her get stuck with needles) .
All "I'm BORED, there's NOTHING TO DO" crises until June 1st.
All car servicing appointments.
Such other tasks as come up and seem only fair to dump on you after the past six months.
On June 1st, we can reevaluate and come up with a joint schedule that seems fair to both of us, since by that time I may finally have caught up on some sleep and have some semblance of sanity return.
Be advised: Resistance is futile.
November 18
To: Alesia
From: Judd
Subject: Wow
I'll be happy to do all the things on your list!! The weekend is over, and we are back to the regular old routine here. We just got done with the weekly all officers' meeting. Nothing new to report on when we're coming home, no exact dates, just still between the 4th and the 14th. Our crew will probably be home earlier, since we were among the first to come out here. Since we're flying one of the P-3's home, having an exact date would be kind of useless anyway.
I ran another 5K last night. My time was pretty good, even though I was taking it easy. Got another T-shirt.
I expect that you're giving the kids a bath right now, and getting ready to go to bed in an hour or two. I wish I were there to read some bedtime stories! In a few more weeks, I will be!
November 25
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Christmas decorations and Jingle Bells
Are not coming out till you get home! I have so much to tell you and can't wait till you get here! Only one more weekend alone after this one! Yahoo!! Love you a lot! Please, please be safe flying and don't let anything happen to you now!
p.s. You get to write the Christmas cards out this year.
November 26
To: Alesia
From: Judd
Subject: One more week!
Just a week and then we start flying home! In nine days, I'll be home. I can't wait to see you all and give you big hugs! We're flying tomorrow (finally), and it will be about a 12-hour event. Plenty of fun for everyone. A pretty quiet day here today. I'm going to walk this e-mail over to the Command Center, where the phone line for the e-mail is, and then send it. Then I'm going to take a shower and get some sleep, since we have to be up at 4 a.m. Good night!
November 30
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Less than a week!
I'm watching the weather channel, and it doesn't look good. If a hurricane delays you, I will be seriously ticked off at Mother Nature. Tomorrow is December, and the month you come home!! Even the week you come home!! We have been painting "Welcome Home Daddy" signs like crazy. There are only six more links on the paper chain, so you'd better get home on time, or we're in deep doodoo with Connor.
November 30
To: Alesia
From: Judd
Subject: Weather
I'm getting more and more anxious to see you all. Just a few more days, and we'll be on our way home. The only thing really concerning anyone is the tropical cyclones (hurricanes) that are over the Philippines and the South of India. They may affect the crews from VP-47 flying out from Hawaii to replace us, but we haven't heard anything like that yet. I love you! I have to fly another 10+ hour flight tomorrow, so am getting ready to go to bed and get some rest. See you REALLY SOON!
December 3
To: Alesia
From: Judd
Subject: Hi from Sicily
Hi there! We stopped here in Sigonella, Sicily, to do some repairs and wait for the thunderstorms to quit (also to get gas). We're fine and waiting to see if we are going to continue on to Rhota tonight. If we don't, we wi
ll still get home at the same time, as we'll just stop and get gas in Rhota and then fly to Brunswick; overnight in Brunswick and then to Whidbey the next day! Woo Hoo! I'm sitting here catching up with Sean L., he says hello by the way. Gotta run, just wanted to let you know that I'm OK. Give the kids big hugs and tell them Daddy's on his way!
The last couple of weeks are an unbelievable whirlwind of activity. Cleaning out his half of the closet (hopefully). Buying groceries he likes to eat. Painting welcome home signs. You can't believe its finally here and are disoriented at the thought of having him come home. You bite your nails at the slightest hint of anything that will keep the plane even one day past the due date. One more day, after such a long time, would be almost unbearable. (And really hard to explain to the kids!)
But, at last, before you even realize it, the deployment is finally over. You're dressed up, checking the hotline for any last-minute delays, and, finally, on your way to the hangar or the dock.
It's Homecoming.
The memories of that first homecoming are still fresh in my mind. We all looked pretty different at the end of that six months. Judd had a dark desert tan, and there was a shadow of grim resolve in his eyes that had never been there before. I'd lost thirty-five pounds of post-baby weight (the exercise paid off, after all!) and my hair was a lot longer. Superficial changes, but startling to a husband who hasn't seen his wife in half a year. Connor had lost some of the baby look to his face; he was growing from a toddler into a little boy.
The most dramatic change was in Lauren, though. She had been only a few months old when Judd left and was now in range of her first birthday. I'd worried quite a bit about how she would react to Judd. Lauren never liked strangers—especially men. She would shriek like a banshee when my friends' husbands tried to pick her up or play with her. I really didn't want her to scream at Judd and make him feel even more estranged from his daughter than he already did.
Amazingly, through some miracle of baby memory or genetics or just a blessing, Lauren knew Daddy. The moment Judd finally walked off of the plane, Connor went barreling across the tarmac as fast as his sturdy little legs could carry him. No problem there. Then Judd and I somehow met in the middle—I don't even remember walking across. He swept Lauren and me up in a huge hug, and the tears started. (Note to readers: Judd wants to be sure I point out that he just had dust in his eyes. So, the tears were only mine.) Lauren was looking up at Daddy with a huge grin and reaching her chubby arms up for him to lake her. Daddy's baby girl knew exactly who he was, even though he was gone for more than half of her life.
It was finally homecoming; our family was together again. It was the best Christmas present ever.
War deployment, the second
Time flies when you're having an Inter-Deployment Training Cycle. IDTC is the time span between deployments. For P-3 squadrons, it's one year. The year between December 2000 and December 2001 flew by for us. First, we had all the wonder and joy of reunion and Christmas, combined with the unexpected awkwardness of reorganizing our lives to fit Judd back into them. Then, we moved to a house off the island so I could find a job in Seattle.
After a few months of moving, settling into our new house, meeting the neighbors, finding new preschool and daycare arrangements, my searching for and beginning a new job, and enjoying the beautiful summer in the Pacific Northwest, it was almost time for pre-deployment workups to begin again.
Then came September 11.
I woke up to a phone call from Judd, who was already at work, telling me to turn on the TV. I switched on the news just in time to see the second tower hit. Live. Judd told me to stay home with the kids. He knew I worked on the forty-first floor of an office tower in Seattle and, like everyone else across the country, wanted to know his family was safe.
Like so many others, I watched CNN all day. I frantically tried to call my family, my in-laws, and my friends. Circuits were down; phone lines were busy. I cried, and I was in shock.
And I knew. I knew that Judd's routine deployment to Japan had just changed. I knew that he and his squadron would be among the first to go deal with the threat, from wherever it originated. I knew military families across America would be gearing up for a long and dangerous mission, just as families in New York, DC, and across the nation were only beginning to realize their grief.
I cried, and I prayed for all of us.
27
You Don’t Write, You Don’t Call…
December 2001
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Where are you and why aren't you writing?
I didn't figure you would have access to e-mail yet there, but am sending this in case you do. I miss you so much, and the kids miss you terribly. Connor has been a crabby monster all weekend. He's very angry and doesn't know how to express it. Lauren just keeps saying, "Where daddy? Daddy all gone?" She wanted to look at the book of pictures of you, from your last deployment, over and over and over today. "Daddy bye bye," she said about the pictures where you are waving to us. I am going to have one or two of those pictures of you enlarged into posters to hang on the walls in their room.
My new baby-sitter came over for a few hours today to meet the kids, and Connor loves her, so that was good. Her name is Bethany, and she's my secretary Jan's daughter. She was a sweetheart with the kids. Lauren even liked her, and Lauren never likes strangers, so I think we have a winner! She's going to pick them up at school tomorrow, so I can go to my writers' group.
I have a killer headache and have to go now. We love you and miss you very much. Write to us!!
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Still no e-mail from you
I took everyone to the Science Center today. It was OK, but we missed you. Lauren was kind of scared of the dinosaurs or "rocks" as she calls them. (Long story, my fault.)
Now we are just kind of hanging out. Nobody feels all that great, except Connor for a change. My Mom has an upset stomach, Lauren has a bad cough/cold and still doesn't want to eat, and I am not over the pneumonia yet.
This is going to be a long and hideous week. I have about 80 hours of work to do by Thursday, then a hearing in Clark County on Friday at 9 a.m. Of course, Clark County is three hours south of Seattle, so that will be fun.
Hope you are well, but beginning to forget what you look like.
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Still no e-mail from husband
Am leaving at 4 a.m. tomorrow to fly to Portland for the hearing. I'm exhausted, but OK. I hope you're having a good week, wherever you are, and whatever you're doing. I had my first review at the law firm yesterday. It was pretty good, but I got called "almost pushy" again.
Like the world needs more meek trial lawyers.
Jeff and Doug have been pretty understanding when I need time off with a sick kid, since you've been gone. They're both really nice guys with great senses of humor. (Trust me, this is not all that common in my field.)
Wish me luck tomorrow and WRITE TO ME!
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Hello??
Hello???? ☹
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: I'm sorry I didn't have much to say when you called.
It's hard not to get withdrawn when I never know if or when I might hear from you and have no way to contact you. Sure, if it were an emergency, I could track you down. But I don't feel like "I need to talk to Judd, or my head might explode" is a legitimate emergency in the grand scheme of things.
You're not the only one with a tough job, even though yours is more important. I've got a little bit of stress going on here, too. I do love you, even when I call you a putz. If I didn't love you so much, I wouldn't be afraid you've died when I don't hear from you for days or weeks at a time. I guess I need to learn to suffer in silence.
To: Alesia
From: Judd
Subject: Re: not saying much
You don't ha
ve to say much, I am just happy to hear your voice or know that you are listening. I don't have much to say, either, because every day here is pretty much the same. We are all getting pretty worn out and are ready for a change of location.
You will have to tell me the story about why Lauren calls dinosaurs "rocks"—it sounds like a funny one. I will try to be better about sending you e-mails and trying to call you more often. Sometimes I just give up after flying all day and when the line for the phone is so long.
You should take care of yourself, so you can get over the pneumonia. Just tell me the name of the guy who called you "pushy," and I'll be glad to strafe his office! They're lucky to have you!
I have to go camp out and wait for a phone now, so I can call for Lauren's birthday.
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Hello darling husband
Sweetie, I know you are not having leisure and bonbons over there, and I know how hard it must be to call or e-mail. I just get frustrated because you are in such a scary place and I worry so much. I miss my best friend/tower of strength/feet warmer. (That would be you, by the way!)
I love you so much.
Judd left on November 30, and it took quite some time for him to contact us. Since we knew where he was and what he was doing, the wait to hear was excruciating. The only way I could vent my anguish and worry was through e-mails I knew he wasn't even receiving yet.