As I shattered, I thought there was no way life could get any better than this.
U
Gray
It was well past noon before we came up for air.
It could have gone on for much longer had Ruby not declared the coffee I’d brought was too weak and demanded something with more kick. I’d seen enough of her caffeine fit to know that meant I needed to get her to a coffee shop that could make a coffee the size of her head with at least five shots of espresso. We cleaned up and followed the GPS to the nearest coffee shop.
After fueling her up, we drove to a nearby mall and filled the back of the truck with so much stuff I could barely get the tonneau cover over all the packages. We agreed to hold off on the best, but Ruby asserted I was spoiling her sisters. I argued they’d had a rough couple of months and needed spoiling. In the end, we agreed to disagree and went to get dinner.
The next day, I’d scheduled Ruby to get pampered at the spa. She’d tried to insist that she did not need a facial, massage, and pedicure and that we should just go home early. We fought, again. And I convinced her, again. Call me overbearing, but my sole goal was to take care of Ruby. Even if she didn’t want me to.
While Ruby was spending her hours at the spa, I went back to the mall and picked up the presents I needed to keep hidden from her prying eyes. I had a few hours to kill, so I even caught an action flick at the attached movie theatre. It wasn’t lost on me that the alone time was just as beneficial for me as I’d been insisting it was for Ruby.
I’d been living with the worry of Pearl, along with Ruby and her sisters. But the part that concerned me the most was what I needed to do to keep my girls whole if we never found Pearl. The new information on the guy in Ohio would breathe new life into the search, but what if that still got us no closer to finding her?
I was terrified my support would not be enough to hold them together.
I met up with Ruby after my movie and her spa appointments. I’d packed the car while she finished up so that we could hit the road as soon as she was done. The look on her face when I picked her up from the spa was worth all the arguments and the extreme price tag. Hell, I’d drive her down to the spa once a week if it meant my Ruby looked that peaceful and serene all the time.
“Did you have a good time?” I asked as we drove out of town.
Ruby chuckled. “Yes, I really loved the spa. I’ve never been so pampered in my entire life.”
“You deserve it,” I replied.
My phone vibrated in the cup holder, and I glanced down to see Hunter’s name flash across the screen. I ignored the text and kept driving.
“Hunter keeps texting you,” Ruby said.
I glanced down at my cell in the cup holder. “I’ll call when we stop for gas in a few minutes.”
“Why not call him now? Or are you trying to hide something from me?”
I barked a laugh. “Not me, but you know Hunt, he can be sensitive.”
“Right,” Ruby said with sarcasm. “I just don’t know how you can ignore calls. Mr. Lammond texted while I was in the spa, and I answered.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, sweetheart. But I hope someday soon you’re not working that job. Even with the better hours, the night shifts make getting alone time difficult. It’s only going to get worse as the girls get older and have after-school activities.”
“I know. But there’s been so much going on that I haven’t even looked for something else. Or thought about what I could do.”
Her voice sounded wistful, so I asked, “What do you want to do?”
“I want to keep working so my family is supported,” Ruby said and gave me a look like I was an idiot. “There’s not much in Eagle Creek. I’m pretty much already doing the only thing I’m qualified for.”
“You said you enjoyed taking care of the girls when they were babies. Why not start a daycare?”
“I thought about it after Uncle Adam passed and left me a little bit of money. But I’m awful at stuff like paperwork, and the whole licensing thing just kinda scared me off. So I bought the trailer instead. Besides that, I’d want a separate space for the daycare, not just in the trailer. I don’t think I’d get a lot of customers with a daycare in a trailer.”
The discussion of the trailer was another topic we needed to broach. Not that I minded living there, for now, the park owners actually kept the place well-maintained. But soon, the girls would want their own spaces, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could deal with the lack of privacy.
“The spot next to the gym in the strip mall is available,” I said.
“Don’t go putting ideas in my head, Grayson,” Ruby warned. “You know I don’t have the money to renovate and rent a place like that.”
“I want you to be happy. I also selfishly want you to have a schedule that’s easier on us and the kids. You know I’ll help in any way I can.” I glanced over at her and smiled. “Just think about it. I’m here to support you no matter what.”
My cell buzzed again in the cup holder. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the screen light up with Hunter’s name and the word “FUBAR.” Something was going on back home if Hunter was trying to warn me things were “fucked up beyond all repair.”
I took the next exit from the highway under the guise of getting gas. As soon as I got out of the cab, I dialed Hunter’s number.
“What’s going on?”
“Shit, Gray, I’m sorry, but we need you to get back here ASAP. Shit’s going down, and you both need to be here for it.” Hunter sounded harried, which concerned me more than his words. My friend was always so unflappable. If he was rattled, that meant bad news for us all.
“Ruby and I are already on the road. She wanted to get back before the girls went to bed tonight. We’re about two hours away.” I glanced up at the cab to ensure Ruby was still inside it before I asked. “What’s going on? Are the girls okay? Ida?”
“Everyone here’s fine. Well, except—”
“Just spit it out, Hunter.”
“Dude in Ohio is talking.”
Everything inside me froze. “What’s he saying?”
“I don’t have the details yet, but Annika texted that the sheriff’s department is getting updated warrants for the cabin, and they’re talking about getting divers out on the lake.”
My blood turned to ice. This was exactly what I’d been dreading since the day Pearl went missing.
“How are the girls?”
“We’ve kept it from the girls for now, but they know something’s up. We’re holed up at Jeff and Melanie’s house for now.”
“All right, thanks for that. We’ll be there as soon as we can.”
I hung up the phone and looked up to see Ruby watching me from inside the cab. There was no mistaking the concern clouding her expression. Part of me wanted to avoid telling her about Pearl until we got back to Eagle Creek. But I knew this woman, and she’d worry herself into a worse state if I didn’t get it over with.
The other shoe she’d been waiting for was about to drop.
Chapter 30
Ruby
“I’ve imagined all the worst possible things. Why is it so much scarier now that we’re closer to the truth?” I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to soothe the flutter of emotion that was racing through me.
“Because sometimes the unknown is easier to accept than the truth,” Gray said softly. He covered my knee with one of his hands and stroked me through the fabric of my jeans. “But until we have all the answers, Ruby, we can still have hope for your mom.”
“Do we know what the cops are looking for?”
“Hunter didn’t say. But if you can’t wait until we get back to the Creek, we can call the sheriff’s department and see what they’ll tell us.”
I stared at his phone in the front seat cup holder. Gray had bundled me into the back of the cab
to have the second-worst conversation of my life. I was grateful that he’d thought ahead to my comfort before telling me the awful news. His warm presence on the bench seat made everything just a little more bearable.
“Am I a huge coward if I say I want to wait?”
Gray smoothed a hand over my hair and kissed my forehead. “I think it makes you human.”
“How am I gonna tell the girls?” I wondered aloud.
“We don’t know if there’s anything to tell yet. Let’s just get home and deal with things as they come.”
The drive back to the Creek was silent and unbearably long for me. Scenarios ran through my head of all the ways my mom could come to a terrible end. I’d had a low-level fear of my mom being a victim of violence ever since I was old enough to understand that her job put her at risk. Confronting my worst fear was debilitating.
By the time Gray drove up the steep drive to the Mason’s house, I was so worked up I felt like a bowstring ready to snap. My mind had replayed every nightmare scenario I’d had for months, and all I wanted to do was see Rayleigh and Britnee and make sure they were okay. I was out of the truck and running into the house before Gray had come to a full stop. The only thought in my head was I had to get to the girls.
Just as I reached the first porch step, the door opened, and Rayleigh and Britnee burst out full of smiles and laughter. I dropped to my knees, wrapped them up as tightly as I could, and just held on.
“Let’s get them inside,” Gray whispered as he crouched down at my back. “It’s cold out, and they’re in their PJs.”
I nodded but continued to cling to my girls. They’d squirmed and chattered, Ray was desperate to get at Gray, and Brit kept demanding that I tell Ray a giraffe wouldn’t fit in Santa’s sleigh. It was all so normal, so unaffected, that I couldn’t hold back the tears. I finally broke down in loud, ugly sobs.
“Okay, that’s it,” Gray said. “Jeff, take Ray. Hunt, get Brit. I’ve got Ruby.”
In short order, the men had me and my sisters installed safe and warm on the Mason’s couch with cups of hot chocolate and a platter of Christmas cookies. The girls were full of stories from the last two days, and they chattered like magpies. Their enthusiasm to share with me and Gray helped mask the underlying tension of the adults in the room. I was grateful for the distraction.
My emotions remained messy, but I stopped the loud, ugly sobs when Hunt pointed out it was upsetting the kids. While I remained mostly mute on the couch with the girls crawling all over me, Gray patiently listened to every story and smiled like he had all the time in the world. How he appeared so unaffected was a marvel to me, but I couldn’t find the energy to put on the same show.
“It’s late, shortcake,” Gray said a short time later. He gestured to Brit who was nodding off, tucked into his side, a forgotten cookie still in her hand. “Let’s put them to bed, and we can talk to the others.”
“But what about?” I mouthed the word “mom.”
“Tomorrow is soon enough. We’ll know more then.”
He was right. What good would it do to tell the girls about the warrants and possible information leading to mom when we had no solid answers? That was a recipe for nightmares, for sure. Besides, I had questions for the adults in the room, and the longer we delayed that discussion, the worse my nerves got.
“Let me have this one,” Jeff murmured as he leaned over and scooped Ray out of my arms.
I kissed the heads of my sisters and thanked the Mason’s for their continued help. “That’s what family is for,” Jeff replied with a wink before he and Melanie disappeared upstairs.
Once the girls were out of earshot, I turned to look at Ida, Lucy, and Hunter. “Okay, I’m ready to hear the story now.”
“The cops have been working together since they identified Wier on Friday,” Hunter said. “Annika’s made some friends at the sheriff’s department, so she was keeping track of the latest developments as they came in.”
“And the Sheriff’s taking things seriously now?” I asked.
Hunter shrugged. “I still haven’t talked to the man personally, but Annika seemed to think they were moving in the right direction.”
I trusted Annika’s judgment. If she thought the cops were cooperating, we were in a better place than we’d been just days ago. “Do we know anything new?”
“The slimy worm was embezzling money from his company,” Ida said. “That’s where all the cash that he was flashing at your mom came from.”
“Ohio cops and the feds are going to press charges on the embezzlement,” Hunter added. “While they were talking to him about how he paid for his trip to Eagle Creek, they started pushing him more on the whereabouts of Pearl.”
“Did he do something to her?” I asked, my words barely a whisper as I fought to speak around the lump in my throat.
“He’s adamant he didn’t,” Ida said. “But he’s lied before. The Sheriff says he’s going to treat the investigation like a homicide going forward.”
Homicide.
The word rattled around in my head. Images of my mom broken and bloody came to mind. Bile crawled up my throat, and I jumped from the couch and ran toward the nearest bathroom. I barely had time to lift the lid of the toilet before I was tossing up the contents of my stomach. Gray appeared behind me and helped hold my hair back as I gagged repeatedly. Tears streamed down my face, and I struggled to suck in a decent breath for a few minutes.
When the worst of the nausea subsided, and I was left dry heaving over the toilet bowl, Gray picked me up and sat me on the counter. He used a cool, damp cloth to wash my face and neck. As he took care of me, he murmured soothing noises I didn’t register as words, but they helped to calm my racing heart.
“She’s dead, Gray,” I whispered.
Gray handed me a glass of water. “We don’t know that.”
I took a sip of water, swished it in my mouth, and spit in the sink before taking a long drink. Then I turned back to Gray. “I can feel it in my bones, Gray. She’s gone.”
He cupped my chin and stared at me with those startling blue eyes. “If she is, we’ll get her justice. If she’s not, we won’t stop looking.”
“I’m so tired,” I whispered. “I’m tired of worrying. But then I feel bad that I’m tired.”
“It’s okay to feel tired,” Gray whispered and pulled me into his arms. “You’ve been taking on a lot ever since Pearl went missing. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel tired.”
I dug my fingers into his sides and buried my face in his chest. The familiar scent of his cologne pierced the haze of my brain, and I buried myself deeper into his hug. His scent and his body were my port in the storm.
“What do we do now?” I wondered aloud.
“We get some fucking answers.”
U
Nothing.
Two days of searching, and we’d still found nothing.
I sat in the conference room of Natalie’s office with the friends and family who’d helped organize the search. Everyone was trying to remain optimistic, and they offered false hope from all sides. Annika was apologetic that her tips had not resulted in the breakthrough we were all expecting. But I didn’t blame her.
I didn’t blame any of them.
I could feel their desperation as they brainstormed ideas for the next search. I knew Gray felt this failure most keenly. He’d admitted to me the night before that he felt the trip to the spa was a mistake. That he felt guilty for pulling me away when mom was still missing.
I’d assured him I didn’t regret the trip, despite our fight on the way there. He had been right. I hadn’t been taking care of myself ever since Mom’s disappearance, and between the “I love you’s” and the spa services, I’d felt happier than I had in months. Without the weekend away, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stand up to the disappointment we were experiencing today.
“Where are you going?” Gray asked.
I hadn’t realized I stood until he asked the question. “I need a minute.”
“I can come with,” he said and moved to stand up.
I put a hand on his shoulder and kissed his temple. “It’s okay. I’m just going to go downstairs and get a coffee from Fika. Can I get anyone else something?” When I got no’s all around, I turned back to Gray and smiled softly. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
I could see his desire to argue all over his face. But in the end, he just nodded and let me go with a soft, “I love you.”
Downstairs in Fika, the line was five people deep, so I stood near the front windows and read the flyers while the baristas raced to fill the orders. I noticed that my mom’s poster was prominent in the window. The sight of it had a lump forming in my throat. The support I was receiving from people in the town still surprised me.
Perhaps I had been wrong to assume everyone in town considered me a pariah.
I was contemplating which pastry I wanted to add to my order when movement outside the cafe caught my eye. I saw a familiar figure walking toward the city parking lot at the end of the block. Immediately, I was on alert because he wasn’t supposed to be in town, yet there he was across the street, skulking about like a wraith. Despite the possible danger, I ran to the door and burst out of the cafe. I needed to confront this asshole. Now.
“Hey!” I called as I ran toward the parking lot. The sidewalks were wet and slick from the recent snow, which slowed me down and made speed nearly impossible.
Ahead of me, I saw him turn before the parking lot and dash between two buildings. I picked up my speed as best I could and ran into the mouth of the alley.
“Stop!” I yelled, but he kept moving. “I’ll call the cops,” I threatened as I dodged trash cans and potholes.
I was so far behind him that all I could do was watch as he broke through the other side of the alley and turned right.
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