Not a chance in hell. Looks like Ted and I have a lot to talk about tomorrow.
* * *
What took place between us last night after the TV shows were over was pretty much magical. When we made love, I understood what it meant to look into somebody’s soul. She opened to me as though she’d known me her whole life, trusting and vulnerable. Many submissives have been under me in my life, many of whom I thought were perfection, but this woman brings the definition of the word submissive to life.
There are so many things I want to do with her in bed, but there are just as many outside of the bedroom. She’s missed so much of what anybody else would consider a normal life that she’s kind of fragile anytime we leave the house. It’s sad that somebody who feels so deeply and has such a capacity to find joy has been shut away from everything for so long. I have no intention of letting that happen again.
We stop for donuts and coffee on the way to Ted’s office the next morning, and we get there ten minutes early. That’s perfect for just sitting and talking. “So, anything in particular you want to talk to Ted about today?” I ask as I chew.
She nods as she takes another bite of cream-filled donut. “Yeah. I need to talk to him about something, but I want to do it alone, if that’s okay, sir.”
“Of course. This is your counseling time. If you don’t want me there, that’s fine.” I’m trying not to sound like I’m upset about it.
“It’s not that I don’t want you there. It’s just that it’s about you, and I need to talk to Ted. Ask him some questions. Things like that.”
I nod in understanding. “Sure. No problem. I’ll just sit in the waiting room and I’ll be there when you come out. Sound okay?”
“Yes, sir. It does.” She’s finishing her donut when we see a lady come out of the office. “Uh-oh. Looks like his last patient is done. We should go in now.”
“Yep. Let’s go, Precious.” I leave a half-eaten donut and the rest of my coffee in the car, but she carries hers with her.
Ted is standing in his office doorway when we walk in. “Well, there you are! I was afraid I was going to have to call out the cavalry to find you!”
“Finishing up our donuts and coffee. Master Lucien bought me donuts and coffee! I haven’t had a donut in a long time,” Rayanna announces.
“What? No donuts at the shelter?” Ted asks.
“No. None. They didn’t have money for junk food,” she says. “Too expensive.”
“It is that. So you two want to―”
“She wants to start out by herself,” I explain as she looks to me.
“Okay. Come on in and let’s get started.” I watch as she steps into his office and the door closes behind them.
I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t curious about what she was saying to him. Of course I am. I try to hear, but their voices are so muffled by the door that I can’t. It’s just a droning sound. The receptionist being there keeps me from getting up and putting an ear to the door. I wouldn’t actually do that anyway.
Who am I kidding? Of course I would.
But she’s only in there for about fifteen minutes when the door opens. “Lucien, come on in.”
She’s all smiles when I step into Ted’s office. “Have a good session?” It’s awkward as hell, walking into a room where you know you’ve been the main topic of conversation, and I can’t think of anything else to say.
She gives me a nod. “Yes, sir. I think so.”
“Lucien, Rayanna was asking me about relationships, specifically yours. She says she believes the two of you have grown quite close in the days since last we spoke. What’s your take on that?”
“We have. I think we’re very compatible, and we enjoy each other’s company.”
“So you think it’s going well?”
“I think it’s going extremely well, at least from what I can tell. If there’s a problem, she hasn’t mentioned it,” I point out, then turn to her. “Is there any problem I don’t know about?”
“No, sir. I’m very happy with you.”
“Good.”
“Are you planning to scene together at some point?”
“I need to talk to you about that.” I want to be straightforward with him. “I was led to believe she was a submissive.”
Ted nods. “Yes. That’s right.”
“No. It’s not. She’s not a submissive. She was a slave. There’s a huge difference.”
That stops Ted in his tracks. “In order to be a slave, one must be submissive.”
“Okay. Let me approach this from a different direction. All slaves are submissive, but not all submissives are slaves. And a slave doesn’t necessarily identify as a submissive. They’d probably use the term obedient. There’s a difference.”
Ted’s making notes on his legal pad. “I see what you’re saying. So you’re saying she’s not a submissive?”
“Not really. Not in the traditional sense.”
“So do you plan to go to the club at some point and scene?”
Asking me that question a second time tells me he doesn’t get it. He’s a Dominant. What the fuck has he been doing all these years? “Maybe. But if we did, it would only be to do some work intended to build trust. Nothing else.”
“I think that would be very helpful under the circumstances. One of the things Brian told me when I asked about you is that you’re not specifically bent on pain administration. You’re far more intent on satisfaction and on behavior, such as proper etiquette, table manners, speech, addressing people of authority, things of that nature.”
“That’s right.”
“Then we were right on the money in asking you. So I would encourage you to plan fun outings, carry out exercises in public where she has some degree of freedom but is expected to maintain a respectful connection to you, things like that.”
I nod. “I can do that.”
“Have either of you written a note to the other?” he asks, and I turn to Rayanna. Her eyebrows pop upward and she shrugs.
“Were we supposed to?” I ask.
“From this point on, yes. I want you to write notes to each other, notes about how you feel about things you’ve done together, the relationship, problems you’re having, those kinds of things. I’ve found that often we can express things in writing, things that we’re shy about speaking aloud.”
“Got it,” I agree with a nod. “We can do that. Rayanna?”
“Yes, sir. I can do that.”
Ted motions to the door. “Good. Now I want to talk to Lucien alone, if that’s okay.”
I can see a little strain in her face when she says, “Yes, sir.” When she reaches the door, she turns and looks at me, her face drawn with trepidation, and I give her a smile that I hope is reassuring. The door closes behind her and I turn back to Ted.
“She says you’ve had sex with her.”
I nod. “We’ve had sex together.”
“Do you really think that’s a wise idea? At this early stage?”
Something inside me heats up with indignation. “Are you questioning me? Because I thought I was to be responsible for her.”
I love the look on his face―he’s totally taken aback by my response. “You are.”
“Then don’t question my judgment. I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t thought it would serve a useful purpose.”
“To satisfy you?”
I just roll my eyes. “No. To bond us. To increase the trust between us. I thought that was part of my responsibility.” He sits there silently, and I don’t know if he’s judging me or if he thinks I’m lying. Time to poke the bear. “If I can’t be trusted to do this my way, then we’ve all made a huge mistake.”
“What’s your end goal?” he fires back.
“To see her become independent and confident. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be shooting for?”
“She says you have feelings for her.”
“I do.”
“Are you falling for her?”
God damn it. “Yes. I am.”
“That’s good, because she’s falling for you.”
“Good. If it wasn’t mutual, I guess I’d be fucked, right?”
“Are you going to be able to let go if you have to?”
“Yes. I’ve done it in the past,” I assure him. That’s no lie. I’ve let women go, women I wanted to stay with, because that’s what they wanted or needed. Life happens. I hope that doesn’t happen with her, but it’s entirely possible.
“Well, okay then. I’m not sure I approve, but―”
“I’m a forty-seven-year-old Dominant trained in the dungeons of San Francisco when I was in college. That’s upward of thirty years of experience. I have two Master level certifications, served as an apprentice dungeon master, and have several specialty certifications on top of that. I assure you, I know what I’m doing.”
“I’m not talking about that kind of thing, Lucien. We’re talking about matters of the heart here. Would you actually consider a long-term relationship with this woman?”
“Why? Is there something wrong with that?” I throw back. I’m starting to get really, really pissed.
“You can’t actually―”
“Look, regardless what you might think and your own personal behaviors, being a Dominant does not mean a man or woman is a fucking machine, incapable of feeling emotionally attached to a submissive. Honestly, I’m a little offended by that. Did you just send her to me to play with? ‘Oh, here, let’s send her to a Dominant. Won’t have to worry about him falling in love with her because they don’t do that.’ Is that really what you think of me? Of all of us? Is that who you are?”
I see him straighten in his chair. “You don’t have to be so hostile.”
“Sorry about your luck there, but I’m tired of everybody just expecting a Dominant to be this emotionless shell who feels nothing for anyone and fucks their way through the average club. So let me clarify here―I love Rayanna. Am I deeply, hopelessly in love with her? Not yet. That’s something that has to grow. If she left today, would I be hurt? I absolutely would be. Forget about my body―I’ve shared my self with her. And she’s honored that. Can you accept that?”
A slow grin spreads across Ted’s face. “You were the right choice, Lucien, the absolute best choice we could’ve made. You’re willing to fight for her, to protect her. I’m sorry I had to rattle your cage, but I just got the answer to my real question.”
“Which is?”
“You can do all the mentoring, all the protecting, all the training you want to do, but unless you’re emotionally invested, you’ll shield her until it becomes too dangerous for you, and then you’ll step back. I needed somebody who’d invest their self in the relationship and be willing to sacrifice himself for her. And I think you would.”
“I absolutely would,” I insist.
“Good. She’s in good hands. As for what you do with her, you’re two consenting adults. Not only that, but I know you know the difference between a woman submitting because she wants to and a woman submitting because she feels she’s expected to. I get the distinct impression that what happened between the two of you was somewhere in the middle of that for her. She’ll get more accustomed to being able to say no as time goes by, but you made her a participant instead of somebody that something was being done to. That’s the direction this needs to go.”
“I’m glad we’re on the same page with this.”
“We are. So again, I’m sorry I had to rile you up, but it was necessary so I could gauge the intensity of your desire to protect her. I feel very comfortable now with you being responsible for her. But I have a question. Do you have a gun?”
Well, that was jarring. “Why? Do I need one?”
“You do. He’s in jail right now, but at some point they may let him out, or he could escape. Restraining orders only work as well as the resolve of the restrained to stay away from the petitioner, and this guy will walk right through any TPO a judge issues. If you don’t have a gun, you need to get one and learn to use it.”
Wow. I never thought I’d need that. “Clint Winstead can help me with that.”
Ted nods. “Dave can too, and he will. What about Brian?”
“I don’t know about him.” I can’t help but chuckle when I say, “A S.W.A.T. team had to rescue him, so I’d say probably not.”
“True. So get with Clint or Dave and figure out what you need to do. I do think you need one to stay safe.”
“Okay.” Now I’m thinking about an appointment I’ve got at two thirty. I need some paperwork before I go to it, so I need to get out of here. “Anything else?”
“No. I think that covers it. Oh, by the way, I told Rayanna I thought we could cut her visits to once per week.”
That’s a relief. I really don’t have time for three of these in every week. “Sounds good. What day do you want to keep?”
“I told her Wednesday. She can come this Wednesday and then we’ll go to the new schedule,” he says, making a note on his pad.
“Thanks. If there’s any problem, I’ll give you a call.”
“I know you will.”
He rises and sees us out, and I’m still a little shaken. I understand what he was trying to accomplish, but I don’t really appreciate the way he went about it. He was very complimentary, though, so I’m going to try to forget about it.
I’m lost in thought and don’t realize I haven’t spoken to her until she says, “Are you angry with me, sir?”
“No, babe. I’m not angry with you. I’m just thinking, that’s all.”
“About sending me away?”
“No! Get that idea out of your head. I’m just thinking about work this afternoon and all the things I have to do.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“I don’t think so. I’ve just got to get my paperwork together so I’m ready before I leave. I’m showing a building, and I need all the specs on it.”
“Okay,” she answers, then goes back to staring out the car window.
By the time we get to the house, it’s noon and my appointment is in two and a half hours. On the way I rolled through a drive-through and picked up some lunch, which she takes out of the bag and puts on plates while I print off the information sheets I need for the showing. When they’re finished, I gather them up and carry them to my messenger bag, then head for the kitchen.
She’s sitting there, silent and waiting, and I give her a smile. “Thank you for getting this together.”
“You’re welcome, sir. Where are we going this afternoon?”
This should be interesting. “We aren’t going anywhere. I’m going to show this building to a client.”
I’ve never seen anybody look so shocked. “What? I’m not going?”
“No. You can stay here.”
“Wha … What will I do, sir?” There’s a bit of panic on her face, and I knew she might be a little shaken, but I didn’t anticipate the fear I’m seeing.
“You’ll stay here. You can do anything you want. You can journal, take a bubble bath, have a snack, watch a movie or TV show, anything you want. The only thing you can’t do is leave. You’re free to go―you’re a grown woman and I can’t stop you―but it’s not safe until we know what’s going to happen to Bacchus.” A shudder rattles her body at the sound of his name. “I don’t want anything to happen to you, babe, so you need to stay here.”
“But, but, but … What if I need you, sir? I don’t have a phone.”
Well, shit. I hadn’t thought of that. “Here,” I say and hand her my new one. “Take mine. I’ll get you one on the way home.”
“But what happens if your car breaks down, sir? Or you have a flat tire?”
“I’ve got an online service on the car, so I’ll be fine.” If I need information from Brian or Cirilla, I’m screwed, but it’s far more important for her to have a phone. “If anything happens, anything at all, call somebody―Brian, Cirilla, Clint, Dave, anybody. If you don’t get the first person, just go down the list until you find somebod
y. Brian knows where I’m going, so they can find me. But whatever you do, Rayanna, don’t freak out and don’t panic. Keep your head. You hear me?”
She looks like she’s going to cry. “Yes, sir. I hear you, sir. But it’s been a long time since I’ve been totally alone.”
My hand cups her chin and I smile down into her face. “Babe, you’ll be fine. You can’t go everywhere with me, so you should get used to this.”
“If it rings, should I answer it?”
Before I can stop myself, I laugh. “Of course! I don’t know of anybody who’d call that I’d have a problem with you talking to. There won’t be any calls from women looking for me, so don’t worry about that. You’re it, kid,” I say and chuck her under her chin.
That leaves her looking a little less scared. “Okay. Thank you, sir. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me.”
“I’ll try not to. So I’ll see you in a little while. Use this time to settle in. Now come over here and tell me goodbye.” As I reach for the doorknob, I feel her hand touch my elbow, so I turn.
The eyes that look up at me are bright and clear. There’s so much trust there that it snatches the breath right out of my lungs. “Goodbye, sir. I’ll be fine until you get home, I promise.”
“Yes, you will.” When my lips touch hers, it strikes me that this is the most normal thing I could be doing, telling a beautiful woman goodbye as I leave for work. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but everybody’s numbers are in the phone. Call somebody if you need them.”
“I will, I promise. Good luck, sir. Your client will love the building. It’ll be great.” The kiss she places gingerly on my cheek feels like the brush of an angel’s wing.
As I drive to the property, I think about her there and wonder what she’s doing. Is she listening to the stereo and dancing? Coloring in one of those coloring books she loves so much? Soaking in a tub of hot, foaming water? I hope she’s doing something that’ll relax her and give her some peace. God knows she can use it.
It goes very well. Not only does the client like it, they want to know if they can lease the building next door and I tell him I’ll be checking on it as soon as I get back to the office. I’m almost home when I realize I’ve got to stop and get Rayanna a phone. There’s a cell phone store two blocks from the apartment, so I pick up a smart phone like mine and a case for it, plus the charger and a Bluetooth earbud. She should like that.
Eternally Yours: Bliss Series, Book Six Page 8