by Jazz Taylor
Nic sits in the swing next to me. “Thomas is gonna have a bruise for sure. You really nailed him. Serves him right though. I don’t like him either.”
I draw a circle in the sand with the toe of my shoe. “Do you think I’ll get in trouble?”
“Nah. He was taunting you.” Nic hesitates. “But you might get in trouble for skipping school. I thought you were gonna come back, but you didn’t.”
I shrug. “I didn’t want to.”
Nic meets my eyes. “I’m sorry about Harper, Avery. I know that’s bothering you.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t want to talk about it.
“But if it helps, I think you did the right thing,” Nic says. “I was kinda worried about her too—”
“I didn’t tell on her!” Frustration bubbles out of my mouth into a scream. “Dad did. Even though I told him he couldn’t tell anyone.”
“Sorry,” Nic says quickly. “We can talk about something else.”
I don’t want to talk. I stand up out of the swing. “I’m going home.”
“Wait, Avery.” Nic stands too, concern all over her face. “I know you’re stressed out about Harper and the play, but maybe we can talk? You’ve been really quiet, and the thing with Thomas … I’m worried about you.”
I look at Nic, at her cute freckles and how pretty her eyes are, and the anger bubbles up again. This is all her fault. I never would have met Harper or her if she hadn’t pushed me into singing.
“Go away!” I’m crying now, and I can’t stop. “Just leave me alone! This is all your fault. I never wanted to be Juliet. I hate this play, and I just want to go home. Leave me alone.”
I turn away from Nic and run home so I don’t have to look at her heartbroken face.
There’s a knock at my door.
I’m lying facedown on my bed. I turn my head to the side, exhausted. “Go away, Dad.”
“Not Dad.”
I sit up a little. Andrew? What does he want?
“Can I come in?”
I lie back down. “Sure.”
Andrew opens my door. He stands next to my bed, shaking his head. “Man, you look terrible.”
“I changed my mind. You can leave.”
Andrew laughs and sits on the floor beside my bed. “So, heard you escaped from school. Pretty hard core.”
So the school called Dad? I close my burning eyes.
“You didn’t come to dinner again,” Andrew continues. “Third day in a row.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Yeah, I know. You get like this when your anxiety’s bad.” Andrew leans against my bed, his long legs stretched out. “You want to talk it out?”
I didn’t before, but I’m not so mad anymore. I’m just sad. This is the worst day of my life. Worse than the day Nic caught me singing, or when I embarrassed myself the first time I talked to Harper. I lost everything: Nic, Harper, Dad. And I still have to sing in front of everyone. It’s unbearable.
“I messed up, Andrew.” My voice is quiet. “My friends are mad at me.”
“Wow. You just made them too.”
I hit Andrew in the head with my pillow, but my heart’s not in it. He’s right. It’s not Nic’s fault. I ruined everything.
“Your friends’ll come back. And if they don’t, you’ll make new ones. You’ll be okay. Now, about this play.”
“What about it?”
“It’s making you miserable.” Andrew says it like it’s a fact. It’s not even a question. “Why’d you try out if you didn’t want to do it?”
“I did want to do it. Just not the biggest part, you know? And I didn’t want Dad to worry about me. I thought if I did the play, he’d think I was doing better.”
“Do you think he’s not worried now? You haven’t eaten dinner in three days. You ran away from school. We can hear you crying up here, you know.”
My eyes well up with tears. I ruined everything. Even not making Dad worry. “What should I do, Andrew? The play is Friday. I still can’t sing onstage.”
“That’s up to you, little sis.” Andrew gets to his feet. He pats my head, his touch uncommonly gentle. “By the way, I’ll come to your dumb play. So you’ve got one fan.”
“Really?”
“Really.” Andrew messes up my hair before leaving the room. “Good luck deciding what to do. You’ve got this.”
I watch Andrew leave my room, a hollow pit that has nothing to do with hunger in my stomach. Up to me. I close my eyes. I wish I knew what to do.
I peek into the lunchroom cautiously. I don’t see Nic anywhere, thank goodness. I don’t know what I’d say. I check the edge of the cafeteria, and I freeze.
Harper.
She’s sitting where I first saw her, her head down. There’s a brown paper bag in front of her—she has a lunch today! I want to talk to her, to apologize, but my heart is in my throat and I’m having trouble breathing. Maybe I can catch her after school. Maybe she’ll meet me in the theater, like she used to.
I leave the lunchroom and head to the theater. I need to see Phantom. If I can hold her, just for a few minutes, I’ll be calmer and I can talk to Harper and Nic and apologize. That’s what I’ve decided to do. Andrew is right—it’s up to me.
I go outside to the theater, but I hear someone running after me. I look back, curious, and my heart skips a beat—it’s Nic.
“Avery! Avery, wait.” Nic catches up to me, panting.
I’m too nervous to speak. I didn’t think I’d see her so soon. The “I’m sorry” is right on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t say it.
“I know you’re mad at me, but I have something to show you.” Nic’s face is really serious. “I think it’ll help you feel better.”
Oh God, I have no idea what she’s going to show me. I nod, and she leads me to the theater. It’s empty, as usual. I look at our normal eating spot forlornly. I wish Harper was here.
“Wait here,” Nic says. She pulls out her phone and sends a rapid text. “I’m gonna show Harper too.”
My heart rate kicks up. “Nic—”
“It’s okay! I promise she’s not mad anymore.” Nic’s easy confidence helps slow my heart a bit, but I’m still nervous. Harper seemed so angry …
We wait for a few minutes, and soon the theater door opens. Harper peeks in cautiously. We make eye contact, but I look at the floor. I can’t do this. I don’t want her to be mad at me. I can’t take it along with everything else.
“Come on, come on,” Nic says, ushering Harper closer. “You’re both gonna love this, I swear. Hurry, but be quiet.”
What on earth is Nic going to show us? She leads us up the stage steps, then past the curtain, to the back … and stands by Phantom’s closet. My eyes widen as Nic throws open the door and Phantom blinks at us.
“Look! I found a cat back here!”
I look at Phantom, then Harper. And then I just start laughing. All the stress and worry and pain are gone. Nic found a cat—my cat—and the first thing she thought was to come and show me. Even after I said something terrible to her. It’s all so absurd. I’m laughing so hard tears come from my eyes. I can’t breathe. I can’t believe this. Harper starts laughing too, and I pick up Phantom and hold her to my chest.
“Nic,” I wheeze, barely able to hold it together, “thank you. Really, thank you.”
Nic looks confused. “Uh … this isn’t what I expected.”
“Sorry, sorry.” Harper wipes her eyes. “We’ve got a lot of explaining to do.”
Harper and I sit down and tell Nic what happened. She nods intently all through the story.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nic asks. “I like cats too! Not as much as dogs, but they’re still cool.”
“That’s my fault,” Harper says sheepishly. “I asked Avery not to tell you. I didn’t want too many people to know.”
Nic nods. “I get that. But wow, this is embarrassing. I really thought I was doing something here.”
“You did,” I assure her. “This is the first tim
e I’ve laughed all week.”
There’s a short silence after that. We fidget a little, looking everywhere except at one another. Phantom’s curled in my lap, almost asleep. I put a hand on her back for courage. I can do this.
“I’m sorry, Harper, for telling Dad and betraying you. And I’m sorry for yelling at you, Nic. I was mean to you when you just wanted to help. I’ve been really terrible this week.” I sniffle, trying not to burst into tears. “I don’t know if you’ll forgive me, but I really am sorry.”
Harper and Nic look at each other, then back at me. Harper sighs, shaking her head. “No, I’m sorry, Avery. I shouldn’t have screamed at you. That wasn’t cool, and you and your dad were just trying to help.”
“I’m sorry too,” Nic blurts. “You’re right, this is my fault. I shouldn’t have made you sing in front of Mrs. Thompson. I feel terrible, honest.”
I look at them both, a tiny bit of hope in my chest. “So … so you’re not mad at me?”
“No!”
“Nope. Not even close.”
I really do start crying now. And this time, it’s with relief. A tiny bit of that weight is gone. They’re still my friends.
“Aww, don’t cry.” Harper watches me anxiously while I wipe my eyes with my sleeve. “You’re scaring the cat.”
I laugh and hug Phantom tight. She squirms from my arms and pads back into her closet to flop onto her bed. “Sorry, Phantom. But, Harper … are you okay?”
“Yeah. I mean it.” Harper sits a little closer to me, not looking me in the eye. “I was mad at first. I wanted to live with Mom. But … I started staying with my aunt. She let me take a few days off from school to ‘adjust,’ as she called it.”
“Do you like living with your aunt?” I ask, praying the answer is yes.
Harper nods. “She’s really cool, even though her house is super messy. At first, I missed home, but I can’t lie, it’s nice to go to sleep with no screaming. So, I really should thank you, Avery. I know you were worried, and it worked out.”
I want to start crying again. I’m overwhelmed—this, at least, I didn’t ruin. “Can I hug you?”
Harper seems surprised but laughs. “Sure.”
I hug Harper tight. She hugs me back, and I know she forgives me. When we break apart, Harper puts her hands on my shoulders. “Okay, now your turn. How can we help you? We’re all worried about you.”
I look at my shoes. I guess it’s time to talk about it. “Dad is making me go to therapy. For my anxiety.”
I hold my breath, waiting for them to tell me it’s weird, but they just look at each other.
“Is that it?” Harper asks. “I thought you were already going.”
“You don’t think it’s weird … ?”
“No! Everyone goes to therapy now,” Nic says. “I went for a little while after Grandpa died. My whole family did.”
What?! Nic’s been to therapy before? The coolest girl in school? “What’s it like? What do you do?”
“Someone just talked to us. And you answer questions and talk about how you’re feeling.” Nic shrugs. “It was fine. Not scary or anything.”
I’m speechless. I can’t believe this. I could have asked Nic about it the whole time. I’m an idiot.
“I think it’ll really help you,” Harper says to me. “You hold a lot of stuff in, you know. You can talk to someone now instead of throwing scripts at Thomas. Which was amazing, by the way.”
Maybe they’re right. Now I feel bad about yelling at Dad. He was just trying to help.
“Okay, what else?” Harper says after I’m quiet for a few seconds. “I’m in the mood to fix problems.”
“This isn’t a problem, but I just want to say something,” Nic says. She looks at me and Harper intently. “I’m really glad we’re all friends.”
“We may be disasters, but we’re way better than Amberleigh,” Harper says, grinning.
I laugh, and Nic does too. “No, you’re right. Amberleigh and I were friends because we had a lot of the same classes, but I guess I never felt like I was part of the group, you know? She never stayed at my house before. Not even once.”
I remember Jamal’s comment about me being Nic’s “first friend.” I guess this is what he meant. My chest warms at the thought. Nic was my first real friend, and I guess I was hers too.
“Anyway, that’s all,” Nic says, smiling at us. “Avery, what’re you going to do with your cat? You can’t take it home because of your brother.”
“I’m not sure,” I say, glancing at Phantom. “I guess we need to get a home for Phantom. If you found her, it’s only a matter of time until everyone else does.”
Harper nods thoughtfully. “True. Let me think about that. I have an idea, but I need to make sure it’s okay.” Harper looks at me, then Nic. Her expression turns a little mischievous. “Let’s fix another problem. I think Nic has something to tell you.”
I look at Nic in confusion, and Nic looks panicked.
“Harper,” she hisses, but Harper edges toward the curtain.
“Wow, look at the time! Gotta go to class and leave you two alone!”
I wave at Harper uncertainly as she leaves, then look at Nic. Nic fidgets a little, not looking at me. “Umm … what did Harper mean?”
Nic looks into my eyes, and I’m suddenly really hot. Why is she looking at me like that?
“Actually, there’s something I want to tell you.”
“Umm, okay.” My mouth is uncomfortably dry.
Nic fidgets again and wipes her palms on her jeans. “Umm, I don’t know how to say it. Harper and me practiced, and I still don’t know.”
Oh God, what is it? My mind runs through a hundred possibilities at once. She’s moving away. She’s dying. Her mom is marrying my dad. Wait, that doesn’t make sense, her mom is already married. Oh God, then that would be even worse!
“I like you, Avery. Like a lot.”
“Umm.” I don’t know what she means. “I like you too? I mean, we’re friends, right? We have to like each other a little, at least.”
“No, I mean, like … really like you. In like a, uh, Romeo-Juliet kinda way. Juliet-Juliet in this case.”
Oh.
For once in my life, my mind is completely blank.
“I should have told you earlier,” Nic babbles, her face turning a delicate shade of red. “But I wasn’t sure if you even liked girls, and when I tried to talk to you, you wouldn’t say anything. So then I thought you hated me, but then I found out you just had anxiety, and I hoped maybe you’d like me too, but I still wasn’t sure and oh God I’m talking so much.” Nic’s face is bright red now.
I stare at her for too long, trying to make sense of what she’s telling me. Nic … likes me? Like I like her? She doesn’t think I’m weird? Or disgusting, like Amberleigh said?
“Avery?” Nic asks, searching my face.
Anxiety rears up to choke me, as usual, but I stuff it back down. I can do this.
“I like you too.”
Nic seems shocked. “Really?”
“Really!” I’m starting to feel excited instead of anxious. “I’ve liked you since I moved here! I thought you were straight!”
“Not even close!” Nic reaches for my hands, and I take hers. We grin at each other, and happiness swirls in my chest. I can’t believe it. Wait, is this what Harper meant when she said I “might be surprised”? She was in on it the whole time. Oh my God.
“I can’t believe it,” Nic says, still grinning. “I never thought this would happen when I asked you to do the play.”
Oh yeah. The play. I hold Nic’s hand tighter. I need to be honest with her, like she was with me. “Nic, listen to me. I don’t want to be Juliet. Like at all. I never have.”
Nic surprises me by nodding. “I figured. It’s been really hard on you, I know. I’m sorry again for pushing you.”
“It’s okay. But what will Mrs. Thompson say? Who can play Juliet?”
Nic shrugs. “Who cares? As long as you’re okay, it doe
sn’t matter.”
Warmth spreads all over my body, but I try not to be too excited. It’s not fair to her. She and Harper helped me practice so much. Harper worked hard to write it. We’ve gotta do something. But what? Who can play Juliet if not me? Who knows all the lines and can sing the part?
“And hey, silver lining! You won’t have to kiss Thomas. He’s gross.”
We both laugh. She’s so close to me. I can smell the honey scent of her shampoo. I feel like I can do anything at the moment. Everything’s working out. I just have to be brave one more time.
“But there is someone I would like to kiss.”
Nic’s eyes get really big, and then they soften. She moves closer to me, so close I can feel her breath on my face. “Me too.”
I’m so nervous. I’m really sweaty, like always. But I take a deep breath and close my eyes and press my lips to hers.
It’s short and sweet and perfect. For just a moment, I forget about the play, and therapy, and our fights. For a second, I’m really, truly happy.
We break apart, still holding hands, still smiling. She’s so beautiful, and smart, and positive, and she helped me so much with the play even though she didn’t have to … Wait. Wait! That’s it!
I squeeze her hands in mine, grinning. “I think I know what to do about the play.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” Thomas asks. His face is pale under the harsh stage lights, and for once, he looks nervous. At least the makeup covered up the bruise on his temple. He glances at me, and I give him a thumbs-up.
“Of course,” Nic says, her voice shaking a little. It’s almost time.
“I don’t even like donuts,” Thomas says. The cue for the first song.
Nic opens her mouth, and I do too. This is the first song we all sing together. She sings, but she’s not singing the Juliet part. I am.
I’m backstage, with a microphone. Nic is playing Juliet—she knew all my parts anyway, so it was perfect. Emily stepped up to play Nic’s part, and the play was saved. And I can sing without anyone watching. I close my eyes, and the melody fills my ears, my bones. This is the first time I’ve actually enjoyed singing the songs.