Her fingers drifted to her lips as Mary remembered Sin’s kiss. Nothing had prepared her for his mouth against hers.
Her conversation with Ada floated through her thoughts again. Her cousin had suggested that she marry Sin. Would he want her that way? He had kissed her but just as quickly he’d pulled away again.
Hope bubbled in her chest. For her part, she thought she might be able to help them both move past their losses and fears.
Sin paced his room for the better part of a quarter hour. Tired as he was, he knew there was little hope of sleep. He’d placed Anne across from his room when she’d begun having nightmares and Mary next to Anne for obvious reasons.
But now, he knew that Mary was just steps away, curled in a bed under his roof. Bloody hell, this was not going well. He shouldn’t have brought her here, even provisionally.
His body tightened with an aching need as he leaned his head on the fireplace mantle, squeezing his eyes shut.
Pushing off the wood frame again, he headed for the door. Perhaps a drink in the library or a late-night walk in the garden would help him to find some sleep.
He wrenched the knob in but then stopped mid stride. Mary stood exactly where he left her, leaning against the door. “Mary?”
Her gaze, which had glassed over, snapped to his. “Oh dear. Yes. Sorry.” Then she started to close the large panel.
“Wait.” He stepped toward her. “Why are you still there?”
“I…” she whispered. “I was just thinking.”
Desire pulsed through him. Even in the dark he saw the color fill her cheeks. “About?” he asked moving closer still. It was a dangerous game. He’d already kissed her once today.
“Marriage,” she said, then sighed. “I was engaged. I know I told you already. Part of me wishes we’d married before he left. It’s silly, I know. But I’d like to know what all the fuss is about.”
His throat went completely dry. “Fuss?”
She shook her head, her hands fluttering up from her sides. “It doesn’t matter. Late night musings. Likely had too much tea. I shall see you in the morning.”
She started to close the door but he reached up and placed his hand on the edge just above her head. A single strand of her hair tickled his palm. “You want to know what the fuss is about between a man and a woman?”
She tilted her head back to look up at him, her slender neck arching toward him. “I’m not myself,” she said softly. “That kiss in the garden.”
He touched her cheek, letting his hands slide down her jaw and over the silken skin of her throat. “I understand completely.” Then he leaned down and kissed her again. This one was not the chaste kiss of earlier, it was still soft but it burned with passion, lingering in a long, slow, burning desire. “And I think we’ve got a real problem.”
She let out a soft sigh that was half groan and his insides flipped even as his cock went from hard to granite. “I’m going to have to leave, aren’t I?”
“Perhaps,” he answered, stealing another taste of her sweet nectar. “Or mayhap there is another option. Meet me in my study before breakfast. Let’s say eight?”
She shook her head. “Actually, I’d prefer if you just sacked me now. I’ll never sleep worrying about it.”
His fingers were dancing over the base of her throat. “I am not going to sack you. If anything, your family should have me tossed in the stocks.”
Her nose crinkled and it was so adorable, that he had to lean down and kiss it. “I doubt that. But if they knew of the kisses…”
“We’d be wed,” he finished the thought for her. “Mary…” His voice dropped and he took a step back. “You remind me of my first wife. It’s difficult—”
She parted her lips. “Oh dear,” she answered. “That would be a problem.”
He started to trace her collarbone. “I loved her. And when she died, part of me died too, and I’m afraid to feel that way again.”
“Do you mind if I ask how we’re alike? In what ways do I remind you of her?”
He swallowed, an ache burning in his throat. “She was small, slender like you. Blonde hair and classic features…” He had to stop, the words making him ache.
Her fingers reached up to cup his cheek and he found himself leaning into the touch. “I’ve an idea,” she said moving closer. “What if we simply engage in a marriage of convenience? I can help you raise Anne. Give you the heir you still need—”
“Mary,” he warned. “I’m not sure I can give you what you deserve. My heart is half gone already.” And if she were to become pregnant…he’d perish with worry.
She raised her brows. “As is mine.”
His shoulders slumped. That was a good point. “I won’t be able to love you.”
She shook her head. “I’m not asking for your love. I just want a future of my own. In the process, I will aid you with yours.”
“A marriage of convenience?” He leaned down again, stealing another kiss and then another. “The idea has merit.”
He slid his hand down her arm, then laced her fingers through his. “I could be here for you and for Anne,” she said.
His eyebrows rose. “And I could make you a countess. A far better life than that of a tutor.”
She stepped back then, adding space between them. “Eight tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow,” he answered. But he didn’t want to wait. He wanted to touch her right now. Which might really be an issue with a marriage of convenience.
Chapter Eight
Mary ended up sleeping in Anne’s bed. The child was so afraid and they both got far more sleep that way. Still as she made her way down the stairs the next morning, she wondered if her exhaustion was going to impact her ability to reason with Sin.
Pausing just outside his office, Mary pinched her cheeks. If she were honest, even when Anne was sleeping, she’d been awake thinking about the lord across the hall. Her Chase heritage had reared its head again as she’d actually managed to propose to an earl.
She pushed her fingertips into the sockets of her eyes. Ridiculous. At least he seemed to be considering the proposal.
Which was what had caused the sleeplessness. Every time she thought about actually being married to the man… visions of his kisses, the way he touched her danced through her thoughts.
Then there were the other possibilities. Like bearing a baby of her own. She’d thought those possibilities had died with Harold and it had taken her a long time to open herself to them again. Which was why she needed to be gentle with Sin now.
Dropping her hands, she pinched her cheeks again. Mentally, she worked through her list of rational reasons why this marriage was a smart decision on his part.
“Mary,” he called from in the office. “Are you going to come in?”
Everything inside her went rigid, making it difficult to move. “Perhaps. I just need a few more minutes in the hall.”
He chuckled and she relaxed at the sound. “Why don’t you come in here and think your thoughts. I’ve got a pot of tea waiting for you.”
Her shoulders slumped as a small smile graced her lips. “You understand me already.”
“Perhaps a little,” he answered.
She entered the room to find him standing by the window, his gaze focused on the ground below. She glanced out to see the garden and the spot in which they’d picnicked the day before. “Did you sleep at all last night?”
“Not much,” he answered. “I’ll try to rest this afternoon. Tonight, I am off to the club.”
She supposed she’d sleep better knowing he wasn’t in the house but a part of her was disappointed too. Mary liked being near him. “What are those clubs like?”
He looked up at her then. “They are dark and rather…” He paused. “A lot of men doing a lot of drinking and a fair bit of fighting because money and liquor are involved.”
“Sounds lovely.” She stepped up to the tray of tea. “Would you like a cup?”
He turned to her then, his eyes drinking her in. �
��It is a necessity to make sure that Anne is provided for.” Then he hesitated. “And my future heir, of course. He must inherit a sustainable earldom.” Why did he grimace when he mentioned another child?
She held her breath. “You’ve considered my offer.”
He took the cup of tea she offered, his fingers brushing hers. “I have.”
She picked up her own cup and brought it to her lips, trying to hide the tremble. As an earl he had lots of options as to who he took for a bride, but for her, this might be her last chance to marry. Taking a sip, she then clamped her teeth together to keep from commenting.
“I lost my first wife during the birthing of my second child.” He turned to the window again. “He was a boy, but he didn’t survive either.”
So he’d suffered two losses, not one. And a life so small and fragile. No wonder he was so hesitant. “I’m sorry.”
He looked back at her. “My hesitation is not that you’re unsuitable in any way but you’re so small.” His gaze raked up and down her. “I worry that I’ll lose you too.”
The cup nearly slipped from her fingers as tears filled her eyes. “I won’t make you a false promise. Life is so uncertain, I can attest to that more than anyone. But even strong, healthy people die. It is part of life, I’m afraid.” But honestly, she wasn’t that worried. She didn’t wish to belittle his fears but she’d always been healthy, strong. And the women in her family birthed children exceptionally well. “But of the things that I worry about, childbirth isn’t one of them. A life without meaning, however, scares me to no end.”
He nodded, relaxing a bit. “I appreciate your perspective and I’m glad you’re not afraid. I’m a large man though, and I seem to create large babies and—” He scrubbed his hands over his face.
She set down the cup and placed a hand on his shoulder, her own heart aching. “I understand. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I thought you were going off to war.”
He looked up at her then. “You do understand. Which is why I’ve decided to marry if you you’ll accept my terms.”
She dropped her hand as her stomach started to churn with dread. “Terms?”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “You’ve already agreed to help me raise Anne. I’ve every confidence you’ll make a good stepmother.”
That eased the ache a bit. “Of course.”
“But I only wish to have one more child.” He didn’t look at her, his expression shuddered and drawn tight.
Her brows drew together. “But what if it’s another girl?”
He shrugged. “We’ll figure that out if it comes to pass. But I won’t risk more.”
She shook her head. He wasn’t making sense. Bearing one child was as risky as having a second one and, as she’d already stated, the entire point was to have a boy. Besides, other women built like her had babies all the time. Surely, there was another reason for his wife’s devastating death. She didn’t broach the subject now. After all, he’d given her an opportunity to get married and start her own family, have her own life.
For now, this was the closest to a happily ever after she’d likely get. “I consent to the terms.” She’d figure out how to get him to move past his grief and false beliefs after they said their vows.
Sin nearly slumped forward in relief but held himself up. The truth of the matter was that he wanted Mary, desperately so. But of course, for her sake and for his, he couldn’t have her bear many children.
If he could avoid getting her pregnant all together, he would. But he felt compelled to give it one more try for the sake of the title and his duty. After that, he’d cease his physical relationship with her and focus on just being a good father and husband.
He ignored the cry of protest his body made. Impregnating her once was all the risk he could take. He shouldn’t even do that.
She tentatively slid her fingers into his. “If it makes you feel better, my mother bore two children and suffered no ill effects. I’m slightly taller than she was.”
He looked up at her, unable to hide his surprise. “You have a sibling?”
She shook her head. “Disease of the lung when he was just three.”
He made a soft sound that rumbled in his throat and echoed about the room. “You lost your entire family.” Without thought, he pulled her into his arms tucking her head under his chin. She melted into him her chest pressing to his rib cage, her softness so right against his muscles. “It’s all right,” he whispered, starting to stroke her back. “I understand.”
“We do understand each other, don’t we?” she said into his neck, her voice vibrating through him.
He leaned down and softly kissed the top of her head. “We do. I must confess that it’s one of the many reasons I accepted your proposal.”
She winced, he felt the tightening of her facial muscles. “I still can’t believe I did that.”
Squeezing her tighter for a moment, he loosened his grip and leaned back to look down into those beautiful blue eyes. “I’m glad you did.”
“Really?” she asked, her eyes crinkling at the corners.
How did he explain, without sounding weak, that it might have taken him weeks to draw the conclusions she’d forced? That grief had held him in its grip and he’d only just started to rise from its ashes. “Really.” He bent down and kissed her nose again. It was an adorable nose and he rather enjoyed giving it small kisses. “Now tell me. How did the night go with Anne?”
Mary frowned. “You were right. That is her struggle. I have to find a way to break her cycle of fear. Not sure what it is yet but I do know that until then, there is little point in fighting her feelings. She’s frightened and what she needs is support and to slowly build her own self value.”
His hand came to cup her cheek. “Thank you.” He fought the urge to kiss her again. Somehow, her work with Anne only made him want her that much more. “You’ve no idea what this means to me.”
She gave a nod, looking up at him. “If we’re successful, I will someday.”
His hand slipped from her face. That was true. And it made him cold to think about. Was it wrong to hope that she never actually became pregnant? “True.” Gently he moved her back, slipping away from the window to cross from the desk. “I’ll go see your uncle today to ask for your hand.”
“I’m sure he’ll consent,” she answered. “They’ve been on me for years to join society again.”
He quirked a brow. “You’ve been in my house for a day. He’s likely to think I’m a terrible ogre who hurt you in some fashion.”
Her eyebrows rose up as her lips pressed together. “Perhaps Anne and I should make the trip with you. Not only will they see that I am absolutely fine but then Anne can see Grace’s studio.” She picked up her tea. “Besides, you need only tell my uncle that I asked you and he’ll understand. He’s aware of Chase women’s tendencies.” She frowned, her features growing tight.
“I’d love it if you both came with and thank you for the advice.” He rubbed his chin as he considered her. This was not the first time she’d lamented her Chase heritage. “We’ll leave in two hours if that’s amenable to you?”
“Of course,” she answered, setting down her cup. “I’ll go up and begin getting Anne ready.”
“Excellent.” He watched as she headed for the door and then left, the sway of her hips dancing before his eyes long after she’d disappeared. It was very possible that he’d just entered a bargain with the devil. Because while Mary was an angel, what she did to his body was sin at its finest and he didn’t know how he was going to find the strength to resist.
The contract they’d entered required control, the very thing, when it came to her, he did not have.
Chapter Nine
Mary held the wood rail in the carriage, determined not to watch Sin’s every move. His thighs flexed as he shifted his legs, his breeches making every muscle’s delightful ripple known to her.
An ache throbbed between her legs and held in her breath, trying to calm her racing h
eart.
“Are we going to see your cousin who’s a painter?” Anne asked, reaching for Mary’s hand.
“I don’t think so,” she answered and the girl made a loud groan. She gently squeezed the child’s hand. “Patience,” she softly whispered. “If you’re good we can go into her studio and try out some of her paints on canvas.”
Anne let out a gasp of delight and Sin chuckled appreciatively. The sound of his deep baritone trilled up and down her spine.
“Papa, are you going to paint with us too?” Anne bounced on her seat.
Sin shook his head. “No, my sweet. I’m going to speak with Mary’s uncle.”
Anne stopped bouncing to cock her head. “Why do you need to speak with him?”
Sin gave her a wink. “Be a good girl like Mary said and we’ll discuss it this evening.”
The rest of the ride passed in lovely chatter with Mary sneaking glances at Sin as her blood heated.
When they finally arrived, she wished she could be like Anne and rocket out of the carriage. Energy and heat flowed through her and Mary desperately needed some fresh air to cool her skin.
Sin helped her from the carriage, his hand lingering on hers before he tucked it into his elbow and then they made their way up the steps.
Her aunt and uncle greeted them as soon as they walked through the foyer. Mary stopped in surprise. “Are you expecting someone?”
“Yes.” Her aunt raised her brows. “You.”
Mary looked over at Sin. But before she could ask, her uncle answered.
“Lord Sinclair sent a missive you were coming.”
“Did we miss anything?” Minnie called from behind her and Mary turned with a gasp. Several carriages were pulling up the drive. Minnie and Daring stood just behind her while Malice and Cordelia came up the front walk.
“Miss anything?” Mary asked, turning back to her aunt. “What is everyone doing here?”
Earl of Sin: Lords of Scandal Book 6 Page 5