by Anna Bell
‘I don’t think I can do this,’ he says.
‘Thank God, I thought I was being a prude.’
‘Not the getting naked part,’ he says, dismissing my body insecurities with a shrug. ‘It’s that mud, it reminds me of…’
He doesn’t need to finish that sentence.
‘Tell me about it, and that smell.’
‘How long did Jacinda say we’d be in here, twenty minutes?’
‘That doesn’t sound like a long time but I reckon it would be. What happens if we’ve got to go to the toilet whilst we’re in there?’
We stare even harder at the mud.
‘She’s going to be back in a minute,’ I say, not believing that I’m actually going to go through with this. ‘And the photographer is coming.’
‘You’re right,’ says Luke. He rolls his head to the sides and breathes out deeply. ‘OK, I’m going in.’
He pulls his swimming trunks off and I barely have time to close my eyes before he scrambles up onto the side of the baths.
I hear lots of squelching and a couple of groans.
‘It’s not that bad,’ he says. ‘Just don’t breathe in.’
I open my eyes and see he’s mostly submerged. I curse like a trooper and I peel off my bikini.
‘Close your eyes,’ I say to Luke.
‘What? You might need help.’
‘You managed it, I’m sure I’ll be fine. Close your eyes.’
He sighs loudly and I take that as confirmation that he has.
I climb up onto the side of the bath, practically bent over double clinging onto my boobs. I lower a foot into the mud thinking that I’m going to sink but it sort of floats and I realise that it’s not going to be a graceful glide into the mud that I imagined it would be. I force myself in, inch by inch, with the poise of a beached whale.
‘This is so weird. It feels like I’m floating.’
‘I know, I think we are.’
‘It’s hot. Are you hot?’
‘I’m hot,’ he replies in a much calmer voice than mine.
I can feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead and I’m starting to panic. Mainly because I don’t think I’d be able to get out in a hurry if I needed to.
Jacinda glides into the room just in time. She has such an air of serenity about her that I start to relax.
‘How are you finding it?’ she says, rubbing mud into my shoulders.
‘It’s lovely…’ Apart from the fact I’m lying naked next to my fake boyfriend, sweating out of every pore and trying not to panic about the fact that I won’t be able to escape if nature calls.
‘Great. I’ll send the photographer in for a few snaps. I’ll make sure he doesn’t stay too long as you need to have proper alone time. Such a special gift, isn’t it? Time like this away from devices when you’re suspended in mud unable to move and with each other’s undivided attention.’
She opens the door and Bill breezes in with a large camera round his neck.
‘Look at each other lovingly,’ he says whilst he snaps away from all different angles.
I don’t think we’ve ever had to hold up the pretence so long and he finally seems happy with his photos and leaves us to it. Jacinda follows behind him.
‘This is pretty intense,’ says Luke. ‘How’s your belly holding up?’
‘It’s OK for the moment.’
‘Ten minutes left,’ he says.
‘Bloody hell. I’m not going to make it.’
‘Sure you are. Let’s talk.’
‘Great. Now you want to talk. Weren’t you the one that said that the up-side of our relationship was that we didn’t have to?’
‘Do you want sit here in silence for the next ten minutes and think about your stomach?’
‘No,’ I say, breathing out. ‘What should we talk about?’
‘How about today’s football? Reading have got a good shot.’
‘Anything but football,’ I say groaning. I’d rather think about my belly.
‘OK, do you think I should dye my hair? Go a bit blonder?’
‘I think your hair’s already quite blond.’
‘Oh no, I don’t mean on my head. I mean—’
‘Stop talking. I’ve changed my mind about the talking.’
‘Whatever.’
Another thirty seconds tick by but I realise that I can’t take the silence.
‘Did you always want to be an influencer?’ I ask.
Since I spoke with Marissa I’ve been thinking a lot about why I started and why I keep going.
‘Not really. I joined Insta as I thought it would get me more women.’
‘Deep,’ I say.
‘What were you expecting me to say? That I did it because I was woefully unconfident and online I could be someone that people actually liked?’
He says it quietly and I wonder if there’s any truth in it. I’m convinced he thinks mainly with his dick, but every so often I get glimpses that there’s more to him. In those tiny moments, like when he passed me a flannel for my forehead when I was sick, or when he reached out to a charity close to my heart, I see flashes of who he could be.
‘Of course I only did it for the women and the fame,’ he says in a slightly less confident way than usual.
‘Do you think you’ll ever settle down?’ I ask him.
‘I dunno. If I met the right woman. That’s the cliché, right?’
‘It only takes one woman to change a man,’ I say, thinking it would take one hell of a woman in Luke’s case.
‘It’s hard, though, isn’t it, to think that you’d be enough for one person. I mean, how do you know that they wouldn’t get bored or see through you?’
He looks at me and it’s like I see the real him for the first time. The door bursts open and Jacinda breezes in with towels on a tray and by the time I look back at Luke, the vulnerability on his face is gone.
‘All OK?’ she asks, defusing the mood.
‘Fine,’ we mumble.
‘Good,’ she says, rubbing a flannel over our faces. ‘Just a little longer and then you can get out and shower.’
‘Do you mind if I get out now?’ I ask. The heat is getting to me and I don’t feel quite right. Plus I want to shower without Luke.
‘Sure, I’ll get a wrap.’
She holds out a long cloth and helps to pull me out. It’s so slippy underfoot, but she wraps me up like a mummy and leads me over to the shower.
‘Are you staying in, Luke?’ calls Jacinda.
‘Yeah, I’m fine.’
‘OK, Izzy, there are fresh towels for when you’ve finished and after you can lie down in the room on the left.’
I thank her and start scrubbing away at the mud. It feels quite therapeutic to get it all off. Any other day I’d take my time, but today I’m under pressure; I need to get to the bathroom.
I manage to get as much off as possible and find the nearest loo. Bloody spring rolls.
By the time that I make it back into the relaxing room, Luke is flat out on one of the beds, fast asleep.
Jacinda follows me in.
‘He didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,’ I say before realising how awful that sounds. She gives me a little smile.
‘I’ll leave you two in here then. Heidi and Freda, your massage therapists, will be in in about fifteen minutes.’
‘Massage therapists?’
I really don’t want to be poked and prodded today.
‘Uh-huh, Grant booked you in for a couple’s massage. More special time.’
‘Great,’ I say, pretending to be happy with it.
I lie down on the bed wondering how I’m going to relax and the next thing I know I’m awake and there are two women with long blonde hair tied in matching ponytails standing over me.
‘Hello, ready for your massage?’
I look over at Luke who’s snoring beside me and I give him a nudge.
‘Hey, what’s going on?’
‘Grant’s arranged for us to have a massage.’
He looks up at the blonde women and immediately starts to smile. ‘Work away, ladies,’ he says, ‘work away.’
My body starts to tense and I imagine I’m going to leave this massage more wound up than when I came in.
Chapter 22
It takes me a while to find parking on Aidan’s road, but I don’t mind the little walk to his front door as it gives me time to get rid of some of my nervous energy. We’re just going for a walk, two friends and a dog. I’m going to use today to prove to myself that it’s possible for us to be just friends.
I find number 26, wedged in between all the other houses. It might be narrow, but it’s freshly painted and neatly kept. I push open the tiny iron gate into the world’s smallest front garden, which houses two tiny conifers in pots and two rubbish bins.
I ring the doorbell and a booming bark comes from the other side of the door. I always imagined Barney to be a cute, dopey Labrador but the noise makes him sound like a ferocious guard dog.
‘Hey, you’re bang on time,’ says Aidan, opening the door a little and poking his head out. ‘Are you ready to meet Barney? I should warn you he’s going to be excited. The gate’s shut, right?’
‘Yes,’ I say, turning my back for a second and when I turn back there’s a 30 kilo Labrador jumping up at me. ‘Oh, hello.’
‘Down, Barney,’ says Aidan in an authoritative voice.
Barney does what he’s told and he stands in front of me wagging his tail furiously.
‘It’s OK,’ I say, bending down to give him a proper cuddle.
‘Look at you two, best of friends already.’
Aidan holds the door open for me to come in and I stand up and walk in.
‘I know, best buddies,’ I say, giving Barney another scratch. He lies down and rolls over and I start tickling his tummy.
‘I’ll leave you two to it, shall I?’
‘Uh-huh,’ I say as Barney starts to scratch his ears with his paws, looking incredibly cute in the process.
Aidan walks down the narrow corridor into the galley kitchen at the end and I follow him. It’s not exactly a kitchen you’d lust over on Pinterest, but it’s tastefully done and maximises the available space.
‘So, this is nice,’ I say.
‘I don’t know whether anyone’s ever called it “nice” before. Functional, maybe,’ he says, laughing.
‘At least it’s big enough for us to both to stand in,’ I say politely.
‘Yeah and Barney too.’
‘How could I forget him?’ I say, reaching down and scratching him behind the ear.
‘So, we should go?’ he asks.
‘Sounds good to me.’
‘I’ll just grab my wellies.’
He unlocks the back door and disappears out. Barney rushes past and goes for a lap around the long and narrow garden.
Aidan comes back in with his boots a couple of minutes later.
‘You’ve got a big garden.’
‘I know, it’s bigger than the house. It’s why the rescue charity let me have Barney.’
‘How old was he when you got him?’
‘One. He didn’t have a bad other life. He’d been living with an old man but he was too lively. I think it’s quite common that someone has a dog for years, it dies and they get a new puppy, only they forget how much work it is and the guy’s health started to fail.’
‘That’s really sad.’
He nods. ‘I used to take Barney to see him at first, but he’s got dementia and he can’t always remember who we are. But luckily Barney went from him straight to me so he’s never really had that whole abandonment thing going on.’
‘That’s good,’ I say, making an extra fuss of him when he comes back in.
‘Right then, let’s go,’ he says.
He picks up Barney’s lead and I realise that Barney’s excitement when I came to the door is nothing like his excitement to see the lead.
He tugs his way to the door and Aidan reaches out and grabs my hand to pull me along with them and I feel like I’m part of the gang. My heart surges in a way that it hasn’t for a long, long time.
‘Barney, no, Barney,’ I say, trying to turn, but it’s too late. Barney starts to shake and water droplets come flying out at an alarming speed and I’m soaked before I know it. Not that it matters. My jeans are covered in muddy paw prints from when I thought I’d get in on the ball-throwing action.
‘Still glad you came?’ says Aidan, laughing.
‘Absolutely. I mean, this was the look I was going for.’
‘Slightly muddy with a hint of wet,’ he says, nodding. ‘And I like your perfume too.’
‘Soggy dog – I think it’s going to catch on.’
‘I’m sorry, I should have thought that everywhere would be saturated after all the rain we’ve been having,’ he says.
‘It’s fine, really. Jeans can be washed. And look at him. He’s having the time of his life.’
He really does look like he’s the cat got that got the cream, trotting about with a stick in his mouth. It actually looks like he’s smiling.
I start to shiver.
‘You look cold,’ says Aidan. ‘I think it’s time to go and warm up.’
‘How about going to find somewhere to get a hot chocolate?’ I say.
He looks over at Barney.
‘I don’t think anyone’s going want him in their café.’
We watch as he rolls in yet another patch of sticky mud.
‘I’m going to have to bath him,’ he says, wincing. ‘How about we head back to mine and I make us some hot chocolate? I can even run to the shop for marshmallows.’
‘That sounds perfect,’ I say, nodding. We’re having such a lovely day I don’t want it to end. I think we can do this platonic friends thing after all.
Half an hour later we’re back at Aidan’s house and I had no idea what a military operation it would be to get a wet dog into a bath. I had to wait outside holding Barney on the lead whilst Aidan lined the hallway with towels and then Barney was raced through at breakneck speed, not allowing him time to shake over the walls.
Aidan then lifted him up and plonked him in the bath where he cowered in the middle looking all sorry for himself. Now he’s been hosed down he’s about half his usual size. I’ve taken it upon myself to be the shampoo master and am having a great time washing him as it smells like bubble gum.
‘Right, are you ready?’ Aidan asks. ‘I’m going to have to get him out. Can you grab those blue towels and make sure the door’s shut?’
‘Sure.’
I go over and push the door again to make sure it’s secure. I hand Aidan one of the big towels that he’d got ready and I take one for myself.
‘OK, so the shakes will be worse than in the park,’ he says, grimacing.
I nod and shield myself behind a towel, and he lifts out Barney.
Barney’s determined to escape the tiny bathroom and he shakes everywhere whilst searching for an exit. He starts to clamber over us as Aidan tries to cocoon him in a towel and by the time he swaddles him we’re absolutely drenched.
‘Always so relaxing going on a dog walk,’ he says.
He rubs at Barney with a towel and when he’s got the worst of it off, he opens the bathroom door and Barney bolts down the stairs.
We can hear him tearing up and down the wooden hallway and eventually it falls silent.
‘He’s probably found the blanket by the radiator in the lounge.’
‘Ooh, that sounds nice,’ I say, shivering.
‘You must be freezing. How about we get you out of those wet clothes? Oh, I meant, I’ll lend you some dry clothes. Not that I wanted to see what was underneath or…’
His cheeks look like they’re going to catch on fire and I put him out of his misery.
‘I knew exactly what you meant.’
He nods with relief.
‘So, um, I’m guessing I won’t have much that will fit you. Maybe some tracksuit bottoms or some pyjamas.’
‘Oh, no, I meant that you know I’ve got long legs and my waist is—’
‘—the same size as a small girl’s. It’s fine, I’m teasing. PJs are fine.’
‘I can go and get them and you can wait here, or you can come with me and choose them.’
‘I’ll come with you, make sure you don’t choose me anything too hideous.’
I follow him into his bedroom and Aidan starts digging through the chest of drawers. I take in the space, loving the fact that his bed is unmade, the blinds are still down and there are discarded clothes on the floor. I bet if Luke were having a woman to his house, his room would be hotel tidy with the assumption he’d get lucky.
‘OK, so I’ve got these,’ he says, turning round and holding out the clothes towards me when he catches me looking at the heap on his floor. ‘Ah, sorry. I had a late night working and then I was up late and I thought I’d tidy the parts of the house that you were going to see. I’m not always this messy. Well, actually I kind of am, but I do try and make an effort.’
I start to laugh. I’ve never seen him so nervous and there’s something incredibly sexy about it. The fact that he’s not polished and he’s shy and he’s just him.
I go to take the clothes but when my hands make contact with his I feel a jolt of electricity. I immediately drop them as I fling my arms around his neck, kissing him with such force that he bumps into the chest of drawers. He doesn’t seem to care and he kisses me back. His hands are in my hair and round my waist and suddenly they’re tugging at my clothes.
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone as much as I want him right now. Our wet clothes drop to the floor and for the first time in a long time, nothing else seems to matter. Not my past heartbreak, not Luke and our fake relationship. The only thing that matters to me right now is Aidan.
Chapter 23
It’s been exactly twenty-four hours since I left Aidan’s house and I don’t think I’ve thought about anything else since. Goodness knows what I let slip through in the contracts today at work; I could have insured a mission to Mars for all I know, my mind was definitely not on the job.
I’ve barely made it through the door of my flat when I hear the intercom buzz.