Not My Girl

by Caz May

I remember watching a movie with Chad and falling asleep, but he's not in my bed anymore so I’m wondering if I dreamt it.

  He’d let me lean on his shoulder, and he was half-naked, wearing only tight red boxer shorts that didn’t hide his glorious dick.

  He didn’t know that just having him that close had made my g-string a piece of damp fabric.

  I’m not sure I even want to face him, so getting out of bed I tiptoe down the hallway to the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair.

  I’d made plans to go out for coffee with Nellie.

  After quickly getting ready and letting Bruno out into the backyard, I sneak out, so to not wake Chad or my brother and head to the tram to go to the new coffee shop Nellie told me about.

  It’s a short trip, and Nellie is waiting outside when I arrive.

  Walking up to her, she wraps me in a friendly hug.

  “Hey girl, what’s with the tomboy look?”

  “Nothing. Trackies are comfy, that’s all.”

  “You could make more of an effort, Roxy.”

  “Whatever, Nell. Let’s just go in and grab a drink. It’s freezing out here.”

  “Yeah, damn right. I’m freezing my damn tits off.” I laugh at her, following her inside the coffee shop.

  “You don’t have tits to freeze off, Nel,” I tease.

  “Yeah, true. Do you still want an iced coffee?”

  “Nah, I’m thinking a cappuccino might be in order.”

  We sit down on some rather comfy looking couches a few minutes later with our coffee’s in hand.

  I take a sip of mine, sighing deeply when I put it down on the table in front of us.

  “So, did you jump him yet?”

  “What? Who?” I ask, feigning shock, because I know she’s talking about Chad.

  “Your roommate, dufus.”

  “Oh…um, no. I haven’t jumped Chad.”

  “And why the fuck not? He’s damn hot Roxy. I’d have climbed him like a tree if he was my roommate.”

  “He doesn’t like me that way, Nel. And he made that clear as blazers last night.”

  She gives me a questioning look. “Yeah, how so?”

  “We watched a movie together…in my bed.”

  “Ooo, so you snuggled?”

  “Yeah, but it wasn’t like that. He stayed on top of the covers and didn’t make a move, even though he was only in his boxers.”

  “You could have though, Roxy,” she chastises me.

  I sigh, taking a deep breath in.

  “I know, but I thought he was going to after he slapped me on the arse teasingly, but straight after that he went back into big brother mode like when we were kids and he lived with us.”

  Nellie gapes at me, shocked words rolling off her tongue at warp speed, “He lived with you before? Like when? Seriously? Fuck Roxy!”

  “Yeah, he used to stay over a lot when his parents were away overseas, and when they died he lived with us for a while before he went into a foster care house with his little sister Carly.”

  “Oh my gosh, Roxy. So I’m guessing you’ve always had the hots for him then?”

  I grab my coffee gulping it down and muttering, “It's more than that Nel. I’m in love with him.”

  Nellie replies with a slight laugh, “I knew it. And what are you going to do about your undeniable love for Chad?”

  I laugh, spitting the last mouthful of my coffee out.

  “Absolutely nothing. He doesn’t feel that way about me.”

  Shaking her head at me, she chastises me again, “Well, do something to make him see you that way.”

  “Like what?” I ask, feeling stupid and a lot more innocent than I am.

  “I don’t know...tease him. Flaunt your curves baby,” Nellie suggests with a laugh.

  “Yeah, I guess. But I can’t exactly prance around the house in my underwear.”

  “Yeah, I know that dufus. You need to show him what he’s missing though.”

  “Hmm, yeah. I’ll think about it,” I reply, giving my best friend a shy smile.

  “We should go out together,” she suddenly blurts out, a little to eager, “get tanked.”

  I laugh and reply, “It's his birthday in a week or so.”

  “Perfect...drag his arse out and get tanked together,” Nellie suggests excitedly with a cheeky smile.

  “All right,” I reply softly before adding, “and Nel I’m sorry.”

  “What for?”

  “Being in love with him and getting jealous when he cracked onto you. I know you like him to.”

  “Forget it, Roxy...he’s yours,” she tells me happily, but then adds cheekily with a hint of malice, “you lucky bitch.”

  I laugh her snide remark off and stand up to pull her into a hug.

  “Anyway, girl, I gotta scoot to work. Text me the plans for Chadster’s birthday and we can work out your outfit via FaceTime or something.”

  “Will do,” I reply laughing inwardly at her calling him ‘Chadster’.

  Nellie leaves and my mind wanders to ideas of what to do for Chad’s birthday.

  Heading back out of the coffee shop I think back to the silly karaoke parties I made him do with me when we were kids. And one particular one when I was about thirteen flashes in my mind. It wasn’t long before Chad left to live in the Foster house.

  ❤︎

  I’m clutching the microphone in a fist, waiting for the song to start on my Disney sing party PlayStation game. Other than the sounds from the TV, the rumpus room and the whole house is super quiet.

  I don’t feel like such a dufus in a quiet house when ‘A whole new world’ starts playing.

  The male part taps out and I’m ready for the female part, blurting it out at the top of my lungs when I feel Chad come into the rumpus room.

  I can always sense his presence, by the goosebumps that erupt over every inch of my skin.

  The male part is on again, and Chad joins in singing the words perfectly. He grabs me around the waist, teasing me by swaying our hips together.

  It makes me feel tingly all over and when the song ends and he steps back I feel like I can’t breathe.

  “You were good Rox. Can I choose a song to sing?”

  “Um, yeah. They’re all Disney songs though.”

  “All good. Disney songs rock my socks off, Rox.”

  I laugh at his stupid words, watching him scroll through the list of songs. My heart skips when he chooses to put on ‘kiss the girl’.

  He starts singing it in his deep voice, and I feel like melting into a puddle at his feet. He’s singing it to me, not looking at the screen but at me, and he’s standing close enough to actually kiss me. But I can’t let that happen, so in a panic, a rush of shyness takes over and I run out of the room and straight upstairs to my bedroom, still listening to Chad finishing the song. Slamming the door behind me I let the tears fall down my cheeks. I wanted to kiss ‘Chad Matthews’, my brother’s best friend.

  ❤︎

  Even now, ten years later that memory still gets to me, but I know without a doubt that taking Chad out for drunken karaoke on his birthday is the best idea.

  I’m giddy with excitement, and I hope that it might just get Chad to see me as more than Jessie’s little sister.

  13. Chad

  Since the night I’d spent in Rox’s room a couple of weeks ago, we’d been tiptoeing around each other, not talking much at all except for the occasional muttering groans of a ‘good morning’. And I hate admitting to myself that I’m missing spending time with her; missing riling her up.

  Everything else in my life at this point has been a complete downer, making me feel like a complete useless failure.

  I know I should be happy I’ve got a job, even though it’s a shitty barman job and I always have to work the day shift when all the drunk old men are in ordering countless pots of beer. And the other downer is not being at Uni anymore, as not using my brain to focus on my structural engineering degree makes me feel like I’m in a black hole. I never was good enoug
h for my parents, and even though they’re not around anymore to see my failures I still feel like they’re berating me for my shortcomings.

  Walking in the house after work I honestly just want to crawl into bed and sleep off the hangover feeling that’s plaguing me from another day in my shitty job.

  The smell of all the alcohol—on an empty stomach—always gives me a raging headache.

  I’m about to head straight to the comfort of my bed when I hear a groan of pain coming from the lounge room.

  Heading there I find Roxy is on the couch, sick, shivering from fever and with a bucket beside her on the floor.

  Stepping up closer to the couch and standing by her feet hanging out of the throw rug over her body I ask, “Rox you ok?”

  She sits up a little, clutching the throw rug against her chest. “Do I look ok, Chad?” she snaps at me, grunting her annoyance.

  “No,” I reply chuckling and bending down beside the couch; touching a hand to her forehead.

  “Fuck, Rox, you're burning up,” I curse loudly pulling my hand back and shaking it.

  “I'm freezing Chad,” she says, a shiver rushing through her body, “and my head hurts and my stomach aches.”

  Standing up, I offer, “I'm going to run you a bath.”

  Rox blushes, and says meekly, “But I have to be naked for that.”

  Again I chuckle at her innocent response. “Just leave ya knickers and bra on, Rox,” I suggest with a teasing hint in my tone.

  She murmurs a meek, “ok.”

  “Can you walk?” I ask reaching out my hand to pull the throw rug off her.

  “Yeah, I'm not a cripple, Chad,” she replies with a snigger.

  She sits up, and curses out a loud, “Fuck!”

  “What?” I plead worriedly.

  “I feel dizzy. The whole room is spinning,” she informs me, falling back down onto her arse on the couch.

  I grab her around the waist, helping her stand up and she falls against me, weak in my arms.

  Scooping her up into my arms—bridal style—I carry her towards the bathroom.

  Putting her down, I hold her against my side and close the door before awkwardly bending down to turn on the bath tap.

  She’s shivering in my arms, and it breaks my cold heart seeing her in pain. Gripping her hip with one hand, and with the other, I lift up her t-shirt to pull it off. It makes a memory flash in my mind.

  ❤︎

  Watching Rox run around the backyard I can’t help but laugh from the tree I’m standing behind whilst we’re playing hide and seek. She’s deliberately looking in all the wrong spots, running around and calling out, “Chaddy, come out, come out wh…” her words are cut off by her almost bloodcurdling scream.

  Rushing out from behind the tree I’m hiding behind, I find Rox sitting on the grass clutching her knee and crying in agony. Her pretty pale pink dress is slashed open at the front and stained with blood.

  My heart catches in my throat, my eyes gawking around for what could have caused the gash across her stomach.

  Reaching her I soothe her, “Rox, it’s ok. Tell me what happened.”

  She sniffs back tears, muttering, “I...I...was...running...and I...tripped on...the edge...of the oncrete.”

  She’s hiccuping now, and still sobbing.

  “Show me where it hurts?” I ask, prying her hands away from her knee. There’s a scrap there, with blood trickling out. “And your belly?”

  She points beside her on the concrete, at the sharp stick lying there.

  Picking it up I ask, “Did this cut you?”

  “Yeah...and it hurts.”

  “Yeah, let’s get you inside. And we can call your Mum.”

  “Ok, but don’t tell Jessie I got hurt whilst we were playing. He won’t let me play with you when you come over if you do.”

  Her words are so matter of fact—now she’s not sobbing—and leaning into my side, a hand wrapped around her back we hobble inside to the downstairs bathroom.

  I can hear some music playing from the rumpus room, so it seems like Jessie is otherwise preoccupied with playing Rock band on Playstation. It’s all he ever does these days, whenever I’m over and I’d honestly rather play outside with Rox, even if an eleven-year-old boy playing with an eight-year-old girl is weird. I like her company, and like to tease her.

  Sitting her down on the edge of the bath, I grab a face washer, wetting it and pressing a pump of the vanilla hand soap onto it, before I wipe over her knee gently.

  She hisses at the contact.

  “That stings, Chad.”

  “I know Rox, but I have to clean it first.”

  “Before you can put a Minnie mouse bandaid on it?”

  “Yeah, exactly Rox. Now show me the cut on your belly?” Her cheeks turn red, like a tomato, and I poke her softly.

  “What’s wrong, Rox? I’m just trying to help.”

  “I know, but Mummy told me I shouldn’t get nakie in front of other people.”

  I’m about to reply when she adds, “especially boys.”

  “I’m not just any boy Rox. I won’t hurt you, and you’re like my little sister.”

  “Yeah,” she mutters with a huff, letting me lift the dress over her head with her arms up.

  Throwing it on the floor, I stumble back when I hear a bellowing voice behind me, “What the hell are you doing to my sister?”

  Standing up I stammer, “Nothing Jessie, she fell over outside whilst we were playing and I was just cleaning up her cuts.”

  “You should have gone to get Mum. She’s only next door at the Goodman’s.”

  “I know, I’m sorry, but I just wanted to help.”

  “Whatever, Chad, get out, and go and get Mum,” my best friend shouts at me, pushing me out the bathroom door.

  Walking out I look at Rox who is sobbing again, with Jessie rubbing the face washer over the deep cut on her stomach.

  It looks really bad, and I swallow down the lump in my throat from worry running out the front door to the neighbours.

  ❤︎

  “Chad?” her voice asks softly.

  “Yeah, Rox?”

  “Can I get in now? And why are you looking at me like that?”

  I shake my head, turning my gaze back to her face and away from the light scar on her stomach.

  “Sorry, Rox, I was just thinking about the day you got this scar,” I tell her running my finger delicately across her skin as I help her into the bath.

  She laughs softly. “Oh yeah, Jessie was so pissed off.”

  “Yeah, he’d never been that angry with me.”

  “I liked you helping me. Same now.”

  I don’t reply, instead just hand her a face washer to run over her heated skin.

  I can’t help but let my eyes wander over her body—even though she’s still wearing underwear—I can see her nipples screaming through her crop bra. Her tits are practically falling out of it, and I have to resist the temptation to grab them in my hands to warm her up—no wait, cool her down—that’s what you need to do for a fever, you fucking idiot.

  “You can leave me be Chad. I’ll be fine. I kinda want to take off my underwear.”

  “Fine, but I’m just going to turn around, and you can close the curtain.”

  “Ok, big brother,” she teases with a laugh. And I hate admitting to myself that those words punch me in the guts.

  I don’t want to be her big brother.

  I don’t know what I want from Rox, but it sure as hell isn’t big brother status. She’s got one of those, and even though I’m staying in his house at the moment I’m not his fave person.

  Facing the other side of the room, I shriek in shock when a pair of plain white wet cotton undies and a matching crop bra are dropped beside me. And I hear Rox’s voice, “Payback, Chad.”

  I chuckle, a smirk on my face when dirty thoughts flash into my mind—thoughts of pulling the curtain back and checking her out; naked—but it’s Rox behind there and even thinking about her naked isn’
t even making my dick a little hard.

  It only says hello when thoughts of a blonde chick come to mind—oh fucking great—now I’m hard.

  Awkwardly, I stand up, grabbing a towel and turning back around to face the bathtub.