“Fuck all. What a week.”
I lifted the glass and crossed myself silently, thinking, Spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch.
“All right, Crystof. I’m here. I have no fucking idea what demons you think that I have, but I’m here. The only demon I’ve ever known is you.”
I drank the whiskey in one gulp and grimaced against the burn at the back of my throat. I polished off another one in sheer avoidance of the steps that lurked behind me. Filling the glass once more, I carried it to the foot of the stairwell where the steps loomed darkly. I peered up, guts turning cold. Frigid fingers of fear played between my shoulder blades. My fingers traced nervously down the length of my hair. The steps were a sentence as I mounted them, and the flat above was the jail. Taking another swig, I trudged to the top where a gray-painted door stood as a barrier between me and the sad little girl I used to be. I could hear her in there trying to be brave, locked in the closet, trembling in fear, squeezing her eyes shut tight to ward off the spiders that Crys would tell her were waiting in the corners to eat her. Hoping that being locked in the closet would be the worst part of the evening. Knowing that it more than likely was not.
Familiar fears.
I opened the door and saw the bright red railing of the balcony just before a sharp pain radiated across my head and the stars exploded in my brain. I watched the heavy glass I’d been holding fall in slow motion to the floor. Ice and whiskey splashed into the air and cascaded down the steps in tendrils. I tried to catch myself, but the hard wood floor met my cheek and I bounced. A little pool of whiskey formed around a chunk of ice and the glass rolled to the very edge of the step. Hovering. Then Darkness.
Strangely disjointed.
***
I heard my name being called from a distance, and I swam through murky swamp water trying to reach it. My body felt too heavy to break the surface, and I reached to try and get through. My eyelids felt so heavy. I tumbled upward and found myself in the garden behind my parents’ house.
“Mum?”
A dragonfly flitted in front of me, and a puff of glittery dust followed it, making me sneeze. It would hover and then dart to one side of the path. I looked down and found glowing arrows embedded in the grass under my feet. Giant flowers loomed over me, their faces looking down at me in concern. I caught glimpses of gray sky above them.
My black Mary Janes led me in pursuit of the insect. I barely noticed the garden at all. Occasionally a flower would reach out to me with its petals as if to slow me down. The flowers became denser and I could feel them catching on my jumper, trying to gently hold me back. I shrugged them away and continued to follow the path of arrows.
I looked ahead and saw a dense gathering of pansies with strict little faces around a wooden gate. In my childhood, this gate had let back toward the house. I was not certain that it would lead there now. As I approached, the pansies stood at attention and held out their petals as if to ward me away. Slightly beyond them, I could see the dragonfly hanging in midair. It wagged its tail, motioning me to follow it. I reached past the pansies who batted at my arms with their petals and tried to reach the gate. To my surprise, my arms elongated like the stretchy superheroes we had when we were kids. I grasped the wood of the gate and pulled, trying to force my body closer to it. The pansies became more insistent, batting at me with their leaves. The dragonfly buzzed around my head, growing larger by the moment. One pansy with a black face highlighted in red came nose to nose with me. I looked it in the eye as its mouth opened and a scream came out of it. So loud and strong that I was knocked off of my feet with the pansy tumbling down on top of me. I struggled with it, attempting to get on my feet once more.
The ground vibrated next to me and I rolled over on my stomach, covering my head. A scaly red appendage grabbed my wrist and pulled on it. I fought it, trying to free myself, but its grip only tightened and my body began to slide across the grass. I could see the dragonfly through the pansy forest, and it was changing. Scales were appearing all over it, and legs were sprouting toward the ground. My eyes traced the appendage that was dragging me to discover that it was actually a tail. Clear wings became red and morphed from insect-like to bat-like. The pansies continued to beckon me back to them, but the dragonfly was gaining stature and was able to prevent me from going anywhere that was not of his choosing. I came to a stop between the creature’s legs, now more dragon than dragonfly.
Looking through its legs, a dark cloud was barreling toward me over the ground, and as it neared, I could see that it was actually millions of tiny black spiders. Each one carried a small egg on its back. They covered every inch of the grass in front of me until they stopped at my feet. The dragon’s tail was still wrapped around my ankles. I saw the pansies crowding up behind me again.
Loud music came to my ears. Just behind the dragon, I could see the door of Headbangers open and a band playing inside. I yelled for Crystof, but the music drowned me out. I flailed my arms and legs until I was able to free myself and began to run. The dragon waddled behind me, pushing me with its snout. As I reached the open door of the bar, the dragon used its teeth to prevent me from going in.
A tall blond man who looked slightly familiar appeared in front of me. He grabbed my wrist and twisted it until my palm faced up. He held up an index finger and the nail grew out into a pointed claw that he used to puncture my skin. I braced for the blood, but instead those tiny spiders raced out of the cut. The man smiled and nodded. I had two competing urges at once: The first was to remember this moment; the second was to turn and run away, but he was too strong. Pulling me close, our noses touched. I felt something winding up my bare legs. I looked down and saw the red scaly tail.
“You are meant to be something else.”
I looked into his deep blue eyes. I was engulfed with the feeling that I should know this moment. That it was a clue. The tail was slithering around me, twitching and then aiming it’s pointed end for the center of my spine.
Strangely stabbing.
“There is something inside of you. Something that you have been grooming all of these years. It’s time to let it go.”
The man dropped me and I fell feet over head for a very long time. The ground was racing up at me and I screamed.
***
When I hit, I was standing in the middle of a protected circle in my old West End apartment. The room was lit by several candles standing on pikes positioned around the room. I automatically began the incantation that would summon the demon. At least I hoped it would. My success had been spotty at best. When the words were over, I raised my arms and waited. The air swirled around me, and suddenly I felt the presence of the demon. Deep and heavy.
I had believed that I was safe inside the circle. I had never been so wrong in my life. As the demon entered my body, I felt it merge with my soul. It was cold and empty. I looked down at my feet to see if I’d stepped out of or broken the circle. I hadn’t. But the ground beneath me yawned open and again I was falling.
Strange nothingness.
***
My first instinct was to reach down and cover myself. I couldn’t move, though. I opened my eyes slowly. It was dark. My back was cold and I realized I was lying on something hard and flat. My brain careened wildly out of control, memories flooding over me. I snapped my eyes shut to keep from vomiting.
“Crystyna,” a voice hissed in my ear. I swallowed hard but didn’t answer.
My palms touched the surface beneath me. It was rock.
“I know what demons you need to bury.”
My eyes flew open and I turned my heard to the voice. The fragments of my dream were prodding at me. I was no longer afraid. This territory was familiar. I remembered this little vignette from my childhood. I had watched it many times over the years. The world snapped sharply into focus and Stonehenge loomed large above me.
“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you. Since you were a little girl, I pictured you here.”
I looked at him, narrowing my ey
es. He had no idea what he had stumbled on. I decided to play along for a few minutes. He relaxed, stroking my hair which had been gathered out from under my head and was cascading over the edge of the stone platform that I had discovered myself bound to. I lifted my wrist tentatively, testing the strength of the bonds. Simple rope, tied just shy of securely.
Strangely underestimated.
I took a deep breath and gathered up the ghost of the little girl inside of me. I whispered to her to stay still and do exactly as I said so that we could be safe. I knew that she trusted me implicitly. I prodded her to speak. Her voice shook as it escaped my lips.
“What are you going to do to me?”
“I’ve got wonderful things in store for you. You are going to be part of something very important. Do you remember?”
I did remember. I watched him carefully. The sky was dark and heavy gray clouds sat over us as if in waiting. He stood up and began the ritual. I watched the words dance around me. A spark made me turn to see a burning torch. Several others followed. Shadows became dark cloaked figures and I waited until the gathered close. Gareth Lancaster, solicitor, continued with the Samhain ritual. A flutter in my chest reminded me of the words’ true meaning. There was a lilting lyricism to them. I smiled. I lifted my head so that I could look at him more directly. I felt a tingling at my temples as he lifted his arms wide, shouting words into the wind that was now swirling around us. The energy of Stonehenge rose thick and heavy between the rocks. I could feel the electricity of the ley lines that crisscrossed the plain beneath our feet. Electricity that tickled my back.
“The wheel of the year turns once more and we cycle into darkness,” Lancaster yelled as he pulled a knife from his belt and held it over his head, aiming for my chest.
My back began to ache and I laughed. It was happening, I could feel it. My breath quickened. The pressure in my back was released with a scream and I let my wings flex outward slightly so that they would lift me into sitting position. Lancaster’s eyes widened. He was too shocked to be afraid just yet. That was fine. There would be plenty of time for that. I bent my knees until I was sitting with both of them folded in front of my chin. Clenching my fists, I yanked hard on the ropes and pulled up. They snapped like thread. I flexed my back and spread my wings wide as I crouched in front of this man playing at demon craft. The knife he’d held clattered to the ground. I lifted one hand and felt the horns that had erupted at my temples. I smiled.
Deliciously familiar.
Lancaster and company were still too stunned to move.
“What do you have to say for yourself, solicitor?”
My voice was low and powerful. Gravelly. It echoed ferociously off the rocks and sat heavily in the air. Waiting for his answer. He shook his head. I raised my hands and breathed in deeply. The intensity of the ley lines was intoxicating and I whispered to the little girl inside to stay calm and quiet with her eyes tightly shut. It had always been the demon’s job to protect her.
“You don’t think that I forgot about the things that you did to us, do you? You didn’t just imagine them. You did them. You and that pathetic brother of mine.”
I grew angrier as the words flew out of me. I felt the little girl stand up inside of me and plant her size three trainers firmly in the ground. Her hands on her hips. She was pissed off.
I examined my hands and saw that long talons had grown where my nails had been. Reaching out with my index finger and pointing, I touched the end of Lancaster’s nose.
“You should have known better. He was a miserable drunk who didn’t have a clue about more than the bottom of a bottle. But you. You could talk him into anything. I know that you did. I ran so that I wouldn’t have to be humiliated by you and your scumbag friends on a daily basis. You thought I belonged to you, and you used me.”
The man was shaking uncontrollably. I lowered my hand to his neck and wrapped my fingers around it, lifting until he was at eye level. I could see the fear inside of him, and I was feeding on it. The little girl inside was bathing in it.
I left him just enough room to gather a few ragged breaths. And to be truly afraid. I licked my lips with pleasure. The fear tasted salty in the space between us. He made a small sound that was like a mouse that then something poured on the grass. I laughed deep and growly when I realized he’d pissed himself out of fright. His hands scrabbled to wrap around my fingers in an attempt to free himself.
“What are you g-g-g-going to do?”
“I’m going to bury my demons, Mister Lancaster, just like my brother wanted me to do.”
Footsteps ran away from the circle as the barrister and I were left alone.
“How much fun is this? Your mates are gone. Terrified of a little girl barely a meter and a half tall. That doesn’t say much for them. Or you.”
I shook him like a child’s doll and he whimpered. I waited. The energy had not completely gathered yet, but it would be soon. It climbed the air like a vine, spreading like wildfire. I began to finish the ritual.
“White for life.”
The counselor’s eyes had gotten so big that I was sure they’d fall right out of his head and roll away.
“Black for death,” I hissed in his face. The instant cognition of what was about to happen reflected in his eyes. It was the moment that he understood what his ending would be. It was delectable. I savored it and stood tall, still holding him by the neck. My wings created a dark purple canopy over us as I flexed them. His face was red and his eyes were bulging. I raised my other hand to encircle his throat completely. He kicked his legs uselessly at the air. Arms waved and hands slapped at me. I could feel his heart beat in his jugular vein.
“You shouldn’t mess with little girls and their dreams, solicitor. They will grow up mean.”
My tongue darted out and caught a bead of sweat running down his cheek. He tried to retch, but my grip was too tight. It was too late to wriggle free. He couldn’t breathe at all. His face was purple and his cheeks puffed in and out in an attempt to suck some much-needed air into his lungs. His movements became frantic. For a moment, he was an Ecstasy-fueled dancer at a rave. I twisted my hands and felt the satisfying crunch of his neck snapping.
All movement stopped and he went limp. I threw his body to the side, taking care to assure that he landed outside of the ley lines that were rising. No need for pesky zombies. I raised my hands to the sky and roared. Rain started to wash over me and soon I was soaked but shivering in victory.
I jumped down to examine Lancaster’s body. He lay at a strange angle that I knew he wouldn’t recover from. I flexed my wings outward and shook them just enough to get the rain off. They folded back up under my hair. I looked around and found my clothes in a heap next to the altar. I pulled on my tee-shirt and jeans and then slid my feet into my Converse. My hand went to my temples and with a gentle push on each horn, they too disappeared. I smiled again and mentally held out my hand to the little girl.
I took one last look at my brother’s dead mate and kicked him hard. I looked around until I found his car keys and shook them with a little jingle.
“I didn’t need to bury the demon. I just needed to get rid of the assholes that created her.”
I stepped over him and walked away. I felt energized. Getting in his car and heading back to Headbangers, I considered my options. Getting rid of the assholes was a great thing. I was okay with both sides of me. The demon and the little girl. They got along well. Both served a purpose. They were strange.
But they were familiar.
TIDE POOLS
Uvika Wahi
there they go
screaming again
ululating battle cries
slicing portions of
blame
slick, unfair
scrambling for excuses when
what they really want is
out
it’s time to go
to the tide pools
pore over chitons
watch sea stars make
&n
bsp; lazy progress
until the mind
gives up
and rests
there he is
chasing outlines along my form
crossing out segments he
doesn’t like
criss
cross
dragging fingers along my skull
readying
to lobotomise problem areas
at the tide pools
i could
exist as separate body
as tide pools sometimes do
undulate
as kelp
in soft resilient revelry
there she is
cooling rapidly down
silent
her everlasting mouth snapped stolidly shut
ready to never say anything
again
agreements must be kept
the ebb and flow
of her chest
gone
memento mori
run
run to the
tide pools
hold on
for dear life
the barnacles
until she comes back around
again
(till this clamour dies)
(god i hope it dies)
i am here by the tide pool
taking time
gathering myself
or drowning
whichever comes first
i’ll be here
drinking it
in
SYRINX
Sara Rauch
WILD CHILD WITH a voice like none other, the city’s songbird, hear her and weep—or see her tossing back single malt at any of those password-protected faux-dive bars uptown, weep for how easy the brew went down—or shoveling dirt in the community gardens while the paparazzi snap madly, weep for her raging russet locks, the sculpted sinew of her arms.
Odessa could, and did, drive folks mad. Fans swooned in the front row; biplanes pulled banners proposing marriage; one poor fellow was found unconscious in his bedroom, walls papered with her image, her latest album spinning. Unapologetic as she traipsed up and down the island, bodyguard-less, denied nothing, she reveled in her freedom and ignored the society paper reports, though her scion parents more than once advised her to be careful.
She's Lost Control Page 16