by Michael Todd
Technically it’s on Mother Nature, but I got this. Don’t you worry.
Katie ate the donut, rolling her eyes as Pandora oohed and ahhed at the taste. When she was done, she licked her fingers, picked up her staff, and held it out in front of her with both hands. She swung it and started moving through her warmup kata.
She was surprised at how fluid and easy it felt.
The first time she had tripped all over the place, hitting her ankles with the staff. Now she could move without thinking of what was next, as if her body were programmed. It was a freeing feeling, and one that could not be explained.
She felt at one with her staff.
After about thirty minutes of warmup Pandora kicked in, giving her new moves to practice to take her to the next level.
To be really good at this you have got to focus. Clear your mind, stop thinking about all the demons you are gonna kill, and stop thinking about blades that retract. Just let the movements take you.
Katie closed her eyes and slowly let out her breath, becoming aware of the pole in her hands. She wove around the rocky terrain in offensive moves, just practicing how to attack fluidly with the weapon. When she was done with that, she stopped to grab the next donut and chowed it down.
Now, I’m going to teach you the Chatan Yara No Kon Sho, which is a simple kata. I’ll move you along the first time, then I want you to take over.
Did you have anything to do with making this up?
No comment.
Katie nodded and stood up straight with her staff vertical at her side. Her arm pushed the staff straight out and turned it in her right hand, then she lunged to the left, breathing steadily.
She took the top of her staff in her left hand and quickly twisted it down, jabbing outwards with a grunt. She turned the staff in a circular disarming motion before stepping forward with one foot in front of the other to stab outward repeatedly. She stepped back, twirling the end of the staff around again before twisting to the right. She repeated the series to the right, and then jabbed outward. Her feet moved quickly as she batted the staff ends front and back like she was swatting an opponent in the ribs. She raised the staff over her head and thrust it downward, imagining a demon head beneath it.
Sweat poured from Katie’s forehead as she thrust and jabbed over and over with the staff. She could only imagine how painful it would be to be jabbed in the stomach, especially if the blades were out.
She walked forward, moving the staff up and down and side to side, then stopped and went back in the other direction. She swiveled and dropped to one knee, pushing the staff under her arm, then rose and twirled the staff over her head like a helicopter, then jabbed up and down and forward once again.
With each move Pandora would yell, and the sounds echoed off the cliffs.
To finish the kata she lifted the staff by the end like a lightsaber and swatted from side to side. Her arms moved faster than she would have thought possible and she lifted one leg and yelled, bashing the stick to the ground. Slowly she stood up straightened, the staff again parallel with her side. As soon as she had bowed Pandora released her body.
Katie was breathing heavily, so she set the staff down and chugged a bottle of water.
Wow, that was intense.
It’s a good one. You’ll be able to kick serious ass when you get it down.
Have you used that move before?
Hell, yeah I have, though I don’t want to reveal on whom.
You used it on humans, didn’t you?
Pandora sighed deeply in Katie’s mind. How about another donut?
Katie shook her head, picked up another donut, and took a bite. You do know I am aware you weren’t some kind of angel before you came into my body. I know you would have sooner eaten my heart than become my friend back in the day.
Still would. Pandora chuckled. But yes, I know you know that. I just feel a bit ashamed now, although I don’t know if it’s because I am helping the enemy or because I want to help the enemy.
Uh-oh, someone is growing a conscience.
Don’t go crazy now! I still might get out of this body one day and have you for an afternoon snack.
All my plastic surgery will poison you.
Good point. Pandora laughed and then grew a bit thoughtful. I wonder if your tits taste like donuts?
That’s disgusting! Katie growled. And yet, it’s a valid question.
Katie sat down on one of the boulders and spread her legs in front of her, then leaned back and drank the rest of the bottle.
She put her head back and let the breeze cool her sweaty body. She was always relaxed when she trained up here, at least since Jeremy died. Sometimes she felt like a piece of him was still on the hill.
Where do you think we will land at the end of all this? Katie asked.
Sheesh, who knows? I’ve learned over the years that nothing ever turns out how you think it will, and especially not the way you want it. I’ve seen so many ups and downs that sometimes I’m glad to get banished to the depths of hell. Not so many screaming souls down there, and the heads of the joint shut up for a couple hundred years. It’s like a really fucking hot vacation.
Um, I have a request.
Uh-oh.
Since I am now allowing you to take over my body—which takes a hell of a lot of trust, by the way—I want to know something about you.
The biggest dick was...
No, not that. Katie grimaced. I want to know who you really are, where you came from, and when you came back to Earth.
Pandora sighed and was quiet for a moment. All right, I guess it’s about time you knew. And it’s only fair, since they are all after me and thus after you as well.
Truth. Katie sighed.
My real name is Lilith. I am–or was–Lucifer’s wife.
Holy shit! Katie jumped up from her stone and looked around as though she expected the devil himself to step out from behind a rock.
Calm down, honey, he won’t be showing up any time soon.
You are Lucifer’s wife? You are Mrs. Devil Incarnate? I mean, I knew you were crazy powerful but I had no idea.
Pandora spoke normally. It’s really not that big a deal.
Katie’s head bobbed. Uh, yes? Yes, it is.
Okay, it is, but it’s not like I wanted to be his wife. I wanted a divorce, remember?
He’s just gonna chill down there on his skull throne and take that lying down?
You really have no idea what hell is like. Try a huge office with a view, and he personally can’t do anything about it. He can’t come to Earth. If he does the angels will be down here so fast your bibles will flame up. They will kick his motherfucking ass so far away he’d dissipate. I guess you could consider him to be under house arrest, only instead of an ankle bracelet he has the biggest and baddest team of angels tracking his every breath.
I thought God chained him up?
You humans take things so literally. That’s just your interpretation, because it helps you sleep at night. He might as well be chained up though, especially if your only other option is death.
So you decided you didn’t want to be the hell queen. Why?
Actually I was known as the Queen of Perdition, but most called me “Gehenna” or “Queen Lilith.” And hell, the perks were pretty sweet—fresh flesh all the time, hot men everywhere, and I don’t just mean that literally.
Katie smirked as Pandora continued.
I just didn’t want to be with him anymore. I wanted my freedom, and you can imagine marrying a convict—it’s a life of seclusion. I don’t like to be roped down.
When did you decide all that? Sitting in your high-rise hell-condo overlooking Fire and Brimstone Park?
Cute. Pandora snorted. No, it happened recently—since I came up this last time.
Shit, that’s some heavy stuff. Katie frowned, taking another a donut out of the box. I imagine that once you’ve been the Devil’s wife there aren’t too many more powerful men you could have your eye on.
Oh, sw
eetie, think about the royals in England. Parliament makes the rulings; the queen just waves and smiles. There are much more powerful devils out there. Lucifer lost his sheen a long time ago, and he’s wallowing in self-pity. Don’t get me wrong, he could wipe us all out with one swoop of his scaly red arms, but he’s too busy being the one everyone fears. Gets old after a while.
I bet. Katie bit into her donut. The last guy I slept with died the next day, if that makes you feel any better.
It does, Pandora deadpanned. In fact, I would consider maybe closing your damn legs. You don’t want to go killing all the hot men.
Katie gasped. Oh my God!
I’m just kidding. Pandora laughed. You are so sensitive.
That was not cool, bitch. Not cool at all. Katie took another bite of her donut.
Was it too soon?
Jokes about dead ex-lovers have to wait at least like…two years.
Kajesus, that’s a bit excessive. You need to lighten up. Back home they’d be telling those jokes at the funeral.
You guys have funerals?
No, but if we did that’s what would be the topic of conversation.
Great, and to think there’s a chance I’ll end up there!
Pandora chuckled. At least you can’t kill the dead with your vagina.
You aren’t my friend. Katie tried to hide her laugh. So rude.
I love you too, Pandora replied. Now get your ass up and do that kata again. I want to hear your best karate yell.
I’m going to start meowing every time I do it and see how much it confuses people.
“Moo” would be better.
Is that a fat joke? You can’t make a fat joke after you make a dead ex-boyfriend joke.
So many rules! You will make me wish to slice my wrists and go to heaven at this pace! Pandora groaned before laughing.
Katie went back to work on her katas, performing the movements but definitely struggling the first couple of times. Her ankles were black and blue by the end, and at one point she hit her knee so hard with the staff that tears came to her eyes. She didn’t feel like the Karate Kid at all; more like the kid who wiped the sweat off the mat after a meet.
But she knew she would get better, and she also knew that when she did she was going to be seriously dangerous.
If she didn’t smack the shit out of her leg and cause those she was fighting to laugh themselves into submission.
On her next donut break—one box down—her phone, which was in her bag, started to ring. She groaned, forgetting she had brought it with her. She rummaged until she found it and read the text from Korbin. They were going to have a meeting in about an hour and she needed to attend.
“They are summoning me to a meeting of the minds.” Katie dramatically yelled aloud.
Lord, if this is the best we got for a meeting of the minds the whole world is fucking doomed.
Very funny. We shall continue this training later, Mr. Miyagi.
I’ll give you something to wax on, wax off.
Katie paused and pulled her eyebrows together. I’m not sure how to interpret that. Could be terrifying, could be fun, could be both.
I would go with “both.” I’m never terrifying without at least some sort of fun thrown in there.
Good to know.
Katie dried her neck with her towel and shoved her empty water bottles into her pack, then grabbed donut boxes and headed back down the hill at a jog, jumping from stone to stone and sliding down the loose gravel. She threw the trash into the back seat and tossed her bag into the passenger seat, then jumped in and sped down the mountain, laughing as she bounced all over the place.
Nothing wrong with a little afternoon drive around the dunes before business commences, right?
Seatbelt, dammit! I don’t want to be stuck in your body if you are a vegetable.
Chapter Four
Damian took a seat next to Katie and across from Calvin and Korbin at the round meeting table. Calvin leaned back and stared up at the ceiling as Korbin shuffled through some paperwork. It was just the four of them again, which figured since they were back to a seven-member team. They would be having management meetings instead of all-member meetings once again.
“So…the fight at the hotel.” Korbin sighed as he pulled out a sheet of paper. “I read the general’s briefing. One thing that confuses me is why Damian was talking so much. Aren’t you usually the outspoken one while he is the Priest of Mystery?”
“I was tired.” Katie popped a grape from the center of the table into her mouth.
Korbin raised an eyebrow. “Mmhmm, and since when did you two hold hands through a building, watching each other fight? Were you giving back-pats? Motivational speeches?”
“In reality, Pandora is much more than any of us knew, even me, and she is inside me. She has her secrets about her life before this, just like many of us do.”
“Like what?” Calvin leaned forward. “She used to be a ballerina?”
Korbin shook his head. “I’m more interested in what that equates to on this timeline. Is she too connected? Not connected enough? Can you really trust her, Katie? That is ultimately what I need to know. We are putting our asses on the line each and every day, and we’ve put a hell of a lot of faith in your demon. I need to know we can all trust her, not just because of a gut feeling.”
Man, he has it out for me today.
Damian leaned toward Katie and whispered, “Tell him what happened at the hotel.”
Katie looked at him wildly.
He put his hand on her shoulder and nodded. “It is time.”
Katie shrugged. “Mystery Priest says it’s time for the big reveal, so here goes. The answer is, I am so quiet about what happened at the hotel because I don’t remember how I killed those demons.”
“I’m confused,” Calvin replied. “Amnesia?”
“More like unconscious state,” Katie mumbled. “I let Pandora fully take over my body.”
Korbin’s mouth dropped open and he sat there in quiet shock. Calvin dropped the pen he had been twirling through his fingers and stared at Katie for a minute.
Korbin and Calvin locked eyes and finally Calvin shrugged and shook his head.
Korbin considered his words for a moment before he spoke. “She gave your body back?”
“Obviously.” Katie smirked. “Do I look like a voluptuous... You know what, scratch that. Not going there.” She turned to Damian and gestured at Korbin and Calvin. “Would you please explain to these gentlemen a few of the changes I underwent to become the great Pandora?”
Damian cleared his throat and looked across the table. “Hips,” he told them. “You always know it’s Pandora because of her tits... I mean hips.”
Bahahahaha. Pandora couldn’t stop laughing.
Hey, you want to talk to these fellas? Katie asked.
Why the hell not?
“All right, boys,” Katie growled, sitting forward. “Guys, meet Pandora. Pandora, say hello to the guys.”
Korbin and Calvin sat perfectly still as Katie closed her eyes and relaxed into her chair.
Her body started to morph, shoulders rolling, waist cinching, and her hair growing longer. Her face changed: features becoming more prominent, her lips fuller, and her lashes longer. Her shirt stretched as her breasts enlarged, perking up even more.
Calvin’s eyes got huge and he looked at Korbin and Pandora. Damian leaned forward and put his hand over his mouth, stifling a laugh.
He had probably been the same way the first time he saw the change, but it was amusing nonetheless.
Slowly Pandora’s eyes opened. The red shining brightly and a snide smirk curled her lips.
“Well, hello there, boyssss.” Her voice was luscious, lust overlaying promise and desire.
Korbin gripped the arms of his chair. “Holy shit.”
“Now, the first thing you are probably noticing are these babies.” Pandora pulled her arms together and shook her chest. “I’m a double D. You can tell the difference between Katie and
me just by our cup size.”
“So are you the entity behind Katie’s...uh...sudden change of physique?” Calvin lifted an eyebrow.
“Of course! Where do you think those donuts go? I’d have her at my cup size, but Katie fights me. She says they are too large as they are.”
“Breasts can be too large?” Calvin wondered aloud. Korbin and Damian turned toward him, staring at him like he said something wrong. Calvin closed his mouth and frowned. “What?”
“See!” Pandora pointed around at the guys. “You get it! I keep telling Katie that, but she just goes on complaining about back pain and not being able to see her feet or some other nonsense. I firmly believe Dolly Parton really had something going there before she scaled back.”
Korbin cleared his throat and looked down at the table, amazed. “Okay, this is happening right now,” he murmured to himself. “Might as well join in.”
“The more the merrier, I always say.” Pandora winked at Calvin.
“So you’ve been inside Katie since the beginning, pruning her, making her stronger, and gaining her trust. How can we know that you are being truthful?” Korbin wasn’t holding back.
“Good question, and the answer is...you can’t. I’m a demon, after all. But if I wanted to take Katie, I wouldn’t wait for her permission. I am in here for the long haul, so I’m not going to get her killed—which means I have to keep her friends as safe as I can too.”
Korbin nodded and blew out a breath. “Fair answer.”
Calvin rubbed his hands together and licked his lips, leaning forward. “So, Pandora, what do you like about Earth this time around? I’m assuming this isn’t your first rodeo.”
“Hardly.” Pandora laughed. “But every time I come back there is something different. Clothes change, politics change, and technology changes, but humans stay the same hopeful bastards they’ve always been. They put so much faith in the unknown. It always baffles me, but I love to watch it. It’s like a train wreck—you can’t take your eyes away.”
Pandora leaned back and crossed her legs, glancing at Damian and flashing him a big smile. Damian lifted an eyebrow and held up his cross, flashing a big smile back. Her smile faded to a pout and she turned back to Calvin.