Ch. 18
Thurs. July 12, 2008
Daniel
I pulled the knife from my pocket and flicked it open. I cut the cable tie from her wrists, wincing as I saw the raw flesh.
“You’ve got to stop tearing yourself up. I need you to watch Charlie and its going to scare her to see you tied up,” I said. She turned her brown eyes on me then and looked steadily at me. Sometimes her eyes were filled with fear, sometimes with pity. It was the pity that angered me the most. Grace was a girl with everything. Only 15, she had her whole life ahead of her. I on the other hand, had messed up more times than I could count. No one believed in me. Charlie was precious to me but since Shirley’s death, I knew my life was over and I would either be on the run or in jail for the rest of my life. She nodded and I pulled the tape from her mouth. I turned to the cabinet and unloaded the groceries I found there. Mom had come through after all.
I was surprised. She wasn’t usually very reliable. There were cans of vegetables, soup, and a case of Grace’s Diet Mountain Dew. I didn’t know how she could drink that stuff. It made me burp.
“Can you make something for us to eat?” I asked. She nodded again. She hadn’t spoken to me since we had unloaded Candace. I went to the front door and hammered 2x4 boards across it.
Grace was stirring something in a pot. I went into the bathroom and boarded up the one window. I looked in the medicine cabinet and removed all the razors and pills. I found some ointment and carried it with me into the kitchen.
Charlie was sitting at the table with a pb&j, mandarin oranges, and a glass of milk. She was
holding hands with Grace. They were praying. I waited an uncomfortable moment until they were finished. I sat down at the table and Grace handed me a bowl of soup. I handed her the ointment but I didn’t say anything. She ate quietly and washed the dishes. She came into the living room, and after I boarded up the back door, I turned on the tv. She sat on the couch and pulled Charlie into her lap. Charlie had a stack of books she brought from the camp and she took them out of her backpack. One by one she lined them up along the floor. I found a football game on and I watched it just for something to do.
The silence was beginning to wear on me. Growing up our house was anything but quiet. There was always loud music playing and some man lying on the couch smelling of smoke. Sometimes it was cigarette smoke, sometimes not. I don’t remember ever having my mom read me a book.
“Where is my Mommy?” Charlie asked for the thousandth time in 18 hours.
“Let’s go to bed, sweetie,” Grace answered saving me from repeating myself again.
I had been telling her the same thing for hours but she continued to ask every few minutes. The house was beginning to get dark and shadows were building in the corners and down the hall where they walked.
I watched them go, feeling exhausted and tired as I always did when the darkness built and my memories of Shirley’s death returned. It was a moment of blind panic. She knew and she was so disappointed in me. She was going to tell everyone. It was the pity in her eyes that made me feel so small and weak. I had to show her I was still in charge. Gone was the respect and admiration I had gotten from everyone when they thought I was a success, a kid that had made it. I was supposed to be the one who changed for good. She seemed so surprised and dismayed. I had to wonder and would always wonder if she would have forgiven me like Candace insisted she would. Now I would never know. I couldn’t think about that now. Shirley was gone for good and my life was over. I would not get to see Charlie grow up. I knew Grace would take good care of Charlie and get her back to Candace.
I thought back to the year I was 12. I had been going to Indian Oaks for two years and Mr. Richard had asked me to stay a few extra weeks to help him with construction of some new buildings. It was during the construction that I found the gold. I didn’t know what to do with it. It was buried under an old shed Mr. Richard asked me to clean out. I was sitting on the ground with it spread around me when he came by. He explained to me that it was money that he had come into in an honest way that was supposed to be for good. He said that the mafia was looking for it so we had to keep it a secret. I didn’t know what the mafia was. He explained that it was an organized crime group in Vietnam. I had heard of the Vietnam War.
However, as I sat there looking at all those coins I had a vision of my mother sorting through garbage in a dumpster behind the public library looking for something for us to eat. There were needle marks on her skinny arms and it had been days since we had had a bath or brushed our teeth. As I sat there my heart began to harden and I began to curse God for taking everything from my mother and giving everything to this man before me who had to hide it and couldn’t even use it.
My mother deserved better. When she wasn’t drunk or high she was a good mother. She loved me and once bought me a guinea pig at a pet store. When our electricity was cut off we would wrap him in a blanket and listen to the little chirping sounds he made.
Once I got my hands on the gold, we are going to disappear and start over. A new life and a new start, just like I had preached for years to all the kids. Everyone could have a new beginning with Jesus. I wished I could believe that. All I had to do was wait for was Mom to come through with my plane ticket. She was thrilled when I contacted her a few months ago. She told me that she had gotten clean and had given up hope of ever seeing me again. She was going to be thrilled to meet Charlie. I needed some sleep. I might as well go on to bed.
I went through the house checking on everything and secured Grace’s ankle to the bed with a pair of handcuffs. She was lying on her side, her long hair covering her back and shoulders. Charlie had her thumb in her mouth and was closest to the wall. I knew Grace had put her there so she wouldn’t fall out of the bed.
She had good instincts and would make a fine mother someday. I returned to the couch and lay down. It would be another long night but tomorrow when Mom showed up with my plane ticket, I would be in good shape. Finding Hope wouldn’t take long.
Ch. 19
Fri. July 13, 2008
Waco, TX
Grace
I heard the chain rattle before my eyes were fully open, and I thought, “Another day alone with Daniel.” My ankle was chained to the footboard of the bed. I checked on Charlie, who was sleeping peacefully and marveled at how well she had done without her mother. My Mom always said that children are resilient. I sat up in bed. The sun was streaming in the window. There was no curtain and I enjoyed the sensation of the warmth on my back. I began to pray.
Prayer was the only thing that had gotten me through this ordeal. I missed my parents terribly and I was heartsick over losing Shirley. Always in the back of my mind was what had happened to Shirley and what could happen to me if things went wrong.
“Dear God, please get me home.” I felt tears filling my eyes and I took a deep breath, willing them away. I had to harden my heart or I would never make it. “Please keep Charlie safe and let me get her out of here. Please provide us with a way for escape. Please bless my parents.” I had only spoken to my Dad once and I knew they were both frantic. Except for my Aunt Ruth and my grandparents in Memphis we were all each other had.
The air conditioner, a cheap rusty window unit came on blasting freezing air.
I reached for the sheet to cover Charlie with. Awkwardly, I got to my knees and looked out the window. I could see a bare back yard with a chain metal fence. In the distance was a convenience store. Good. If I could get away I could run to a phone. I checked my watch. 9:00 a.m. At camp I always got up at 6:00 to run. I hadn’t been able to run since Thursday but I knew if I got the chance I might be able to outrun Daniel.
The door opened then and I sighed, knowing today would be like the other days with Daniel grilling me with questions
about where my Mom had gone with his precious gold. “How am I supposed to know? I’ve been with you!” I told Daniel. He was such a jerk, I don’t know how I could ever have been interested in him. He had fooled me like everyone else. I had admired him for his dedication to God and how he had been able to make it out of a bad childhood and take what he had learned and make something of himself. I knew he had been in jail and in a gang. He had told me all about that and some things from his childhood. In many ways I felt sorry for him. If he sensed this it only made him mad so I had to be careful of every word I said to him.
I was shocked to see a woman standing in the doorway. She was skinny and was wearing jeans. She had long graying blond hair and glasses.
“Hi, I’m Stacy, Daniel’s Mom.” she said in a voice that betrayed a lifelong smoking habit. I was so surprised I just stared at her. His Mom? I had met his mother at the camp and this was not the same lady. This must be his biological mother!
“She’s still asleep, huh?” she asked walking close to the bed and looking down at Charlie. Finally, I found my voice, “Where’s Daniel?” I asked.
“He’s gone.” She looked steadily at me then for a long moment. “Gone after your Mom to get the gold. You know he found it, don’t you? He found it under that old building.” I had heard this story before. Quite frankly, I didn’t care where the gold came from or who kept it, I just wanted to go home. I was sick of Daniel and the whole mess.
“Where did he go to look for her?” I asked, wondering what my chances for escape were now
with only this skinny older woman watching me. I was sure her lungs were no match for mine, seasoned from years running track.
“I’m not tellin’ you anything!” she shouted. “Daniel told me you were trouble, always praying for him and crying for your parents. My boy ain’t never had nothin’. He ain’t doin’ nothin’ wrong by going after that gold. He’s returning it to the rightful owner. You don’t know what we owe them.”
I was quiet then, realizing she was emotionally unstable and I would have to tread lightly around her. Her shouting had woken up Charlie and she reached for me, eyeing Stacy warily.
“Gracie, I want my Mama.” she whimpered against my chest.
“Oh, Charlie. It’s ok. Remember, we are going back to pick up your Mom in just a few days. We are in Waco now. Mom is just fine and we are going to see her real soon.” I repeated the story I had told her so often in the last few days.
“We are going back to get Mommy, soon? Real soon?” she asked.
“Yes, sweetie. Really soon.” I replied looking pointedly at Stacy.
Stacy knelt by the bed and said, “Hi, Charlie. I am your Grandma Stacy. I am your Daddy’s mom.”
Charlie looked questioningly at me and said nothing. Her blond hair was tousled and her blue eyes looked remarkably like Stacy’s. I could definitely see a family resemblance between these two.
“Could we get some breakfast?” I asked Stacy.
“Sure.” she said with a smile. “I got Pop Tarts.”
Charlie scrambled over me and then stopped short. “Aren’t you coming, Gracie?” she asked. I looked down at my ankle and waited.
“Oh, right. I’ve got the key here somewhere.” Stacy began to search through her pockets. I watched her from the corner of my eye. She finally found the right key and unlocked the handcuff from the bed, leaving it dangling around my ankle. I suspected she planned to chain me to the table during the day. Daniel had trained her well.
We walked down the hall of the small musty house. Already I had memorized the layout. The windows in both bedrooms were nailed shut. There was a front door in the living room and a back door in the kitchen that I assumed led to a garage.
Stacy got us situated around the table and handcuffed my ankle to the table leg. She passed us the Pop Tart box and opened Charlie’s package for her. She brought her a glass of orange juice and me a can of Diet Mountain Dew.
“Daniel says you like this stuff.” she commented.
“I do, thank you.” I said.
“Do you want anything else?” she asked.
“Could I have some ice?” I asked. She brought me a glass of ice and we ate our pop tarts quietly. Stacy tried to talk to Charlie but after a few attempts, gave up. Charlie would just look at her with big eyes and not say a word. After breakfast Charlie ran to get her backpack and brought out her few books and asked me to read to her. I did and Stacy, who seemed to be at a loss for what to do with herself, or us, wandered into the living room and turned on the tv.
“Honey, don’t you want to come in here with me and watch cartoons?” she asked Charlie.
Charlie gave her a sober stare and said nothing. I asked Charlie to go to the bedroom and bring my bible. Stacy rolled her eyes when she saw Charlie carrying it to me.
My red bible was worn around the edges and looked like an old friend. I carried it everywhere. My parents had given me a Nook for Christmas and I had actually loaded 3 different versions of the bible on it but when it came to my daily devotions I just had to have my old red bible. Daniel had taken my Nook away as well as my phone and purse but he left me an empty backpack and my red bible. I read a couple of chapters and then Charlie asked for a bible story. I thought for a moment and then told her the story of Joseph, how his brothers sold him into slavery but years later he forgave them and helped them.
As I finished the story I noticed how quiet the house had become, and I realized Stacy had turned down the tv and was listening to us.
“You shouldn’t be telling her all those fairy tales and crap about forgiveness,” she stated, flatly.
“Forgiveness is real,” I said. “We can be forgiven of anything we have done through Jesus’ blood. Including the blood that was shed when Shirley was killed.”
“You bible thumpers are all the same. I heard all that stuff when I was in rehab. All you have to do is ask Jesus in your heart and your troubles will be over!” she said dramatically, swinging her arms wide and disrupting an ash tray on the side table.
“It’s all a bunch of crap!” she said falling to her knees to collect the cigarette butts and ash from the already stained and dirty carpet. I decided not to say anything more, for the moment. I thought of my Mom and prayed again for strength and safety for her wherever she was and that Daniel would not find her.
The morning passed slowly. Charlie stayed close to me or wandered about the fenced in backyard. I encouraged her to get out and get some fresh air and exercise and I worried about her breathing the constant cigarette smoke. It was already making me nauseous.
Every few hours she would let me off the chain to use the bathroom and walk around. She always stayed close to me and seemed nervous that I would run. It actually did occur to me a few times to just push her down and run but I couldn’t risk leaving Charlie behind. I had to have some way of getting her out safely.
The next few days fell into a boring pattern of repetition. Charlie and I spent our time together singing songs, coloring, and “doing school” as Charlie called it. She had a set of magnetic alphabet letters that we played with. I taught her the phonics song.
I knew Candace had been working with her to get her prepared for preschool. Little by little she warmed up to Stacy and allowed her to sit by her, stroke her hair, and read to her. It was very sweet to see them beginning to build a relationship. Stacy, for the most part stayed calm but I sensed a restlessness in her as the days went by. I wondered if I would wake up one day and she simply wouldn’t be here.
I chafed to be home in my own bed with my parents and back with my friends at camp. I was bored. I had to pray for strength for each new day. I knew Stacy had been in touch with Daniel several times each day. As far as I could tell he had not found my Mom. I never did hear
from Daniel or Stacy just where he had gone to look.
One night, after I had been there for over a week, Stacy suggested we play some board games.
Charlie and I were only too happy for something to relieve the boredom. We played Uno and Chinese checkers with her. I could sense that Stacy was struggling with something. She seemed emotional and often appeared as if she was going to cry. Earlier in the week she would drink a beer or two at night and I was careful to watch Charlie and keep out of her way in case the alcohol affected her in a bad way.
After Charlie won at Uno for the third time and we were congratulating her and telling her what a smart little girl she was, Stacy burst into tears. She covered her face with her hands. Charlie looked at me with a startled expression. “I’m sorry I won, I am just a good jobber at playing Uno. Mama says I am. I’m sorry Grandma Stacy.” Charlie said, patting Stacy’s arm.
Stacy looked up at me and shook her head. “Everything in my life is so messed up. I was a horrible mother. I put my boy in bad places, now he is on the run. This precious little girl deserves so much more than I can ever give her. I can’t keep her. I can’t provide what she needs.” She began to sob and laid her head on the table.
I knew this was my moment and I would have to work fast and be creative. I prayed for wisdom as I gathered up Charlie and said soothingly,
“Come on honey, let’s get you to bed and I’ll come on soon. I want to talk to Grandma Stacy.” Luckily, she had not secured my chain to the table which indicated how distracted she was becoming. I walked Charlie down the hall and she slipped obediently under the covers. She was a great kid. I prayed with her, and left her door open a crack.
When I got back to the table, Stacy was dry eyed and smoking but the expression on her face was heartbreaking. The woman before me was a lost soul. I sat down at the table and took her hand.
“Sorry, I ruined the evening. I haven’t heard from Daniel for a few days and I’m worried sick,” Stacy said and began to cry again. I searched my mind for scriptures and prayed.
“Stacy, do you want to live in a new way? Would you love the freedom of being forgiven for everything you have ever done and know without a doubt that you had a Friend that would never leave you?” I had never led anyone to Christ on my own before and I had to find the right words. Stacy smiled and shook her head.
“Honey, I know you believe in all that stuff and maybe for you it’s all ok but not in the world I live in,” she said.
“Jesus lives in the world you live in. He wants to forgive you and He is just waiting for you to ask him for that forgiveness. I promise you that if you let me and Charlie go I will help you find your way. My parents can help you. Please take me home,” I pleaded.
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