by Cecily Wolfe
Jason hummed in agreement. Before he could chime in, though, Conner continued.
“You can leave dinner and transportation to us, though. I know we’ve all talked about it, but I’m sure we can handle the final details between the two of us, and that way part of the evening can be a surprise for you.”
He sat back in his chair, disinterested in his lunch, which was now cold, and mirrored Kaylie’s smile as he looked first at her, then to Maya. Maya and Jason were smiling at each other, but within a second or two after Conner looked her way, her eyes shifted to him, and her smile dimmed just enough for him to notice.
“Good plan, Conner. Ladies, you can count on us for a magical night you will always remember.”
Maya’s smile brightened, but Conner could tell it was with effort on her part. He was probably the only one who could tell the difference between that and one of her true smiles, one that came at the end of a laughing fit while they were watching South Park, or when they had snowball fights on the walk home from the library, her smile giving away her intent before she threw one she had been hiding behind her back.
How many times had he seen that smile, and what could he do to bring it back?
Chapter Fourteen
“I texted my mom to let her know we were going shopping, but she won’t be able to see it or answer until she gets her break for dinner.”
Maya closed her locker as she spoke, knowing that Conner understood without the explanation, offering it instead for Kaylie and Jason’s sakes.
“She’s a nurse, right? You said something about that in middle school, when we had that Bring Your Parent to school day, but she couldn’t make it.” Kaylie nodded along with her words as she said them, matter-of-factly as if it had happened only yesterday.
Maya was genuinely surprised that anyone remembered anything about her in middle school. As far as she could tell at that time, she was invisible to practically everyone, until she met Conner.
“Yeah, she’s in pediatric, so it’s pretty exhausting. Although any nursing is tiring.”
Jason had stepped up beside her, and she felt his hand on her back. Without thinking, she glanced sideways at Conner, and thought she saw him flinch.
She blinked, then smiled at Jason as she moved away from him just enough, or so she hoped, that he would get the message that she didn’t really want him to touch her like that.
In what she was discovering was Jason’s own brand of chivalry, he dropped his hand without saying a word or allowing his own smile to falter. A girl could get used to his politeness and charm, Maya thought. Just not her specifically.
“I know the mall isn’t the greatest place to hang out, but it’s our best bet for dresses and tuxes.”
Kaylie was their official cruise director, as Conner had so aptly named her when they separated after lunch, deciding to go shop or at least browse together after school. Maya and Conner weren’t scheduled to volunteer at the library that day, so it made sense to go and get it over with.
It was only a few days ago that she had actually been excited about the prom, Maya thought, holding back a sigh. Maybe not about the shopping part, but she would have been a little more enthusiastic.
Conner walked alongside her as the four of them left the school building in a crowd of other students, Kaylie and Jason a few steps ahead and definitely more invested in this plan that she was, or Conner seemed to be, either.
“What’s going on with you and Jason?”
It was a line out of the blue, slipping from Conner’s lips in a soft voice Maya could barely hear. She turned her head and found his eyes with her own, his face only inches from hers. She felt like she couldn’t breathe for a moment, but got her bearings when he looked away, his focus on Jason’s back as he waited for her to answer.
“What kind of a question is that?” she practically hissed at him, shaking her head.
When he stopped walking, taking her arm and holding her beside him, she didn’t try to pull away. She was so used to being close to him that even now, with his face flushed red and his eyes fierce as he stared at her, she realized how much she had missed their usual hand-holding, shoulder-bumping routines.
“Seriously, Maya, you’re making me crazy. I don’t know what you’re doing or why, but I would really like to know.”
What the heck, she thought, shaking her head at him as she leaned closer.
“I’m not doing anything. Just going shopping is all, same as you.”
He let go of her arm and took a step back, holding his hands up in the air like he was giving up. What was his problem now, she wondered, confused and annoyed at the same time.
“Everything okay?”
Kaylie’s voice interrupted Maya’s thoughts as well as the staring match in which she and Conner were engaged. What a stupid question for him to ask her, when he was acting strange himself.
“You guys both look sick. You sure you’re up for this? We can do it another time. Or Kaylie and I could do some recon today and report back.”
Jason, ever helpful, was by her side, and Kaylie was watching Conner with concern, her startlingly blue eyes wide and sincere. Maya worried that she might actually throw up.
Not because Kaylie was genuinely sweet and interested in Conner’s well-being, but because Maya knew, with an honest admission to herself that was too quick to stop, that she was jealous.
Jealous that Conner would have Kaylie as his date, most likely the most beautiful and more importantly, the nicest girl there. Jealous that she wasn’t the kind of girl who could interest him, although she knew that he had only asked Kaylie at her suggestion.
How could she ever tell him how she felt when her own feelings were muddled with jealousy now, with disappointment over his desire to compete with her for the library job, with true fear that their friendship was in danger? Losing her best friend was more terrifying than the idea that there was no possible way they could be together romantically.
“That’s probably a good idea. I don’t feel great, after all, and I’ll just head home instead.”
Maya forced herself to smile as convincingly as she could, even when Jason and Kaylie both offered to drive her home.
“I’m fine. I think the walk might do me good.”
Either she would make it home in one piece, or lose her mind overthinking everything on the way.
When the four of them reached the sidewalk that bordered the student parking lot, Conner stepped into her path as she turned away.
“Are you sick for real?”
His question was just low enough not to catch Jason or Kaylie’s attention.
Maya shrugged, unable to meet his eyes.
“I don’t know.”
He didn’t stop her when she turned and walked away, answering Kaylie and Jason’s calls of Bye and Get Better with a wave before wrapping her arms around her middle and holding herself tight.
Either word got around quick or everyone had the same idea, because, as far as Conner could see, about a third of the school was at the mall, which was never busy during the week.
“You and Maya seem tight. I mean, we all know you two are close, since like middle school, right?”
Jason was speaking, but Conner was still focused on various groups of kids clustered around the food court as he answered. Maybe he should have been more worried about Maya, but he really didn’t think she was sick. Not in the least bit.
“Yeah, we are.”
It was a simple answer, but a part of him knew that it wasn’t true. Not anymore. Not the way Maya had been acting, or really, if he was being honest with himself, the way he had been behaving, either. Jason’s face was suddenly in his field of vision, and he didn’t look like his usual agreeable self.
“Man, I don’t know what is going on with you two, but you aren’t acting like friends.”
Jason had a point, as Conner had just been considering, but before he could respond, his teammate continued to talk, and Conner saw Kaylie behind Jason, smiling and laughing with a g
roup of girls. Probably the ones she usually spent her lunch time with, until the whole prom thing became important.
And why had that happened?
Because he wanted to make Maya happy.
And where had that gotten him?
Absolutely nowhere.
“I know that we’re going to prom as friends, and Maya made that really clear to me. I like that she’s so direct, you know, no games like some girls.”
Jason was bouncing around, as if he knew Conner was distracted but wasn’t calling him out on it. Conner wasn’t sure why, except that Jason was just a good guy and was obviously genuinely concerned.
Wait, Conner stopped his thought process, his focus shifting from the wave Kaylie, still smiling, sent his way, to Jason. He could hear the girls surrounding Kaylie as they giggled. Maya would be rolling her eyes right about now, even though she liked Kaylie just fine.
What was Jason getting at?
“You like Maya?” he finally asked, not sure if he wanted to hear Jason’s answer. Jason, who was as popular as Conner, hadn’t had a date lined up for prom when Maya had asked him. In fact, Jason had asked her, and even though she turned him down, didn’t hold it against her when she changed her mind
Changed her mind on Conner’s advice.
Jason looked away, towards Kaylie’s group as the girls stepped over to the City Wok Chinese restaurant. Conner’s mom had taken him and Maya shopping for clothes one day in August several years ago to get new clothes for school, and they had stopped to get egg rolls for lunch there. Maya had insisted on paying for her new jeans as well as her egg roll and Fanta orange soda with dollar bills that were folded neatly in a little fish-shaped wallet she kept in her small purse, even though Conner’s mom had offered to pay for everything.
“Do you like Kaylie?”
Jason’s question jolted Conner from his thoughts, and he was starting to feel something like motion sickness from shifting from thinking to responding so quickly over the past few minutes. He shrugged and looked at Jason just as his friend focused on him, their eyes meeting as Conner answered.
“Yeah, she’s a nice girl. I mean, she’s more than a pretty face. She’s smart, she has goals and plans, and she thinks about other people.”
Jason laughed, his eyes crinkling up in a way that made Conner relax, knowing Jason’s expression was genuine.
“But you don’t like her, not like she’s interested in you. Am I right?”
Kaylie was interested in him? Hadn’t he said that he wanted to go to prom just as friends, back when he had asked her to be his date?
“Yeah, I can see the gears in your head turning. Just because you said friends doesn’t mean she doesn’t hope you might want to be more eventually. She looks at you in that way, you know?”
Conner knew that look, but he really hadn’t been paying much attention to anyone but Maya. He didn’t want to hurt Kaylie, though, but all he could do now was remind her that they were just friends, right?
What if she really wasn’t interested, and Jason was wrong, and Conner said something that just upset her, or made her mad that he thought she liked him? Girls chased him all the time, but he never wanted anyone to think he expected everyone to be interested, because he didn’t.
The one girl he really needed to be interested in him right now was walking home alone, while he stood here at the mall, wondering what kind of mess the two of them had made of their friendship.
“Okay, back to what I was originally asking about.”
Conner wanted to ask Jason to stop talking, just so he could figure out what was going on and what he needed to do to make it right, but there was no way he could without appearing to be obnoxious. He rubbed his hand over the back of his head and forced himself to smile.
“Which was?” he asked, hoping he sounded encouraging. Jason nodded, returning the smile, so Conner supposed he was successful.
“Maya’s great. Something’s been up with her, though, but I like how she isn’t all chirpy and fake like some of the girls who hang all over me. I mean, she doesn’t hang all over me, either, which I appreciate.”
Conner felt his stomach sink, clutching into a knot as he kept his eyes on Jason, waiting for him to continue. He was pretty sure he knew what was coming, although the words coming from Jason’s mouth sounded worse than they had in Conner’s head.
“I just want to be sure nothing is going on between the two of you. Like, dating going on. I don’t want to cause any problems, but I’d like to see if I can turn this friends thing into something more with her.”
Chapter Fifteen
Maya threw her backpack at the carpeted stairs that led to the second floor of her house, which were conveniently situated in front of the entryway of the front door. It wasn’t the first time she had used them to absorb the brunt of her anger, and it wouldn’t be the last.
It felt like it was the most important time, though. The one that came about for a reason more upsetting than the rest, except the time Conner’s sister had died and she was frustrated by her inability to make his pain disappear.
He had tried to distance himself from her, later explaining that his grief counselor had said it was a defense mechanism to protect him from the possibility of losing someone else he loved.
Someone else he loved.
That had been a few years ago, but he had said it back then as if it was something understood between them, a love that had grown within their friendship as they had grown up together, understanding each other like no one else did.
Now she didn’t feel like she understood him at all.
She left her backpack where it was and walked into the kitchen, where she opened the refrigerator door and stared into the space before her. Her mother would be working until eleven, and Maya wanted to make something for dinner that could easily be heated up so her mother could eat and get to sleep sooner rather than later. Sometimes her mother didn’t eat at all, preferring to crawl into bed after a quick shower, but Maya knew that eating something with protein would help her recharge as she slept.
Ground beef, green peppers . . . there should be rice and tomato sauce in the cabinet, she considered. Stuffed peppers would be time-consuming enough to keep her busy and focused, then she could eat while she did homework, setting a couple aside, wrapped on a plate and ready for her mom to reheat later.
What was Conner doing now, at the mall? Watching Kaylie model dresses? Trying on tuxes with Jason? Did he mind that she wasn’t there, or was he annoyed that she had dragged him into this? It seemed like Kaylie really liked him, and not just because he was a basketball star. Without Maya there to come between them, the two of them could be getting closer.
Even if she had been there, Conner wasn’t too happy with her right now, and regardless, they weren’t together like that, and never had been, so nothing was in his way if he wanted to date Kaylie.
She heard the telltale sizzle of burning rice and sighed, taking the pan off the hot burner and shifting it to one that hadn’t been used. The meat was browning in a large skillet on another one, so she pushed it around a little with a spatula. A tiny burst of grease splattered on her hand, and she stuck her finger in her mouth to ease the burn.
Tears spilled from her eyes before she could stop them, and she was glad no one was around to see her, crying over something so small. It didn’t hurt that much, but she knew that wasn’t the real reason the tears had caught her unawares.
After she held her finger under a stream of cold water in the sink, she took a moment to splash her face, the icy shock causing her to suck in a breath. She really needed to get her act together, she thought, with exams coming up, this possible job at the library, and the prom. She had gotten herself into the prom situation, and she was going to stick with it.