by Cecily Wolfe
There was movement over at the front desk, behind Lindsay, and Maya glanced over her manager’s shoulder in a way that she hoped wasn’t rude, or didn’t make her seem disinterested in what Lindsay was saying.
“I think you and Conner would both be great at the work this job entails, but your behavior over the past few days that you’ve been here has been erratic, which has me concerned. I’m glad to see that it’s a blip on the radar. Once you’ve graduated, you’ll have some time to clear your head, and I’m sure that you’ll find something this summer if this position doesn’t work out for you.”
Conner and Steve were talking, Conner on the public side of the desk with a couple of books in his hands, but with his face turned towards her. Steve tilted his head so his gaze was on her as well.
Wait, what did Lindsay say? She wondered, blinking a couple of times as she returned her own focus to her manager. Lindsay shook her head.
“Just keep up your usual level of work. Quality, not quantity. I know I can count on you and Conner.”
With a small smile that looked a little more tired than usual, Lindsay backed away, walking back behind the front desk with a nod and half-hearted wave at Steve and Conner.
What were the two of them up to? More importantly, had she just made Lindsay think she was a complete idiot for blanking out and staring off behind her?
Worse, did she think Maya had been looking at Conner while they were talking? Did she suspect that Maya liked Conner, in a romantic way?
For the five hundredth time she since she and Conner had started volunteering at the library, Maya couldn’t help but shake her head as one word came to mind.
Librarians.
Steve and Lindsay were too astute. Andrea probably was, too, but she and Conner didn’t see her quite as much as the other two. It was unnerving how stealthy they could be, and hyperaware, in tune with every mood shift, every tiny change in appearance or behavior.
What exactly happened in library school that made them this way?
She narrowed her eyes when she caught Conner looking at her again, and turned back to her cart of books. Nancy Drew still needed to be shelved, and Maya summoned her original happiness at finding it on the cart earlier, proof that there were other kids who were enjoying these old-fashioned but engaging mysteries.
Holding on to the warmth she felt in her chest at the thought, she tucked The Clue in the Diary in its rightful place between The Secret of Red Gate Farm and Nancy’s Mysterious Letter, suddenly remembering that this was the story where Ned, Nancy’s patient, understanding boyfriend, first appeared.
She touched the spine gently and moved on to the next book on the cart, forcing herself to keep her eyes on the books and not anywhere near Conner.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Slamming her locker shut wasn’t going to make her feel any better in the long run, Maya knew, but after last night, including a long four hours of shelving books and shelf reading that she knew wasn’t done as correctly as usual, and worse, a deathly quiet walk home with a silent Conner, it satisfied her for a brief moment.
Conner had offered a soft but genuine good night as she left the sidewalk to walk down her driveway, and she stopped momentarily, nearly responding before she decided to keep going instead.
Part of her wanted to find him, right now in between classes, and pull him into an empty classroom, both to yell at him and kiss him. She knew it was contradictory, but so were her feelings.
If she gave into him, though, because she loved him, what did that say about her own self-respect? How many times had she rolled her eyes at the girls who fawned over their boyfriends, over Conner, or Jason, the girls who were willing to be whoever the boys they liked wanted them to be?
Most importantly, it wouldn’t be something she would do, not for anyone, and Conner loved her for herself, as she was, unchanged.
He did love her, she knew, and she kicked at her locker door just for the heck of it as she reminded herself that she could always count on his love for her as a friend. Why was being herself, the same Maya he had been happy to be friends with for so long, coming between them?
“What did that locker ever do to you?”
Kaylie’s voice was upbeat as usual, with a genuinely questioning note that went along with her playful frown. Maya couldn’t help but smile.
She sighed, but kept her smile in place, hoping that Kaylie didn’t think anything was wrong. Before she could answer, Kaylie continued to speak.
“Are we still on for shopping? We haven’t had much of a chance to talk, just the two of us. It’ll be fun to hang out, you know?”
Kaylie was right. Maya tried not to bump into her too much as the other kids pressed past them, but Kaylie didn’t seem to mind.
“I’m happy to go to prom in jeans and a t-shirt, but I think my mom wouldn’t be too happy about it,” Maya confided, purposefully keeping her head lowered so she wouldn’t accidentally see Conner. Or Jason.
She wished that Conner hadn’t told her about Jason’s interest in her. She didn’t need any more complications, and while she didn’t like thinking of her prom date as a complication, making sure that she didn’t hurt his feelings was just something else to worry about.
"I know exactly the place, and the dresses, that will be perfect for us. I saw them when the guys and I were at the mall. Jason thought they were pretty, but he’s really agreeable, so I can’t imagine that he would say otherwise. Unless the dresses were really awful. I would hope he would speak up to convince me to wear something else if they were.”
Maya stepped on someone’s foot, mumbling an apology that probably wasn’t even heard as the crowd kept moving. Kaylie sounded as if Jason’s opinion was important to her, and Maya wondered if there was something more going on behind Kaylie’s concern.
“So you and Jason get along pretty well. Have you ever gone out with him?”
That might have been too direct, Maya thought, after the words left her lips. Kaylie didn’t respond right away, and Maya glanced over, lifting her head barely enough to focus on Kaylie. The other girl didn’t look annoyed or angry, only thoughtful.
“We did, once, back in tenth grade. I don’t know why we didn’t go out again. I think we ended up seeing other people right after, and I don’t know about you, but that was a crazy year. So much social stuff, and so many dates. I guess I wasn’t ready for an actual relationship.”
Kaylie shrugged, and Maya stopped herself from addressing the ‘I don’t know about you” comment. So much social stuff? Maya’s social stuff consisted primarily of hanging out with Conner, with an occasional party or sports event one of her few girl friends asked her to. The idea of all that time spent with different people, different boys, was not appealing.
“I won’t even ask about you and Conner.”
When Kaylie continued talking, Maya wasn’t ready for what she heard. Sarcasm wasn’t something Kaylie usually practiced, and the tone wasn’t there, either. Clearly Maya was missing the point.
“I’m not sure what you mean by that,” she said tentatively, pretty sure she wasn’t going to like the answer, whatever it might be. Anything that involved Conner was going to cause a mood swing in one direction or another, and either way it would be exhausting.
Kaylie stopped in front of a classroom, and Maya figured it was where she needed to be that period.
“I think you do, Maya,” Kaylie spoke with an air of authority, and Maya couldn’t help but take notice, standing up straighter as she waited for her to explain. But she didn’t.
With a small wave and an equally tiny smile, Kaylie turned away, leaving Maya to wrestle with her thoughts as she made her way to her own classroom.
Jason couldn’t seem to stop talking, and Conner was glad of it. Without the upbeat chatter, he was sure he would be uncomfortable with the quiet time alone with his thoughts. All of which involved Maya, kissing her and yelling at her in turns.
“And then I put on the bunny suit, but the best part was that I was c
ompletely naked underneath it,” Jason laughed as he spoke, and Conner finally looked at him instead of the floor. What in the world was he saying about naked bunnies?
“Man, you are so out of it. I’ve never seen you this bad before. Are exams stressing you out that much? Or does this have to do with a certain girl?”
Conner glanced away quickly, taking a moment to return a wave from a group of their basketball teammates. In a couple of months, they would all be scattering to different colleges, some to play ball, others to move on to different pursuits.
Everything was getting too real, and leaving Maya had been a prospect he hadn’t wanted to face until he absolutely had to. Leaving her when the two of them couldn’t reconcile over this job was infinitely worse. It was going to have to resolve itself, that whole situation, because she was being so unbelievably unreasonable.
It took two to argue, so he was going to be done with it. Play it cool for prom, and with some distance until then and a concerted effort on his and Jason’s parts, a great night at the dance. Even if they were other people’s dates, and not each other’s.
“No, I mean, I don’t know what you mean. Why would you get into a rabbit costume without wearing anything under it?”
Conner had definitely missed something during their conversation, which he had thought was keeping him out of his own head. Meanwhile, he had been looking for Maya, just so he could avoid looking at her if he saw her.
Made total sense.
“I wouldn’t get into a rabbit costume, period. But there are frat parties ahead, so time will tell. More importantly, and seriously, is there anything I can do to help?”
Jason’s offer wasn’t completely out of the blue, as Conner knew that while Jason was friendly and outgoing, he was also very sincere. But what could Jason do to help fix his relationship with Maya, especially when Jason was interested in dating Maya himself?
His teeth ground together and he had forced himself to stop, both the grinding and the thought of Maya with Jason. Jason would be sweet and attentive, but Conner wanted to be those things, too. Wasn’t he already?
He shook his head, frowning before smiling enough to hopefully convince Jason that everything was fine.
“Everything’s pretty crazy right now, and all of it at once. How are you not losing your mind?”
Conner watched Jason’s face carefully, hoping to find some crack in the exterior that would give show some understanding of his own situations. Not a chance. Jason was cool and carefree, his smile easy and genuine, and Conner felt momentarily reassured as Jason answered him simply.
“It will all pass, you know. My grandma has always said that, and it’s true. Besides, even though exams suck, we have prom, and that’s going to be the bomb. We’ll make sure of it. Kaylie and Maya won’t know what hit them.”
Conner was pretty sure that he was the one who was going to get hit, probably by another slap from Maya. He almost confided in Jason, but on second thought, decided that if there was a chance for Maya to forge a romance with Jason, he didn’t want to undermine it.
He didn’t want to sound like he was complaining about her, which he wasn’t. Or he was.
“Kaylie texted me earlier today and said they were definitely going to get dresses tomorrow. Man, that one she tried on with the rhinestones on the waist was wicked. She looked like she was ready for the Miss America pageant.”
Wait a minute, Conner caught himself speaking out loud. Jason was talking about how pretty Kaylie had looked? True, Maya hadn’t been there to model gowns that day, but it seemed a little strange that Jason would bring it up, specifically mentioning how he thought Kaylie looked in that sparkly dress.
Conner remembered a deep purple satin dress that Kaylie explained would be perfect for Maya. He really couldn’t picture Maya in a dress, although she had worn one to Danielle’s calling hours and funeral. A simple, black one that she said belonged to her mother.
What would Jason think of how she looked in that purple dress?
Maya would most likely let Kaylie tell her what dress to buy, and all the other stuff girls needed to have for prom. Renting tuxes and making dinner reservations had been the extent of his and Jason’s efforts, aside from accompanying Kaylie dress shopping.
“Is there a reason you’re avoiding Maya?”
Jason snapped his fingers in front of Conner’s face after he spoke, and Conner jumped. Before he could answer Jason’s question, or even confirm or deny it as a statement, Jason backed away.
“Don’t walk into any walls on the way to class. Even I can’t take two girls to prom, so I need your brains unscrambled until then.”
He turned around and left Conner standing in the hall, which was emptying fast. His first class was around the corner, and Conner made a point of not crashing into the wall as he sped up, stepping into the room as the bell rang.
Chapter Twenty Eight
Study. Study. Study.
Maya did. It was all she did for the next week, following a less than thrilling shopping expedition that had to be a disappointment to Kaylie, who was increasingly patient with Maya. Personally, Maya was impatient with herself, and didn’t understand what Kaylie was getting out of her efforts.
With the purple satin dress hanging in her closet and a pair of her mother’s shoes, silver heels that had been tucked away in the back of a closet, Maya was sure she was ready for prom, at least as ready as she would ever be. Kaylie had suggested hair and nail appointments, but didn’t push when Maya shook her head.
Even if Maya had wanted to, where would she get the money for such an extravagance? Besides, getting a manicure would make it hard to bite her nails if she needed to.
And she definitely needed to. By the time the week wound down and she left her last exam with a moderately satisfied sigh, all of her nails were bitten as far as she could get them, and she wondered if she would have started gnawing her knuckles if she had to take even one more exam.
Staying away from Conner wasn’t remotely possible, and she had tried. She knew that he was making an effort to stay out of her way as well, but a sort of sixth sense always kicked in when he was close, close enough for them to see each other and move apart.
Lunch was tricky, and the acting on both of their parts, for the sake of keeping things normal for Kaylie and Jason, was lame.
Maya wished she could talk to Conner about it, joke around about how dumb it was for them to act this way. That was the problem with fighting with your best friend. Who did you talk to about it, when he was the one you always went to to talk about everything?
Conner hadn’t chased her on their walk to the library again. She got a head start from school, and he stayed back until she was out of sight. Morning walks were separate as well, a fact that her mother noticed but said little about, except that she hoped whatever was going on between them was temporary.
Maya hadn’t bothered to answer her, because she wasn’t sure how to explain what it was that was keeping the two of them at odds.
The job? Absolutely. That kiss? Definitely.
Right now, though, all she wanted to do was go home and hide in her bed, the blanket pulled over her head, and hide until graduation. Moaning would draw attention from the other kids, who were walking around moderately subdued, as if their last exams had sucked the life out of them as well.
Maya glanced around to see if Conner was anywhere near, but didn’t see him as she spun the combination lock on her locker around for the last time. Nothing was left in it, and the solitary reason any of the seniors had to report next week was for graduation practice.