by Elle Casey
I went around to the other side of the desk and sat down in Dardennes’ chair. I scooted it forward so I could get closer to the pixie. I hunched down, putting my arms on the desk and my face right up to the glass.
The pixie backed up a little.
I guess that must have looked pretty gruesome, my huge face up that close. I backed up just a smidge, and the pixie returned to the edge nearest me. Now that I was this close I could see his features better. He was wearing clothes similar to the other fae, but his were green and brown and much, much tinier. He had reddish brown hair and, other than his small size, seemed pretty proportional. I half expected him to have pointed ears and a pointed nose, but nope – he looked like a regular person. I thought I could see some tiny muscles under his tunic too. I wondered if pixie girls thought he was hot.
I could see he was talking to me. I wished I could hear him. I wondered if I’d hear him if he was out of the jar, or if his voice was supersonically pitched and only dogs or werewolves could hear it.
“I wish I could let you out. But that gray elf told me you would pixie me and then I’d be in crazytown for the rest of my life. And apparently, elementals like me can live a long time. Sorry, but I can’t risk it.” I gave him my best apologetic look.
The pixie threw up his hands and stomped around, gesturing wildly. Something I said had pissed him off.
I realized then that I could kind of tell what he was thinking by his reactions. Maybe this pixie knew how to play charades.
“Hey, Pixieman, I can’t hear you, but maybe you can tell me what you want to say with signals or gestures. Know what I mean? Like charades?”
I saw his head nod up and down really quickly.
“I know you want to come out. But if I let you out, someone’s going to get hurt.”
He shook his head vehemently. Then he put his hand over his heart and bowed, as if making some kind of promise to me.
“Are you saying that you swear you won’t do anything to hurt anyone?”
He jumped up and down, clapping his hands. Now I could totally picture him dancing around in a meadow. He was good at the jumping for joy thing.
“You realize that when I say ‘hurt’, I mean a person could get pixied and end up forever dancing around and laughing and singing, right?”
Pixieman looked confused at that.
“Did you know that the fae do not like it when you make them dance around?”
Now Pixieman looked at me like I was nuts.
“Yeah, it’s true. I just learned that today. See, I personally think we should probably dance around like fools more often, but apparently your kind of pixie spell makes the fae do it all the time. And they have to be serious sometimes.”
He shook his head side to side, then skipped around a bit, smiling. Then he threw his arms out like, ‘Ta da!’
“Yeah, I totally get what you’re saying. Like, what’s wrong with being happy and joyful all the time? But we have a war going on out here, and if we spend all our time screwing around and goofing off, we’re gonna get killed.”
Pixieman looked horrified at that. He shook his head slowly, as if he didn’t want to believe me.
“I’m telling the truth.” I sat back and put my hand over my heart, making a little bow, like I’d seen him do earlier.
His teeny tiny eyes grew wider and his shoulders slumped. Obviously this news of war was a not so pleasant surprise to him.
“Didn’t you know about the war?”
He shook his head no. He sat down in the jar, looking into his lap.
“Hey. Hey, Pixieman.”
He didn’t look up.
I tapped on the glass. “Hey!”
He threw his hands up to his ears and shot me a dirty look.
“Oops. Sorry. Listen, I have an idea. But if you don’t want to hear it ... ” I started to get up from the chair, pretending like I was going to leave.
He jumped up and gestured with his hands, waving towards himself. He wanted to hear it.
I sat back down. “I think I’m gonna let you out of here.”
He smiled and ran to the edge of the glass, pushing his nose against it.
I cannot adequately explain how frigging hilarious it is to see a pixie nose pressed against glass like that. I nearly peed myself laughing.
Gasping I told him, “Move away from the glass. You look too funny.”
He frowned at me but moved back a pace.
“Okay, so I’m gonna let you out ... on two conditions. Do you understand? You have to make me two promises.”
He nodded furiously and held up two tiny fingers. I could barely see them.
“First, you have to promise on your fae life ... and the life of ... all your pixie family lives, that you will not pixie anyone or charm anyone or send anyone into your happy, happy place. Got it?”
He nodded. First he skipped around all super excited, then he slapped his wrist and looked majorly sad.
“Exactly. No happy time for anyone here in the Green Forest.” I held up two fingers and pointed to the second one. “Second, you have to stay with me for a while.”
He looked at me confused.
I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn’t sure why I wanted him to stay, just that I did. I’d never known a pixie before and I was willing to bet he had all kinds of crazy shit to tell me. Plus, how cool would it be to have a pixie for a friend? He’d probably make a great spy. The possibilities were endless.
“I want us to be friends. I thought maybe you could hang out for a while.”
He was even more confused now. He pointed to himself and then he pointed to me and then back to himself.
“Yeah. You and me. Friends.”
He started skipping around and laughing inside his jar. Then he stopped and looked at me questioningly.
I shook my head no. “No, I don’t want to go to crazytown. I just want to be my regular self.” I made a serious face.
Pixieman shrugged, as if to say, ‘Whatever floats your boat.’
I could work with this. “We have deal?” I held out my giant hand towards the glass wall, acting as if I was shaking his hand.
He held his tiny hand out towards the glass as if shaking mine.
We both moved our hands up and down.
“You better not be fucking me over. I’ll squash you like a bug if you do.”
He put his hand on his heart and shook his head.
“Okay. Here it goes ... ”
I put my hand on the top of the bell jar. I grasped the glass bulb handle and started lifting.
Pixieman’s face lit up like a tiny little ray of sun. He started hopping from one foot to the other, clapping his hands and spinning around with glee. I tried not to be nervous about it. He looked a liiiiitle too happy.
As the glass lifted up high enough for him to get out, the door to the room flew open, slamming against the wall behind it. Dardennes and Céline were standing in the doorway – Ivar, Niles and the old man from the amphitheater behind them in the hallway. All of their eyes opened as wide as saucers when they saw what I was doing.
“Don’t!!!” thundered Dardennes at the same time Céline screamed “Nooooo!!!!”
But it was too late. Pixieman flew out of the jar, buzzed around the desk, and then headed straight for my face.
Chapter 18
I screamed, not because the pixie had scared me, but because everyone else freaking out sent me into a panic. Plus the pixie kinda looked like a giant bug coming right at me, so that didn’t help.
Luckily I had the presence of mind not to swat at him, even though I could feel my left hand twitching like it wanted to. I would have felt terrible if I had smashed him one – poor little guy.
Everyone was shouting and ducking and generally acting like a bunch of crazy fools. I had ducked too, an involuntary reflex. I felt something on my shoulder and realized after about two seconds of being stunned and confused that it had to be Pixieman. So far I didn’t feel like dancing and laughing, so I had to assume he hadn’
t pixied my ass yet.
I stood quickly because I saw that Ivar was on his way over to us. I could hear the clump, clump, clumping of his heavy moccasins on the floor. I wondered how he could make them sound so loud when everyone else’s moccasins were silent on these floors.
“Stop!” I yelled, before he could get too close.
I heard a tiny buzzing near my ear. What the hell?
Céline and Dardennes were shouting at each other, Ivar and to the fae that had gathered in the hallway.
“Will everyone please shut the hell up?!” I yelled as loud as I could.
The place got instantly quiet. You could have heard a pin drop.
I continued in a calmer, quieter voice. “You were saying, Pixieman?”
Then I could hear him. A tiny voice in my left ear. “My name is Tim, not Pixieman!”
I started laughing loudly. I couldn’t help myself. It wasn’t a pixie charm, though; it was the fact that this guy’s name was Tim. As in Tiny Tim. It was too damn much. I was leaning over, grasping my stomach, laughing hysterically.
I looked up, ready to share my joke with the other fae, but didn’t see the reaction I’d expected. There were no smiles. No looks of ‘Gee, I wonder what’s so funny ... ’. No – the only thing I saw was fear mingled with sadness.
Céline had her hand to her mouth, tears in her eyes. Dardennes’ head was hanging, slowly shaking from side to side. The old wizard man looked sad, a frown on his face. Niles just looked pissed. That was normal for him though.
I looked over at Ivar, still chuckling a little. He looked scared to death. He had his eyes glued to my shoulder. I was thinking as I looked at him that if I yelled ‘Boo!’ right then, he’d probably scream like a little bitch and run for his life. What was everyone’s problem?
I stopped laughing because of their total downer attitudes. “What the hell is wrong with you guys? Did somebody just die or something?”
Céline swiveled her head to look at Dardennes and the old man. Niles jerked his head back to me, suddenly looking confused. Ivar took a slow step backwards. Dardennes lifted his head and started talking.
“Jayne?”
I looked at him like he was an idiot. “Yeeesss?”
“Why aren’t you laughing anymore?”
“Maybe because you guys are a bunch of killjoys ... wet blankets ... sticks in the mud. Duh. Why is everyone so serious around here all the time? No wonder the pixies are always pixying your asses.”
Céline dropped her hand from her mouth. “Do you mean ... you’re not pixied right now?”
“No, don’t be ridiculous. Do you see me jumping around in circles singing show tunes?”
“Well ... no ... not right now. But you were. Laughing uncontrollably anyway.”
“That’s because Tim said something funny. Call me crazy, but I laugh at funny shit.”
She looked confused. So did all the other faces in front of me. Then I heard the old man say, “She’s hallucinating. This is one of the end stages. It’s come early for her. It must be because she’s an elemental.”
I looked at them with disgust. “Don’t be stupid, old man, I’m not hallucinating. Tim is the pixie. He had just told me his name and I found it pretty hilarious that a pixie would be named Tim. That’s not crazy, that’s normal.” I looked at them but they were obviously still confused. “Don’t you get it?”
They all shook their heads.
“My god, where the hell have you been for the last hundred years? Tiny Tim. Get it? Tiny Tim?”
They looked at each other, seeing if any of their friends knew what the hell I was talking about.
“Never mind. If you knew my human history, you’d be laughing your asses off too.” I heard the buzzing again near my ear, so I held my finger up to the fae at the door, signaling them to be quiet. “Say that again, Tim ... ?”
I listened closely and the buzzing became words. “Tell them I don’t want to go in that glass prison again!”
“Listen guys, Tim says he doesn’t want to go in the jar again.”
Ivar had been slowly backing up this whole time and had now reached the others. “What do you want me to do, Sir?” he asked Dardennes quietly.
For the first time since I’d met him, Dardennes was speechless. He just stood there, looking at me, slowly moving his head side to side. I decided not to wait for his decision.
“Let me make this easy for you guys, okay? No one’s putting anyone or anyfae in any jars. Got it? Tim is with me now. He and I have a deal. I took him out of the jar in exchange for a promise that he wouldn’t pixie anyone in the Green Forest. So you can all relax and stop getting your panties in a bunch. You don’t have to worry – you can stay your unhappy, serious selves. He’s not going to pixie you.”
Niles shouted back. “You stupid changeling! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to make deals with the smaller fae?!”
That little turd pissed me off so much in that instant, I can’t even describe it. I lost my cool all over his ass. I started advancing from behind the desk.
“No! As a matter of fact, I don’t! You wanna know why? Because nobody, including you, you friggin’ dwarf asshole, has bothered to tell me! You just treat me like I’m some sort of experiment, setting me loose in the Green Forest to hurt people because I have no idea what I’m doing – you gave me a fucking enchanted dragon tooth as a weapon and probably had a big laugh at me when I kept calling it a sharp stick!” At that I saw Dardennes and Céline look at each other, and if I’m not mistaken, guiltily, “ ... Oh yeah, and no one bothers to mention that there are Dark Fae out there just kind of hanging around, trying to get a bead on me and maybe take a shot at me so I can take a nice, long dirt nap. I’m starting to get the impression that this place could use a more organized leadership team. And that includes you, you commando dwarf asshole ... who I happen to know is not the badass he thinks he is, considering this stupid girl was able to string him up like a Thanksgiving turkey by his short, fat, ugly ankles before she was even fae!!”
I took five long strides until I was standing in front of them. I pulled Blackie out and held it in front of me. “Now, get out of my way. Tim and I are going to go check my email.”
They reluctantly parted so that I could pass, Dardennes reaching out to me before I started to walk.
“Jayne, please don’t go. You have a right to be angry. Let’s talk about this. I’m ... not sure that taking the pixie out of this office is such a good idea.”
I shot him my angriest look ever. “His name. Is Tim.”
I pushed past, glaring at Niles as I left. Arrogant little shit.
I imagined the computer room in my mind and in less than a minute I was in front of the door. I walked in and slammed the door behind me. I sat at the computer farthest from the door, still fuming.
“Tim, you can come out of my hair now.”
I felt something tickle the back of my neck, and then Tim was flying over to land next to the keyboard. He was obviously very happy. He danced around a bit and then jumped into some kind of karate maneuvering, smiling and laughing like a crazy person as he imitated someone beating someone else’s ass with a series of kicks and chops, which he executed in the air next to the keyboard. Then he pointed at me and hugged himself hard.
“Yeah, I was pretty friggin’ awesome in there, wasn’t I?”
He nodded his head vigorously.
“You know, I wish I could hear you better. Your voice is so tiny.” The only way I could hear him was if he was in my ear and the room was totally silent. Oh well. We could work with the charades thing for now.
I started typing and Tim watched me carefully. I wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen a computer before, so I talked while I typed.
“This is a computer. We use it to communicate with other people around the world. I used to be a human. I have a human friend who lives in Florida. I miss him. I’m checking to see if he got my message and if he sent me a new one. See? I click on these buttons using the mouse.”
At the word ‘mouse’ Tim freaked. He buzzed up to my shoulder and dug himself into my ponytail.
“Ouch, Tim! Get out of there, you’re pulling my hair! What’s wrong with you?” My instinct was to bat him away from the back of my head, but I didn’t want to hurt him, so I just cringed through the pain – but it was hard because those hairs on the back of my neck were very sensitive when they were pulled.
I heard his buzzing again, but the only word I got out of it was ‘mouse’.
“Oh, shit. You’re afraid of mice?”
There was more buzzing.
“Come out of there, you wuss. I wasn’t talking about a real mouse, I was talking about this computer thing here.” I wiggled the mouse back and forth until I felt him come out of my hair. “See? It looks a little like a mouse – white with a long tail?”
Tim flew back down and landed on my hand that was holding the mouse. I continued to click through the buttons that would get me to my email, no longer worried about my wussy friend Tim. He stood like a surfer, balancing on my hand while I moused around.
I had almost finished, and I was poised over the ‘Get New Mail’ button, when Tim suddenly jumped up and down on my hand once. Hard. His landing from the jump made me click the mouse involuntarily.
My new messages popped up.
I laughed. “Good one, Tim! You did it! You stomped that mouse’s ass.”
Tim flew up and suspended himself in front of me, his wings beating so fast they were invisible, a big grin lighting up his face. He started spinning in circles out of sheer delight. I had no idea how he did that without getting motion sick.
“Tim. Chill. I don’t want you accidentally pixying me or barfing on me.” I gave him my stern look.
He immediately stopped flying for joy and put his hand over his heart again.
“Yeah, yeah, I know, you promise not to do it. Just don’t do it accidentally either. I don’t want those a-holes thinking they were right about you.”
I saw that I had a new message from Tony, so I immediately ignored Tim. I clicked it open hurriedly, my eyes scanning the one line response over and over, hardly believing what it said.