by Sandi Lynn
My mother finally made an appointment for me to see Dr. Blakely. She was a psychologist who specialized in amnesia victims. She was worried about me and the depression I had gone into and my refusal to leave the house. She didn’t understand what it was like to feel like a stranger in the only home I supposedly ever lived in. Even though I remembered her, Harry, and Zoey, there was nothing else about my life that I could call my own. I was a stranger in Claire Montgomery’s body.
“Claire Montgomery,” Dr. Blakely called into the waiting room.
I got up from my seat and followed her into her office. She asked me to please take a seat on the couch and make myself comfortable while she sat in the leather chair across from me. I was envious of her long, black straight hair. Her eyes were brown and her skin was sun kissed like she had just gotten back from vacation.
“How are you, Claire?” she asked kindly.
I fumbled with my hands and looked down. “I’m okay, I guess.”
“Tell me what you remember about your life.”
I started twisting my hair around my finger. “I don’t remember anyone or anything except my mom, dad, and sister.”
“Hmm,” she said as she jotted something down on her pad of paper.
We sat and talked for the hour, and when the session was over, we scheduled another appointment. I liked Dr. Blakely; she was kind and easy to talk to. She recommended that I come see her at least twice a week and, when she felt I was ready, she was going to use hypnotherapy to see if it would trigger any memories. She prescribed an anti-depressant for me to help with the depression, but I didn’t take them. Since my mother was watching every move I made, I took a pill out of the bottle every morning and flushed it down the toilet so there was always one less when she counted them.
****
Four more weeks passed, and today was the day that Dr. Blakely was going to use hypnotherapy on me. She instructed me to lie down on the couch and completely relax. She put a warm blanket over me and told me to picture in my mind where I’d like to go. She talked in a low voice and asked me if I was where I wanted to be.
“Yes,” I answered.
“Good, Claire. Now I want you to go back to when you were five years old. What do you see?”
“I’m at my birthday party with my family and friends in our backyard. There were a lot of people there and I rode a pony and had a beautiful doll cake.”
“Claire, I want you to fast forward to when you were thirteen.”
“I’m with Ally and Rachel and we are at a park, rollerblading. Ouch, I fell and scraped my knee.” I started to cry.
“Claire, I want you to go forward and stop at the age of seventeen.”
All of a sudden, my mind started flashing through memories like a photo album; images of me and a boy dancing, holding hands, having fun, kissing, touching and being together. My body was overcome with happiness and I felt whole. Then, suddenly, I was in a car and all I saw were headlights blinding my eyes.
“Sam!” I started screaming.
“Claire, I’m going to count to 5 and you are to wake up. 1.2.3.4.5. Snap.”
I awoke instantly and found myself covered in sweat. I looked at Dr. Blakely as I swallowed hard.
“Claire, who is Sam?”
I looked at her and then looked around the room. “I don’t know.”
She scribbled down something on her pad and the session was over. I walked out of her office feeling worse than I had in months. It seemed like all the progress I made vanished, just like my memories. I never went back after that day.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the name Sam. When I got home, I went right to the kitchen where Corinne was helping with dinner.
“How was your appointment, Claire?” she asked.
“Mom, did I know someone named Sam?”
She stopped stirring the sauce and froze for a moment. She turned around and looked at me.
“Samantha was one of your girlfriends.”
“Was she in the car with me?”
“Why are you asking this and how did you remember that name?”
“Dr. Blakely used hypnotherapy on me today and I screamed the name Sam.”
I could tell she was uncomfortable. She asked me to sit down at the table with her. She took a hold of my hands and gently squeezed them.
“Sam died in the accident.”
Tears started to fall from my eyes. “What?”
“We didn’t want to tell you because we didn’t want you to blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault, Claire. She was sitting in the passenger’s seat.”
I couldn’t control the tears as my mother reached over and hugged me. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s time for you to move on from that horrible accident.”
“But, my friend died!”
“It wasn’t your fault and don’t you dare blame yourself.”
“What about her family? I have to talk to them!” I exclaimed.
“You can’t, Claire. After the accident, they moved away. This is why we didn’t want to tell you.”
I pretended to be okay, just so Corinne would stop talking. I couldn’t believe that someone died while I was driving. They said it wasn’t my fault, but I still felt like it was. I wanted something in remembrance of Sam, but there weren’t any pictures or anything around. I called Ally and Rachel and they confirmed Corinne’s story. They said they would try to dig up some pictures of her, but they never did. After a while, and getting the feeling that I was being lied to, I gave up trying to talk to Corinne and Harry about the accident. I had a feeling there was way more than what they were telling me. In due time, I would make it my mission to find out what they were hiding.
****
I spent my time learning things I didn’t know before the accident. I learned to play the piano and guitar fluently. My mother said I had a natural talent for music. I would sit at the piano and play for hours, drowning my sadness in the piano keys and creating my own sad melodies. I walked around the neighborhood, the park, and even the town, hoping the littlest sight would jog a memory. I went to the beach and walked along the shore. I set down a blanket and sat down with my knees to my chest. I stared out into the blue ocean water and watched the waves lap against the shore. I felt like I was drawn here, that I was supposed to be here. I couldn’t explain the feeling or why; all I knew was that I needed to be at the beach. I sat there on my blanket with the warm soft sand underneath me while the sun was getting ready to set. Suddenly, my head started to hurt, and as I clutched the sides with my hands, I saw a flashback of a beach with me and someone sitting on a blanket. I was laughing. Instantly, bright lights were blinding me, and I heard the loud sound of a crash. My mind finally settled and the images were gone. The only thing I was left with was a headache. I folded up the blanket and headed home. Dr. Blakely had prescribed me some medication in case my headaches got worse. I opened my medicine cabinet and pulled out the bottle. I fumbled with the white childproof cap and shook one pill into my hand. I took it with a glass of water and went to bed.
Chapter 9
It had been three years since the accident and nothing more than a few flashing lights and shadowy images filled my mind. Memories were far and gone except for the new ones I made when I awoke from my coma. I went on with my life the best I could. Zoey had married Dylan a year before and they were expecting their first baby. My mom and Zoey tried occasionally to set me up on dates, but the truth was I wasn’t interested in dating, and I wasn’t interested in relationships. I felt like half a person and it wasn’t fair to the poor guy only to get half of me. Besides, I never connected with anyone. My heart ached and I had no explanation for it. Even after three years, there wasn’t a day that went by that my heart wasn’t hurting. I’d given up trying to figure out my life before the accident, which was enough to drive any sane person right into the loony bin. I couldn’t stay sheltered in my past life or in this house anymore. I needed to start fresh, somewhere new and on my own. My parents sued the driver of the other car and put the
settlement in my bank account. I didn’t care about the money at the time, but now that I was planning to leave, it would come in handy. The first thing I needed to do was to pick a city where I wanted to start my new life. I got on my laptop and pulled up a map of the United States. I looked at New York City, Chicago, and Las Vegas, but they weren’t appealing to me, at least not to live. My pop-up blocker must have been turned off because a pop up for Seattle’s Best Coffee came across my computer. I stared at the word “Seattle.” I must have wanted to go there because I was set to attend the University of Washington before the accident according to Corinne. That was it; Seattle was the city I would start my new life in. I typed Expedia.com into the address bar and searched flights from Newport Beach to Seattle. The next flight out was tomorrow morning at seven. I called a cab to be at my house at four.
I sat down at my desk and wrote a letter to my family:
Dear Mom and Dad,
I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. As you are reading this, I will be on my way somewhere new to start my life on my own. I’m not sure where I’m going, but I will call you when I get settled. This is something I have to do for me, and I hope you can understand that. I don’t really know what I’m looking for, but I know it’s not here in Newport Beach. I will be forever grateful for all your support. I love you both very much, so please don’t cry, and let me go do what I need to find myself.
Love,
Your daughter, Claire.
I felt horrible for not telling them where I was going, but I didn’t need them hunting me down before I even landed. I would tell them about Seattle as soon as I got myself settled in. I packed my suitcase with as many items that would fit and then my carryon with my girly things. I figured what I didn’t take, I would buy what I needed when I got there. I sent a few emails to some apartments I found online. I decided that I would deal with that when I landed. I laid down for a while but couldn’t seem to fall asleep. I looked at the clock and it was almost four a.m. I tiptoed down the stairs and set my bags down by the door. I walked to the kitchen, turned on the light, and left the note on the counter by the coffee maker. I turned off the light, picked up my bags, opened the door, and headed down the drive towards the waiting cab.
I boarded the plane and suddenly became nervous. Since I couldn’t remember if I had flown before, I considered this my first time and I was feeling anxious. I found my seat and sat down quickly. The flight wasn’t so bad and the landing was smooth. I stepped outside and breathed in the Seattle air. I hailed a cab and had the cabbie drive me to the local Hilton. I put the key card in the door and turned the handle. I stepped into the room and admired the burgundy and beige décor while setting my suitcase on the bed. I pulled my phone from my purse and there was a text from Corinne.
“Please be safe and call us the minute you get to your destination.”
I smiled because I expected some harsh words and a fight. But maybe they understood where I was coming from and decided to let me go.
“I’ve landed and I’m safe. Please don’t worry.”
I checked my email and found a response from one of the apartments I had inquired about. They had a one-bedroom apartment left that was ready for immediate occupancy. I dialed their phone number and told the girl on the phone I was on my way to look at it.
The cab pulled up to the three-story brown brick building, and I asked the driver if he could wait. He nodded his head and I headed inside to the rental office. As I stepped through the door, the manager held her finger up to me as she finished talking to someone on the phone. When she finished her conversation, she got out of her chair and introduced herself.
“I’m Tina, the manager of these apartments.”
I extended my hand. “Hi, Claire Montgomery. I’m the one who called about the one-bedroom apartment for rent.”
“Ah, yes, Miss Montgomery, follow me.”
I followed the long-legged vixen up the stairs to the second floor. We walked down the long hallway until we reached 5B. Tina inserted the key in the lock, opened the door, and I stepped inside and looked around. The walls throughout were painted beige and the carpet looked brand new. The kitchen was an L-shape with a breakfast bar. The living room was spacious with two floor-to-ceiling windows. I walked down the short hallway to a half bath and across was the one bedroom with a private bath off to the side. Overall, the apartment was perfect and I didn’t hesitate to let Tina know that I wanted it.
“Good choice, Claire. I know you’ll love it here. Let’s go down to my office and fill out the paperwork.”
She told me I could move in that day, but I needed to buy some furniture first. I told her that I’d move in over the weekend. Just as we were leaving the apartment, and she was locking the door, a guy across the hall was leaving his apartment. He locked his door, said hi, and gave me a friendly smile. I would be lying if I said it was no big deal. This guy was gorgeous and he had a smile that would make any girl’s heart flutter. Just what I needed, a hot guy living across the hall from me.
I stepped outside to the cab that was pulled up at the curb. I thanked him for waiting and asked him to take me to the closest furniture store. Once we arrived, I got out my money and paid him my cab fare. I told him it was okay to go and that I’d call another cab when I was ready to leave. I walked into Furniture for You and, instantly, a saleswoman approached me.
“Welcome to Furniture for You. What can I show you?”
I smiled. “I’m just looking right now, but if I need any help, I will let you know,” I said as I squinted to see her name on her nametag. “Rose.”
She nodded her head and walked away with a smile, but I could tell she was irritated. The first place I wanted to start was in the living room section. Instantly, I fell in love with a leather sofa in red and the matching chaise lounge. I found the perfect square coffee table and end table that complimented the style of the sofa. I searched the store for Rose because now I needed her help. As I was walking through the dining section, my heart stopped for a brief moment when I saw her talking to the guy that lived across the hall from me. This was pure coincidence, right? She walked away for a brief moment and he turned to examine a dining table I was pretty sure he had just bought. Okay, no big deal, I needed a dining room set too, so I walked over in that area to look at the sets. I caught him out of the corner of my eye, staring at me. I could feel it. I looked up as he walked towards me.
“Hi. Are we going to be neighbors?” He smiled shyly with his hands in his jean pockets.
“Hi. Yeah, I guess so.”
I felt like an idiot and didn’t know what else to say. I had to think quickly.
“Are you buying some furniture for your place?”
He smiled and my heart fluttered. Okay, this is not right; my heart shouldn’t be fluttering. He took his hands out of his pocket.
“Yeah, I bought this table and chair set over here,” he said as he motioned for me to follow him.
I nodded my head as I ran my hand across the wood. “Nice set. Good taste.” I smiled.
“I take it you’re furniture shopping as well?”
“Yeah, I just moved here, and I don’t have one piece of furniture.”
I prayed he wouldn’t ask me where I had moved from. He didn’t. Rose walked up and handed him his credit card, receipt, and shook his hand. He smiled politely and thanked her for her help. I could tell she was smitten with him, the way she kept eyeing him up and down.
“Good bye, neighbor. If you need anything, you know where I live.” He laughed lightly.
“Bye.” I smiled as I gave him a small wave.
Rose lightly touched my arm. “Do you know him?”
“Nope. I rented the apartment across the hall from him, but I haven’t moved in yet.”
“He’s so freaking hot and it seemed like he was into me. I have his number on the sales receipt. Maybe I’ll call him and ask him out.”
She was acting like a schoolgirl with a crush and she had to be at least ten ye
ars older than he was. I needed her to focus her attention on me and the furniture I wanted to purchase. I bit my bottom lip and was ready to break the poor woman’s heart. “Umm, Rose? He’s gay.”
“Ugh, seriously?” she asked as she slouched her shoulders.
“Yeah. The manager of the building I’m moving into told me.”
She looked like I had just killed her cat or something, but I thought the amount of money I was going to spend and the commission she’d make off it would cheer her up. I picked out everything I needed: the dining set, TV, living room set, bedroom set, and a few lamps. I was right; Rose was very pleased at her sale. As I was about to walk out of the store, I pulled my phone from my purse and saw I had a new voicemail message. I typed in my password and listened to it.
“Claire, it’s Zoey. Mom told me what you did, and I can’t believe you would just take off like that without any consideration for your family. Things never change, do they? Mom and Dad are really upset, and you need to call them. At least do that. Talk to you later.”
I rolled my eyes as I walked out the doors of the furniture store. What the hell did she mean ‘things never change’? I stopped as soon as my feet hit the sidewalk, for there was my new neighbor leaning up against his car with his arms folded.
“Umm, hi,” I said shyly.
He gave me that shy smile and looked down. “Hi. I promise you I’m not a stalker.”
Something inside told me he was harmless, but a girl can never be too careful.
“Okay, now that we’ve established you’re not a stalker, may I ask why you’re waiting out here?” I asked as I bit down on my bottom lip.
He shifted his body against the car. “When I left my apartment, I saw a cab at the curb and figured it was for you, so when I saw you here, and no cab, I thought I could maybe save you some money and give you a ride, since we’re going to be neighbors and all.”
Not only was he sexy to look at, but he was even sexier when he talked. There was a shyness about him that I found appealing. Oh my God, what is wrong with me? I’d only been in Seattle a few hours and some guy was already offering to give me a ride.