by Gabrielle G.
Me: This conversation did not take the turn I thought it would when I texted you.
Ian: It is all your doing, sunshine. For once I didn’t have my head in the gutter.
Me: What can I say, you bring out the best in me?
Ian takes longer to answer, and it is like a bucket of ice water when I read his words.
Ian: No, I don’t. Ryan will be ok. Don’t worry about him.
Ian
“So what happened?” I hand Ryan a beer, waiting for him to let me know why he looks so hopeless. We’re in my trailer because I wasn’t finished at work when he appeared, looking like someone had run over his kitten.
He takes a long sip of his beer and shrugs.
“Okay, don’t tell me. What do you want to talk about?”
“Nothing!” He pouts, rubbing the label off the beer.
“If you’re going to sulk on my couch, drinking my beer and being an ass about it, why did you come?”
He shrugs again. “You’ve been sulking about Julie for weeks now and did you see me bothering you?”
Ryan 1—Ian 0. He’s right. I’ve been miserable since the name incident. All I can think about since that day is her. Her taste, her breasts, her moans, her pussy. I’m becoming the worst actor in Hollywood. I’m moody, and I need several takes every day because I can’t concentrate. I can’t sleep. All I want to do is save Julie Legg. Scratch that, I want to fuck her too.
“So do you want to talk about it?” Ryan asks.
“What is there to say, man! I should have thoroughly fucked her when I had the chance.”
Ryan snorts. “It sounds like that Bruno Mars song.” He sings “When I was Your Man,” but with a slight change of lyrics.
We laugh without really having the heart to do so.
“So what happened with Jo?” I ask, opening another beer.
“She’s kind of hormonal and keeps getting jealous over Jules. When I told her I was going to dinner with her tonight, she cried and said I’ll always choose Jules over her. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I lost my shit. I should have stayed with her and talked to her, but being the ass that I am, I did the worst thing I could have done at that moment and ran to Jules. Of course, like every time I need her, Jules wasn’t available. I should be used to it by now. She says I act like a baby most of the time, but it’s always about her. About me being there for her and her never being around for me. Now she’s saying she needs space from me. So I didn’t fight back—even though I knew that’s what she needed to get all of her anger out—and I came here. I fought with the two most important people in my life today, and I feel like shit. You?”
“I want to fuck your best friend who called me by the wrong name and keeps bringing you up in conversations about threesomes…”
Ryan spits out his beer as his eyes go wide. He jumps off the couch. “What?”
“Want to see?” I hand him my phone, and he scrolls through the thread of my text conversation with Julie.
“Fucked up, isn’t it? I would do anything for that woman but this… sorry, Ryan, but I tried the dick and really did not like it that much.”
Ryan laughs. “Ditto, man!”
“Seriously?”
Ryan nods.
“Never thought we had that in common. Tell me yours, and I’ll tell you mine?”
“Why not?” he says, laughing.
“This is some serious man-bonding we’re doing here.” I chuckle. I’ll do anything to keep my mind Julie-free. “I was nineteen. A guy at a party was pretty insistent. He sucked me. I loved that. Seriously, there is something to say about having your dick sucked by another man. He knew what he was doing. I reciprocated. Did not like it at all. End of story. You?”
“I fucked Dex!”
It’s my turn to jump off the couch, eyes wide. “What? You fucked Dex as in my best friend, Dex?”
“What? You want to fuck mine!”
“Seriously, how don’t I know that?”
Ryan shrugs as if he told me he had chicken for lunch. “Want to order a pizza and play HALO?”
“Can we go back to the fact that you fucked my best friend? I hate to be a gossip, but that is huge!”
“That’s what he said… and nope, I won’t give you details. Bonding is over. You’ll have to get me drunk to get the whole story. But can I say one last thing?”
“I guess…”
“Find a way to fuck Julie, man, because she needs it. Seriously, I have enough shit to deal with without being dragged into your drama.”
Amen!
7 Julie
“Next!”
Gasp. Blush. Giggle. “Hi, my name is Veronica, and I’m auditioning for the role of Jane!”
I’m looking, yet again, at a skinny blond prototype of Hollywood’s finest and trying to not get bored out of my mind by the lines I wrote. Jane isn’t the lead, but it’s still a significant role, and Ian thought it would be interesting to get an unknown actress to play the part. It is interesting, but boring as hell. I’m not sure I can take another one freezing when they come face to face with Ian. He keeps saying my bad mood is making them act so poorly, but I insist it’s because they’re facing one of the “most eligible bachelors” in Hollywood. So here we are, listening once again to an apology about how nervous Blondie is because she didn’t know Ian would be here. I tap my fingers on the table, waiting for Ian to release us from this eternal damnation.
He turns to me and raises his eyebrow. “Thank you, Veronica. We’ll be in touch if we’re interested. Guys, let’s take a break.”
I get up and head to the coffee machine. The room is buzzing with conversation, and I try to drown my bad mood in disgusting tea. I hear someone clearing his throat, and I don’t have to turn around to know it’s Ian. The energy behind me shifts before he even announces his presence.
We haven’t spoken much in the last month, except to be strictly professional, but every time we’re close, it feels as if our bodies have a silent conversation of their own. The slight touches, the understanding smiles, the lingering looks—I don’t need words to know we regret what happened, we’re sorry we didn’t go further, and we don’t know how to act with each other.
“Jules, you’re making them nervous!”
I turn around and look deep into his perfect hazel eyes. I narrow my eyes and, with my highest pitched voice, imitate the dozen of girls we heard this morning. “Oh-em-gee, Ian Porter! Hihihi! I did not think I would be in front of you today! Oh sorry, yeah, I’ll start.”
He chuckles.
“They’ll have to give lines to Ry. Imagine the nightmare it’s going to be!” I add.
He reaches behind me to pour himself some coffee and brushes his arm against mine. My body electrifies. His scent engulfs me, but I stay stoic. I’ve been sitting next to him for the past week and have kept my hormones in check. Every time he touches my arm or his thigh presses against mine, I don’t gasp, blush, or giggle. Professional through and through, even if it hurts me to my deepest core. But my masturbation rate has gone off the charts, and I understand if these twenty-something-year-olds can’t keep their panties dry. I sit all day in my own pool of desire! Can’t they keep it professional? What do they think is going to happen? Do they hope Ian is going to get up and fuck them in a room full of casting directors and assistants?
“All I’m saying is that you could be a tad more patient. Please?” He smiles with his boyish grin that I hate to love.
I shrug and raise an eyebrow. “Okay.”
“Thank you, sunshine.” He wiggles his eyebrows and, leaning toward my ear, he adds, “I owe you one.”
Feeling his breath so close to me sends goose bumps all over my body. He hasn’t called me sunshine in a while, and my heart jumps at the endearment. I close my eyes to keep my balance, and I breathe deeply to control my desire. When I open my eyes, Ian is back at the table, talking to an assistant, his arm on the back of my chair.
“A few more to go, guys. Let’s hope our Jane is in this lot,” he says
to the team.
As I sit next to him, he continues his conversation but leaves his arm over the back of my chair. His fingers are now touching my shoulder and absently playing with the ends of my hair. It doesn’t feel sexual or a play to fuck me. It feels as though he’s soothing me to help me be patient. I find comfort in being so close to him.
The next girl comes in, and she seems more professional than the last ones. Petite with short blond hair and a mischievous smile, she has a sparkle in her eyes that makes her brighter than the other actresses I saw today. From the corner of my eye, I see Ian’s face harden before he takes another look at her and gives her one of his best smiles. Her eyes roam the room and stop at the position of Ian’s arm before locking her gaze with his. She raises an eyebrow and smirks. Ian reacts right away, removing his arm from my shoulders, sitting straight. The heat of his body escapes. I feel cold but not only around my neck. The butterflies that had been spreading in my stomach have been replaced by a thousand stones. My guts are in my throat, and I feel like throwing up.
“Hi, my name is Emma, and I’m auditioning for the role of Jane.”
Ian can’t hide his enthusiasm and squeezes my leg under the table, nodding in Emma’s direction to tell me to pay attention to this particular actress. I squirm and quickly set my hand on his, so he leaves his hand on my thigh. Quickly glancing to my left, I see him shifting his hips. He leans his elbow on the table, removing his hand from mine. He gives her his total attention and asks her question after question, clearly interested in her and her acting. Being the insecure woman that I am since Paul, I move my thigh to his, trying to see if he’ll reassure me or once again put distance between us. He moves yet again and stands abruptly to join Emma.
I look at him with disbelief, seeing how he’s close to her, his glowing eyes getting her full attention. Personal space barely exists between them. What the fuck just happened?
As I was trying so hard to get a little more of his attention, I haven’t really heard anything she said about herself. All I know is that she came in, he stopped touching me, indicated to me he thought she was interesting by squeezing my thigh, did not want me to touch him, got hard listening to her, and rejected another touch from me before standing way too close to her. Emma and I are not on the fast track to becoming best friends.
If he’s interested in a woman—or should I say a girl—like Emma, clearly there’s nothing between us for me to get excited about. She’s half my age, beautiful, smart, and confident. Hard to compete when you’re a forty-year-old single woman whose confidence has been shredded to pieces by years of cheating put on public display.
As jealousy creeps inside my guts and I can see myself transforming into the Wicked Witch of the West, I pack my things, mumbling something about an appointment and Ian being able to finish up with the team. When I pass Emma and Ian, I hear him excusing himself.
I reach the elevator, tears building. Knowing how utterly ridiculous I’ve become by being jealous over a guy who never belonged to me, I think of all the insecurities I thought I had dealt with.
The elevator doesn’t arrive fast enough, and Ian catches up to me. He gently pulls on my elbow. “Jules, wait up.”
The normal thing would be to turn, but as a single tear rolls down my cheek, I can’t bring myself to look at Ian. He comes around me and waits for me to look at him. After drying my tear, I take all my courage and face the concerned, beautiful, and darker than usual eyes looking at me.
“What happened in there, sunshine?” he asks softly, bringing his hands to my arms.
“Nothing, I have to go.”
“Uh-uh. No chances for an escape. What happened in there?”
“I should let you go back to Emma. You two seem to have hit it off,” I say as the elevator doors open.
I escape his arms and get in quickly, hoping my ninja move will help me punch the button to close the elevator faster than he can enter the carriage. Of course, he’s the freaking Flash. I look back at him, and he seems more than amused. I can see he’s holding back laughter.
“Are you jealous, sunshine?”
I gasp and blush but no giggle. I feel as though I’ve been caught.
He comes closer and pushes me against the wall. “Do you know how old Emma is?”
I shake my head.
“She’s twenty-one years old. Almost twenty years younger than me. Do you think so little of me that you believe I would be interested in a girl instead of a woman?”
I shrug. “We are in Hollywood, and my ex-partner cheated on me with barely-legal actresses. Age is nothing here.”
“Okay, so do you think I would be so stupid as to be interested in my best friend’s half-sister?” Clearly understanding I’m not connecting the dots, he adds, "Emma is Dex’s half-sister. We used to babysit her on weekends when he was in college. It was the only way for us to spend time together when I was home. I’ve known Emma since birth. Believe me when I say I am not interested in her.”
He’s so close to me, my breathing becomes erratic. I want to feel him. My pussy contracts as desire takes over.
He cages my head with his arms and leans in even more. “Now, sunshine, I’m going to kiss you so you can understand no other woman makes me hard like you do, then I’ll come by your place around eight tonight, and we’ll pick up where we left off last time I was there.”
Faithful to his words, Ian brings his lips to mine. Compared to the kiss we exchanged last time, this one is soft and sensual. His movements are gentle and slow and his lips slightly parted. Increasing the pressure, he goes a little faster until his tongue slips languishly into my mouth. Flicking my tongue with the tip of his, he brings his body against mine, pressing his erect dick to my belly and matching his hips’ thrusts to his tongue’s movements. As I moan, he leans back, abandoning my lips with a groan, freeing my body from his and running his hand along my chest.
Coming back for a simple peck, he mumbles into my lips, “Eight o’clock, your house.” He smiles at me, his eyes full of desire.
The elevator doors open and Ian strolls out as if nothing happened, leaving me melting against the wall and dripping down my thighs.
My stove clock indicates eight o’clock sharp when the doorbell tears me from my thoughts. I’ve been trying to conjure Sexy Jules for thirty minutes now. She hasn’t made an appearance for a while, and I would love her to be with me tonight. When I met Paul, Sexy Jules was in charge. I was on top of the world. I had come from Montreal with my friend Anna, who was visiting her boyfriend, Dan Darling, lead singer from the Darling Devils. We came to LA to see a special Darling Devils’ concert, where I knew Dan was going to propose and say he was moving to Montreal. He introduced me to Paul, and I took it as a great way to have sex with a country star and go back home with a story to tell. Sexy Jules had a hold of him by the balls. With Paul, I had made it my mission to be the goddess I knew I was.
But I wasn’t counting on Paul’s charms and ability to sweep me off my feet. I wasn’t counting on the toxic Hollywood air, the fact I had no friends here in LA, and that I owed my writing career mostly to Paul and his connections. Dan and Anna warned me about Paul’s reputation and the trail of rumors that followed him, but I didn’t listen.
Step by step, Sexy Jules became smaller until she disappeared and became Shadow Jules, always looking over my shoulder and walking on eggshells around the press. As I open the door to Ian, I feel like a total imposter. As if the woman I’ve tried to be since the breakup is a pale imitation of who I used to be.
“Hey,” I offer shyly. Ian kisses my cheek. “Do you want something to drink? I have beer, scotch, vodka, wine. Or do you want to eat something? Shit, I didn’t think, maybe you haven’t eaten? Are you hungry? Can I make you something?”
I am rambling so fast, I don’t even know what I’m saying. My head still in the fridge, I feel Ian’s arms pulling me by the waist and bringing me to him.
Standing with my back to his chest, I continue my nervous interrogation. “How was t
he rest of the audition? Did you find a Jane? Can we move on to other characters now? When can we start filming?”
Ian hasn’t said a word since he came in. His nose is brushing the back of my neck while he holds me tightly against his body. He nips his way to my ear and takes my earlobe into his mouth, sucking gently. I moan.
“Do you know how hard it has been to work beside you these past weeks?” he whispers. One of his hands travels over my hips and under my skirt. I can feel his cock getting thicker in my back. “Do you know how hard I have been for you since the first time I met you years ago?”
I’m pretty sure his questions are rhetorical. My brain can’t form words anyway. My body is in overdrive, and I want him to continue telling me how much he wants me. His fingers are now playing with my underwear, finding the wet spot and tracing my arousal.
“Do you know how difficult it was to see another man treating you with disrespect?” Pushing my panties aside, Ian brushes my clit a few times. My legs can barely hold me, and I feel him getting even harder behind me. “Can you understand how much I’ve wanted you all along?”
He pushes two fingers inside me and thrusts slowly. His touch intoxicates me, his fingers a preview of the thickness lodged against my ass. I pulse from wanting him, and I push myself against his fingers, trying to get to a faster rhythm so I can come.
“Today, you showed me you could get jealous over me, and it was all I needed to make my next move.” His thumb pays attention to my clit, and he circles it faster and faster while I fuck his fingers, circling my hips. “I can’t wait any more, so please, Jules, come for me.”
As if his words granted me my orgasm, I lose all control and come hard on his fingers while he kisses my neck. When he removes his fingers from me, he turns me around, pins me to the fridge, and paints my lips with my cum before bringing his tongue to my mouth and tasting me.
“Fuck Jules, you taste good! The only thing I want to drink is you,” he says before getting on his knees and hiding his head under my dress.